


Forget me not

by Scientist_Salarian



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: AU following BotfA, Awkward Thorin, Because Dáin, Bilbo Angst, Bilbo and Dís bonding over tea, Bilbo's homesick, Confused Thorin, Dori in full mother mode, Dragon Sickness, Dáin bragging about his son, Dís and Bilbo are BFFs, Dís is kinda awesome, Dís knows things, Dís loves her sons, Everybody Lives, F/M, Fíli gets to be the hero, I am not my grandfather, I love Bilbo honest, M/M, Needs more Fíli appreciation, Oblivious Bilbo, Stop making shit up Kíli, Thorin Angst, Thorin Forgets Bilbo Cries, Thorin doesn't use his words, Thorin remembers some things, Totally don't favor Bofur not at all, When I say I'm fine I'm fine, Where is Gandalf, bagginshield, non beta'd
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-26
Updated: 2015-04-05
Packaged: 2018-03-09 02:09:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 23
Words: 91,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3232319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scientist_Salarian/pseuds/Scientist_Salarian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The battle is over and the company of Thorin Oakenshield, with the help of the armies of the Iron Hills, King Thranduil, and King Bard, have defended Erebor. Thorin, Fíli, and Kíli survived the final battle and now the three lay recovering in the halls of their reclaimed kingdom. Fíli and Kíli are quick to bounce back from their injuries while Thorin has a harder time. His recovery is marred by periods of infection and fever, and all the company can do is hope that the fever breaks and he wakes up. Bilbo while homesick and missing the Shire stays in Erebor, determined to be there for Thorin when he wakes up as there is much needing to be resolved between them, and much that had been left unsaid. When the fever finally breaks and Thorin opens his eyes it's cause for celebration. But when he has no recollection of the past thirty months and doesn't recognize Bilbo's face, they realize something has gone wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Erebor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly I want to say if there are other stories out there that are sorta like this, I am sorry, I did not know. This is my very first time writing Bagginshield so please be gentle. I own nothing, not the characters nothing, everything is property of the magnificent mind that is J.R.R. Tolkien. Also I suck at coming up with titles for anything.

When Óin excitedly called that Thorin was still alive, Bilbo felt the very breath get sucked from his chest. He was grateful he had been seated on a small bit of stone for he didn’t trust his legs to hold him.

Fíli and Kíli had already been collected and moved to tents where, much to Óin annoyance, were being seen to by Elven healers which Óin had only agreed to because he knew his place was with his king. Bilbo became a constant fixture at his side, helping where and when he could, basically just being the extra set of hands that Óin required to patch up many of the injuries that Thorin had sustained during the battle.

It was a long arduous process finding, cleaning, stitching, and bandaging each and every wound, and at one point he recalled being red-faced and embarrassed when the old healer ordered him to cut off Thorin’s trousers so that they could better check his legs for injury.

Bilbo had begun to protest but quickly went about his task as Óin fixed him with a look.

He didn’t think he could get any more embarrassed as he cut each strip away, but found that he did as to access the next part he had to plant his hand on Thorin’s thigh in order to get the proper leverage he would need to shear through the thick fabric that Thorin favoured. He tried to ignore how solid the muscles beneath his hands were, which in itself was impressive but he couldn’t get over how cold and clammy his skin was.

“I’m waiting on you laddie.”

Óin said glancing up to him, already preparing more bandages and more of his medicated ‘ointment’ that he was so proud of.

Bilbo nearly jumped at Óin’s voice but pressed on, finishing the leg he was working on before going around the table to do the same to the other. He took a step back when he finished, holding the tattered remains of Thorin’s trousers in his hands as he just took a second to look at him.

This is hardly the time to be looking at him!

There was a small part of him that felt guilty to be looking at Thorin in this state. He saw the slight rise and fall of his chest, and he took a moment to see just what Thorin had endured. He himself had walked away pretty much unscathed asides from a bump on the head, but he had… When he had sat with Thorin upon finding him had been so sure that Thorin wouldn’t survive. He had wanted to tell him everything, he had been truthful, he was glad to have shared in each and every one of the dwarf kings perils, and he would follow him anywhere.

And then Thorin had smiled and Bilbo thought, he had assumed the worst when Thorin had finally lost consciousness and he had thought he had succumb to his injuries. There had been so much blood.

He had cried then, he hadn’t cared if anyone had heard him, if anyone saw him.

He cried until he had nothing left to cry, curled against the side of his king.

Perhaps that was why he hadn’t noticed that Thorin had still been breathing, that there was a still a small spark of life in him.

Even now as he looked at the broken body of Thorin Oakenshield, Bilbo knew he would live. He had to, for what justice would it be for him to have come so far, to have sacrificed so much only to pass before he took his throne.

He swallowed back another wave of grief as he turned away from Thorin, setting the rags in a basket beneath the table and stepped towards the tent flaps before he turned again to watch Óin work. There wasn’t a part of him that wasn’t covered by bandages, Bilbo steeled himself and walked out from the tent.

It took him a little while to find water, clean water, and with basin in hand he returned to the tent where Thorin lay.

It looked as though Óin had just finished, a blanket was drawn up to Thorin’s waist and the healer was checking some of the bandages across Thorin’s chest. Bilbo nodded his head to him and walked to stand by Thorin’s head, he looked down at his face, at the blood caked to his hair and dirt smudged across his face.

He looked around the tent, finding a clean cloth would prove difficult, and he pondered this for a moment before he sighed and reached into his coat pocket.

He had acquired a single handkerchief while in Laketown, and he had been saving it for… well he wasn’t sure what he had been saving it for, but it was clean and it would serve the purpose of what he needed it for. He dropped the handkerchief into the water and wet it, swirling it around, momentarily he wished he had a small bit of soap to shave into the basin but he would make do with what he had.

He wrung the cloth out and paused unsure where to begin but settled on a spot and set to work wiping the dirt and blood from Thorin’s brow. He did his best to be gentle, but there were points where he did have to scrub at the dirt to get it off.

He looked up when he heard Óin chuckling and he turned to look at the healer who had held up his ear trumpet, perhaps anticipating Bilbo’s next words,

“What? It wouldn’t do for the new King to look anything but his best. One cannot be king with a dirty face after all.”

Óin said nothing just nodded and turned from him for a moment before finally did speak,

“There’s nothing more we can do for Thorin, it’s a matter of waiting now. Come, let’s go check on those two young rascals.”

Bilbo had almost forgotten about Fíli and Kíli, he had been so focused on helping with Thorin he hadn’t even thought of the two younger dwarves.

He looked back at Thorin’s face before he swallowed and took a step back from the table. He took the basin in hand again and walked to Óin’s side. The healer exited first and Bilbo cast one more look over his shoulder at Thorin before following after Óin.

 

Bilbo was relieved to find that both Fíli and Kíli were conscious and in good spirits. Bilbo suspected Kíli’s good mood had to do with his attending nurse.

They sat talking to Fíli mostly, occasionally glancing over to Tauriel and Kíli as they spoke quietly between themselves.

Óin eventually left to give the elven healers a piece of his mind, which left Fíli and Bilbo alone to talk. As soon as the tent flap dropped Fíli sighed deeply, which itself was painful as he held a hand to his bandaged sides,

“Broken ribs they said.”

He mumbled quietly as he gingerly lay himself back down and looked at the hobbit sitting with him,

“How’s… how’s Thorin?”

Even Kíli stopped speaking as he heard his brother speak their uncle’s name, and Bilbo found himself on the spot looking between the two brothers. He thought about it, choosing his words carefully, even just thinking about how Thorin had looked brought another wave of grief back and Bilbo had to take several deep breaths to calm himself before he spoke,

“He…”

“He’s not dead, is he? He can’t be!”

Fíli shot his brother a look before looking back at the hobbit whom was trying his hardest to not show how upset he truly was,

“He lives, I just, I never thought I would see him like that. I thought he had died, he’s very badly hurt, Óin was, well, Óin was surprised that he lived.”

There was no beating around the bush and Bilbo had closed his eyes, recalling how he nearly had vomited when Óin had started pulling off Thorin’s tunic and mail shirt and seeing the gaping wound in his shoulder that was still oozing blood and how Óin, covered up to his elbows in Thorin’s blood had meticulously cleaned and stitched it closed remarking how Thorin was lucky he didn’t lose the entire arm.

Fíli and Kíli had remained silent, Fíli hadn’t missed how Kíli reached out for Tauriel’s hand and held tightly to it. He looked back at Bilbo who finally had opened his eyes again and looked up, they were red, brimming with unshed tears. Bilbo simply cleared his throat, coughing into his fist before he looked back at the brothers,

“We just have to hope for the best. He’s the most stubborn dwarf I have ever had the pleasure of meeting, he’ll be fine.”

 

Bilbo fought hard to convince himself of that, it had become his mantra in the days following the battle.

He had been there when Óin deemed Thorin stable enough to move into the safety of the mountain, and the whole affair had been eerily similar to a funeral procession.

The company of Thorin Oakenshield, sans Fíli and Kíli, trusted no one else to move their leader and so Bilbo walked behind the dwarves as they carried Thorin on a stretcher destined for the halls of Erebor. Dáin had led the procession, he too wanted to ensure the safety of his cousin as they brought him from the camp to the halls that Thorin had very nearly died for.

No one spoke a word as they carried him through the ruined gate and deeper into the mountain. Bilbo took this time to look around as they walked, imagining Erebor in the days of old, and knowing that under Thorin the kingdom would become great again.

He managed a small smile, and the company took a turn and went into what Bilbo assumed to be what had been the apartments of the royal line before Smaug. They had been relatively untouched since those days, he remembered coming in with Balin, and Dori to give the rooms a good cleaning to prepare for them bringing Thorin in.

They stopped before a door and it was Dáin that stepped forward to open in and he took the first steps in. The others followed, carefully lowering Thorin’s stretcher from their shoulders to waist level as they moved into the room and towards the bed in the center.

It was a delicate process, they lay Thorin down on one side and Bilbo watched them nervously begin the process of moving him from the stretcher to the center of the bed. He made a small noise at the back of his throat and joined them now, taking hold of a corner of the sheet pulling with the others to move Thorin.

With Thorin tucked safely in bed now the others went about lighting candles, Glóin moved to the fireplace and within moments had a fire going. Bilbo rubbed his arms as the cold was gradually chased from the room and he turned his attention back to Thorin’s prone form in the center of the bed.

Glóin approached him and clapped a hand down on his shoulder and Bilbo swallowed and smiled, weakly, but still he smiled.

Dwalin and Dáin spoke in hushed voices about ensuring Thorin’s security, coming to an agreement that there would always be two guards present outside the door at all times.

Just as it was decided that Dáin would take the reins in getting things back under control until Thorin woke up.

With everything prepared and in place the company gradually began to file out of the room before it was only Dáin, and Bilbo left there.

Bilbo shifted nervously as the lord of the Iron Hills regarded him before he cleared his throat,

“Would you mind? I’d like to have a few private words with my cousin.”

“What? Oh, oh of course. My apologies.”

He turned swiftly and hurried out the door closing it behind him, letting out a breath as he closed his eyes and rested back against the door.

He found a bench a few paces down from the door and took a seat, holding his hands in his lap as he waited.

Eventually Dwalin joined him, taking a seat on the bench beside him. Bilbo opened his mouth to say something but caught himself and fell silent again, looking back down the hall towards the door,

“Do you think he’ll wake up?”

He asked finally, and for a long time Dwalin said nothing. Bilbo flushed slightly embarrassed that he had even said anything before he heard Dwalin shift beside him,

“He will.”

There was finality to his words and Bilbo nodded, glancing briefly to him before he looked down at his hands.

They sat in silence, the only sounds where the voices that came in from the vast halls, and the crackling of the braziers above their heads.

Bilbo tried to keep his mind off of the dwarf just down the hall, but it proved to be far more difficult than he had thought. He reached into his jacket and pulled out the acorn, turning it in his hands as he thought back on the past several weeks.

He thought of Thorin’s smile and how it did funny things to his insides, he tried not to think of how the dwarf king had grabbed him with the intent of throwing him from the rampart but even those memories chose that moment to surface.

He blinked back his tears, determined not to cry in front of Dwalin of all people, but the dwarf seemed content to sit there in silence and ignore him.

Bilbo closed his fist around the acorn and let out a shaky breath, taking a moment to rub his nose as he cleared his throat and stood. Dwalin glanced up to him, and Bilbo strode with purpose back to the door and pressed his ear against it.

If Dáin was speaking, he was speaking in a voice far too low for Bilbo to hear, and he strained to hear anything happening in the room.

Of course Bilbo found himself having to stop himself from falling when the door opened suddenly and he was met by Dáin’s rather amused gaze as the hobbit tried to appear as nonchalant as possible being caught attempting to eavesdrop.

He heard Dwalin snort behind him and Dáin looked down at the hobbit before he spoke,

“I was told you were there with Thorin when they found him.”

“I was, yes.”

Bilbo shifted nervously under Dáin’s gaze, the dwarf said nothing for a moment before he put a hand on Bilbo’s shoulder and gaze it a friendly squeeze,

“And I was told you were right there helping Óin patch him up. Thank you, I’m sure Thorin is grateful to count you amongst his friends.”

Bilbo’s smile faltered at his words, he nodded and looked passed Dáin to Thorin,

“I hope so.”

Dáin let him go and followed the hobbits gaze back to his cousin, Bilbo looked up at him and his smile, while closed lip, was polite as he squeezed past Dáin and went into the room. He slowed his pace and walked to Thorin’s bedside and look down at him.

Dwalin came to stand beside him and the two looked down at Thorin’s face.

“We’ll get you a chair, I’m sure Thorin would appreciate you being here.”

Bilbo looked up at Dwalin as he spoke before he looked back down at the dwarf king. He shifted and cleared his throat,

“So, there will be guards posted at the door?”

“Yes. Balin and I will be here first, it’ll be the company mostly.”

Bilbo nodded and swayed a little on his feet,

“That’s good, Thorin will appreciate it.”

 

Bilbo’s constant vigilance was what first let them on that there was something more wrong with Thorin.

The hobbit had come into the room to find Thorin more or less laying in a pool of sweat, his hair damp and sticking to his face.

Bofur was standing guard at that time and Bilbo had gone over to him and tugged on his sleeve,

“Get Óin, I think something’s wrong with Thorin.”

Bofur blinked once looked past Bilbo at the figure in the bed before he nodded and turned to Bifur before he took off.

Bilbo returned to Thorin’s bedside and hesitantly reached out before he put the back of his hand against his forehead.

He drew his hand away immediately, thankfully there was a basin in the corner and Bilbo hurried over and wet a cloth, wringing it out he returned to Thorin’s side and placed it over his forehead.

He was still sitting at his side when Bofur returned with Óin beside him, the healer came over and took a look at the state of the bed then to Thorin before pressing a hand to his head.

“He’s burning up.”

Bilbo said as he looked to Óin, the healer took his hand away and looked to Bilbo as he raised his ear trumpet and spoke,

“He’s burning hot, get some more water and clothes, we have to cool him down.”

Between the two of them, much to Bilbo’s horror and the amusement of everyone else present, they stripped Thorin down to his breechcloth as they put cool clothes all over him.

“We’ll have to check them and keep changing them out, we have to keep him cool lad.”

Óin said as he and Bilbo stepped back and looked at the unconscious form before them, Óin paused to dab the sweat from his brow as he pulled a loose sheet over Thorin’s body.

While Bilbo was applying the clothes Óin had found out the reason for the infection and Bilbo once more had to fight back his nausea as Óin peeled back the bandages on his shoulder to scrape away the mess of scab and other oozy things and clean it.

Bilbo was still feeling a little green as Óin applied a fresh bit of his special ointment and new bandages.

“It’s infected, we’ll have to keep an eye on it, so that it doesn’t get worse.”

Bilbo nodded as he and Óin washed their hands in a nearby basin, there was soap now, and that Bilbo enjoyed as it helped him in keeping Thorin clean as well. Not that he would admit to being the reason that hygiene wouldn’t be too big of a problem to keep up with. He liked to think he was the reason that there was only one spot of infection instead of several with how he kept to his schedule of checking and washing many of the more superficial of Thorin’s injuries.

 

Even with Bilbo’s dutiful care, Thorin ended up getting worse.

The majority of the shoulder wound was open to the air now as Óin was constantly there cleaning and draining it, determined to save Thorin’s arm. He was also adamant that he didn’t need no elves help in the matter but Bilbo had saw him begrudgingly accept some herbs from them that they said would help kill the infection at the source.

And while Thorin still hadn’t woken up, they had provided Óin with another herb that would play the role of an analgesic to help curb the pain.

Óin had Bilbo crushing it up and adding it to the water that they would spoon into Thorin’s mouth and Bilbo prided himself on how skilled he had gotten at encouraging Thorin to swallow without drowning himself.

 

Bilbo had just been returning to Thorin’s room when he heard the hushed voices from the inside, Óin was talking to with whom he only could assume was Dáin and the two were discussing Thorin’s condition.

“There’s nothing more I can do for him, I’ve done everything I can think of, I even had the elves help me and there’s been no change. It’s up to Thorin now, if this fever doesn’t break we’re going to lose him.”

Once more Bilbo felt dread in the pit of his stomach, they had done so much, they had done everything they could to help him.

He let out a shaky breath, he couldn’t even hear Dáin’s words as he slid to the floor and hugged his knees to his chest.

It was happening again, he could lose Thorin, and this time, this time there would be no coming back from it.

He pressed his forehead to his knees and bit his lip, he had to fight back his tears. This wasn’t happening, it couldn’t be.

Bilbo wasn’t sure how long he sat there, Dáin and Óin had long since gone and the only other ones in the hallway but himself were Dori and Ori, and they had long since spotted him but said nothing. Ori had at once point made to come over but a gentle hand on his arm and Dori shaking his head had steered the young one away.

Eventually he found the strength to get up. He was stiff and aching from being on the stone for so long, he straightened and stretched before, with head down circled around the two and back into the room.

Out of habit he closed the door quietly behind him, crossing to Thorin’s bedside where he took a seat beside him.

The third day into his vigil Nori had presented him with a chair, oddly reminiscent of his armchair in Bag End. He hadn’t asked any questions, and neither did Nori give any insight as to where he was able to get such a chair, but it sat lonely in the corner as Bilbo preferred the bed.

He checked on many of the clothes and found many needed to be changed, and he made note to do that before he left for the night. He checked the wound on Thorin’s shoulder, also noting that it looked better than the last time he had seen it. He would have to tell Óin…

Bilbo sighed as he rose and went about what had become his new nightly routine.

He drew back the sheet and began the process of rewetting each rag and setting them back into the areas that Óin had told him to put them. He was always careful when he lifted Thorin’s head to place one across the back of his neck. He would then fill the basin with fresh water, add a little bit of soap and give him an impromptu bath, a quick wipe down before focusing on washing his face and hair.

Fíli and Kíli were mobile now and they had come one night to help Bilbo in combing out their uncles hair and helping the hobbit in rebraiding it.

He sighed and covered Thorin with the sheet again, going to drain the basin before filling it again to wash his hands and his own face. Feeling somewhat refreshed he returned to Thorin’s side and sat back down on the bed.

“Fíli and Kíli came to see you again today… I think it bothers them to see you this way. Well, I know everyone is perturbed by it. To see you still and unwell.”

Bilbo began his voice soft as he hesitantly reached out to take one of Thorin’s hands into his own. He studied each of his fingers, each knuckle, he knew Thorin’s hands almost as well as his own now.

“They thanked me for taking care of you. They apologized again for what happened at the gate and I told them I had already forgiven you for it. Just as I told them I would be very upset at you if you were to just up and give up now.”

The corner of his mouth quirked into a smile as he entwined his fingers with Thorin’s, he liked how much smaller his hands were than the dwarfs.

“You’ve won the mountain, you defended it… You killed Azog. You’ve done so much Thorin, it would be a shame for you to let a fever best you.”

He gave Thorin’s hand a small squeeze now, sighing softly as he felt sadness welling up inside him again, he was almost surprised at the tone his voice took on as he spoke again,

“After all, it would be rather embarrassing for the great Thorin Oakenshield to have been defeated by a fever after all, don’t you think?”

Bilbo looked down at Thorin’s face and held his hand between both of his and brought it to his chest and rested his chin upon them,

“Come back to us Thorin, please don’t give up now. Your people need you, Fíli and Kíli need you. I…”

The words died on his lips before he said them, he only closed his mouth and sighed deeply as he squeezed his eyes shut. He had long figured out what he felt for Thorin, and it had taken watching him succumb to dragon sickness that made it all the more apparent.

Gandalf had made the suggestion that perhaps Bilbo should return home to the Shire but he insisted that his place where here, and as the fourteenth man of the company he had to see it through until the end. And the end was either when Thorin finally did wake up, or… if, he didn’t.

Bilbo didn’t even want to consider that outcome, it was too hard to even imagine especially not after all they had gone through.

“You must be the Halfling.”

Bilbo nearly jumped straight out of his skin at the voice from behind him. He hurried released Thorin’s hand and arranged it at his side before he scrambled to his feet and turned to face the new arrival.

She needed no introduction as he saw Fíli and Kíli hanging back in the hallway before they slowly came forward and around Bilbo to their uncle’s side.

“I, yes, I am. My name is Bilbo Baggins… lady..?”

“Dís.”

“Lady Dís.”

He bowed his head to her, just as he thought. The resemblance between the siblings was, well, one would definitely be able to tell that they came from the same family line.

“Fíli and Kíli told me we have you and Óin to thank for keeping Thorin alive.”

Bilbo shifted uncomfortably in place as he felt Dís’s gaze on him, eventually she moved passed him and joined her sons at Thorin’s side.

“Mostly Óin, I merely helped where I could. But Óin has done everything for your brother and I know he would continue to do so until Thorin wakes up.”

Dís looked at him and she regarded him silently, before a small smile appeared at the corners of her mouth,

“Kíli tells me you spend your nights here watching over Thorin.”

Bilbo looked past Dís to Kíli who was doing a very good job of avoiding eye contact with him, before an amused chuckle brought his focus back to their mother.

“Thank you Master Baggins, for all that you’ve done for my family. We can watch Thorin for tonight, take some time to rest, I promise he will be here in the morning.”

Bilbo knew better than to argue, especially as he recognized the tone that she was using as the one used quite frequently by his own mother. He didn’t necessarily want to leave, and he looked to Thorin before he looked back to Dís and straightened,

“I, well then goodnight, thank you lady Dís.”

Bilbo spun on his heel and started to the door, and each step away from Thorin grew harder and harder and he had been about to cross the threshold when he heard Dís behind him,

“I will send for you if he wakes up.”

He looked over his shoulder to her as she spoke and he nodded, managing a tired smile as he turned back and let himself out of the room.

He found himself back at Thorin’s door in the early hours of the morning. He found it too difficult to sleep knowing that at any time something could happen, what if Thorin took a turn for the worse sometime in the night and no one had thought to come and tell him?

What sleep he had gotten was plagued with nightmares and he felt far from rested as he tentatively knocked on the door before he lowered his hand and waited.

It took a moment but eventually the door opened and Dís peered out at him before she stepped back and opened the door wide to allow for Bilbo to enter the room.

He was already at Thorin’s side by the time Dís had closed the door and joined him. She watched as Bilbo went about checking the clothes, and she saw how he froze when he touched the one across Thorin’s forehead.

“I think his fever went down…”

He said softly, scarcely able to believe the words that came out of his mouth as he pressed the back of his hand to Thorin’s forehead and found that yes his temperature had in fact gone down. He was still warm to the touch but no longer in danger.

“Did I not tell you he would still be here come morning?”

Dís said softly and Bilbo looked at her almost laughing as he turned back to Thorin and gently set about gathering all the rags and setting them aside. He even found a slightly warmer blanket to cover Thorin with to ensure his comfort.

The others noticed he was in better spirits when Óin came to check on Thorin later that afternoon. Bilbo couldn’t help his smile as Óin confirmed that the fever had finally broken and hopefully within the next few days they would see further improvement and maybe… just maybe, Thorin would wake up.

It became that much more difficult for them to pull Bilbo away from Thorin’s side, the hobbit adamant that he wanted to be there when Thorin woke up and no one it seemed wanted to take that from him.

They knew he had sat vigil at Thorin’s bedside throughout the whole ordeal and he wanted Thorin to wake up as much as any of them did. And whenever Bilbo was not there, Dís would be there, as Thorin’s color returned to normal and his breathing became stronger it was decided that he was not to be alone at all, that someone had to be there at all times in case he was to wake up.

It was four days after his fever broke, in the small hours of the morning that Bilbo was jostled awake by a sound coming from across the room. He lifted his head from where he was curled in his chair and saw a silhouette in the darkness attempting to sit up in bed.

He was on his feet in an instant and across the room, Thorin grunted in pain as he tried to push himself and Bilbo was right there beside him trying to support the solid weight of the dwarf.

“Thorin, easy, you’ve been out a long time, you need to take this slowly.”

“How do you know my name?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this was not too terrible, comments are indeed appreciated. The idea of fever induced memory loss and amnesia was actually something that I had bared witness to with my grandmother when she was in the hospital being treated for a system wide infection and her fever actually affected her in such a way that she had no idea who anyone was, but still retained memories to a certain point. Eventually she remembered who everyone was and yah...


	2. Folly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Dori's mothering extends to more than just Ori, which I'm sure we can all agreed Ori would be immensely happy about. Fíli and Kíli are first up to tell the tale of the quest to their uncle who is more then skeptical about the whole thing.

Bilbo felt his heart flutter at hearing that voice, that beloved voice while rough from disuse speaking to him, that he didn’t actually hear his words at first. When they did register Bilbo simply stopped and stared at him, there was just enough light from the dying embers in the hearth that he could make out Thorin’s eyes in the dark.

“What? Thorin… it’s me, it’s Bilbo.”

“I do not know anyone by that name.”

It felt as though he had been punched in the gut. He had at first thought Thorin was merely joking with him but the look of unfamiliarity in his expression showed Bilbo that… maybe Thorin was actually telling the truth.

He smiled through the pain and Thorin said nothing more, allowing for Bilbo to help him sit up before the hobbit took a step backwards and looked at him.

“I will… uh… get your sister.”

“Do that.”

Bilbo turned stiffly and started towards the door, he could feel the burn of Thorin’s gaze on his back as he reached the door and turned the knob to pull it open.

He stepped out into the hall and took several deep breaths, quieting his sniffling as he noticed once more he wasn’t alone in the hallway.

“Bilbo?”

Bofur’s normally cheery voice had lost its mirth as he obviously feared the worst as he saw the look on the hobbits face, but Bilbo looked at him and tried his very hardest to reassure him.

“Would you be able to send for Lady Dís? Thorin’s… well he’s awake now and I’m sure he would like to see her.”

“Thorin’s awake? Bombur! Thorin’s awake!”

Bilbo turned to see Bofur’s brother jump up from the bench he had been sitting on to join the two at the door leading into the kings rooms.

 

Thorin looked up as the doors burst open and both Bofur and Bombur charged in with the Halfling, Bilbo, behind them his voice drowned out by the two that now stood at his bedside.

“Thorin! Bless me you’re awake!”

Bofur gently patted him on the shoulder, Thorin could tell that the toy maker was holding himself back as he looked to him.

“Bofur… Bombur.”

Thorin said slowly as each took one of his hands as Bilbo came up to their sides,

“Lady Dís?”

He repeated and Bofur looked over to him and nodded, squeezing Thorin’s hand once before he let go and headed out of the door.

Thorin turned to watch the hobbit again, who had turned away from him and had gone to add some wood to the fire to bring up the light as well as go around and light the candles around the room. The Halfling seemed to know who he was and he… he had never had any dealings with the Shire folk so it was strange to see one fussing and hurrying around the room.

Bilbo heard footsteps and turned expecting to see only Dís but was left standing there open mouth as the entirety of the company hurried into the room and crowded around Thorin’s bedside. Fíli and Kíli had all but climbed on the bed and both, exceedingly careful, embraced their uncle.

Thorin seemed bewildered by all of the attention he was receiving, the well wishes and the words of relief in seeing him up.

Bilbo tried to ignore the little twinges of pain in his heart as Thorin greeted them all in turn, both his arms were around the shoulders of both his nephews.

He heard Dís beside him and a second set of heavier footsteps that belonged to none other than Dáin as he too came into the room and made his way to Thorin.

“Ah cousin!”

“Dáin?”

“You gave us all a right scare, thought you were destined for Mahal’s halls, but Óin and Bilbo fixed you up.”

Bilbo heard Bofur’s voice carrying over the bustle of the group, and Thorin… Thorin looked at them all,

“Where are we?”

The mood of the group changed almost instantly as Thorin asked that question. Bilbo watched as they all exchanged looks before Balin was the one to speak,

“We are in Erebor, Thorin.”

“Erebor… but the dragon, Smaug!”

He made to stand as Fíli and Kíli both held him down at their mothers urging,

“Thorin, please, you need to remain still.”

Dís said as she was finally able to get through the group and stand immediately to her brother’s right.

“Smaug is dead Thorin, we won the mountain.”

 

Won the mountain? How? Nothing made sense to him. Thorin winced as his head began to ache as he listened to them all speaking around him,

“I thought we had long agreed not to entertain such foolish notions about taking back Erebor.”

Kíli was the one to sit up straight and look him straight in the eye and at that moment Thorin was able to see his youngest nephew was nursing wounds of his own and he reached out and touched a prominent scar that ran from his hairline down to his temple,

“We did it, all of us, we took back the mountain.”

“How? How is this possible?”

Thorin scoffed and shook his head finally, looking at all the faces of the dwarves standing around him,

“No this is a joke, and you all have your part to play in it. Dís, Dáin, why have you condoned such a thing? Balin, why do you play along?”

“They’re not lying to you Thorin.”

There was the Halfling again and Thorin turned to him as Bilbo pushed his way passed Nori to come and stand beside Dís,

“You’re really here, you’re in Erebor.”

Thorin looked long at Bilbo and the hobbit didn’t falter under his gaze. He sniffed and stood straighter, Balin looked between them before he turned his concerned gaze back to Thorin and reached out to gently put a hand on his shoulder,

“What do you remember Thorin?”

Bilbo exhaled as Thorin finally broke eye contact with him and turned his attention to Balin. He wrinkled his brow and considered this before he looked back to his friend and spoke,

“I had left Ered Luin, I had heard news of my father and was heading to Dunland. I found no sign of him… Gandalf, I remember him telling me to take back the mountain, what folly… Is that why you all are here? To convince me that what the wizard said is what we must do?”

“No Thorin, it’s already done.”

“Don’t. I have played along with your joke, leave me be.”

“Thorin…”

“Get out, all of you.”

Balin straightened and the others looked between each other and Bilbo watched as they quietly made their way out as Thorin held his face in his hands.

Fíli and Kíli crawled from his side and joined their mother who quietly urged them out before she looked to Dáin and the two faced Thorin,

“Come on Bilbo.”

Fíli had grabbed him gently by the arm and led him out of the room while Kíli followed and closed the door behind them.

“What’s wrong with him?”

Surprisingly all eyes turned to Bilbo who opened his mouth to answer, closed it then looked around at the faces of all dwarves present. He crossed his arms and huffed,

“Don’t look at me, he… he didn’t know who I was when he woke, that is all I can tell you.”

“But why doesn’t he remember? He thought we were joking.”

Kíli said as he looked to the hobbit. Both Óin and Balin seemed pensive about it, the healer finally looked up and everyone turned to him now,

“I’ve heard that in times where one has a high enough fever it can affect their mind.”

Bilbo’s head shot up as he looked to Óin and thought about it, it did make sense, he sighed and managed to worm his way out of the group to retreat to the bench furthest from them to take a seat. They continued to talk amongst themselves, even Bifur would throw the odd comment into the mix and Bilbo… Bilbo was at a loss of what to do next.

It hurt considerably more than he had originally thought to know that Thorin did not recognize him. There was that uncertainty, that general look of distrust in his expression even as Bilbo helped him sit up that just…

He closed his eyes and took several long breaths, he gripped his knees tightly trying to make sense of his own befuddled thoughts. This was not the reunion he had been expecting when he saw that Thorin was awake. No, definitely not.

Not that he was expecting anything different then maybe Thorin’s surprise at him being there, they would talk, and they would laugh. Bilbo had had his words all planned out, he had quite a while to prepare what he wanted to say to the king.

Now it looked like all that planning had been for nothing.

Thorin forgetting who he was, was not expected at all.

Perhaps it was for the better, even though Thorin had apologized, they hadn’t exactly been on fantastic terms. Bilbo had been nursing the heartache of having Thorin turn on him as he did and Thorin had been driven completely mad by his gold sickness. It would take more than a few words for the damage to be fixed and Bilbo had wanted to tell him that he was prepared to do all he could to forgive him and get back to the place they had been.

He felt the back of his throat start to burn and he knew that even though he was trying to convince himself that he was fine, he truly wasn’t.

Bilbo didn’t even realise he had been sniffling until he felt a hand on his shoulder and he opened his eyes to find not only Balin, but twelve other pairs of eyes looking down at him.

“You alright laddie?” Balin asked giving his shoulder a comforting squeeze and Bilbo looked up at him and he decided to lie. He decided to say that yes, he was fine, that Thorin being awake was all he could have ever asked for. Bilbo decided that it was better not to burden any of them with the little things that were bothering him,

“Yes, I’m fine.”

“Mahal’s balls you are.”

Bilbo’s attempt at a smile had faltered at that and he fixed Bofur with a look and found it very difficult to be upset with him.

“Come lad, I believe the lady Dís and lord Dáin will be speaking with Thorin for a while, come join us for breakfast.”

Bilbo was unable to protest as he was hauled to his feet and led from the hall, and Bilbo learned that Balin had a surprisingly strong grip.

 

It was almost tense standoff between the three left in Thorin’s rooms.

Thorin was convinced that this was an elaborate joke started by his nephews that all had been roped into participating in, and both Dís and Dáin were having quite the time trying to convince him otherwise.

“Thorin, I saw them carry your arse down the mountain myself.”

Dáin had finally said and Thorin looked at him, his cousin had taken a seat in the armchair in the corner while his sister sat to his right.

“Why do you think you are injured so? I doubt Fíli and Kíli would have done this to you in order to execute a joke.”

Thorin grunted as he shifted, his body did ache and his shoulder was particularly tender. He wanted to believe them but it seemed far too… surreal for it to be true. But, he had never known Dís to lie. Begrudgingly he found himself about to agree when he stopped and looked between the two of them,

“And what of the Halfling.”

“Master Baggins? He helped Óin keep you alive. He has been here every day with you.”

“And what business does he have with Dwarves and with Erebor.”

That was when the two could not answer, for no one had really bothered to explain to them what Bilbo’s purpose was other than him being the final member of their company that set out to retake Erebor.

“Perhaps you should speak to him yourself.”

Dís suggested as Thorin looked to her before he grabbed the robe hanging from the post and slowly stood and pulled it on, minding his shoulder as he tied it and crossed the floor to the fireplace and looked into the flames.

He did recognize the room now, this was nothing like Ered Luin. He ran his fingers across the etchings in the stone of the mantle and took a breath, even the air was familiar to him.

“If we took Erebor, why don’t I remember…?”

 

Bilbo could tell that they were worried, he had all but refused to eat merely pushing his meal around his plate with the fork that he had been provided. He heaved a heavy sigh, resting his chin on his palm as he watched the others with their meals.

When he finally pushed his untouched meal away he was surprised to see a rapid bunch of seating changes in that Dori was now to his immediate right and looking intently at him.

“Now Bilbo, we all know that you hobbits do require sustenance and you will do yourself no good to be neglecting your needs.”

Bilbo opened his mouth to protest only to have Dori quickly give him a mouth full of potatoes. He had no choice but to chew and swallow, fixing the dwarf with a scowl that would have done Thorin proud to have seen as he dabbed the corners of his mouth with his handkerchief.

“I am more than capable of feeding myself, thank you.”

Truth was he was famished, and just that bit of potato was enough to remind him of such and so the company watched as he sighed in annoyance and pulled his plate back and, albeit still somewhat reluctant, began to feed himself.

“We know that seeing Thorin this way is difficult for you, but you cannot just ignore yourself.”

He turned to his left to see that Balin now occupied the seat that Kíli had originally been sitting in.

“It’s not just that it’s, I don’t, he doesn’t remember me Balin. He doesn’t know who I am.”

“He will remember, this is just a minor setback. Óin has told me he’s seen it before and it usually passes.”

Bilbo looked at him, he didn’t seem entirely convinced but he nodded anyway and looked back at his plate and made to push it away again. He truly didn’t have an appetite now.

“Come now, just one more bite.”

Dori encouraged from beside him and he rolled his eyes, though the small smile at the corners of his mouth showed his was not as annoyed as he had previously been as he humoured him and took one more bite of his food.

“There, happy now?”

He knew Dori took no offense to his tone as the smile on his face took the sting out of his words and the oldest of the Ri brothers simply nodded.

The conversation around them abruptly stopped and Bilbo saw everyone’s change of focus and he too looked towards the doorway and saw that Dís had come and joined them,

“Fíli, would you prepare a plate and take it to your uncle?”

Fíli rose at his mother’s request and cast a look across his table to his brother and Kíli jumped up to join him and the pair disappeared into what Bilbo knew to be the kitchen where Bombur was still happily working.

They emerged moments later with two more plates piled high with food and nodded to their mother as they past, Kíli stopped to place one of the plates in Dís’s hands before he followed Fíli out into the hall.

Dís approached the table and Bofur jumped up his plate in hand as he stopped to brush off the seat as he offered it to her, she nodded to him as she took his empty seat and he relocated himself to Fíli’s now vacant seat.

“And how is our King, lady Dís?”

He asked looking across the table to her as she took a small bite of the food before her,

“I think we may have finally convinced him that we are not joking that your company has reclaimed Erebor. I hope that after he eats that he will be strong enough to leave his room and have a look around. I’m sure he would appreciate the company of familiar faces while he does so.”

Bilbo felt his throat constrict at her words, once more his sullen mood returned and he bowed his head. It was hard to know he was not included amongst those that Thorin would perceive as familiar. But he would be there regardless, he was after all the fourteenth man of the company.

 

Fíli and Kíli sat silently as they watched Thorin picking at his meal before he finally started to eat it, and he ate like one that hadn’t eaten in months, which in a way was true.

He finished in no time at all and set the plate down on the floor and looked between his nephews who were watching him intently.

“What.”

“Nothing, it’s just good to see you’re okay.”

“Apparently I’m not if so much has happened and I can’t recall any of it.”

Fíli merely gave a shrug of his shoulders as Kíli sat straighter on the chair he had dragged into the room with him.

“Óin says you’ll remember. I guess we can tell you what happened if you like. I mean, all of us want to tell you what happened.”

Thorin looked from Kíli to Fíli who nodded in agreement, and Thorin gave a short nod as Fíli rose and went to one of the chests in the corner and came back with three pipes and distributed amongst them.

“So what happened after you spoke to Gandalf is you called on the seven families to rally their armies to help you retake Erebor.”

Thorin said nothing as he lit his pipe and looked across at Kíli who had begun to tell what Thorin could only perceive as his versions of what happened. Things that seemed far too fantastical to be real, a meeting in the Shire, tormenting the same Halfling that now wandered their sacred halls.

Thorin scoffed at the implication that he had gotten lost twice trying to find their meeting place.

“It’s perfectly reasonable to admit you got lost, after all their houses all look the same from the outside anyway.”

“And I’m sure that I did not get lost.”

“Well you did, not once but twice.”

Fíli felt the need to interject at that point and Thorin gave both his nephews a look before settled back on to his bed,

“Why the Halfling?”

That was the part that confused him, why would they have gone to the shire to hold their meeting of all places,

“We needed a burglar and Gandalf decided that Bilbo would be perfect for the job.”

“Gandalf… where is the wizard, I haven’t seen him yet.”

“He…”

Both paused and looked between themselves before there was a unanimous shrug of the shoulders before they looked back to their uncle,

“We don’t know, he asked Bilbo if he wanted to go home and Bilbo said he wasn’t ready yet, and we haven’t seen him since then.”

This only served to confuse Thorin more. A hobbit had no place amongst dwarves, no place in Erebor. And yet his nephews and the others seemed at complete ease with his presence, even Dís had spoken highly of the Halfling and the level of care that he had supposedly provided while he was unconscious.

This was all very confusing to him, for what little he knew of Hobbits they were not the kind that would easily forsake the comforts of home, especially not for a group of dwarves and a king without a crown. Well, apparently the crown was his now, Dís had said they were going to wait until he regained his strength before the preparations for a proper coronation would begin.

He had responded with he had no memory of winning the mountain, how could he become king if he had no memory of the events that led up to it.

She assured him that those in his company knew, that everyone else knew and that would be enough.

“Uncle.”

His attention once more focused on his youngest nephew and he took in the looks of concern on their faces.

“I’m fine. Carry on.”

When they reached the part of trolls and dwarf rotisserie he held his hand up and shook his head,

“I think this is far enough, trolls never go that far south.”

“These ones did, I swear on Mahal’s beard that this is all true.”

Thorin only shook his head and the two watched him turn his pipe and tap it on his arm as he glanced up at them,

“I understand the need to embellish the tale but, truly there is no need for it.”

“I swear uncle this is all true.”

Thorin reached down to grab his plate which he held to Fíli and the elder of the two grabbed it and looked to his brother,

“Send your mother back.”

Fíli and Kíli knew they had been dismissed at that point and the two of them rose after tapping out their own pipes and heading for the door. Kíli glanced over his shoulder at his uncle who had stood and resumed his place by the fireplace looking intently at the runes carved into the stone.

Kíli waited until they were nearly to their mothers lodgings before he turned to Fíli and grinned,

“If he doesn’t believe us about the trolls, what’s he going to say when we tell him about the elves?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He will have a heart attack and die Kíli. That's what is going to happen.


	3. Recollection or Thorin finds out about Kíli's mistake at dinner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dori's mothering senses are tingling. And Bilbo spends a lot of time just thinking. Seriously, he thinks a lot.

When the twelfth member of the company told him the exact same account of their interaction with the group of trolls Thorin had begrudgingly admitted that perhaps his nephews were telling the truth.

After all, he knew Dwalin had never lied to him before and he doubted that he would have started to do so now.

Unless of course they all rehearsed the same story beforehand in order to all properly recall the same order of events to him.

He still hadn’t heard the Halflings version of events, and he doubted he ever would as the hobbit had taken to avoiding him. Whenever Thorin felt well enough to leave the sanctum of his private rooms and seek out the company of those that from what it sound travelled halfway across the world with him, the hobbit would promptly make himself scarce the moment that Thorin appeared.

It certainly did nothing to improve his opinion of this Bilbo Baggins.

The others claimed that they were friends, yet the hobbit had been anything but. Of course he did admit to himself that he hadn’t exactly been polite either in their first meeting, both from what the others had told him about their first meeting in Bag End, to how he received the hobbit when he had woken up in Erebor.

As he entered the dining hall to join the others for the evening meal he saw the hobbits seat conspicuously empty and he paid it no mind. It wasn't really any of his concern where the Halfling went and what he did with his time.

He found himself asking anyway,

“Where is the Halfling?”

“Bilbo,”

Fíli corrected, as his uncle took a seat by him and Kíli,

“Said he wasn’t feeling so well so he’s in his room.”

Thorin looked to his nephew before he nodded and turned back to his dinner, from everything he had been told about the Halfling he felt that should be concerned but just, could not bring himself to be. He didn’t know him, he didn’t know him at all.

He could tell that the remainder of the company were uncomfortable with how little care he seemed to have for the hobbit. He was hardly bothered by their stares however and resumed his meal.

 

Bilbo sat almost dejectedly at his makeshift desk as he looked down, once again, at his untouched plate.

He couldn’t bring himself to eat. He knew he should, he was absolutely positive that he should be eating but... Couldn’t.

It was partially the reason that he decided to eat alone, so that in case he didn’t wish to eat, such as at this very moment, the others would be none the wiser.

He looked up when he heard a knock from the door and he turned in his seat,

“Mister Bilbo? It’s Dori. The others elected to have me come and check on you. They were concerned when you decided to take your meal alone. May I come in?”

“How did he...?”

Bilbo said quietly to himself as he stiffly rose and made his way to the door and opened it to Dori’s smiling face.

The dwarf looked past him and chuckled,

“I see that we had surmised correctly. Here, I brewed you a fresh pot of tea to go with your dinner.”

Bilbo stood aside as Dori came into his room and straight to the desk as he set the teapot down and began to straighten up.

“Dori you really needn’t concern yourself with that, I was going to get to it later.”

“Nonsense, we’ve all noticed how bothered you've been with all that's happening.”

He followed the eldest of the Ri brothers around his room as he picked up clothing and knick knacks from the floor and tidied up.

“How is Thorin?”

Dori looked at him as he finished folding the hobbits night shirt setting it down at the corner of the bed,

“Better, he spoke to us at different times just to see what we all said in regards to that incident with the trolls. Between you and me, I wouldn’t have believed it myself had I not been there. It does seem rather farfetched when described in the manner that Fíli and Kíli had described.”

Bilbo felt the smile tugging at the corners of his mouth as Dori said that,

“I suppose it is rather hard to believe. Has he.... Remembered anything?”

Dori looked at Bilbo and shook his head,

“No Bilbo, he hasn’t. All we can do is tell him about what happened and hope that perhaps it jars his memory. Óin is adamant that this sort of thing corrects itself in time.”

“In time.”

Bilbo found himself repeating as he finally turned away from Dori and made his way back to his desk, he seated himself and faced both his plate and the teapot.

Dori was at his side in an instant and poured him a cup and all but pushed it into his hand and stood there. Bilbo arched a brow as he looked to the dwarf then to the teacup in his hands before shaking his head as he blew across the steaming liquid before he took his first sip.

“I took the liberty to sweeten it with just a touch of honey, I know normally you take yours with a little milk but we have limited access to such things.”

“It’s lovely Dori, really it is, thank you.”

Bilbo said as Dori smiled and started chatting animatedly about the work they were beginning to get the city back in order all the while cutting Bilbo’s food into smaller bite sized portions. Beaming at how Ori had been brought into the fold as the official scribe of the court and Nori, had managed to procure more supplies to help with getting everything up and running. He never mentioned how Nori was getting anything, just that he trusted his brother to exercise restraint.

Bilbo forced a smile as the dwarf pushed the plate towards him and took the cup from him and set it down to replace it with the fork.

“Dori I’m fine, really I am.”

He flinched at the look that Dori gave him, and found himself slowly taking bites and putting them into his mouth.

“You can continue to tell yourself that but we all know better. You haven’t been yourself since this all started. Don’t think I didn’t see how you practically ran from the dining room at breakfast when Thorin joined us.”

“He expressed how he wanted to be with those in the company.”

“You are part of the company.”

Bilbo shook his head as he set his fork down and picked his mug of tea up again,

“It truly doesn’t feel that way Dori, not when he looks at me with such… It’s as though we’re right back to that night in Bag End where he did not at all seemed impressed by me. I may be the fourteenth man but he doesn’t remember that. He doesn’t remember how I killed an Orc to save him, he doesn’t remember me being there after the battle.”

He had to stop himself, he brought his hand up to his mouth and fell silent. He took a deep, but shaky breath, before he looked up to Dori his eyes glossing over,

“I think I would like to be alone for a little while Dori, please, I’ll come and join you all later.”

Dori said nothing at that, he nodded and patted the hobbit on the shoulder as he made his way to the door and let himself out.

He cast one last look at the hobbit sitting with his back to him, watching how Bilbo reached up to take the acorn that was sitting at the corner of his desk in hand.

 

“There was a warg pack tracking us. Had been for several days, the other wizard I think said his name was Ragastat or Radagast… something like that, well he said he would draw them away from us. Good that he offered, damn ponies bolted at the first signs of the buggers.”

Thorin sat with Dwalin in one of the cleared out sitting rooms that Thorin remembered from his childhood. It felt empty without the presence of his family, and he idly entertained the notion of asking for both his nephews and Dís to join them as they sat and smoked.

He had wanted to hear more of the quest from Dwalin, trusting him to be to the point without going off topic too often. Not that he didn’t trust the accounts of any of the others, but some he knew liked to exaggerate and stretch the truth.

“We got out of the trees and figures we’d be heading into open ground. There were plenty of rock formations to move behind but still we were exposed. We would have been fine but the daft bastard led them right by us and maybe he forgot they can smell dwarf from a league away.”

Thorin half chuckled as he could hear the annoyance in Dwalin’s voice as he spoke of their run across the plains,

“One of them came across us. Kíli stuck it with an arrow but they die loud so after that we had the whole pack coming down on us and that damned wizard disappeared.”

“It seems to be something he does often.”

Dwalin snorted as he focused on his pipe for a few moments before he decided to carry on with the story.

“He had been leading us somewhere however, we got surrounded by the pack, managed to get a few of them, Gandalf chose that moment to appear again and got us all into a tunnel. That’s when the elves showed up.”

“Elves?”

Thorin bristled at the mere mention of the elves and his eyes narrowed, Dwalin noticed this and Thorin could see a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips,

“Oh it gets worse. I guess we had wandered into the borders of their land, anyway, we followed this tunnel out and it took us right into their thrice cursed valley. Wizard had it planned all along.”

“There were elves.”

“Rivendell, he took us to Rivendell. Led us right up the gates right into their laps.”

Thorin pinched the bridge of his nose as he closed his eyes, elves, first trolls now elves. He almost didn’t want to know the part those plant eaters played in this story, but he knew there would be more and he would be finding out. He didn’t hear the knock at the door, Dwalin did however and called for whoever it was to make their business known.

Fíli and Kíli filed into the room Bofur following right behind them each with a pipe in hand as they each grabbed a chair to pull them closer.

“Which part are you at Dwalin?”

Kíli asked as he passed his flint to is brother after he lit his pipe, Dwalin glanced to the younger dwarf before he chuckled,

“Rivendell. And that conversation we had at the dinner table.”

Kíli flushed in embarrassment as he recalled just what conversation that Dwalin referred to, he looked across to his uncle who at this time finally opened his eyes and sat straighter. The four were joined by Balin at this point, the white haired dwarf nodded a greeting to each of them as he too pulled up his chair and settled in,

“Rivendell.”

Bofur said even before Balin could ask where they had left off in telling Thorin about their quest. Thorin quickly found himself hearing several versions of the same story. Being invited for dinner, the lack of meat, the poor choice in music, food fights, trying to liven it up a bit, and Bofur enlightening their hosts in what was proper music.

He tried to find a version that made sense, and of course cast a dark look in Kíli’s direction as Dwalin made sure to go into detail of how his youngest nephew seemed to enjoy the beauty of the elves.

“Lad couldn’t tell the difference though.”

Bofur made sure to add much to Kíli chagrin, and Kíli had all but hid his face behind his hands. Thorin could see how the blush burned at his ears and he almost smiled at Kíli’s expense. Fíli nudged his brother and said something else that the others hadn’t been able to hear, which made Kíli turn only redder and Thorin arched a brow in curiosity.

“Bilbo seemed to like it there.”

Bofur finally said drawing attention away from the furiously blushing prince which Kíli seemed grateful for.

“I think he really enjoyed being around the elves. I enjoyed their wine and there was plenty of it if I do remember correctly. Oh and the fountain was lovely too.”

Bofur continued smiling fondly thinking back at their time in the Elven settlement. Balin even had chuckled as he recalled how they had passed the time during their stay with the elves.

“Why did he lead us to Rivendell?”

Thorin had finally asked bringing the conversation back around to where he wanted it to be, he needed to piece together what had happened, which meant he needed to hear it all.

“Lord Elrond was able to read the map, we… needed his help.”

Thorin had looked to his friend as he spoke, simply listening as Balin went into great detail of how Thorin had given the map over to Elrond and the elf lord had been the one to finally read it and provide them direction as to how to continue on with their quest.

“But they did not give us their blessing, advised us against going into the mountain.”

Thorin snorted as he chewed at the end of his pipe, it had long since gone out and he made no effort to relight it.

“So we snuck out at dawn before they could stop us.”

 

Bilbo emerged only as night fell, at least, he thought it was night. He heard no sounds outside his door, the halls where quiet as he crept from his room. He was pleased with himself, his plate was empty and he had finished the tea that Dori had dropped off for him.

His first stop was the kitchen.

Bilbo leaned around the door and peered in, stepping in only when he saw that it was deserted. He breathed a sigh of relief as he took a more leisurely pace across the room and towards the back. He would not find solitude there as he saw Bombur working on something in the corner.

The hobbit bit his lip as he slowly crept into the kitchen and towards the basin for washing the dishes, hoping that he would not draw any attention to himself.

He had just set his plate down, gently and carefully as to not bother the cook but Bombur, without even looking to him spoke,

“Wash your dish please.”

“Oh of course.”

Bombur did tend to keep his workplace immaculate and Bilbo decided not to draw his ire by leaving a mess when he could spend that extra few moments washing out the teapot, mug, and his plate.

“Have you spoken to Thorin yet?”

He found himself asking the portly dwarf who paused in his cutting to turn and look at him. He nodded and turned back to his preparations,

“He wanted to know about the trolls.”

Bilbo smiled as he nodded, grabbing a nearby rag to dry his dishes with. Bombur had finished with what he had been doing and turned to look at Bilbo now,

“Are you okay Bilbo?”

“Why does everyone keep asking if I’m fine? Of course I’m fine, I’ve never been better in fact!”

Bilbo knew that Bombur was hardly convinced by his answer and averted his gaze. He didn’t know how much longer the dwarves would allow him to keep up this charade. He knew that they knew better, they were not stupid. None of them were. They did their best to comfort him in what ways they could, even Bifur had come to sit with him at one of the few times he had ventured from his room.

Bombur had crossed the floor and patted him on the back, and Bilbo looked up into his smiling face and much to his displeasure found himself smiling along with the cook.

“We’ll get Thorin back.”

Bombur told him as he turned away and hurried over to one of the ovens he had been minding and Bilbo, unable to control himself went over to see what Bombur was pulling from the heat. It smelt divine whatever it was, he craned his neck to peer around Bombur, which in itself was quite the feat, to see that he had prepared… Bilbo quickly counted fourteen little tarts.

“And you’re going to stay here with us when I serve these, the others will be here soon.”

“Bombur I can’t.”

“Yes you can. There’s fourteen, just enough for everyone.”

“You can have mine, I’m not hungry.”

Of course his stomach took that moment to let him know that that was not the case and Bombur only smiled as he set the tarts aside to cool and led Bilbo to a jug in the corner. When Bilbo looked into the container and saw the contents he couldn’t help but laugh as he looked to Bombur again,

“Nori?”

Bombur gave a shrug of his shoulders as he took out a fork and set to work on the cream. Bilbo watched in fascination as Bombur worked. It took a little bit of time before the cream began to thicken, and more time passed before Bombur was satisfied with the finished product and Bilbo followed him back to the tarts where he placed a dollop onto the top of each.

“Where did you get the berries from… wait Nori?”

It was always Nori.

Bombur smiled as he handed Bilbo two of the plates and nudged him towards the door and the dining table. Begrudgingly he found himself setting the table and preparing it as he heard the voices of the others in their company approaching the room.

Bofur was first to enter followed by Ori, Nori, and Dori. Bifur was gesturing wildly as he walked beside Óin who without his ear trumpet seemed to pay him no mind, and Glóin walked in step with his brother. Fíli and Kíli were next to follow, and Balin, Dwalin, and Thorin brought up the rear.

Bilbo went rigid as his gaze met that of the dwarf king and Thorin held it for a tense moment before he gave a small nod of his head,

“Master Baggins.”

Well, that was unexpected, he was half expecting Thorin to refer to him as Halfling, or burglar, but to call him by his name? Well, last name but it was a start.

“Thorin.”

What Bilbo hadn’t been anticipating was the company arranging themselves in that he had no choice but to occupy the seat to Thorin’s left. He had effectively been boxed in and he looked around at the faces of the other dwarves who were silently urging him to, well, at least do something.

Bilbo turned to Thorin as he thought of what he could say to him but was silenced when Thorin was the one to speak first,

“I have yet to hear your account of the events that followed the company’s departure from your home.”

“I... what?”

Thorin fixed him with a look and Bilbo stared at him, he was at a loss for words, he had been cornered.

“I’m sure it’s not much different from what you have been told already. After all, you can only be told the same story at least once or twice, or twelve times, but it doesn’t change the story. I can assure you my version of events will not be too far from what you’ve already been told.”

Bilbo very much wished that Thorin would look away from him and turn his attention to the others or the tart sitting on the plate in front of him. He could feel his heart racing in his chest at how close they were sitting, and he was sure that it had been planned that way by the others.

“A fair point, but, that doesn’t change the fact that you were there. I’m curious to know why a hobbit would chose to follow a king without a crown.”

Bilbo looked back to Thorin and found himself paralyzed by the intensity of his gaze. He wet his lips, he thought about his answer. There were many reasons he had stayed with the company, even with the offer made by Lord Elrond that he was welcome to stay in Rivendell if he so chose, he wanted to see the quest through being one of the main reasons. He had wanted to prove Thorin wrong, he had wanted to show him that he could be a valuable member of the company. Then he had wanted to help them reclaim the home they had lost.

And he wanted nothing more than to see Thorin succeed.

“I… well, it’s difficult to explain. Impossible odds, fire breathing dragon, perils beyond count. But, you needed a burglar, and I was volunteered and I swore myself to your service. I’ve grown very fond of this company Thorin, each and every one of you and I wanted to help.”

He truly felt he was back to square one with the king. Thorin regarded him the same as he had back when the quest began, and he knew it had been a long road to earning the kings trust then his friendship. It was looking as though he would have to work his way back there from the beginning once more and there were definitely no wargs or orcs around to help speed up the process.

It hurt no less now than it had then, he turned his attention from Thorin to the neat little display on the plate that had remained all but untouched. He could make out bits of the quiet conversations around him, the others seemed content to give himself and Thorin a chance to talk in a more neutral setting where Bilbo wouldn’t be allowed to escape back to his room.

This was not how he had envisioned the end of their quest.

Bilbo glanced to Thorin out of the corner of his eye and was surprised to see how the king continued to watch him intently. He found himself squirming in his seat as Thorin did not look away, it was a little unnerving, especially with how his stomach was doing little flip flops the longer Thorin watched him. Part of him considered telling Thorin the truth about why he still followed him, and why he was still in Erebor consequences be damned but he was a sensible chap and it wouldn’t do to confuse the poor fellow more than he already was.

“Do you lose yourself in thought often, Master Baggins?”

Bilbo looked up sharply and to Thorin as he asked him the question and he blinked once before he cleared his throat and mustered as much dignity as he was able as he finally took a moment to take a bite of his tart.

“Sometimes, habit really. My mother had always said I seemed to be quite the daydreamer.”

And Bilbo prattled on, hardly noticing that he had crossed well into the territory of rambling and Thorin said little and merely listened, occasionally he would make a comment and Bilbo would try very hard not to smile and it barely garnered a reaction from the king.

It seemed odd to have Thorin attempting to make conversation with him, it truly was. Mostly because of how terrible he was at it.

Bless him for trying though.

Bilbo had glanced about to see how the others while still enjoying conversations of their own would be shooting little looks in his and Thorin’s direction seeing how they were talking, and Bilbo had to admit the initial awkwardness was gone but this wasn’t his Thorin. It wasn’t. Well, in all technicality it was, the same dwarf but not the same. This Thorin knew little of all that the company had gone through, yes he had been there and lived it as they had but he did not remember.

As stubborn and guarded as Thorin had been Bilbo missed him.

Even with the unfortunate events that followed them finally coming inside the mountain and Thorin succumbing to his dragon sickness. He was not looking forward to that part of the tale, bad enough they would have to revisit Mirkwood, their capture by king Thranduil, their escape in barrels, before being smuggled into Laketown covered in fish. Not to mention all the unfortunate events that followed soon after.

Thorin had finally turned from him and was speaking quietly to Balin and Bilbo allowed himself to take a moment and collect his thoughts, he did want to be there when the others told Thorin about all that happened but it felt wrong to him.

He wanted Thorin to remember.

Right now he felt like an outsider, Thorin knew all in his company save him, he was the odd man out. Yes he had been there, and yes his tale held as much weight as the others had but it still felt wrong.

He quickly gathered his plate and retreated to the kitchen where he finished what was left and quickly washed the plate. He mumbled his thank yous and good nights as he passed the table and hurried from the dining room.

He needed air.

Finding his way to the gate and the all too familiar ramparts took little time and he wandered the ledge, finding a bench to sit on as he looked out over the fields that lay between Erebor and Dale. He found himself missing the carefree comforts of the Shire more than ever at that moment but he knew he could never go back to that life and live the way he had before.

It would be too empty. Far too empty.

He knew he needed to have a plan, several in fact, in case of several different scenarios. One and the one that seemed to take the forefront of his mind was the case in that Thorin never remembered anything that had happened during the last thirty or so odd months since they first set out from Hobbiton and what he himself would have to do to prepare himself for such an outcome. Second, was that Thorin did remember and Bilbo would finally see just how truly sincere Thorin was with his apologies up on the ridge, in which case it would be a long road to regaining the trust they had once shared. Third, he found himself numbering each point he made on his fingers as he named them off in his head, third, was that Thorin was sincere and the tension between them would resume as it had since Mirkwood in which they would be dancing around each other once again until one of them decided to change. He had often heard of the stubbornness of dwarves and Thorin was a prime example of such, but Bilbo knew he himself in terms of stubbornness was an even match for the new king under the mountain.

He thought of Thorin’s hand held in his, how broad his palm was and the location of each scar and burn. He thought of the weight of it and the texture of his skin and how it was only when he thought he was going to lose him did he have the courage to hope for more.

Bilbo sighed and looked out over the valley again, he knew he could prepare himself for it, that he could try his best to accept it, but he knew he just couldn’t bear the thought that there was the ever looming possibility that Thorin would never remember who he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pleased with myself to be able to provide daily updates, but on the same token I think I'll try to take my time and space out some updates.


	4. Bad Dreams or Dís can read Bilbo like a book

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which I am a horrible person. It's funny that I started writing this being all Bagginshield is okay I guess, and now, I'm absolutely on board with this pairing. OH my god. I love it. I only hope when it finally reaches that point I'll do it justice.

“Bilbo! I...”

Strong fingers, familiar fingers, slid into his curls, and gently turned his face upwards as he looked into the king’s smiling face,

“I remember, I remember everything. I remember you.”

Bilbo felt his heart begin to race, pounding in his chest so loud he thought Thorin would hear.

Thorin laughed as he pressed his forehead gently to the hobbits, his smile wide and his eyes shining.

Bilbo sat up abruptly in bed, his cheeks burned and his scalp tingled from the remembered sensation of Thorin’s fingers in his hair. Well, his dream Thorin’s fingers.

He drew in a shaky breath as he curled up into his side squeezing his eyes shut tightly.

He lay like that for quite a while before he realized that sleep would not come to him and reluctantly he rose and decided to begin his day.

Bilbo dressed slowly, his hands shaking as he tried to do up the buttons of his waist coat before he decided to forgo the thing entirely and hung it over the back of his chair.

He stepped backwards and sat back down at the side of his bed and stared ahead. This was the fourth night in a row interrupted by either dreams or nightmares and he honestly could not decide which of them was worse.

The dreams where Thorin knew him and Bilbo was reunited with the Thorin he knew and lov- felt very strongly for, or the nightmares where the dwarf would once again be laying in his own blood dying in Bilbo’s arms. Except now, sometimes it would be interchanged with the Thorin who no longer recognized him.

He sighed and shook his head, pausing as he saw his reflection in one of the few polished surfaces in the room. He stood and moved closer, he looked sick. There were dark circles beneath his eyes, his skin pale, and he looked more haggard now than he had ever felt during the quest.

Well asides from that little incident on the ramparts and how after he descended the wall all he wished to do was find a quiet corner to collect his thoughts. And while he knew that it had been the madness talking, and he truly believed that Thorin would never had said those things otherwise, he had wanted to gather all the little pieces of his heart.

Thorin had looked at him and spoke to him with such hatred that Bilbo almost believed that was how Thorin truly felt.

He didn’t want to believe it, especially with his sincerity when Bilbo found him and Thorin had wanted to atone for all he had said and done to him.

Bilbo remembered how his already broken heart shattered when he thought he had lost him, and the elation when he learned that Thorin lived.

And now, he was back to picking up the pieces and hoping that no one would notice.

He straightened his back and patted down his coat and took a deep breath before he turned and strode with renewed purpose towards the door.

He was a Baggins of Bag End and it would do him no good to wallow in misery crying over some stubborn, pig-headed, arrogant, and… and exceeding difficult dwarf king. Yes, it was decided, he would not allow himself to be broken by this. Not over Thorin Oakenshield of all dwarves.

Bilbo was pleased with his decision as he opened the door to let himself out. He knew however that he was fooling himself, and that his resolve would crumble the very moment he looked into those beautiful blue eyes, even if they regarded him with unfamiliarity and distrust once again.

He held his face in his hands and grumbled. While he had enjoyed the quest and all the dangers associated to it, he couldn’t help but miss how calm his life had been before thirteen dwarves and a wizard came through his door.

Bilbo took all his meals with the company now, entirely at Dori’s insistence, finding it difficult to even try and socialize with the dwarf King.

Thorin more or less kept him at arm’s length, unsure of what to think of him. Granted, in Thorin’s current state of mind he was a stranger once again.

It didn’t mean it bothered him any less to see Thorin speaking with and almost smiling with the other members of his company, and when it came around for him to speak with Bilbo he would close right up again.

 

“He just needs to get to know you again is all.”

Fíli had said as he Bilbo and Kíli found a spot on the wall, the same place Bilbo had been sitting several days before hand, smoking and enjoying the crisp night air.

“I understand that, but if you recall we were not exactly on the best of terms for the first little while. And you both are well aware of just how long it took us to get to the point where we had been at.”

Fíli and Kíli looked to each other over the top of Bilbo’s head, faintly smirking as they both turned their attention to the hobbit sitting between them.

“You mean dancing around each other? Or how you two would always look at each other like you wanted to say something but never did?”

Fíli asked arching a brow as Bilbo sputtered and looked at him,

“Excuse you, we did not dance around each other thank you!”

Bilbo huffed crossing his arms as he frowned,

“We all saw it Bilbo, even our amad has asked us.”

“Your... Lady Dís?”

Kíli nodded as he put an arm around Bilbo's shoulder and grinned,

“She said she couldn’t see any other reason why you were so worried when it came to uncle.”

“And how you hung around him, and had a hard time leaving him alone when he was unconscious. You’re not as good at hiding it as you seem to think you are.”

Bilbo was mortified at just the thought that lady Dís had figured that all out from the sparse few interaction that they had had. And not to mention the idea that she had gone and asked both her sons and Yavanna knows what the two had told her.

“She wants a chance to speak with you as well.”

Oh how he wished he had just let himself be cast over the ramparts to at least spare himself the embarrassment of Thorin’s sister having figured his reasons for wishing to stay a little longer in Erebor.

“What exactly did you tell your mother?”

“Oh you know… the looks, how Thorin would always look at you for a little longer than really necessary.”

“And how you would always be looking at him when you thought that no one was watching. And Óin told her that you were right there with Thorin when he was hurt, and how you were right there when he was treating him.”

“Not to mention you spent every waking minute sitting with him just in case.”

“Well, he is a very good friend of mine and I would have hated to see him wake up all alone. That, and we all know you two where in there just as much as I was.”

“He is our uncle after all.”

Bilbo glowered at the two princes as they fell silent again, this was a battle he was most definitely losing as he knew that yes, Thorin was their uncle, they did have that reason to be there while he on the other hand technically did not, but he was, he wanted to be there for Thorin.

“Don’t worry Bilbo, we didn’t tell amad anything too embarrassing.”

“Good, because I would hate to have to tell her about Tauriel.”

Bilbo smirked at Kíli paled suddenly before blushing brightly as Fíli chuckled at his brother’s expense. When Fíli’s laughter died down and Kíli’s color had returned to normal Bilbo’s own expression softened and he looked to the younger of the two princes,

“How is Tauriel?”

“She’s doing well… She was banished from Mirkwood, she told me that after I was able to start walking on my own. I asked her why she was still here and she told me that, she’s been helping King Bard in Dale, I think he was planning on making her captain of their guard or something like that, same title she held in Mirkwood.”

Bilbo nodded as he listened to Kíli, noticing how his gaze would often drift out across the plains to the distant lights of Dale.

“I suppose that’s where you disappear to at times?”

Kíli pursed his lips and nodded slowly, Bilbo could tell that the admittance made him uncomfortable, and he saw how Kíli shifted uneasily in his seat.

“Worried what Thorin would say if he found out?”

“More like amad.”

Fíli said and Kíli looked up at his brother before looking back to Bilbo,

“I’m worried about what both of them would say, or do. Thorin especially now, you know how he was, well is in regards to the elves again.”

Bilbo nodded knowing all too well of what the two spoke of. There were only three things that Thorin had disliked more than Bilbo at the beginning of their quest; Trolls, orcs, and Elves. He had been livid when Gandalf led them into Rivendell, he was courteous at least to Lord Elrond, well to a certain extent. Thranduil, well, Bilbo knew there was far too much bad blood there for Thorin to ever forgive the woodland king.

And Thorin had made sure to let Thranduil know just what he felt about him.

“How far into the quest have you all been able to tell Thorin?”

“Bofur wanted to be the one to tell him of the stone giants, and the goblin caves, with extra emphasis on Thorin climbing down the cliff face to pull you back up on to the ledge.”

Bilbo sighed and closed his eyes as he tried not to think too hard on what that gesture had meant to him at the time. Nearly thinking he would be falling, only to have Thorin climb down and haul him back into range where the others would be able to grab hold of him. Not to mention how Thorin himself had almost fallen doing so. Luckily for Thorin was that Dwalin was quick to grab a hold of him.

“I think you need to be there when we tell him of Mirkwood, just so he knows that you were the one who got us all out of there.”

Bilbo opened his eyes and looked at Fíli as he spoke,

“Fíli…”

“No Bilbo, don’t even start, you were the reason we didn’t rot a hundred years in those dungeons.”

The hobbit knew this would not be something he would be able to get out of and reluctantly he agreed to be present for when the company met with Thorin again to continue with the telling of their quest.

“A shame Gandalf isn’t here, maybe he would be able to help.”

 

Dís sat quietly, watching as Thorin sat across from her staring blankly at the blade that Dwalin had laid across his lap.

“It’s an elf sword.”

“It’s yours. We pulled it from the dead orc.”

Thorin wrinkled his nose as he studied the sheath of the blade, of the runes carved into the scabbard. He did not believe that he had used this blade. Dwalin insisted that this was truly his sword, that he had used it and treasured it.

“Orcrist, that’s what the elf lord of Rivendell called it.”

Why did the name sound so familiar?

Thorin said nothing as he rose and curled his fingers around the hilt, drawing the blade slowly as to take a good look at it. It was lighter than he had expected, but typical for something forged by the elves. He set the scabbard aside as he held the blade up and simply looked at it.

Dís watched Thorin test the sword, and even she could see that he knew this blade, and it knew it well. Even with its great length Thorin knew how to move with it and how to hold it.

“I have never seen such a sword before in all my life.”

Dís only shook her head as Thorin took the scabbard in hand and sheathed the sword without so much more than a second glance at it.

“Why are you trying to fight what Dwalin is telling you, Thorin?”

She finally asked as he set the sword aside and took his seat once more, Dáin who had been silent the whole time finally faced his cousin,

“You said that you want to remember, then prove it cousin, you can’t fight them at every turn.”

Thorin exhaled and narrowed his eyes to both his sister and cousin as they took their turns speaking to him,

“Why would I use an elvish blade?”

“Gandalf told you, you would never find a finer blade, that sword served you well Thorin, it might have very well saved your life when you faced the great orc.”

Thorin said nothing more as he thought over Dwalin’s words, occasionally his gaze would flicker to the sword that still remained at his side and he reached out to run his fingers across the finely crafted hilt before he would draw them away and his brow would knit and he would stare at the blade as though it had personally offended him in some great way.

“What happened after the company escaped the caves, Dwalin…”

Thorin finally said, turning back to look to his friend and Dwalin looked back at Thorin before he began to speak,

“The wizard led us out of the caves into the nearby trees. Our burglar who had made himself scarce during our capture rejoined us, I recall you had been surprised to see him back.”

“And why did he come back?”

“He wanted to help us get our home back, he had a home to return to and knew we did not. He vowed to help us in any way that he could. That was when the warg pack picked up our scent again, and damn if all if we didn’t have to run and then we ran out of ground. Then, we had to climb.”

Dwalin shook his head remembering all too well the company scaling the branches of the nearby pine trees to escaping jaws of the wargs that leapt up after them. The pack had been relentless, and now they had them cornered.

“That was when you saw him, the pale orc.”

“Azog.”

Dwalin merely nodded and even Dáin’s expression had darkened at the mention of the pale orc, he knew all too well what the creature had done and was capable of watching kin fall at his hands during Azanulbizar.

Thorin listened as Dwalin went into great detail telling all that followed, the trees shallow roots unable to cling the rocks they grew on with the weight of the dwarves on their branches, falling into each other until they all were holding to the same tree that too began to groan and sway under their weight.

Azog had called to them, and Thorin, Dwalin had remembered the look on his face, and there had been fear in his eyes. Gandalf had cast the first fiery cone, and soon each in the company was armed with a burning pine cone that they all flung at the waiting wargs below. The fire had pushed them back, but that victory had been short lived as the tree finally could hold no more and it too sway and fell back.

Each dwarf had held on, not daring to look down and Thorin, Thorin had stood armed with sword and Oakenshield as he ran head on to meet the pale orcs challenge.

“And that, you great idiot was when he struck you back, knock you to the ground and his warg took you in its jaws.”

Thorin’s face was ashen pale as he listened to Dwalin’s recount of all that had happened at the cliff. He looked up to Dwalin’s face and Dwalin’s gaze met his own as he continued,

“He had ordered one of his men to take your head and it was, well, it was Bilbo had saved your life then. He attacked the orc, he killed it, and he stood between you and Azog.”

Thorin lowered his gaze, and Dwalin knew this expression well, and Thorin closed his eyes his brow once more knitted in thought as he went over this scenario in his head, he knew from what the others had all told him he had done nothing to deserve such loyalty from the Halfling,

“Why?”

Dwalin gave a small shrug of his shoulders,

“He had been the only one in a position to get to you, we all had our hands full trying to not fall, and Bilbo, he was able to get to you when even I could not.”

“And how then did the company escape?”

“The Eagles. The wizard had, Mahal only knows how, he called them to them us and they were the only thing that stopped us from falling. They fought off the wargs, and they pulled you from the field. But do not be surprised if you do not recall that, you were not conscious for that either.”

Thorin could hear the small note of humor in Dwalin’s voice as he looked across at him, his hands rested now on his knees.

“They took us to Carrock. We thought then you had fallen, but the wizard was able to bring you back.”

Thorin fell silent again, Dís looked to him she saw the differences of emotions that flickered across his face as he took this all in,

“That was also the moment you took back all that you had said to Bilbo, you named him friend then Thorin. And, well, you embraced him.”

Thorin’s head shot up and Dís hid a smile behind her hand as she saw Thorin eyeing Dwalin suspiciously now,

“Don’t even say it, you can ask any of the others and they will tell you the same thing.”

“I suppose he always did have a soft spot for the small folk.”

Thorin shot Dáin a dark look as his cousin smirked at him from the seat beside him, and Dís leaned over to pat her brother’s knee gently,

“Do not be embarrassed Thorin, we know you are not made of stone. After all, if what Dwalin says is true, then master Baggins did save your life.”

Thorin’s merely grunted in response and while he did what he could to not appear bothered by what Dwalin had said, Dís knew him well enough to know there was some slight embarrassment in his demeanor.

“Well, after your little moment, it became clear that the eagles had done us a favour and brought us closer to Erebor. I wish you could remember it Thorin, the… feeling, just seeing it within reach and knowing that we might just pull this crazy quest off after all.”

Thorin looked to Dwalin and he had taken in a deep breath, he did wish he could remember, to put himself back in that spot atop Carrock and to recall what it had felt like to see the Lonely Mountain in the distance, knowing how much closer he was to home, and knowing that thanks to their burglar that he had lived to see Erebor again.

 

“Master Baggins.”

Bilbo winced as he heard the voice behind him and he slowed his stride which proved to be unnecessary as Lady Dís had caught up to him rather easily. Kíli had told him such was a skill honed from years of chasing after both he and Fíli and Bilbo would believe it with how quickly she had been able to navigate around the dwarves that he had been walking amongst.

“I had hoped to be given a chance to speak with you, privately if I may.”

Bilbo managed a smile as he bowed his head to her before he straightened,

“Of course lady Dís.”

His luck had finally run out it seemed. He had been rather good at keeping away from her over the course of the last few days after Kíli revealed that he had spoken to his mother about the complicated mess that was Thorin and Bilbo’s non-relationship, and how Dís had figured it all out just from looking at how Bilbo had fussed over her brother.

She smiled, eerily similar to that of Thorin’s, Bilbo thought to himself as she turned and without saying a word back to him began to walk and he fell in step beside her, having to walk a tiny bit faster to keep up with her longer stride.

They did not speak until she brought him to another sitting room that he assumed was more or less her private room as there were more things that were, perhaps of a more feminine nature? Not that he actually knew what was considered feminine to dwarves. That and he did see a sword leaning against an armchair in the center of the room.

Dís crossed the floor and took a seat in said armchair motioning for Bilbo to take the seat across from her which he did. Settling in the chair before he looked at her and tried not to shy back at her gaze. He already had idea what to be expecting from this conversation.

“I trust you know what it is I wish to speak to you about?”

Bilbo grit his teeth as he slowly nodded, his fingers were practically digging into his knees as he looked to the lady Dís and she back at him,

“Fíli and Kíli have told me about you and my brother.”

Bilbo promptly wanted the ground to open up and swallow him whole, or even another dragon to attack. Perhaps Smaug had relatives? If so, please let him come so he would not have to endure this conversation.

“Kíli said that you were great friends and that it troubles you greatly to know that Thorin does not remember who you are.”

Bilbo exhaled slowly, ghostly reminiscent of another time a member of the line of Durin brought about a similar reaction and he felt the tightness in his chest loosen.

“It, it does my lady. Especially with all we’ve gone through only to have him not remember a moment of it.”

“You may call me Dís, please, my sons are quite fond of you, and consider you to be kin at this point.”

That was news to him, well, he knew that Fíli and Kíli liked him, but to think of him as family?

“I think all that travelled with you and Thorin think that of you, they are all very fond of you.”

Dís smiled again and Bilbo found himself relaxing a bit more now, his grip on his legs finally loosening as he folded his hands in his lap now.

“That being said, there have been things I have noticed myself.”

His heart jumped back into his throat as Dís’s very tone changed as she watched him, and Bilbo stiffened almost immediately,

“I will ask, why did you follow my brother? None of the company seem able to tell myself or Dáin, and we are both curious as to why a Halfling would follow a company of dwarves on a mission such as what they had planned.”

Bilbo considered this, he thought about what he could and could not say, his reasons were his and his alone really and he could probably say something to that effect but, Dís was kind enough to him, and Dáin in passing had been polite to him as well. Both recognized him as part of Thorin’s company, as did the rest of the dwarves that were slowly returning to the mountain.

“I followed him because… when I was a young hobbit I dreamt of adventure, and as I got older I grew too comfortable with the daily comings and goings of the Shire and didn’t realise how empty my life was. And it took a wizard and thirteen dwarves inviting themselves into my home to show me there was much more to life then my books and armchair. Which I daresay I still miss terribly, but I’m willing to go without them for a little while longer.”

“For Thorin?”

Bilbo paused and looked at her, he was unable to stop the small flush that colored his cheeks,

“For when Thorin comes back to himself. We have much to talk about after all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really do love Bilbo, honest.


	5. Gold beyond measure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tend to add tags based on things are sort of happening in the new chapter. In case anyone's noticed that sorta thing. Think of them as little previews. Also, fish based nightmares for all dwarves involved and Dáin thinks it's hilarious.

He was feeling slightly more confident after his talk with Lady Dís. She knew more than she was letting on and Bilbo while curious did all he could to not press just in case any real uncomfortable questions were asked.

Like when she asked his real opinion of Thorin when he went off on a tirade of how stubborn he was.

And he remembered how his face burned when he revealed that he found it to be one of Thorin's more endearing qualities. That he was steadfast, dedicated, and focused, he knew what he wanted, and he was prepared to do whatever was necessary to get there.

Then succumb to gold madness and isolate oneself from ones kin, then broke ones word, and not to mention inadvertently have war declared on you by the combined armies of both men and elves.

Bilbo pinched the bridge of his nose as he let a small sound of annoyance thinking back on some of Thorin’s less than spectacular decisions.

And yet, all he had wanted to do at that point was be there for him, even when he thought Thorin meant to kill him, he wanted to help him.

“You did only what a true friend would do.”

Thorin’s words still echoed in his mind, how could they not? His expression so full of guilt and pain and he wished to atone. And Bilbo had held him, comforted him and feared that that would be the last time he would ever look into Thorin’s eyes.

He slowed his stride as he glanced up, momentarily disorientated as he did not recognize where he was. The long walk ways and stairs looked so similar to him, it was a marvel that he did not get lost more often when he decided to go for his daily walk.

This walkway however was very familiar to him, it led down to the vast treasure hoard of Thrór, a place he both feared and dreaded.

Instead of turning back, as any sensible hobbit would have done, he instead found himself walking down the stairs to the place that a dragon once slumbered, and his dearest friend lost himself for the first time.

Bilbo reached the bottom of the steps and hooked his thumbs into the pockets of his trousers as he took in the vast halls.

There was still gold beyond imagining here, but the dwarves had begun to move it at both Dís and Dáin’s requests. Both Bilbo and the entirety of the company had told them of what the treasure had done to Thorin, and they would not see him succumb again once he regained his memories.

And Dáin, Dáin had ensured that all debts were honored and gave away payments owed to strengthen alliances and begin to repair the damage Thorin wrought with his selfishness brought on by his gold sickness.

Bilbo took a deep breath and took his first step down onto the gold, feeling the coins shift and move beneath his weight as he took a few tentative steps forward. It became easier the further he walked, and he recalled all too well, speaking pretty words to appease the dragon that once guarded his stolen treasure hoard.

But he soon found that he was not alone down there.

He felt his very blood go cold as he saw the silhouette before him standing in the center of the chamber.

“Thorin?”

He found himself calling, at first the figure did not move before slowly the dwarf king turned to face him.

“Master Baggins.”

Thorin said softly giving a small nod of his head in greeting before he turned away and resumed his… whatever it was he was doing down there.

Bilbo awkwardly made his way closer until he stood at Thorin’s side and glanced up at him from the corner of his eye.

“I watched my grandfather lose himself to this place.”

Thorin began, his voice was very soft as he glanced to Bilbo before to the gold pieces that crunched beneath his boot. He lifted his foot to look at both gold piece and jewel alike before he shook his head and straightened again,

“I watched as he nearly cast himself into the serpent’s maw to chase down the Arkenstone that slipped from his fingers when he saw that Smaug had taken his gold. I do not think he ever believed such a thing would come to pass. But, I suppose such a fate was destined for Erebor when all across Middle Earth knew of the riches of this place. This gold…”

Bilbo flinched at the familiar inflection in Thorin’s voice, a tone he knew all too well, and it frightened him. He wish they had been quicker, that they had moved the gold and hid it so that Thorin would never happen across it again. He watched Thorin crouch, sliding his fingers along the pieces before he took hold of a sapphire nearly as large as Bilbo’s own fist and he looked long at it.

“Thorin, are you… alright?”

He watched the dwarf cast the stone aside before he looked back to him,

“I am not my grandfather, master Baggins, do not fear for me.”

He turned from Bilbo and began his track back to the stairs and Bilbo left standing there trying to make sense of what happened. He looked back to Thorin and saw that the king had stopped at the bottom step and seemed unsure to continue up or not before he turned back to Bilbo,

“They will be telling me more of the quest in the morning, I expect your presence as Fíli has told me you play a large role in the next part of this tale.”

Bilbo knew better than to refuse and gave a short nod before he heard Thorin’s heavy footsteps head up the stairs and slowly grow quieter and quieter until Bilbo was left in silence with only his racing pulse for company.

Blood roared in his ears as his legs finally gave out and he went to his knees in the middle of the treasure hoard. If only Thorin knew what this gold that turned him into, what it had made him to do.

  

He couldn’t sleep that night, and so at breakfast he looked considerably more haggard than usual. Bilbo hadn’t even taken his seat yet before Dori was on him having a look at him before he disappeared and came back with a teapot and already steaming mug of tea that he set down in front of the hobbit.

 “Drink.”

“Dori I-“

“Don’t you Dori me, now drink your tea while I go and grab your breakfast, and do not move from your seat I will be right back.”

Bilbo was left blinking back his surprise as he looked from the teacup, and the tea prepared just the way he liked it, to the rest of the company who did nothing to hide their amusement about what they had all just witnessed. Ori seemed to have the most sympathy for him, smiling sheepishly as he took a seat a few places over as he knew that Dori would be taking the seat to Bilbo's left.

“Sorry…”

Ori said with a small smile as Dori returned, balancing three plates in his arms as he took the seat between Ori and Bilbo set all three plates down.

“I did not forget about you Ori, do not fret.”

Dori smiled kindly and set to work cutting up the bigger pieces on both plates. Bilbo had long since given up in trying to stop Dori and sipped his tea in quiet defeat as Dori finished with his plate before turning his full attention back to Ori’s.

A respectful silence always came over the company when Thorin joined them in the dining room, this morning both Dís and Dáin joined them for the morning meal and conversation was rather tense until Dáin did a quick glance over of the table and all those seated,

“Now lads, I’ve been there for enough of your stories to know better, so what do you say you stop with this nonsense and stop pretending you’re all prim and proper and too good for a little early morning conversation.”

The table fell silent and looked at the lord of the Iron Hills as he smiled and leaned back in his seat and crossed his arms across his chest,

“Now, if anyone knows any embarrassing stories about the lads that the lady Dís hasn’t heard yet, please feel free to share them.”

Bofur’s eyes lit up at Dáin’s words as he looked to Dís now,

“Well in that case, my lady did anyone tell you about the time we were guests in Rivendell at the table of Lord Elrond and we learned something very interesting about Kíli.”

Bilbo saw how Kíli flushed brightly in embarrassment holding his face in his hands as Bofur began to tell the tale and lady Dís tried to hide her mixed amusement and… some other emotion that Bilbo couldn’t quite identify. Thorin’s expression remained the same and Bilbo figured he must have heard the story already as it didn’t seem to be phasing him at all.

Kíli had practically disappeared into his seat hiding behind his face behind his hands, occasionally peering between his fingers at his mother as he tried to gauge her reactions.

“We will discuss this later Kíli.”

Dís said quietly and Kíli nodded weakly and sat straighter, clearing his throat as he turned his attention back to his breakfast but not before shooting a dirty look in Bofur’s direction. The other dwarf only laughed at the prince’s expense before he took his pipe from the inside pocket of his jacket.

“Once the meal is finished, you will continue to tell me about the quest.”

Thorin said finally, and there was a nod across the group as some returned to their meals and others were content to continue talking amongst themselves. Dáin himself was amused by the conversation and how Kíli’s face was still red from all the little things that were coming out over breakfast.

 

The seating arrangements were considerably different with the entire company squeezed into the room, each having brought in a chair, and setting them all in a circle. Those who did not have a chair sat comfortably on the furs strewn about the floor as they all settled.

Bilbo much to his… well, he found himself led to the chair that would have him sitting between both Thorin and Dís, a place that Bilbo could say he was not entirely thrilled to be in but he would say nothing.

“Bilbo, you were the one that Beorn liked the most, you start off.”

Bilbo blinked as all eyes were on him now and he shifted in his seat, clearing his throat as he thought about it.

“Well, uh, we had descended Carrock and it became very clear that the warg pack hadn’t lost the scent. They were very very determined to catch us then, and Gandalf urged us to keep running. We had lost much if not all of our supplies in the goblin caves so there was no food, water, and we had little choice but to keep going.”

Thorin watched him now and Bilbo could practically feel his gaze on him, and he squirmed at the attention he was receiving,

“But there was more than wargs on our tail. There was a bear, larger than any bear that I had ever seen before and Gandalf said that, well that he knew of a place we would be safe.”

The dwarves listened intently as Bilbo went into detail of their run to Beorn’s home, how Bombur managed to overtake and pass them all to get into the safety of the house as the giant bear chased after them.

“That is our host.”

Dís straightened in her seat as she looked to the hobbit, glancing over him to Thorin who it seemed was just intrigued by the tale as she was.

“He was a skin changer, and Gandalf told us we would be safe in the house, and we were, the wargs did not come after us. It was one of the first nights in a long time that I knew I felt safe enough to actually sleep through the night.”

Bilbo remembered that night in Beorn’s home, how he found the softest bit of straw in the corner furthest from the dwarves and with the little blankets he had been able to scrounge up made himself a nice little bed. Even with all the snoring around him his tired little body had barely been able to stand as he admired his work before he fell into his bed.

“The following morning was when we were first introduced to our host, it turned out that he was not at all fond of dwarves, and we had to be extra careful as to not crowd or startle him. Gandalf has asked for you lovely gents to wait until he gave the signal for you to join us. It was, almost amusing watching Beorn’s face as you all came out and joined us. He welcomed us however, turns out he hates orcs more than he hates dwarves so we were welcome in his home.”

Bilbo looked down at his hands as he pulled the acorn from his pocket and turned it in his hands, holding it between his fingers before he looked up again and smiled faintly,

“It was relaxing, I found, and Beorn gave us both supplies to carry on, and ponies to get us to the next leg of our journey.”

Bilbo sat straighter and closed his fingers around the acorn,

“He helped us get to Mirkwood.”

Thorin visibly stiffened, his eyes narrowed, nostrils flaring and none had to go into detail about just what Mirkwood meant.

“That accursed place.”

Thorin spat as he turned his narrowed gaze to the hobbit who said nothing, meeting Thorin’s eyes before he looked back towards the others and took a deep breath,

“Well, the next leg of our journey began as Gandalf had to leave us at the borders of the wood with explicit instructions to keep to the elven road. And might I say that some of our company must have rocks in their ears as they didn’t seem to take such instructions to heart.”

Many of the company chuckled, turning many amused smile towards the hobbit that huffed in his seat as he began to speak again.

Thorin found himself captivated by the tale that the Halfling wove, hanging on to his words as he tried to imagine this place. The greenwood had changed from the wood of old, he had heard stories of a beautiful place where the woodland elves still held court under King Thranduil Oropherion.

Even just the name left a bitter taste in his mouth and Thorin scowled even as Bilbo talked of how they wandered, lost and hungry in the woods without any direction or hope to finding the way out. Bilbo spoke of how he climbed, scaling one of the great trees to reach the canopy. Thorin saw Bofur’s easy smile as the hobbit described the sight before him. The tops of the trees, the butterflies, how the lonely mountain loomed closer and closer.

“And then you all did not answer when I called down to you of what I had seen.”

Kíli shuddered as the memories of the spiders began to come back and Thorin, Thorin looked from his nephew to the others who seemed to share that same sentiment. He closed his eyes as he tried to imagine, tried to remember this. Terror perhaps? He could see the fear in the eyes of some of his kin, he knew this was something he should have shared in them with, remembering and reflection that they had survived.

He shook his head and looked back to the hobbit as he described how he fought off the spiders that had them, tricked the others and found his way down to the dwarves. Then of course the others spiders returned and they had to fight them off, which they had quite spectacularly.

And then of course the elves appeared and Bilbo watched as the dwarves were grouped together and captured,

“I followed behind you all as they led you deeper into their territory, and I snuck in even as they sealed the gates at the return of their guard and Prince. You were all separated, Thorin they took you before Thranduil, where with an exquisite display of your infinite charm and tact you told him to cast himself from the highest cliff he could find or something along those lines.”

Thorin snorted at Bilbo’s words, it did seem like something he would have done had he been brought before Thranduil. The elf deserved any and all misfortune that befalls him for how he had allowed for the suffering of his people when Erebor fell.

“They had taken the others to the dungeons and I had to go between both places to ensure that nothing happened to any of you.”

“And how master burglar, did you avoid detection? How were you able to creep about without as much as a glance in your direction?”

“We hobbits are remarkably light on our feet, Thorin. It’s rather easy to avoid being seen if I wished it.”

Thorin went silent again and sat back in his seat, levelling what was almost a glare in the direction of the Hobbit. Bilbo simply ignored him and carried on from where he had left off.

“He sentenced you all to a hundred years in the dungeons and you were not a very cooperative bunch at all.”

He sniffed at the chuckles from around the room, ignoring the whole company of them as he sat waiting for them to go quiet again. There were many voicing their opinions of their elven ‘hosts’, how they much preferred Rivendell to Mirkwood in comparing the hospitality that they had received.

“Enough.”

Thorin raised his voice enough to be heard over the others and they all fell silent again as Thorin looked to each of them before he turned back to Bilbo,

“After that it became a matter of how to get you all out of the dungeons without attracting too much attention. Thankfully, that was the night of their feast of starlight. Fascinating celebration, I watched a little of it, I needed to find the right moment. That and I had to plan out how to free all of you, and how I was going to get thirteen dwarves safetly out. Did you know that the elves of Mirkwood quite enjoy wine?”

There were a few nods,

“Almost like the ones in Rivendell?”

“Almost, except during our stay in Rivendell I didn’t see any of the elves there drink themselves into unconsciousness. Which worked in our favour as I followed them down to the wine cellar and found both keys to the dungeons as well as our mode of transportation.”

Dwalin groaned in remembrance of the barrels, and the nausea that came with them. Dori looked a little green as he too thought back on it,

“I had to wait until the guards that were in charge of the keys were reasonably distracted before I could take them, apparently elves take quite a while to reach that point so I busied myself wandering the halls listening to their music and stories even though I could not understand a word of it. Again, quite fascinating to see a culture that one usually perceives as so austere and aloof doing such a thing.”

He paused and took a look around the room and cleared his throat nervously before he glanced quickly to Thorin who remained quiet beside him.

“When the guard was tempted to join into the celebration I was able to finally take the keys and began to track back down to the dungeon.”

“You left us sitting there for quite a while Bilbo.”

“And you came out no worse for wear, now, once I had arrived it was simple to get you all out and you all made it rather difficult as you seem to have no idea on how to stay quiet. After all, just being a little louder would have led to our capture I am sure.”

“And he let Thorin out first.”

Bofur said relighting his pipe as he Bilbo paused in his story telling to look over at the cheeky dwarf, Thorin too glanced over and Bofur only continued to smile as he looked at the pair of them.

“Anyway,”

Bilbo stressed the word as he hoped for the conversation not to linger on that particular moment, he knew his reasoning had been simple, he didn’t want to see Thorin locked away in some cell, and so he had wanted to ensure he had been out before he released the others.

“The hardest part however would be coaxing this stubborn lot into the barrels, and I do thank you for helping me Thorin, I think at that moment you were the only one to show a bit of faith in my plan.”

“What do you mean barrels?”

Bilbo had expected that from Thorin but was surprised the question came from the door as Dáin had just arrived in time to learn of their escape from the woodland realm.

“Well Lord Dáin, when I released them from Thranduil’s dungeons, the only way out of Mirkwood, asides from the front door, was I assumed through the small channel they dumped empty wine barrels into. I had heard them say they dumped the barrels and they ride along the water to the river where they are picked up by the… well, I’ll explain when I get to that part.”

Dáin only nodded as stepped closer and one of the others rose to offer him their seat and Dáin took it to settle in to listen to the rest of the hobbits account.

Bilbo found it easy to tell the story, he was a natural story teller after all. And the company, while they had lived it, they too seemed to enjoy Bilbo’s accounts of the events that followed him dumping them all into the water.

How he himself nearly was captured by the guards but found the right place to stand that he too fell into the water and was pulled close enough to hang off a barrel to ensure that he didn’t drown. Then not to mention the ensuring chaos that followed as both Orc attacked and the woodland guards were after them. He saw how the lady Dís’s face paled as he spoke of the archer and the arrow that Kíli had taken to the leg as he climbed from the safety of his barrel to open the gate to allow them to continue on.

 Bilbo described in great detail the events of the fight that they were more witness to then actual participants as it was more the woodland prince and the captain of the guard that fought off the orcs as the dwarves continued down the rapids in their barrels.

 Eventually they made it far enough down river to be able to finally climb out and make it to the riverbank. They took that time to rest, and…

“That was when we met King Bard, though not quite a king yet. He was still Bard the barge man, and thanks to Balin we were able to barter our way into Laketown… it wasn’t cheap if I remember,”

Glóin grumbled a half audible, ‘You got that right’, as Bilbo smiled and looked over to him,

“We will be forever in your debt Master Glóin for your contributions to the trip to Laketown. Now, Bard took the barrels with him as they could be used for both transporting of wine, goods, Dwarves, and…”

Bilbo saw the many dirty looks shot in his direction as he looked around at the group, he didn’t know why they were all still so bitter about it, he had to endure the exact same thing to get into Laketown.

“Fish. In order to properly smuggle us into Laketown the barrels that we were hiding in were filled to the tops with fish. Quite clever really, rather cold, can’t say I will look at a dinner trout quite the exact same way again after that.”

Dáin laughed, and it wasn’t a quiet laugh, and Bilbo almost found himself joining the lord of the Iron Hills in his laughter as it was such a merry sound, loud and hearty.

“I can only imagine the look on your face cousin, sons of Durin covered over their heads in fish, what a sight.”

Dáin’s eyes were twinkling in mirth as he looked around the company and took the time to picture each and every one of them covered in fish, Dwalin especially.

Even lady Dís was amused by the whole idea, even more so as she looked between her sons and brother, the king and princes of Erebor smuggled into Laketown hidden in barrels of fish.

Bilbo sat quietly, just smiling as he listened to the conversations around him, between both company, and Dáin. Fíli and Kíli with their mother, if he didn’t know better he would see this as just another evening with the dwarves he had grown fond of. He glanced to Thorin again and saw his expression had remained the same, Thorin seemed pensive… lost in thought as Bilbo was sure he worked through all he had heard that evening.

“Well,”

Bilbo patted his thighs as he leapt to his feet, stretching his arms high above his head before he brought them down again and hooked his thumbs into the pockets of his waistcoat and turned to look at all the dwarves that were present.

“It’s late, and I’m sure we can pick up on this at a later time… well, goodnight.”

He nodded to them all, then to Thorin and quickly hurried out.

 

Bilbo was almost nervous to continue on with the story, he knew that they were rapidly coming on to the point where they retook Erebor upon Smaug’s demise at the hands of King Bard. He would have to tell them how he got the Arkenstone in the first place and he was not at all looking forward to that.

It disturbed him, it truly did to know he had made his way back down to the treasury.

Instead of stepping on to the gold he took a seat on one of the steps, hugging his knees to his chest as he looked out across the gold and the flickering lights of the braziers dancing across the shining surface.

It looked as though Dáin had men working in sections, there was considerably less here than there had been before. Good, Bilbo never wanted to see another piece of gold when this was all done. He had had enough of it.

Although…

He slipped his fingers into his pocket and ran just the tips of them across the smooth band of gold tucked safetly away. Perhaps not all gold was bad, there had to be some exceptions to the rules after all.

He withdrew his hand quickly and held them in his lap as he heard the footsteps behind him, they paused at the top of the stairs, before they slowly began to descend the steps before they stopped directly behind him.

“Here again Master Baggins?”

“I could say the same for you, Thorin… what brings you down this far?”

He turned his head to look up at the dwarf that now loomed over him.

“Reflection… I’ve been thinking long on my family, my father… my grandfather, and how I watched King Thrór lose himself to the madness the gold caused. Have you ever see what dragon sickness does to the mind? I watched it destroy my grandfather… I doubt there are many that have ever broken free, the gold holds such sway, whispering and calling to you.”

Bilbo wished he could tell him, his very heart ached as Thorin spoke to him. He wished he could tell him that yes, he had seen firsthand what the gold does to a mind, that he watched Thorin lose more and more pieces of himself the longer he stood amongst the endless mountains of gold.

“I am not my grandfather, I will not allow myself to fall to such a curse. I can’t, I refuse to. I am stronger than that.”

He looked to Bilbo and Bilbo managed to force a smile as he looked at him, after all, Bilbo knew better. He knew that no matter how much Thorin thought he could beat this back, he knew what Thorin had become and what he had done. Even though it became clear that Thorin managed to find himself and come back to rally the combined forces against the orcs, he still lost himself. The gold had won in the beginning.

_If only you knew Thorin, if only you could remember what this place had done to you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I am not my grandfather."
> 
> Are you Thorin, are you sure you're nothing like him?


	6. Where have you been?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dís and Bilbo hang out, things get talked about, Bilbo is worried about Thorin. (What else is new?) And someone finally decides to make an appearance.

“I keep finding him down there.”

He said softly, looking into the mug held almost too tightly in his hands. He glanced up to the one seated across from him and he could see the concern written across her face,

“Where, Bilbo?”

“The treasure, I keep finding him down there and he just stands there, he stands there and stares at it. Sometimes he will speak to me, and sometimes he will not.”

Dís’s lips thinned as she considered this and turned to look at the one sitting to her right and the same degree of concern showed in Dáin’s eyes.

“I didn’t wish to worry the others, which is why I decided to bring it to both of your attentions.”

“Well that settles it. I didn’t want to overwork the lads but we need to get that treasure moved. Even if we work through the night it will still take some time to move it all.”

Dís simply nodded as she looked from Bilbo to Dáin,

“I’ll have to go talk to the boys, figure out how we’re going to get a hold of this before it gets worse. I want that gold out of my sight, too many good Dwarrow’s died for it.”

Bilbo and Dís looked to Dáin as he pushed himself to his feet and turned to them,

“Don’t you worry, we’ll get it sorted out.”

“Thank you Lord Dáin.”

Bilbo watched as Dáin reached out to pat Dís on the shoulder gently before he looked to him and nodded, Bilbo returned the gesture as both watched the lord of the Iron Hills depart.

When he had gone and the door snapped shut behind him Dís turned back to Bilbo and, much to the hobbits surprise she reached across to him and put a hand over his,

“And how are you with all of this?”

Bilbo chewed nervously on his bottom lip, there was no doubt the stress was showing, his very nerves were frayed at just the thought of it.

“Not well. I am not well at all Lady Dís.”

He finally admitted, and immediately felt some of the tension lift from his shoulders as he looked up into Dís’s face.

“You were there… weren’t you? The first time this happened.”

Bilbo nodded and turned to set his teacup down onto the small side table beside him as he looked to his hands as they rested now on his knees before he looked back up to her,

“I was, Thorin had disappeared the moment we learned that Smaug had fallen. I knew exactly where he had gone.”

Dís had heard this part of the story, the company had told up to the point where Smaug had crashed through the main gates of Erebor and took flight towards Laketown with the very clear intentions of burning the town and all its inhabitants to ashes.

Bilbo had been reluctant to continue the story after that, and Thorin had not pressed him. Even many of the others were outright refusing to say more and Dís knew there was something that they all had witnessed that damaged them so.

And now it seemed she would be the one to find out.

“Even before… when he came into the mountain and I was running from the dragon it was affecting him. He would not let me pass, he refused to let me pass until I got him the Arkenstone. Believe you me, at that moment I did not know who to be more frightened of. Smaug or Thorin.”

It took a great deal for Bilbo to admit to that, especially when it took so much for him to say to Gandalf how he had no reason to fear Thorin.

Except that at the height of his madness, when Thorin grabbed him by his collars and slammed him against the ramparts shaking him in preparation to throw him over, Bilbo was afraid when he saw the madness, disbelief, and betrayal in Thorin’s eyes.

The bruises had all but faded but the memory of that moment still lingered on. Bilbo said he had forgiven Thorin, but it would take considerable more to even think of forgetting.

And now here he was telling Dís everything that he had been unable to tell even Gandalf following the battle. And she sat quietly and listened, saying nothing, just kept her hand on his knee in a silent gesture of support and comfort and Bilbo continued to speak.

“I had known something was wrong with him then, Lady Dís… his eyes were different. But then Smaug showed up and he came back to himself and we ran.”

Bilbo exhaled slowly through his nose as he took a moment, the memories of those days were among the most vivid of what he could recall from the journey.

“We managed to find the others and he had a plan, and here we were, a company of ten going in to fight a dragon. It was simple, we had split into a few groups and we would do what we could to get to the forges.”

He explained Thorin’s plan, it had been simple, use Smaug to light the great furnaces and from there they had to lure him in to one of the great halls to cover him superheated gold in hopes that as it hardened it would trap him.

It had sounded simple at the time.

Bilbo recalled spending the majority of the time whilst manning his post fearing for the lives of the nine dwarves that were with them.

“I thought Thorin was going to die, there were so many times I thought I would have to watch him die but somehow, somehow he always managed to keep one step ahead of Smaug. I was so worried for him. I mean here I was in relative safety while the others were risking their lives trying to find a way to kill this dragon.”

“It is difficult to stand by and watch the ones we care about throwing their lives into such dangers… I felt the same when I first learned that Kíli and Fíli would be following their uncle on this quest.”

He looked at Dís and truly understood that if anyone could relate to his worry in regards to one Thorin Oakenshield, it would be the lady Dís who almost lost her sons to the same quest that Bilbo nearly lost Thorin too. Not to mention Thorin being Dís’s only remaining brother…

He sunk into his seat and looked at her,

“It was hard, I kept expecting it all to go wrong I truly did. Thorin seemed as though he had it under control but still I worried. Well, it was one thing to watch him face off with Azog on the cliffs but to be facing a dragon? Considerably different odds I would imagine. Stubborn idiot.”

Dís chuckled softly at Bilbo’s words, studying him intently as she pondered her next words,

“You obviously care very much for my brother, master Baggins. As stubborn as he is.”

Bilbo looked up at her and nodded slowly,

“I don’t know what I would have done if I lost him that day up on Ravenhill, truly. I can’t even imagine it, the thought is just too hard to bear.”

Of course when Bilbo realised what he said Dís was treated to the hobbit turning a rather bright shade of red that went from his face all the way to the small points of his ears before he quickly hid his face behind his hands,

“H-he is a very good friend after all!”

He quickly stammered as Dís only smiled to him,

“Is he really? You know that you can trust me, Bilbo.”

It was still odd to hear his first name being used by one such as the lady Dís, and Bilbo peaked at her from between his fingers as she spoke. Of course when he didn’t answer, she wasn’t at all offended by it and resume speaking,

“Keep your secrets, master Baggins,”

Dís began her smile kind as she patted his knee gently,

“We all know where your heart lies.”

 

He was still mortified later on that evening, unable to think of anything but the conversation that he and Dís had that afternoon. It had started off reasonably well, until of course she let him know that she knew he felt very strongly for Thorin.

Bilbo found he was relieve to know she didn’t feel much in the way of pity for him, he hated the feeling of knowing that people pitied him. It was his choice to remain here and to hope that one day Thorin would regain his memories and… maybe things could go back to how they had been.

That was all he could hope for.

He found his way up to the ramparts again, Yavanna only knows what kept bringing him back to that particular rampart. Perhaps it was the exceptional view it offered? As he was able to watch the coming and goings of the mountains inhabitants, as well as look out over the fields and to the distant lights of Dale.

Idly he wondered how Bard was handling the responsibilities of governing a growing kingdom.

He drew his pipe from the inside of his jacket and took a seat. He hummed a quiet tune to himself as he filled the bowl with some of the last of his Old Toby, packing it down with his thumb. He stuck the bit between his teeth and held it there as he patted down his pockets searching for his flint.

He nearly jumped out of his skin when a rather large and very familiar shadow suddenly loomed over him and a hand appeared before him and with something he could only describe as a bit of magic lit the pipeweed before the little flame flickered and went out.

Bilbo looked up to the owner of the hand and immediately scowled.

“And where have you been?”

“I beg your pardon?”

Bilbo was on his feet in seconds as he stared up at the wizard his hands now planted firmly on his hips as he glared up to Gandalf’s face.

“You just up and vanished when we needed you! You could have fixed this, all of this!”

“Ah, I see Thorin has yet to regain his memories of the quest.”

“And fur-Wait, you knew?”

Gandalf nodded slowly and took a seat on the bench and patted the spot beside him and Bilbo continued to watch him suspiciously as he sat back down where he had been seated. They sat in silence as Gandalf took out his own pipe.

“Yes Bilbo, I know that Thorin has no memory of what has happened. I also know that you are all telling him the tale of our quest.”

“We are… can you help him Gandalf?”

Gandalf looked to Bilbo as he asked the question, he seemed so saddened by it all and Gandalf looked long at him before he sighed as he light his own pipe,

“No Bilbo I can’t.”

Bilbo nodded slowly and the two looked out over Dale again and smoked in silence. Eventually Bilbo was the first to speak again as he looked back at the wizard,

“Where did you go, if you don’t mind my asking?”

“I was in Dale. I never strayed too far, Dáin has been in correspondence with me so that I was aware of the happenings in Erebor. He had asked me the same thing, if I could help Thorin regain his lost memories and I told him what I will tell you. It’s beyond my skills to repair damage done to a mind. In this case it’s best to let nature work its course. Eventually, hopefully, he will regain them on his own, until then all you can do is continue to support him and hope for the best. Who is in with him now?”

“Dwalin, and Bofur, they’re telling him about our time in Laketown. I did not want to be there tonight, not with what I know will be coming next.”

“His dragon sickness.”

Bilbo nodded as he sighed deeply, closing his eyes as he forgot about his pipe for a moment and sat there quietly,

“He’s been down in the treasury again, I’ve caught him there several times over the last couple days… I think it might be starting again. He just... stands there and stares at it. I can’t watch him lose himself to it again, I just can’t.”

“Perhaps this time it will be different?”

“And how may I ask do you think it will be different? He keeps ending up down there, he stands there for hours on end. How will it be different this time?”

“Lord Dáin has told me that he is working on moving the treasure deeper into the mountain and keeping the location secret.”

Gandalf said finally looking from the rings of smoke he blew to the hobbit seated beside him, who was most definitely not impressed with him.

“I don’t think they will be able to move it in time, there’s so much of it. I keep forgetting just how much there is until I go down there and see. They’ve been working on it for weeks and it’s as though they haven’t even made a dent in it.”

The two fell silent again and Bilbo had to force himself to concentrate on his pipe, the taste of the old toby, the smell of it. Even the memories of Bag End the night the company stayed there brought no comfort, how carefree, well to a certain extent, they had been then. Ready to set out on a quest that they had no idea would have so many trials and hardships…

The sound of Thorin’s voice as he sang.

Bilbo felt the familiar prickling sensation at the back of his throat and he had to blink several times to clear his eyes of the tears that were forming there. If Gandalf noticed he said nothing, continuing to smoke and not saying a word.

“Will you be there tomorrow?”

Gandalf finally turned to look at Bilbo who was looking up at him, his eyes pleading and Gandalf opened his mouth to speak but caught himself,

“I can’t relive that nightmare alone, I’ll need someone else I can trust there. I mean... I know the others will be there but…”

“I wasn’t there to witness it.”

“I don’t care, I would rather you be there. I know it bothers the others as much as it bothered me, I’m just worried for Thorin. What he will say, what he will do when we tell him?”

“And you believe my presence there will bring him comfort?”

“Y-no... Most likely no.”

Bilbo sighed and looked down at his knees before he turned his attention back to his pipe for a few moments,

“I don’t think anything will comfort him. When he speaks to me down in the treasury he seems so sure he’ll resist the pull of the gold. But, I know better, I wouldn’t be surprised once Bofur and Dwalin leave him he’ll be down there again.”

He found he couldn’t enjoy his pipe as much as he had been, shaking his head as he sighed and tipped it over and tapped it on the bench beside him.

“What do I do Gandalf?”

The wizard turned to look at him and looked at him for a good long while before he sighed and shook his head,

“Only what you can, be there to support him. After all, it will take time for Thorin to regain his memories and in that time just be there for him and for the others. You’re not the only one who is bothered by this Bilbo. Many of the company are troubled seeing Thorin like this, and I’m sure Lady Dís is bothered by it as well. And I know that Lord Dáin is quite concerned as well, he has told me that his lordship over the Iron Hills is enough for him and he would not be pleased to be saddled with the responsibility of Erebor as well.”

Bilbo chuckled at that and tried to imagine how it would look for Dáin having to take control of Erebor in the event that Thorin never remembered. But, that would be unlikely as Thorin was fit to be king asides from not exactly knowing just how they were able to win the mountain back from Smaug…

“What brought you back here, Gandalf?”

Bilbo asked looking up to the wizard again and Gandalf looked at him and shrugged,

“Merely checking in on you, seeing if perhaps you were wanting to go back to the Shire and Bag End.”

For a moment Bilbo considered it. His armchair, his garden… all his books. The grass and the trees, the gentle perfume of all the flowers carried by a soft summer breeze.

He could see the layout of his hobbit hole in his mind, where everything was, from the spoons in his kitchen drawers to the portraits of his parents hanging above the fireplace.

Not to mention the havoc that a certain party of twelve dwarves was able to wreak on his poor kitchen and dining room. He smiled fondly at the memory, and at the three loud knocks at the door.

The moment Thorin Oakenshield stepped into his life.

“I can’t.”

“And why not? Surely you’ve had your fill of adventures.”

“Goodness knows I’ve had enough on this adventure to last me several life times but, I can’t Gandalf. I just can’t up and leave out of the blue without telling them. Least of all I will not go until Thorin is back to himself, I will see this through Gandalf. I was here when it started, and I will be here when it ends.”

Gandalf continued to look at him and Bilbo for the most part stood his ground, refusing to look away from the wizard. Until Gandalf smiled and nodded his head, settling back on the bench pipe in hand.

“Then it’s settled, I will wait until you are ready.”

“And what if I’m never ready?”

Bilbo asked quietly, mumbled really to himself as he looked back to Dale and took a deep breath.

“Then we will cross that bridge when we come to it. You will eventually have to come to a decision to remain here in Erebor or return to the Shire.”

The hobbit beside him looked down at his feet, flexing his toes before he sniffed and sat up straighter.

“I suppose you’re right. For right now I want to stay and see this finished.”

Gandalf patted him gently on the shoulder before he joined him in gazing out across the fields to Dale and a rider that was coming up the path,

“Ah, it seems that young Kíli has returned from his daily excursion to Dale.”

Gandalf stood and Bilbo looked from the rider to the wizard before getting to his feet,

“How do you know it’s Kíli?”

“I saw him as I was preparing to leave Dale, I don’t think he saw me however, far too distracted with his present company.”

Bilbo hurried after Gandalf, doing his best to keep up with the wizards much longer strides as they made their way down from the ramparts to the main gates.

Kíli was in fact arriving as they made it down the final steps, handing off the reins of his pony to one of the stable hands who led the pony… Bilbo wasn’t even sure where they kept the ponies but decided against questioning it as he followed Gandalf.

“Evening Kíli!”

Bilbo finally called and the young prince paused mid stride to look back at him, blinking momentarily as he saw Gandalf before turning his attention back to the Hobbit,

“Can’t talk now Bilbo, I need to speak to Dáin.”

Bilbo stopped in his tracks and nodded, Kíli smiled apologetically to him as he hurried off to the main audience chamber.

“Seems serious.”

“Well let’s not concern ourselves and go and see what the others at up to.”

Bilbo’s mouth moved soundlessly as he looked up at Gandalf before he sighed heavily and the pair descended further into the city.

 

“Lord Dáin!”

It had taken Kíli some time to track him down, surprised when all the directions he received finally brought him down to the treasury where Dáin was overseeing the bustling activity below them.

“What’s going on?”

Dáin glanced back to him, straightening as he turned to face him,

“We’re moving the gold at your mother’s request.”

Kíli nodded slowly as he looked past Dáin to the dwarves below loading up cart after cart of coin and jewel alike before back to the lord of the Iron Hills.

“And what news do you bring from Dale lad?”

“Well, King Bard asked first for me to return this.”

He reached into his coat and drew a wrapped package from his pocket, holding it out to Dáin who looked from the package to the young Prince’s face.

“Is that, what I think it is?”

“Bard, said that he could not find the time in the last few weeks to return it to its rightful place, he asked after Uncle and I told him that he is recovering and so Bard sent this and his regards. He also said that they’re trying to establish more trading with the Elves but Thranduil he says is being difficult.”

Kíli said as Dáin took the package from him and gently tugged at the strings. He untied the knot and drew the wrappings back and exposed just a small corner of it,

“Well, what can you expect from that faithless woodland sprite, I’m sure he’s going to wait until what we offer is more in his favor, we’ll need his cooperation, winter is on its way.”

Dáin furrowed his brow as he looked at the shimmer from beneath the wrappings and felt a tightness in his chest,

“Aye, it is what I thought. Well, I’ll give this to your mother lad, she can be its caretaker until Thorin’s well.”

“How is he? Any change?

Kíli asked, he was always hopeful that each morning Thorin would remember, or each evening that when he returned from Dale that he would be told that Thorin had remembered. Each time he was disappointed and each time he tried not to show it.

“No, Kíli, still the same. Last I heard he was being told of your stay in Laketown, master Baggins was rather hesitant to say any more than that.”

Kíli swallowed and looked back at the work going on below, he remembered Laketown all too well. The barrels, the being smuggled into Bard’s house through the toilet, definitely not the most daring way to sneak into anywhere, but in the end it had worked.

He took one more look at all the activity beneath him before he turned and started towards the stairs,

“I’ll take this to your mother lad, I’m sure the rest of your company is gathering for something to eat. I’ll be along shortly to join you lot.”

“Of course, we will speak with you then.”

Kíli said looking back to him before he started back up the steps.

He heard the others long before he saw them, Bofur had this wonderful way of projecting his voice when he wanted to be heard and it seemed like tonight was one of those nights.

Kíli nodded his greetings to all who were there, and laughed as it seemed Bofur was about to reprise his little number from the table of Lord Elrond.

He managed to avoid being hit by a stray biscuit as he meandered to a free seat and dropped into it, Fíli nudging him in the side and motioning to the head of the table where Bilbo said stiff as a board at Thorin’s right, while their uncle attempted what seemed to be conversation of some sort with the hobbit.

“Poor Bilbo…”

Fíli chuckled as he picked up his tankard before Bofur’s foot could kick it over, Kíli smirked as he too had to rescue his drink.

“I know, well, at least Thorin is trying?”

The two turned their attention to their uncle and Kíli almost winced at how, awkward, the whole thing was and Fíli seemed almost sorry,

“Should we save him?”

“Kee, I think we need to let them talk.”

“I know but look at him, he doesn’t know what to do.”

Bofur’s song ended with a flourish and a low bow which spared him from the mashed potatoes that had been flung at him. They hit the wall and Bofur jumped down and once more bowed to his audience and straightened.

The food tossing ended swiftly as both Dáin and Dís entered the dining room and Dís managed her sternest look that stopped even Bifur mid toss and he hurriedly dropped his fork back to his plate as the two took their seats.

“Ah Gandalf, nice of you to join us.”

Dáin called to the wizard seated at the other end of the table and Gandalf looked up and smiled politely in greeting,

“Lord Dáin, enjoying yourself as the steward of Erebor?”

“No, I have to clean up your messes while my cousin gets his head on right. I blame you for this.”

Dáin may have been smiling but Gandalf didn’t seem at all at ease with the lord of the Iron Hill’s words and cleared his throat chewing on the end of his pipe.

“I merely set the wheels in motion, it is entirely the word of the company to have come this far. But you seem to be doing an admirable job and I’m sure that the king appreciates all the work you have done.”

“No thanks to you, damned wizards….”

“My Lord Dáin really, you were doing an excellent job without me and I’m sure I would have only gotten in the way. After all, I have no knowledge in running a kingdom and leave that strictly to those who have more experience than I. Counsel is about all I can offer, and I feel in the coming days will be needed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only you Gandalf, only you.


	7. Dragon Sickness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so it begins.

He couldn’t do this.

He couldn’t do this at all.

His hands were shaking, his heart racing, his stomach was all twisted into knots.

He wanted to delay this, to do anything to stop it from happening again. To have to remember it, to have to tell Thorin what he had done.

And what he had become.

Talking about it meant he had to relive it, remember those few days he would go down to Thorin and try with all his might to get him to eat, to try and convince him to sleep all the while knowing the madness was taking hold of him.

He would have to talk of how Thorin’s mind became unhinged and he lost all sense of honor and duty... His became a singular focus on the gold...

And only the gold.

No matter how many time he rehearsed and thought about what he would say it all turned to him visualizing the hatred in Thorin's face.

"Yavanna I can't do this."

Bilbo looked at his reflection, how his eyes were glossy and red, the dark circles beneath his eyes. He hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep, plagued by all the nightmares of what had transpired during those few days after they claimed Erebor.

Thorin’s restless pacing, his obsession with the mountains of gold. Bilbo remembered following him, trying to get him to eat the meager rations he could find, anything to get him to eat.

And Thorin, Thorin would dismiss him, assuring him that he was fine.

Bilbo watched him find the coats that once belonged to his grandfather, the robes. He remembered how his face warmed as Thorin hardly caring who saw as he stripped down and cast his borrowed clothes aside and pulled the mark of the king on.

They fit him, rather well actually, and that had bothered Bilbo.

Thorin had turned to him and he had smiled, and the smile had bothered him even more, it was not natural. Well, Thorin’s smiles were rare on their own and this one, it seemed forced and lacked the sincerity that all the others had.

Night would come and Bilbo would sit and wait in the rooms they had cleared and occupied, he would hear the sounds of the others as they slept around him and he would always notice how one pallet would always remain empty.

His feet would then lead him downwards, down the many staircases and across walkways to overlook the treasure and he would always find him there, always wandering, always moving.

Bilbo knew for what he was searching. He clutched a hand reflexively over the pocket he knew held the Arkenstone and watched the figure far below.

It always had taken him several long moments before he found the courage to approach him, and for the first few moments of walking beside him Thorin never noticed him. He would look right at him and Bilbo knew that Thorin did not see him.

Until he would touch him lightly on the forearm and it would snap Thorin out of whatever trance he was in and he would look at the hobbit bewildered for a moment before his eyes would clear and recognition would show across his face.

“Bilbo…”

He would always say, always quietly, voice just over a whisper and he would look at the hobbit before he would take him by the arm and gesture to the gold around them,

“Isn’t it beautiful? All of this… it’s just as I remembered.”

Bilbo would force himself to smile, and Thorin would never notice that the hobbit did not share in the joy that he did, he would pull him along always gently and show him everything. The same things night after night as though he was seeing it all for the first time.

“Thorin, come, it’s late, I’m sure you could use some rest.”

Bilbo would always say and Thorin would always pull his sleeve away and shake his head,

“I will be along shortly.”

And he would leave Bilbo standing there, and this was the same for the first several nights they held Erebor.

Then it began to change.

Thorin grew guarded, suspicious of all and any that ventured to close to him while he was down there, except for Bilbo. The others quickly learned that if they needed Thorin they would need to send the hobbit, he was the only one that Thorin never snapped at nor ever raised his voice to, Bilbo would get him to eat, and Bilbo would get him to at least sit a moment to rest.

Once, and only once had Thorin finally succumbed to his exhaustion and fell asleep his head pillowed on the shoulder of one rather embarrassed hobbit who could do nothing but sit and wait until he woke.

And that was only the start… those were the times that Thorin was at least manageable.

Bilbo tugged on the hem of his waistcoat as he tried to compose himself, he knew this day would be trying, he had already prepared himself for that.

He was worried for how terrible it would be.

 

Everyone was quiet at breakfast that morning.

They knew the day had come. The tale of the company of Thorin Oakenshield’s quest to retake Erebor had come to the point of where they dreaded to revisit.

Bilbo, as the others noticed was more or less a wreck. He looked sick, pale, and unable to even stomach the tea that Dori had set before him as he thought about what they would be telling Thorin that day.

Thorin saw how none seemed able to even meet his gaze. Not one, they would look at him and their expressions would be guarded and he did not understand why.

The normally cheerful bunch ate in silence, a smile could not even be found on Bofur’s normally cheerful face.

Gandalf, like Thorin, watched the company and saw how each kept to himself, there was little speaking between any save for Fíli and Kíli would between themselves could not maintain even a moment of silence.

But even their conversation was quiet, not meant for the ears of the ones around them.

Dori had finally resorted to feeding Bilbo himself and he seemed far too exhausted to even protest as Dori gave him small bits of toast dipped in the tea in front of him, until of course Bilbo had enough and shook his head declining politely.

Thorin could see the concern in Dori’s face as he looked to Bilbo, and the Halfling seemed anything but pleased to be there.

He supposed he would find out why soon. They already knew that once the meal was finished that they were all to join him in his sitting room and they would continue the tale.

He knew of Laketown, how the Master had clothed and provided them with weapons and the means to cross the lake to the mountain. He also knew of how they woke the dragon, how they had tried to kill Smaug with whatever they could find.

Thorin knew how Smaug had survived their attempts and how he broke through the gate and took flight to Laketown. They told him how the dragon meant to burn the town to ash and how King Bard was finally able to kill it.

He knew they were aware he wished them to tell him of Erebor.

Thorin glanced now to Dwalin, noting the dark look on his face, how he sat rigidly in his seat meeting no one’s gaze. Balin had put a hand on his shoulder and found it promptly shrugged off and Thorin found himself curious to know what was bothering him as well.

When he had asked Dwalin to tell him of what happened once Smaug had been killed the other Dwarrow had promptly closed up and looked at him. He had looked at him sitting quietly for a long time before he shook his head, mumbling a quiet ‘I can’t’.

What was so terrible that even Dwalin could not speak of it?

It hadn’t sat well with him, and even now as he saw the grim looks on the faces of his company he was even more concerned. Not even his nephews had been able to look him in the eyes.

He found he had no appetite anymore and pushed his half-finished meal aside before he rose and took it with him to the kitchen to dispose of. He cleaned up after himself, out of habit and worry for Bombur’s wrath before he stepped back into the dining room and passed the others.

Thorin knew he wanted time to himself before they arrived, he knew there was something wrong. Something must have happened that they did not want to talk about, something that bothered them all.

And he wasn’t sure what, and it frustrated him not knowing.

He reached his sitting room and made his way around the odd collection of chairs littered about the room in preparation for the days… telling.

He strode past his to collect his pipe and prepare it before he turned back to his chair and sat down, he lit it and stared at the fire in the hearth. How the flames dances across the logs, hearing the occasional pop and crackle from the fire.

His pipe did nothing to calm his nerves and he glowered at the flames.

Dís was the first to join him, he glanced up to her and she nodded a greeting to him as she made her way to the chair she preferred ensuring to keep Bilbo’s chair between them.

Thorin said nothing as she settled, he watched her for a moment noticing how even she seemed troubled,

“Dís?”

Her eyes flickered up to him from where they had been watching her hands, she smiled to him, reaching across to put a hand over his where she gave it a small squeeze before she leaned back to her own seat,

“Do not worry for me.”

She replied simply and he knew better than to press her, hers was a tone of finality and he left it at that. If she wanted to discuss what was troubling her she would, for now he would let her keep to herself, he would get it out of her eventually.

They sat in silence for a little while before the others began to slowly filter in, Gandalf arrived bringing with himself another chair to add to the odd little group they had going. He elected to sit further back as to not further crowd Thorin.

Thorin watched as Bilbo made his way awkwardly to the chair situated between both himself and Dís, sitting stiffly at the edge as the corner of his mouth gave a small twitch.

It was strangely silent save for the crackling of the flames in the hearth, and Bilbo flinched when he heard the clink of the door closing as Dwalin pushed it closed behind him.

There was the occasional shuffle and cough before silence would once more fall on the group and they would look between each other unsure of even how to begin.

“When Smaug fell Thorin, you set off on your own back to Erebor.”

Bilbo said finally, and it was almost comical how fifteen pairs of eyes immediately went to him and he squirmed under the sudden attention before he cleared his throat and sat straighter,

“And it… was not difficult to find where you had gone.”

Thorin focused his full attention on the Hobbit, and he saw how it made him uneasy, he saw how Bilbo tried not to make direct eye contact as though he was barely managing to maintain his composure.

What was unsettling him so?

He wanted to ask, but, he knew his questions would be answered soon enough as the Halfling began to speak again.

“You had told me, us, about the heart of the mountain, it was what you had sent me into the mountain alone for. I knew you had gone back to look for it… and so, after we were sure that Smaug had died and was not going to rise from the depths of the lake we turned and we too began the trek back to Erebor. You had a head start on us and we weren’t sure how long before us you had arrived but you were there, and you were searching.”

Bilbo closed his eyes as he recalled how they had reached the steps to find Thorin digging through the mounds of gold, how with each handful more would tumble to fill the pocket and Thorin would curse and it only further aggravated his temper.

He opened them again and his eyes met that of the kings and he wet his lips before he trusted his voice enough to speak again,

“We all helped you, for the first night none of us slept, you would not allow it and we all joined you in searching. Only at dawn did you allow us to give up for just a few hours before we would resume.”

Thorin sat straighter, glancing around quickly at the faces of those with them before he looked back to their burglar.

“At first we all joked that you were simply determined to find the stone, which was a perfectly reasonable goal as you had told me once that you needed the stone to call on the seven dwarf families. Something about swearing their allegiance to the kings jewel and all that nonsense. But it became clear to me after the next night that perhaps there was more to it.”

“You were obsessed Thorin.”

Thorin turned his head to look at Dwalin as he spoke, his expression hard and his eyes guarded as he looked to him,

“You were determined to find that jewel and you ran yourself ragged doing so.”

He looked back at Bilbo, at those tired eyes as Bilbo held his gaze and Thorin was almost… worried for him to continue.

“There came a day you preferred to search alone and it gave us time to clean, we found a nice little room that we made up with enough beds for the entire company, thankfully we had full supplies when we left Laketown and we would be fine living off of that. They had been quite generous with what they provided to us for our journey to the mountain. We made do. I remember, clearly, the day I went to you and you didn’t see me. I stood before you, and I called your name and it was though I wasn’t even there.”

He was unable to pull his gaze away, he felt an uneasiness in his gut, something was definitely wrong. There had to be, it unsettled him with how Bilbo looked at him, how they all looked at him.

Even Gandalf looked on his whole demeanor tense as he too listened to the tale the hobbit told,

“You stopped eating first. I would bring you food and you would refuse it, you were polite about it, but you would always refuse. There were the odd times you would only take the minimal portion and even then I would usually find it left somewhere always untouched. You worried me then Thorin, you did, and then when I realised you weren’t sleeping anymore…”

Bilbo sighed deeply and Thorin could see his own fatigue written across his face as he looked to him,

“We would all take turns trying to get you to come up from the treasure, you rarely left it. And when you did, it was never for long. You would always find your way back down there and you were always searching but you never found it.”

“You weren’t yourself.”

Balin said quietly and Thorin glanced to him and there was pain in his eyes, and Thorin made himself turn away, turning his gaze downwards towards his boots and the floor.

“We could all see it, you were the only one who could not.”

“You became obsessed with the gold, with finding the Arkenstone. You didn’t eat, you barely slept those few days after you reclaimed the mountain. Thorin… you changed.”

He looked up quickly to Bilbo and he saw the sadness in his eyes, his pipe had long since gone out and Thorin held it tightly in his hand while the other gripped the armrest of his chair so hard his knuckles were white.

“I didn’t…”

“You did Thorin, all you could think of was the gold. You worried us all, and it only got worse. Even when Fíli, Kíli, Bofur, and Óin were able to rejoin us all you could think of was the Arkenstone. You showed no concern for Kíli’s health, nothing…”

Thorin barely was able to stop himself from flinching, the despair grew in the pit of his stomach with each word Bilbo spoke. He didn’t want to believe him, he wasn’t his father, he wasn’t Thráin, nor was he Thrór. He was stronger than that, he vowed to never allow himself to fall to the temptation of the gold. He set his pipe down and held his face in his hands, his head began to ache. He could barely hear the words around him now, blood pounded in his ears.

There were different voices now, not just Bilbo’s, but Dwalin and Balin’s… Even Glóin spoke, all those that had watched his… Mahal no, he couldn’t have.

He did not want to believe them, he could not believe them.

They would not lie to him about this, he knew them, trusted them. Didn’t he? He trusted them all, none would have led him astray, he wanted to think they were lying, he prayed they were all lying.

But they all could not be.

He looked at Bilbo between his fingers, there was nothing but honesty in his voice, in his eyes, his expression pleading, and he could tell that he was barely keeping it all together. What had he done to damage him so? He was frightened of him. There was that glimmer of fear in his eyes and he felt his very blood turn to ice.

This was his company, his friends and companions and they all seemed frightened, worried… What had he done to them? What had he become?

He grit his teeth as the ache behind his eyes intensified, squeezing them shut as all light and sound only made the throbbing worse. Finally he lowered his hands and opened his eyes,

“Get out.”

He had heard enough. He could see the members of his company looked between each other and Thorin felt a great anger welling up inside him, coming to the surface, boiling over as he pushed himself to his feet and half snarled his words,

“I said get out!”

They rose now and quickly filed out, leaving him standing alone in the center of his room. Dís had not left and she rose from her chair and moved to stand silently beside him.

“Dís... I...”

He couldn’t find his voice as he turned to look at his sister, his anger abated at her presence. She in turn said nothing as Thorin stepped closer and bent to press his forehead to hers. As quickly as the fury had risen up it was gone, he closed his eyes and gently Dís slipped her arms around him and held him. Thorin’s own arms encircled her and she could feel the tremors across his strong frame, as he tried to center himself again.

He wasn’t his grandfather, and yet he had succumbed to the same darkness that had driven Thrór mad.

His sister said nothing, and he was grateful for her silence and her presence in this moment.

 

“Well, that went well.”

Glóin muttered with a quick glance over his shoulder as the group put distance between themselves and Thorin’s sitting room.

“What did you expect to happen? He’d be happy to hear he went mad?”

Bilbo half-heartedly listened to them squabbling around him, focused more on ensuring he didn’t collapse under his own weight as he legs shook beneath him.

He wished to be back there with Thorin, he hadn’t wanted to leave but Dís, she had have given him a small push and a nod towards the door. He had relented and joined the others in the hurry to get out of the door and away from their king.

Fíli and Kíli too cast worried looks behind them, Bilbo could tell they were anxious to join their mother with their uncle, and he didn’t blame them. Now was most definitely the time Thorin would benefit from familiar faces and the presence of his family.

“Well,”

He felt Gandalf stop him with a hand on his shoulder and Bilbo looked up at the wizard,

“That went well.”

Bilbo’s face fell and he stared, floored by what he had said,

“I fail to see how that constitutes going well. All that happened is now he knows that he lost his mind to the gold, the very thing he said that would not happen to him. Did you not see how it bothered him, Gandalf…?”

Gandalf looked at him and gently led the hobbit along with him away from the still arguing group into a more secluded spot.

“You could not have hid it from him forever. You said yourself that you were concerned that it was starting in him again. Now he knows he’s succumbed to it before, he can be better prepared.”

He supposed that the wizard had a point, but he still felt terrible. He still saw the disbelief in Thorin’s eyes, how he seemed to be pleading in that none of what he was saying was true. He felt terrible, absolutely terrible as he thought now of the king and his reaction.

“Perhaps I should go back and check on him.”

He had already turned to start back to Thorin’s room when Gandalf stopped him with his hand once more,

“No Bilbo, I think right now it is best to leave Lady Dís to handle this. If need be we can send Dáin to check in on them. Right now, concern yourself with your own wellbeing. You haven’t been sleeping well have you?”

“No, not lately, not when I’ve been thinking about this.”

He looked up to Gandalf again and he could see the concern in his expression, and Gandalf patted him on the shoulder,

“I know you are worried for Thorin, Bilbo, but you will do him no good driving yourself to exhaustion. I don’t think Thorin will be seeing any visitors for a little while, try and rest.”

“Gandalf.”

“I’m sure that Dori would be more than happy to ensure that you do.”

Gandalf chuckled at the dark look he received from Bilbo before the hobbit straightened and smoothed out the wrinkles of his coat,

“I am perfectly capable of looking after myself, thank you.”

With that he spun on his heel and marched out leaving Gandalf standing there, still chuckling behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The start of the Dragon Sickness part of the story. Feel kinda bad for Thorin, must suck to have all your friends tell you you went crazy.


	8. I am your friend whether you believe me or not

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thorin's having a tantrum, Bilbo has a plan. And there is much discussion and sitting. I've borrowed several lines from the film, which are most definitely not mine and might not be 100% correct as I'm trying to recall them from memory.Made sure to toss a couple book quotes in as well. Also, Dis knows something that Bilbo is not aware of, and she's very good at keeping it to herself. My goal in this story is to never use the word majestic to describe Thorin. Also Thorin's memories (which some of which are around) are italicized this chapter. Minus one interaction between Bilbo and Balin.

It had been eight days since they had started telling Thorin of his dragon sickness. Eight days since he finally ordered them out. He holed himself up in his rooms seeing no one but his sister and Dáin. Even Fíli and Kíli were promptly turned away it they tried to get in to see him.

He wanted to see no one, to be around no one.

And much like he had been when Thorin was unconscious Bilbo would sit outside of his door. Most times he wore the ring, many times he went without.

He was worried for Thorin, he knew that the dragon sickness had been a shock to him. He understood why he chose to close himself off from everyone but...

He wished he didn’t.

Dís had helped him understand that this was simply how Thorin was. This was how he dealt with things, he closed himself off like a great stubborn child, locked himself in a room and had his private tantrum.

Bilbo huffed in annoyance as he looked squarely at the door before him.

Idiot.

He stood and tugged his jacket down and swiftly marched from the hallway.

He needed a plan. He had to get in there and he had to talk to Thorin. There was one idea that he had and it was worth trying. He would need Dís’s cooperation, which he was sure she would grant.

She was worried for Thorin too after all.

Finding her proved to be a little more difficult than he had thought, but eventually he found both her and Dáin and to his surprise the Arkenstone on the table between them.

“Well hello there, Master Baggins.”

Dáin said as he gave a little push at the chair beside him with his foot, nudging it out just enough that Bilbo could seat himself.

“We were just discussing what we should do with this.”

He began as he looked from Dís to the jewel,

“What do you mean?”

“If we should seal it away with the rest of the gold, or keep it close for when Thorin is well again.”

“It belongs to him, so I would think sealing it away would do more harm than good.”

The two looked to Bilbo as he looked to the Arkenstone,

“It is the king’s jewel after all, I didn’t take it from Smaug’s feet just to have it sealed away. Thorin will ask for it, I know he will.”

He shifted a little and looked up to Dís,

“I would like to speak to him, to Thorin and I know you both are the only ones he will see right now. Is there any way you can convince him to maybe let me in to talk to him?”

“Thorin... He has specifically stated that he does not want anyone to bother him, but I feel that perhaps speaking to you will help him. You were there and you know what happened. He might not want to hear what you have to say but he needs to.”

Dáin nodded in agreement with Dís’s words, he looked to Bilbo again and the hobbit met his gaze,

“I want Thorin to know that none of us are upset with him. I could tell he felt guilty after the battle when he apologized to me... I can only imagine what he’s feeling now.”

“Well, I suppose we can see what we can do. He asked after you, seemed most concerned with what happened to you after he was told about the gold madness.”

Bilbo fidgeted in his seat, the mere thought of Thorin’s concern made his heart flutter.

“Why don’t you come with me this evening, Master Baggins, when I take him his meal, he’ll have no choice but to let you in.”

Dís began as she gently reached out to fold the cloth back around the shimmering jewel between them before taking it and setting it into one of the pouches on her belt.

“Should work long as he doesn’t throw the pair of you out.”

Dáin chuckled looking to Bilbo then to Dís, his easy smile did fade however and he looked down,

“I knew it had been bad, but I didn’t realise how bad it had been. I knew something was wrong when he did not come out to meet us. It was not like him to do that, to just abandon his kin. It’s how I knew. I saw them on the wall, and then they were gone. Mahal knows I would have come sooner if I knew.”

“You would not have been able to reason with him Lord Dáin, he did not even respond to Fíli or Kíli when they spoke to him… Balin would try, Dwalin… he would not listen to any of them. And on top of that you had the paranoia and the suspicion… he didn’t trust anyone.”

“Except for you.”

Bilbo looked at Dís as she spoke, swallowing thickly unable to speak before he gave a small dip of his chin and straightened,

“I don’t know why I was honored with such trust. I truly don’t…”

There was that smile again, Bilbo noticed just the tiniest hint of one at the corners of Dís’s mouth as she looked at him. She knew something, and she was not about to share it with him and he looked down at his hands again.

“He trusted me and I betrayed that trust.”

“You said yourself that you did it for him. That he was not the same dwarf who stepped through your door.”

“No, no he wasn’t. I would have felt terrible if I had given the Arkenstone to him, Balin... Balin assured me it would have only made things worse.”

Bilbo swallowed and cleared his throat before he spoke again,

“It was terrible, to see him that way. Absolutely terrible.”

He felt a comforting hand on his shoulder and looked to Dáin's face in surprise.

"We know what you mean lad."

 

Bilbo followed awkwardly behind Dís, he carefully balanced a tray in hand careful not to topple the mug of ale nor drop the plate with several various foods that Dís insisted were Thorin's favorites.

He had eagerly agreed to carry the tray and follow her to Thorin’s room.

Of course as they drew closer and closer Bilbo felt nervous again, unsure that this plan would even work as Dís came and stood before the door. Bilbo stood stock still as she knocked twice and waited.

“Come.”

Came Thorin’s voice from the inside of the room and Dís looked to Bilbo and opened the door, motioning him in.

Thorin had his back to them and Bilbo swallowed back his nervousness as he stepped into the room and nearly dropped the tray when the door closed behind him and Dís was not standing there with him.

He found himself alone with Thorin.

He awkwardly shuffled forward and set the tray down on the one table in the room.

Bilbo knew the layout well enough remembering it from when he sat vigil with him. He said nothing and waited shifting in place,

Thorin finally straightened and turned, freezing in place when he saw that his visitor was not his sister.

“What are you doing here?”

“Lady Dís had me bring you your dinner... Thorin,”

“Leave.”

“No, Thorin we need to talk, you need to hear what I had to say.”

The whole of Bilbo's body tensed up when Thorin took a menacing step forward, and he braced himself for what would be coming next,

Nothing happened and Bilbo opened an eye to take a peek at him.

“You’re frightened of me.”

Thorin had seen the fear flooding into the hobbits eyes as he had moved forward, how he closed them and braced himself,

“What did I do to you?”

He asked quietly, and Bilbo looked up at him as Thorin came to stand before him,

“Thorin…”

“What have I done?”

“Sit, have something to eat and I’ll tell you... I’ll finish telling you what happened.”

Surprisingly Thorin obeyed and moved to seat himself poking at the plate before him.

“Please eat Thorin.”

Bilbo was standing at his side looking sternly at the dwarf king, a look oddly reminiscent of both Dori and Dís’s sternest looks. Thorin obeyed and after a few tense moments began to relax enough to start eating in earnest.

It took all Bilbo had to not touch his hair, he could see the snarls and tangles and he lightly nibbled on his bottom lip. His fingers twitched and he knew he had a decision to make, and to make it quickly before he lost his nerve completely.

Thorin’s head jerked up in surprise as he felt small hands threading through his hair, gently working at loosening the knots and tangles.

“What are you doing?”

“Helping you, you lock yourself away and suddenly you don’t care about the way you look? You’re king under the mountain now Thorin, not some lowly dwarf who looks like he hasn’t touched a comb in months, or knows what a comb is for that matter given the state of your hair. For a people so fastidious about the care taken with their hair I find you to be severely lacking.”

Thorin was... He didn’t understand why this all seemed familiar to him, why he was at complete ease with the hobbits fingers in his hair. A part of him felt that he should be bothered by this, that he should order the Halfling away but it was strangely comforting…

“You’ve done this before, haven't you?”

Thorin asked lightly casting a small glance towards the hobbit and Bilbo, gently working at a particularly stubborn tangle, looked back at him,

“Once or twice. Hold still please.”

Thorin chuckled softly at the tone Bilbo used and found himself at ease for the first time in weeks.

Bilbo took a step backwards to admire a job well done before he went around the table and seated himself.

Thorin at this point had finished his meal and pushed the plate away, he took the mug of ale in hand and turned to fully face his guest now and Bilbo, was having a very difficult time finding the appropriate words to begin.

This was far too surreal for him.

Thorin, seemed comfortable with him, which was odd given that he wasn’t exactly on the same sort of friendly terms with the dwarf king now as he had been before. He was especially shocked in how he had been able to untangle his hair without the fear of being thrown out of the room.

But being tossed into the hallway onto his bottom was infinitely better than the idea of being grabbed, shaken, than nearly thrown from the ramparts of Erebor to the rocks below.

“Well, Master Burglar…?”

He blinked out of his thoughts and back to the present at the sound of Thorin’s voice and he looked to him, Thorin’s eyes met his and Bilbo stared at him for a long moment.

“Where had I left off?”

“My nephews had rejoined us from Laketown.”

Bilbo nodded thoughtfully as he drew a fingertip lightly across the table top, it allowed him to get his thoughts in order to write them out, whether in a book or in this case with his fingers across a table. Thorin remained quiet, simply watching this strange little display before him saying nothing.

“Right. Well, after they had rejoined us and you ever so proudly showed them the wealth of their great-grandfather you promptly set the entire company to work on finding the king’s jewel. I had…”

He paused and cleared his throat,

“Well never mind that, but you set them all to work looking for it while we remained up top and oversaw. It was a long process as I’m sure you failed to truly let anyone know just how vast of a wealth that King Thrór had accumulated and it would most likely take hundreds of years for us to locate it. You however were quite impatient and were content to push many of our company to their limits. It was… It was hard to watch this Thorin. You became so… your thoughts were consumed by finding it. Single minded and obsessed, we all worried for you.”

Bilbo paused to rub at his eyes as he could see the exhaustion on the faces of many of his friends, how even Bofur found it difficult to smile after hours upon hours wading through the gold trying to find a single jewel. Watching as many would even skip supper to just collapse into their pallets and sleep until the next morning when Thorin would have them renew the search.

“We searched and searched and still we could not find it, you were convinced that it was in the mountain, and so you had us continue to search. We found no sign of it, Balin, Dwalin, and I all stood with you and we even said we could not find it. You doubted their loyalty then, you threatened them. Not directly mind you but… well, indirectly was still terrible enough. I knew then that something was most definitely wrong and Balin, Balin confirmed it all for me.”

The corner of Bilbo’s mouth gave a small twitched as he quite vividly remembered that conversation with Balin, finding him trying to contain how upset he was by Thorin’s demeanor and words.

_“If Thorin had the Arkenstone,” A small tilt of his head, “I mean if it was found, would it help?”_

_He knew with how Balin looked at him that he was very aware that their burglar had the Arkenstone in his possession,_

_“That jewel crowns all. It is the summit of this great wealth. Bestowing power on he who bears it. Would it stay his madness? No laddie, I fear it would make him worse. Perhaps it is best that it remains lost.”_

_That had been the answer Bilbo had dreaded to hear, he had wanted to give the jewel to Thorin, but Balin had only confirmed what he knew in his heart._

Thorin, was almost smiling at him, Bilbo looked at him and saw the almost amused look on his face as he regarded him.

“You slipped into your thoughts once again, Master Baggins.”

“Did I? Terribly sorry, my mind is all over it seems.”

Thorin gave a small chuckle as he motioned for Bilbo to continue and the hobbit thought of where he left off to pick up on his tale once again,

“Balin was very upset by that exchange, he truly was, I found and spoke to him in the remains of the library and he confirmed all of what we thought. I needed a place to think and began to wander, I found a nice little place to sit and collect my thoughts and, well, you came across me.”

_“What is that? In your hand. What is that?”_

_“It’s, it’s nothing.”_

_“Show me.”_

_Bilbo felt his heart begin to race at how quickly Thorin appeared and how he came to stand before him, looking down as Bilbo looked to his closed fist and slowly opened it to reveal the acorn resting in his palm._

“You are surprisingly light on your feet when you wish to be, did you know that?”

Bilbo asked as he sat straighter in his seat before he paused and reached into his coat to draw out his little treasure,

“You found me sitting and looking at this, I had picked it up in Beorn’s garden, and it gave me a reason to return home as I wanted to plant it in my garden. A memory if you want to think of it that way.”

Bilbo opened his hand and looked down at the acorn and he glanced up to see Thorin looking at the acorn intently.

“A poor prize to take back to the shire…”

Thorin said softly as he finally looked up from the acorn to meet Bilbo’s gaze again and the hobbit flushed, he opened his mouth to speak but quickly closed it before he simply smiled and tucked the acorn away safetly into his pocket.

“Perhaps, but as I said, it would keep with it memories, of the good and the bad and… well there’s far worse things that happen but the good far outweigh them. And just a reminder of how lucky I am to have made it back. You smiled then Thorin, a true smile and I had thought perhaps you were coming back to yourself. Of course Dwalin arrived at that moment, the survivors of Smaug’s attack on Laketown were moving into deal and, your face changed Thorin.”

Thorin looked at him as Bilbo spoke, he seemed uncomfortable again, occasionally withdrawing back into his memories but he would catch himself and he would come back.

He told him how he had ordered them all to the gate, how he wanted them to seal it off, to make the mountain safe. Kíli had protested, that the people of Laketown had nothing, and Thorin had agreed but said that they should rejoice for having survived dragon fire.

“More stone! You said and they were helpless to do anything but obey. You wanted it sealed off before dawn and they worked through the night to close the gate off. Perhaps it was good you did, as an armed host of elves had arrived in Dale and were stationed along the perimeter looking out at the land separating us from them.”

Bilbo expected the frown, he truly did so it did not surprise him to see how Thorin bristled at the mere mention of Thranduil’s kin.

“King Bard rode from Dale, to speak with you, and you did the most peculiar thing. One of the ravens had come down to you and you spoke to it, whispering and it was just odd to me. I think what was stranger is he replied to you.”

“Roäc.”

Bilbo went rigid in his seat at Thorin’s quiet word, he eyed him curiously for a moment and when Thorin said nothing else he resumed speaking,

“You kept your discussion rather short. You… you gave him your word Thorin, and you broke it. You refused to honor the agreements made. I was shocked, I know the others were shocked, we all bared witness to this. How you cast Bard away without a second thought.”

Thorin fell silent and listened as Bilbo went into detail of the whole exchange, he may have heard only Thorin’s side of the argument but… he could surmise from Thorin’s replies what may have been said. And as he drew closer, he could hear the faint reverb of Bard’s voice off the stone, amplified in that he could hear his final words,

_“Tell me Bard the Dragon Slayer? Why should I honor such terms?”_

_“Because you gave us your word. Does that mean nothing?”_

There were voices in the back of his mind, his own and a voice he did not recognize. He hardly heard Bilbo now, focusing solely on that voice pushing back against his own. He looked back to Bilbo and how the hobbit was explaining now how he had inadvertently brought Thranduil’s army down on their heads with his words along and the men of Laketown would be joining with them.

“I still failed to see how you could have believed fourteen would be able to hold the mountain against an entire host of elves. You weren’t you any longer Thorin, I would look at you, and I didn’t recognize you anymore.”

Bilbo was even cautious now, Thorin was taking this far better than he had when he first learned of his gold sickness, Bilbo idly wondered if maybe he knew deep down it was true? Or perhaps Dís or Dáin had spoken to him in length about it to him and he had finally accepted it.

“I followed you lot to the armory, I only wanted to watch, to try and make sense of what you would do against a host of elves, and you, well, you called me over. You had something in your hands and I was unsure about it but you held it to me, requested that I put it on. Silver steel, I believe your people call I-“

“Mithril.”

“Mithril. You gave me a vest of it, you told me that it was a token of our friendship, that true friends are hard to come by. You led me away from everyone else and that, you-“

Bilbo’s voice faded and Thorin looked at him, he could barely hear his voice at the edge of his hearing. There were echoes in his mind, and they grew louder, he found them harder to ignore.

_“I look absurd. I'm not a warrior I'm a hobbit.”_

_He looked fondly at his little Burglar, how he sighed and fidgeted with the Mithril vest he had pulled over his head. It suited him, it would keep him safe. Bilbo was absolutely correct, he wasn’t a warrior, but Thorin, Thorin was. And he would keep him safe._

_“It is a gift, a token of our friendship. True friends are hard to come by.”_

_I will keep you safe._

“And it frightened me how your words echoed that which Smaug had said to me.”

The Dragons name had caught Thorin’s attention once more and Bilbo could see something in Thorin’s eyes, suspicion perhaps? He wasn’t sure, he thought about stopping, giving Thorin time to work through all he had heard that evening but he knew if he left now he would have a difficult time working the courage up to continue the tale.

“I had difficult decision to make Thorin, and… well, you were upset I won’t at all deny that but you must understand that I did everything to save you. Because Yavanna knows I’m quite fond of the lot of you.”

The tiredness had returned to his eyes and Thorin considered dismissing him but he knew better. He knew he had to hear all that the Halfling meant to tell him.

Even if he did not wish to.

He began telling him how he left Erebor, scaled the side of the wall by wall and began his trek into Dale upon reaching the ground.

Thorin watched him as he told how he arrived in the tent of Thranduil, gaining an audience with the two kings as he happened across Bard whilst the man was speaking with Gandalf.

“I’ve grown very fond of them and I’d save them if I could. I told them, and it was true. I gave them the Arkenstone to save you.”

He averted his gaze as he admitted to it, he hadn’t even mentioned the stone earlier and Thorin stayed quiet, and Bilbo dared a glance to the king’s face.

“Why do you care so much? I never thought the business of dwarves, men, and elves was of any concern to hobbits."

“Thorin whether you believe me or not I... I am your friend, and I had made the decision to stay here. That and it was hard to ignore a war that your stupidity got us into.”

Thorin had laughed at Bilbo’s words, a sound that Bilbo missed dearly. Thorin seemed almost amused now as he looked to the Halfling, and Bilbo knew just the smallest bit of color was creeping into his cheeks. He could feel Thorin’s gaze on him and it only made his cheeks darken just that little bit more, though his own smile faltered at the part of the tale that haunted him.

“It was dawn that the combined army of men and elves stood before Erebor and you met them. And of course to start off deliberations you fired on King Thranduil, you’re lucky his arches didn’t turn you and the others into pin cushions with how many arrows they would have stuck you with. Mercifully they did not and you were able to show how well you handle negotiations, which is not well just so you are aware, anyway, they present you with the Arkenstone.”

_“They are taking us for fools. It is a trick. This a ruse, a filthy lie. The Arkenstone is in this mountain! It is a trick!”_

_“It’s no trick, the stone is real. I gave it to them.”_

_Thorin felt a prickle work its way up his spine, he almost wished, did wish that it hadn’t been that one small voice behind him. He would have preferred it to be anyone else, but not… not him._

_“You?”_

_He slowly straightened from the edge and turned slowly to face his burglar as the hobbit stood defiant before him._

_“I took it as my fourteenth share.”_

_He was dumbstruck, staring at Bilbo as the hobbit refused to look away from him._

_“You would steal from me?”_

_Another, darker feeling began to well up inside him, and he did nothing to temper his gathering rage as he drew himself to his full height, and Bilbo, Bilbo stood his ground and looked at him._

_“Steal from you? No, no. I may be a burglar but I like to think I'm an honest one. I'm willing to let it stand against my claim.”_

_He laughed, but it was hollow, devoid of any merriment as he looked down at his burglar,_

_“Against your claim? Your claim. You have no claim over me you miserable rat!”_

_He cast down his bow and then, only then did Bilbo take a tentative step backwards, unsure of what Thorin meant to do, but it didn’t stop him from speaking still,_

_“I was going to give it to you. Many times I wanted to. But,”_

_“But what Thief?”_

_He saw the hobbit twitch, before a look of determination crossed his face and settled and he looked to him again, gaze unwavering,_

_“You are changed Thorin, the dwarf I met in bag end would never have gone back on his word. Would never have doubted the loyalty of his kin!”_

_His words stung and finally his rage came to a head and he grit his teeth, even while the tears stung at his eyes at the knowledge that his burglar, his hobbit had turned on him. Another more painful feeling tore at his heart as he faced his hobbit,_

_“Do not speak to me of loyalty.”_

_He needed him gone, removed from his sight, miserable hobbit, that… undersized burglar! He turned swiftly, his gaze touching on all that stood there with him,_

_“Throw him from the rampart!”_

_He saw the shock cross the face of the burglar, the fear in his eyes as he too look wildly around at the company. When none moved Thorin felt his heart race and his anger flare again, he grabbed Fíli by the arm and pulled him towards Bilbo,_

_“Did you not hear me?”_

_He shouted and he was surprised when Fíli pulled himself free and stared back at him. He looked to his company again, how none moved and a darker thought crept into his mind,_

_“I will do it myself.”_

_He closed the distance between himself and Bilbo, even as the hobbit scrambled to get away. He held him tightly, shaking him in his rage and hurt as he flung him around and against the stone of the gate. He heard Bilbo let out a huff of air as he slammed him back and shifted holding him bodily over the edge now,_

_“Curse you!”_

_The pain ripped at him and he was blind to all around him, he shrugged the grabbing hands of his company away as he went to let go,_

_“Curse be the wizard that forced you on this company!”_

Bilbo remained quiet as he saw Thorin grimace before he clutched his head tightly. His eyes squeezed shut and he hissed through gritted teeth.

Thorin felt as though his head meant to split apart with how it ached, and he endured it finding himself unable to do much else.  
  
He couldn’t make sense of what he saw, the vividness of the vision before him. He felt the hobbits weight in his hands, how he struggled to get free of his grip and he, Mahal he had hurt him. He meant to kill him, knew he would have killed him had the wizard not appeared.

He opened his eyes and looked up at Bilbo and for a moment he knew,

“Bilbo…”

He said softly, and he saw his hobbit look at him in surprise.

Bilbo saw the recognition in Thorin’s eyes, and for a moment, for one long agonizing moment dared hope that Thorin remembered. But as quickly as the spark was there, it was gone and once more Thorin closed up and he stood quickly, turning away from the hobbit and putting distance between them.

“Leave, now. I’ve heard enough of this tale.”

Bilbo said nothing, he couldn’t trust his voice enough to speak with how his throat constricted and burned, tears gathered at the corners of his eyes as he scrambled to gather the dishes and mug and hurried towards the door.

He stopped as he opened the door and looked back at Thorin,

“Thorin I…”

“Please leave.”

Bilbo nodded briskly and seemed torn for a moment before he swallowed and attempted a smile as he finally stepped out of the room and closed the door behind him.

Thorin exhaled when he heard the door close and he was once again left to his own thoughts and a comfortable silence.

Was that what he had done?

Turned on such a treasured friend?

He almost didn’t want to believe that he had done such a thing but, he knew better, he knew that it was not just a conjured image from the hobbits tale that had him feeling this way, but he knew he had a glimpse into his own memories that he was unable to hold on to.

He knew there was more to the story, he truly did, he knew he would have to face the hobbit again, his friends, and his family. To hear the end of this tale and hope, hope that not all of it was a terrible and dark as he feared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Awkward non-relationship touched on. Also I am a horrible person.


	9. A visit with Dáin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo's sad so he hangs out with Dáin at Dís's suggestion. I will definitely have more with my favorite Lord of the Iron Hills because Dáin is kinda awesome. Thorin gets slapped with another memory while he's sulking in his room. One again Thorin's memories are italicized.

“I’ve just gone and made it worse haven’t I?”

Dís looked at the hobbit seated on the bench beside her, a comforting arm around his slender shoulders as she gently hugged him to her.

She had happened across him making her way back from spending the evening with her sons when a sob had caught her attention from the adjacent corridor from which she was walking. She had been worried someone was injured and was surprised to see the very hobbit she had left with her brother sitting on a bench.

She knew he had been trying to keep quiet, his shoulders shook and his sobs were muffled by his hands. For a moment Dís had considered leaving him in peace but, her motherly instincts got the better of her and she found herself at his side in an instant nearly causing the poor fellow to jump straight out of his skin as she put an arm around him. Which in itself was oddly reminiscent of their first meeting when she had found him sitting with Thorin,

“Hush now…”

She cooed softly in tones she had not used since both her boys were still but small children, Bilbo sniffled as he drew his handkerchief from his pocket and used it to dab his eyes before wiping his nose,

“My apologies you had to find me like this lady Dís…”

“There is no need for apologies master Baggins. Perhaps an explanation as to what is wrong would suffice in place of an apology.”

Bilbo looked at her and cleared his throat as he sat straighter, Dís loosened her hold on him but still kept her arm around him.

“How was your visit with Thorin? Did he let you speak?”

Bilbo looked at her before he nodded and looked down to his hands folded in his lap, taking a deep breath he lifted his head again,

“He did, he was considerably more understanding this time around which surprised me. I’m sure that I have both yourself and Lord Dáin to thank for that. I told him all that happened between Fíli and Kíli’s arrival to Erebor and up until the point he tried to throw me from the wall. He… closed off, stared off into the distance and I stopped talking and just watched him. He seemed to be struggling with himself, and as quickly as it started it was over and he was doubling over, like he was in a great deal of pain and…”

For a moment Dís saw the hobbits eyes light up, and his smile was quite unlike any she had seen before,

“For a moment I believe he remembered me. At least, I think he did. He looked at me and he knew who I was, he said my name and,”

His smile faltered before it fell from his face completely and he looked back down towards his feet.

“But just like that it was gone and he drew away, and he was back to not remembering a thing.”

The sad little way he sighed near broke Dís’s heart and she smoothed the curls on his head gently with her other hands before she made up her mind,

“Come, there’s only one thing for this.”

She was on her feet drawing Bilbo up beside her as she held his hand firmly in her own leading him from the hallway.

He said nothing and allowed himself to be led down the winding halls and corridors.

She finally stopped before a door and he could hear muffled singing on the other side, she rapped on the door once, twice with her knuckles and the singing stopped.

“It’s open!”

She pushed the door open and led Bilbo into the room, he was surprised to find Lord Dáin sitting back enjoying what looked to be a pipe and a mug of something Bilbo didn’t recognize.

“Forgive me if I don’t rise to meet you,”

Dáin began motioning from his seated position and how his iron foot was set off to the side, Bilbo looked from it to Dáin whose easy smile had not faltered,              

“Now how are we all this evening? How did the talks with Thorin go?”

Dís ushered Bilbo to one of the chairs as she wandered off and left the two sitting there, Bilbo looked nervously to Dáin before blinking as Dís pushed a mug into his hands.

“Drink, it’ll help.”

Bilbo knew better then to argue as he took a sip from the mug, he pulled a face at quite possibly the strongest brew he had ever tasted assaulted his taste buds. Swallowing he set the mug aside and cleared his throat thumping himself on the chest a bit,

“Well,”

His voice came out as a wheeze and he cleared his throat again before looking to Dáin,

“Thorin was willing to listen to all that I had to say in regards to the events leading up to the battle. I think he may have remembered something as well, there were times he would fall silent and look deep in thought and… well I think he was remembering. When I began to tell him of our little ah disagreement on the gate he fell completely silent then looked as though his head was bothering him and he was in so much pain. Then I think, I hope, it seemed as though he remembered me, it was only for a moment but, he spoke my name. Not Halfling, nor burglar, or Baggins, but he actually called me Bilbo. But it seemed in the same breath that he remembered he forgot all the same.”

Bilbo found himself reaching for his mug again taking another long drink as Dáin and Dís looked to each other over the hobbits bent head.

“He remembered?”

Dáin said and Bilbo looked back up to him and nodded slowly as he took another sip of his drink, which was starting not to burn as much as it originally had. It made him feel warm, his cheeks going a little pink with each progressive sip he took.

“Bits and pieces I think.”

Bilbo answered setting his now half empty mug aside growing pensive for the moment,

“Someone else will have to tell him went on next, I do not know myself. Once I was able to get away from him I climbed down the gate and joined Gandalf. Of course that was when you showed up Lord Dáin.”

“Aye, we hurried on through the night to get here. As soon as Roäc came with the message there was a call to arms and we were off as soon as we were able. Mahal knows I would not leave my cousin to face those pointy-eared green eaters alone.”

“You were quite the imposing figure Lord Dáin, I daresay many in the company of King Bard were unsettled by yours and your kin’s arrival. I do not think the elves expected you to come with such haste either.”

Dáin chuckled and looked to the hobbit and took a long swig of his mead and set down his mug,

“When it concerns family Master Baggins, I would do anything for them. Even if they’re stubborn and stupid enough to get themselves shut in a mountain. Or from what Dwalin has told me, purposely shut themselves in the mountain. That being said, Thorin is my King first and foremost, idiot he is sometimes and when he called for aid and I answered.”

Bilbo lightly bit down on his lip thinking over his next words before he met Dáin’s eyes again,

“How goes the moving of the treasure?”

“We’re getting there, my boys working at night say they’ve caught Thorin skulking around, he pays them no mind however.”

“As though they’re not even there?”

“Aye.”

Bilbo shifted uneasily and found himself returned to his drink and staring into the dark liquid. He truly hope that Thorin would take all that he’s told him to heart in regards to the gold sickness, what it had done to him.

“I will see about having guards posted at his door again, maybe which will stop him from his nightly wanderings.”

Dís said gently and the two looked to her nearly forgetting she had remained there with them as she sat quietly simply listening.

“I don’t think that will stop him personally…”

Dáin muttered into his drink as he looked to Dís who was looking back at him her eyes narrowed slightly,

“I do not see you offering any suggestions of how to keep him from wandering down there, Dáin.”

“If he’s going to wander, he’s going to wander, there’s nothing we can do about it. Once the gold is moved he can wander there all he likes.”

Bilbo looked between the two and while he wanted to interject his own points in regards to the matter he instead decided that maybe it would be better to keep his head down when it came to this particular argument between these particular dwarves.

Instead his cleared his throat and was awarded with both their attentions, when he was sure both were paying attention to him he spoke,

“Where exactly are you moving the gold to, Lord Dáin?”

“Deeper into the mountain, there are halls upon halls in the bowels of this place, places that I don’t think even Thorin would think to look.”

Dáin replied as he finished off his mug and set it aside, he laced his fingers across his chest now as he looked to the hobbit.

“Worried about it happening again, aren’t you lad? Had a good long talk with the boys about what went on in this mountain, they made sure to leave nothing out.”

Bilbo shifted uncomfortably under Dáin’s gaze and he glanced quickly to Dís who too looked at him with concern,

“I thought we had long established I am? I would do anything in my power to prevent Thorin from succumbing to that fate again, he… it would be hard for you all to see it. Especially you Lady Dís.”

Dís blinked as she looked to Bilbo and the hobbit made good to finish off the whole of his offered drink before he felt brave enough to continue,

“Thorin told me, well, during the few quiet moments when we could sit and talk and he told me how you were quite young when Erebor fell. He said that you would have been too young to remember what happened to King Thrór, and how hard it had been for him to watch. He told me then that he worried he would lose him to the same madness and how hard it would have been for you to witness it. I know it had been quite hard on both Fíli and Kíli to see what was happening to Thorin.”

Bilbo swung his legs a bit sitting in his just a little too tall chair as both Dís and Dáin spoke to each other quietly in Khuzdul. Normally he hated it when the dwarves of the company switched to their language but at this point he was far past the point of caring.

He felt warm, and his eyelids dropped slightly, the mead in his belly was definitely starting to have an effect on him. He covered his yawn with a hand as he sat straighter in his seat looking at the two, they must have finished their conversation as Bilbo found he had their full undivided attention again.

“Well, I think it’s time we get Thorin’s burglar back to his chambers.”

Dáin chuckled as he noticed how Bilbo was starting to fight back even more yawns, and Dís smiled gently nodding as she moved to set her mug aside before she paused and held it to Dáin.

“Because I know you will not get off your arse to get it from this table I’ll simply hand it to you.”

Dáin’s sudden bark of laughter woke a lightly dozing Bilbo who blinked looking to Dáin as Dís rose and held her hand out to Bilbo.

“Come Master Baggins, I’ll escort you back.”

Bilbo nodded as he slid from the chair and followed Dís to the door, but not before saying his goodnights to Dáin who gave a gruff reply and a nod of his head.

It was a shorter walk than Bilbo had expected from Dáin’s room to the hallways where he knew his own bedchambers to be located. He hummed the entirety of the way, and Dís seemed rather amused by his stirring rendition of Man in the Moon. He was adamant that Bofur did a considerably better job at performing the tune as it had been his song of choice when he they were guests of Lord Elrond.

Dís watched as Bilbo slowly meandered his way to his door and opened it, he bid her goodnight before closing the door quietly behind him.

She looked at his door a moment longer before she turned and headed down another corridor that brought her before her brother’s room.

Dís didn’t bother to knock as she let herself in to find Thorin sitting by the fire doing what she could only describe as sulking.

He didn’t even look to her as she came into the room and drew a chair up to sit beside him as he looked into his fireplace.

“Was it your plan to put him in here with me?”

Thorin finally asked, turning his gaze from the fire to his sister who met his glare with one of her own,

“Actually, it was his idea, I merely gave him the means to talk to you as you’ve hardly left your rooms in the last week.”

“You had no right.”

“No right? Thorin, you’ve all but refused to speak to anyone but Dáin and myself, your company is worried for you. I get asked after you each day, I understand what they’ve told you is difficult, but you can’t shut everyone out because of it.”

He only grunted in annoyance as he crossed his arms over his chest and looked away from her, Dís took this a sign that he was listening, but she knew was unhappy with what he was hearing,

“You yourself said that you need to hear all of what happened, there is only so much that the company can tell you. And Bilbo, well, he offers a completely different viewpoint on what happened. He cares very much for you, I can’t imagine why with how stubborn, pig-headed, and unreasonable you’re being.”

She saw the smallest crinkle at the corner of his mouth and knew he was trying to keep himself from smiling even a little bit.

“At the rate you’re going we may as well crown Dáin king.”

“He would just love that honor.”

His words practically dripped with sarcasm as his sister regarded him, she watched him until he hunched over in his chair pinching the bridge of his nose.

Dís wondered to herself if this was what Bilbo had described, Thorin withdrawing into his mind as something, memories perhaps came to the forefront.

_They had emerged cold and shivering from the water beneath the Bowman’s home. While this was both humiliating and degrading, and Bard assured them there was no other way as his home was constantly being watching and thirteen dwarves would be easily noticed._

_Bard’s children were good at procuring dry clothing and towels which they handed out to each dwarf in his company and their burglar._

_He watched as they were left in relative privacy to strip out of their soaked clothes and dry off and change. Thorin could hear his burglar click his tongue against his teeth behind him and he glanced behind him and saw him looking sadly at the ruined clothing that was now piled at his feet._

_He was left shivering in his smallclothes as he looked at the offered garments that Sigrid had set aside for him and then back to the sad little pile._

_Thorin rolled his eyes as he stepped forward with one of the towels given to them and gently wrapped it around the hobbits shoulders, gently rubbing his arms through the coarse fabric to warm them._

_“Those are easily replaced, Master Burglar, remember that. Now, dress before you come down with something.”_

_Bilbo had said nothing for a moment, looking at Thorin as he took care to dry his curls now,_

_“Or what? You will force your will upon me to ensure I do not get sick? I hardly think it works that way, your highness.”_

_“I’ve been told that I am quiet stubborn and tend to use that to get my way.”_

_“If that were the case we would have won the mountain by now.”_

_The hobbit’s smile removed any sting from his words and Thorin, Thorin couldn’t help his own answering smile, while not as bright as his burglar’s he still managed something._

_“Thorin…”_

 

His eyes snapped opened when he realized that it was not the hobbit speaking, and he looked blearily around the room before his gaze settled on his sister,

“Thorin are you alright?”

She asked leaning across and putting a hand on his forearm, giving it a gentle squeeze as he looked at her.

“Yes, I’m fine.”

He answered quickly and Dís didn’t seem entirely convinced by his answer. She studied him for a moment as he winced and leaned back in his seat,

“Did you see something else from the quest?”

He looked at her as she asked the question, and he knew it was not a question that he could ignore. Knowing Dís she wouldn’t let him get away with not telling her, and she would press and press until he did.

“I am not entirely sure. I’m not at all sure of what I am seeing, Dís.”

And of that he was certain, perhaps they were memories. Whatever they were they seemed to be coming in greater frequency then they had before. They had started as dreams, and now they pestered him during his waking hours and he suffered through them.

Each was heralded by a headache, the aura would come first then the crippling pain.

Then when they had faded it only left him with more questions, he recognized the faces in each of these ‘memories’, only now was he beginning to piece them together with the tales he was being told of the quest.

“Thorin I worry for you, truly.”

He heard Dís’s soft voice beside him as she drew her chair closer to put a hand on his shoulder,

“But to fix this, you need to hear the end of the tale. Bilbo has told me that he cannot help you with it now, he does not know what happened once…”

“Once I cast him from my side.”

“You will have to ask one of the others, you will have to allow them to speak with you Thorin. Or does the thought bother you.”

“I worry over what they will say and that they will tell me what else I have done. I know I have done terrible things Dís, I know I have.”

“You were not yourself, they all knew. Thorin, you cannot lock yourself away to hide from this. It has already happened, you need to face them.”

He shook his head as he gently shook himself free of her embrace and stood, she watched him as he began to pace his room,

“It doesn’t take away from the notion that I had done those things and I was responsible for it all. I understand that I need to hear what they have to tell me. I just do not wish to, sister.”

“You’re afraid.”

His glare was enough of an answer and she fixed him with a hard look,

“Thorin, you cannot keep running from this. I will make the arrangements, you will hear the end of the quest even if I have to have Dwalin restrain you.”

“And what of master Baggins?”

“I’m sure that Dáin would be happy to visit with him, they seem to get along rather well.”

Dís all but laughed at Thorin’s scowl, both at his reaction and how she was very much aware of his not understanding why the idea of the burglar in the company of others bothered him so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda feel bad for Thorin. Kinda.


	10. Would you play for me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're hanging with Thorin this time around and he's puttering around doing whatever Thorin does whenever he's alone and all, with just a splash of dear Bilbo at the end because even though he's had something to drink he's got restless legs himself and needs to wander around. So I know I've gotten into the habit of updating once a day, or even once every two days but it probably won't stay that way forever. I'm just on a roll I think and eventually I'm gonna putter out. That and pretty soon it will come time to address Ravenhill and just how the line of Durin managed to walk away from that which means I'll be taking my time with that. 
> 
> Also there are other authors that have come up with the idea that Thorin learned to play the harp from his mum so I am borrowing that concept myself and once I find where I read that I will be giving credit where credit is due because it is a lovely idea and they deserve all the credit for it. Also if I horribly butcher tuning a stringed instrument I'm sorry I tried to just skim over it, I'm used to tuning a variety of woodwind instruments nothing with strings sadly.

Thorin knew that Dís meant well, that she had only his best interests at heart.

He heard everything she said, took it all in stride, he knew he needed to hear what his company had to tell him, regardless of the good and bad, he knew he had to hear it.

He truly didn’t want to was the problem that he faced.

To hear of such things from say Gandalf would have made it easier, but from treasured friends and his very own kin? To see the looks of hurt and betrayal in their expressions as they told him of what he had done during the height of his gold sickness?

No, he could not bear it.

He paced his bedchambers, restless from Dís’s words earlier in the evening, even more still from the words of his burglar.

His burglar?

He did not understand his sudden possessiveness when it came to the Halfling, and yet each time he was in his presence he felt something he could not quite place. It bothered him. Apparently he knew the hobbit well, friends even, he doubted that it went beyond that and yet,

His memories, he had since accepted them as thus, which sometimes flashed before his eyes showed otherwise. He was still not entirely convinced they were his memories and not fabrications of his mind because of the tale, but it was difficult to deny his own thoughts and feelings.

He found himself in a difficult place and facing a decision that he did not wish to make.

How could he face his friends?

Even now the misery in Bilbo’s eyes haunted him, it made his chest constrict and his throat tighten. He truly disliked that he was the cause of such pain for such a brave fellow, Dwalin had told him that, and for Dwalin to be fond of such a little person spoke volumes of the burglar’s character.

The burglar whom it seemed grew sadder each time he was in his presence. And if he was not sad, then Thorin saw he worried, or he was frightened.

That was what he hoped to avoid with the others, hence his reluctance. He knew Dís would plan something, she would make good on her promise and he knew that Dwalin would be unable to deny his sister and he would go along with her plan.

He sighed and rubbed his temples, thankfully, nothing flashed before his eyes, no memory or thought just the discomfort of a coming headache.

Perhaps he should ask Óin to prepare something to help with the pain.

Which would in turn involve leaving his room.

He glowered at the fire before he stood and set about making himself a little more presentable. He favoured a light tunic of a rich blue with dark trousers and steel capped boots. He paused and ran his fingers through his hair at the remembered care the hobbit took to remove the tangles and many snares.

He steeled him and faced his door, hesitating only for a moment before he pulled the door open and stepped into the hallway.

Thorin found himself met by two guards, lads from the Iron Hills it would see and the pair of them looked at him and he at them before they spoke.

“Lady Dís asked us to uh…”

The guards words faltered under the withering glare that Thorin levelled to him and both shrunk back to allow him to pass with no further words being exchanged.

He could heard them arguing between themselves the further he drew away from his chambers.

It was still so surreal to him, walking the halls of Erebor once more. He ran his fingers across the carve walls, remembering taking these same paths when he several heads shorter and just barely sporting his first whiskers.

He could remember a smaller hand tucked carefully in his own as he led the way down the halls in search of, he hardly remembered what they were looking for, but he remembered Frerin following dutifully behind him.

Kíli and Fíli were very much like how he remembered himself and Frerin being, inseparable and always at each other’s sides. Many a time they found themselves hiding behind their mother, or grandmother to escape any punishment to be doled out by either King Thrór or their father Thráin.

Thorin smiled fondly at the memories and followed his feet now, further into the mountain where he knew… where he knew his parents had once resided.

The door creaked as he shouldered it open, the hinges unyielding after the centuries of disuse. He managed to open up a space large enough for him to squeeze through as he took in the sight of the room around him.

A layer of dust and cobwebs covered every available surface. Much of the room untouched, left as his parents had left it the day that Smaug came.

He straightened and walked further into the room, running his hands over tables and plush seats, remembering a time when his mother would sit here Frerin and himself set in her lap as she would read to them while Thráin sat nearby.

The very air was stale and he felt his nose itch at the dust he was kicking up with each step but still he moved further into the room. How he wished more than ever to have his parents back with him, helping to make sense of all that was happening around him.

He sighed stopped in the center of the sitting room, taking in the empty chairs, and then how his gaze fell on the cloth across on of the tables, an unfinished set of silver beads arranged carefully with the engraving tools neatly placed within grabbing distance.

Thorin turned away from the table and looked across the room again, a wrapped shape tucked in the corner caught his attention and he went towards it. He bent and picked it up from the floor slowly untying the cord around it and pulling the wrappings aside.

His heart leapt into his throat as he looked down at his mother’s harp, so like the one he lost in the goblin caves.

He allowed his fingers to tentatively pluck at the strings as he dropped the wrappings to the floor and looked at the instrument in his hands.

It would need to be tuned for sure, other than that it seemed in pristine enough condition, protected from the dust and moisture of the room by the heavy cloth his knew his mother favoured to protect this instrument.

He walked with his prize from the corner of the room, pausing momentarily to look over his mother’s engraving tools and passed them over, this was too much for one night.

Thorin was careful to hold the harp out of harm’s way as he squeezed back through the door and pulled it closed behind him. He would revisit this room again, this little piece of his past was enough.

 

His visit to Óin to procure something for his headaches passed uneventfully as the healer was more than happy to provide him with an elixir he promised would do the trick.

“How are you laddie?”

Thorin paused at the door as he heard Óin’s question behind him and momentarily he considering continuing as if he never heard the question, instead he took a breath and turned,

“Conflicted.”

Óin said nothing else and simply nodded, he motioned to the seat beside him and Thorin hesitated before he returned to Óin’s makeshift desk and took the seat before him.

“Where you there Óin?”

Óin looked at him as he held his ear trumpet in place and blinked once,

“Was I where lad?”

“Here, when… when I lost myself to the dragon sickness.”

Thorin found it difficult to even speak it, it left a foul taste in his mouth even saying the words. Óin took a deep breath before he nodded slowly,

“Aye, I came with your nephews, and Bofur when you were already deeply ensnared by it. I knew right away it was not a sickness that I could treat.”

Óin looked up and saw how Thorin looked at him now and he shifted a bit,

“But you were my king, and so I followed you. We all did, we all chose to stand by you and I know that we all hoped that this would be temporary, that you would find a way to fight through it. Eventually you did lad.”

Thorin’s head jerked up suddenly at Óin’s words,

“I fought through it.”

“Aye, no one was there mind you, but one minute Dwalin’s leaving you sitting on that great stone chair of yours, and next minute you’re up at the gate begging forgiveness and then leading a charge out. After all, I’m sure you couldn’t let Dáin take all the glory.”

Thorin found himself almost smiling at Óin’s words, it did bring him some comfort to hear that from him,

“Do the others share that sentiment?”

“Why don’t you ask them lad? They’d be happy to tell you. I know hearing that you lost your head wasn’t what you may have been expecting for this quest, but sometimes things happen we can’t control. Well, doesn’t matter now, you’re yourself again. Well, you’re on the mend still that little bit of not remembering anything mind you.”

“Thank you Óin.”

Thorin was on his feet even before Óin could say much else and he looked to the healer who reached out and patted him on the forearm before he drew away.

“Any time laddie, my door is always open if you need to talk.”

Thorin gave a small nod of his head as he turned both bottle and harp in hand as he left Óin’s infirmary.

 

He felt slightly better after his conversation with Óin, there was still much that needed to be said between himself and the rest of his company. And while Óin gave him an executive summary of the events leading to the battle they had all taken to call the battle of the five armies, it still left out huge chunks of information that he would very much have liked to hear.

Perhaps he would have to bend to Dís’s wishes and have a meeting with the rest of the company, as he had already heard his burglar’s, _the_ burglar’s side of all that had happened. Not to mention Dís had said that there were things that even Bilbo could not tell him.

Which left him really with no other choice but to talk to the others.

He wasn’t expecting them to all be as understanding as Óin was. He almost thought that Óin was being that way namely because it was late and he wanted Thorin out of his infirmary so that he could lock the door and retire.

He had taken the elixir and felt considerably better, warned that it would also cause some other side effects of dizziness, mild sedation, the usual and he welcomed it. He felt almost blissfully unaware as he wandered the hallways and corridors of the mountain.

“Perhaps I should return to the Shire, I seem to be doing more harm than good each time I speak with him.”

He paused mid stride as he heard voices leading out to one of the upper battlements and he considered carrying on as eavesdropping was not becoming of a king, but he did recognize Bilbo’s voice as the speaker and that alone drew him closer.

“Things will start off alright and I will tell him all he asks to know but then it will turn itself on its head and he’ll be upset with me again…”

He heard Bilbo’s exasperated sigh and the soft sound of his bare feet against stone as he paced,

“My dear fellow, you are overthinking this. I doubt that Thorin’s upset has anything to do with you personally.”

Another voice, he couldn’t place it for a moment, or perhaps the cocktail that Óin had prepared was doing its job and his brain was pleasantly fuzzy.

“It certainly does feel that way, Gandalf.”

The Hobbit said and Thorin heard the wizards answering chuckle,

“Well, if you feel like you need a short reprieve from the mountain, why don’t you accompany me to Dale on the morrow? King Bard has asked after you, I’m sure he and his children would enjoy seeing you.”

“Really? Well, I can’t very well decline a royal invitation now can I? Will this be before or after second breakfast?”

“If we leave on time we should make it in time for elevensies.”

Thorin heard the hobbit chuckle, he could almost imagine the nodding of his head, the small smile that pulled at the corner of his lips and how his curls would bob and fall back into place.

He furrowed his brow and cast a look down the short hallway to where he knew they sat before he turned his head forward and resumed down the hall.

He still had no idea where he was going, his limbs began to feel heavy, and his mind worked considerably slower than it had been only moments before.

Either way he found his way outside now and looked out over the land separating his kingdom from Dale. He turned his gaze skyward and marvelled at the stars, the night air was cool and crisp, heralding that soon autumn would be upon them and they would need to prepare for the winter.

Dáin had assured him that the appropriate measures were being taken as well as alliances and trading routes established to prepare accordingly.

He was grateful having both Dáin and Dís there with him to help get things in order, he knew it was not what Dáin wished to be doing, that his heart longed to return to the simplicity that was the Iron Hills. He knew, and Dáin had told him that he had no interest at all in being King under the Mountain, that that honor was all Thorin’s.

He remembered Dáin had been adamant about it, joking that if he had he had to take kingship over Erebor he would have been very cross at him and would have some choice words for him once he joined him in the halls of Mahal.

And Thorin knew that Dáin would make good on his promise.

He found a place to sit as he enjoy the evening, looking down further he could see the torches of the guards that took up their posts on the wall, just as if he turned his gaze towards Dale he could make out the distant torches of their own night watchmen.

He turned his attention back on the harp that began to grow heavy in his lap. He plucked at several of the strings, tuning it would be easy enough.

He hummed quietly as his fingers found each pin and he took care to go through each string, playing a chord to match the note to that of his own voice. It took quite a little while before the instrument was tuned the way his had been.

The last time this instrument had been played it had been his mother, he couldn’t quite recall what it was she had played for them. A song for Frerin, or was it Dís? He remembered small eyes bright with wonder as their mother held her harp in her lap and played for them, sometimes she would sing, sometimes their father would sing.

Thorin almost set the harp aside at the memory alone, but paused, fingers poised over the strings as he shifted and held it balanced on his thigh.

He began with simple cords and melodies, just warming up his fingers up after months of being unable to play.

At least he hadn’t forgotten at all how to play.

Thorin found himself smiling as he began to play a melody from his youth, a tune he remembered playing for his nephews many a time when they were unable to sleep or Dís had left them in his care for an evening to herself.

His fingers stumbled once or twice but gradually it all came back, muscle memory and hours upon hours of practice quickly came back to him and the melody slowed, becoming something he learned well after Erebor had fallen, a piece he grudgingly would admit to having composed himself.

It had remained unfinished for most of his life, each time he thought of finishing it he would remember. Dragon fire and the screaming, the running, charging Frerin with ensuring that their mother and Dís were able to get out of the mountain as he ran to join their father at the gate.

Even know as the measures drew closer and closer to the unfinished section he found his fingers fumbling again until they stilled on the strings and he found himself unable to continue.

He felt fear prickling up his spine as there came a wistful sigh behind him,

“I-I’m sorry if I startled you, truly!”

He heard the burglar stammer as he came out from behind a pillar and shifted uneasily from side to side unable to look away from his feet.

“It’s alright.”

“It’s just that it’s been so long since I last heard you play. You’re very good, you play beautifully.”

Finally Bilbo looked up to meet his eyes and Thorin could see the faint bit of color still staining the hobbit’s cheeks as he looked at him.

“You’ve heard me play?”

Bilbo nodded vigorously as he hesitantly move to seat himself on the bench beside the dwarf king, he sandwiched his hands between his knees as he looked to him,

“Yes, the evening that your company came to Bag End. You played your harp then, and you sang, it was quite good. Dwalin is excellent playing his fiddle as well, many of your company are quite good with their instruments but, I personally preferred your playing. The harp is not an instrument that I would have associated to a dwarf, not that it’s not a good thing mind you.”

Thorin watched Bilbo stammer his words, back peddling when he felt he said something out of line and Thorin was amused by this. There was no doubt in his mind that the hobbit had consumed a bit of drink that evening, provided by Dáin probably.

“Would you play for me?”

Thorin blinked at the question and Bilbo looked at him hopefully, and he hesitated before he looked back to the harp in his lap,

“I’m afraid many of the songs I know may not be to your liking.”

“The Misty Mountains then? I quite like that one, if you don’t mind of course. If there is anything else you would prefer to play then I would not mind that either.”

Thorin chuckled softly and Bilbo flushed brightly as he looked down again,

“If that is what you wish to hear Master Baggins, then I will play it for you.”

Bilbo smiled his thanks and settled in as Thorin plucked at the strings finding the starting note as he began to play. He began to hum as soon as he picked up on the melody, then he began to sing. His voice harmonizing with the instrument he played. Occasionally he would glance sidelong to Bilbo and found the hobbit sitting quietly beside him as he listened.

He also saw the flicker of disappointment in his eyes when the song drew to a close and Thorin finally set the harp down gently on the ground resting it between his knees.

“I trust that was to your liking?”

“Yes of course, thank you Thorin, it was lovely.”

Thorin watched as Bilbo tore his gaze from his and shifted awkwardly in his seat before he stood and smoothed his hands down the front of his jacket,

“Well, it is late and the lady Dís had escorted me to my room hours ago and I am sure she would be cross to find me wandering about at this hour. Thank you again Thorin, I daresay you should perhaps look at sleeping yourself? I would hate to see what happens if she were to find you still up at this hour as well.”

“I for one am not afraid of my sister.”

Which was a lie, Dís had a temper that rivalled his own, and he was not at all fond of crossing that line with her. He would toe it, and toe it quite often to see just how far he could push her at times, but this was not one of those times.

“You may not be, but she reminds me a great deal of my own mother and Belladonna Took was not a hobbit lass you wished to cross. I find Lady Dís to be much the same way and therefore not one to cross.”

“Off you go then master burglar, before Dís finds you.”

Bilbo was almost surprised as he looked to the dwarf king, had he _teased_ him? It certainly did seem that way. He eyed him for a moment before he sniffed and nodded, giving a small tug to his jacket before he looked Thorin straight in the eye,

“Yes, a good idea. Good night to you Thorin, I hope that she does not catch you as well.”

Thorin watched him turned on his heel and hurry away, and Thorin was left sitting there alone before he looked back to the harp and lifted it carefully into his arms as he too rose and walked down the hallway,

“Goodnight to you as well, Bilbo.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to be a little bit nice before things go to hell again. I'm also that person who listened to a version of The Misty Mountains played on harp while I wrote that last section.


	11. Dale or Chapter 10.5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming for Bilbo's adventure in and around Dale. This is technically chapter 10.5. It wasn't actually meant to get as long as it did but... oh well. Here's some Bilbo in Dale. This started off as just a way to take my mind off of the planning of the next part bringing us to Ravenhill which has been a pain in the butt.

He took a deep breath and smiled broadly, this was a beautiful morning, absolutely beautiful.

It was nice to be out of the stale air inside the lonely mountain and in sunlight. He had managed to convince both Gandalf and Kíli to walk to Dale instead of taking the ponies, which allowed him to feel the dirt and grass beneath his feet.

Kíli wasn’t too thrilled about how they would be travelling to the city but, after a look from Gandalf settled down almost immediately.

Bilbo led the way, happy to be out and about and not stuck within the mountain.

Not that he hated it, but he found it a bit disorienting where there came days where he would be deep inside the mountain and had no concept if it was day or night just the inkling that it must be the time he suspected.

Hobbits were not meant to be underground at all times, which is why when Gandalf suggested this trip to Dale he had leapt at the chance to take some time away.

That and it would give him time to sort out his little problem with Thorin.

He found himself confused when it came to the Dwarf King, he was behaving a little more like the old Thorin did. At least they were on better terms now, which he was glad for.

It was awkward between them.

Even more awkward than before this whole mess had started.

His brow wrinkled in thought as he considered this, either Thorin was remembering or, this was just his starting from scratch with this Thorin? A clean slate really…

The thought made him uncomfortable.

He didn’t want to start over! He wanted Thorin back just the way he had been, he didn’t care about the dragon sickness, or what it had made him do.

He just wanted his Thorin back, the Thorin he knew.

Bilbo sighed deeply and steeled himself, he didn’t want to dwell on this and bring his mood down. He didn’t want to ruin his visit to Dale and allow for those thoughts to put a damper on the fun he hoped to have.

He could hear Kíli chatting Gandalf’s ear off just behind him, occasionally the wizard would grunt or make a sound in agreement. Bilbo was sure it was more that he couldn’t get a word in edgewise when it came to how excited Kíli was.

Bilbo knew very well why Kíli was accompanying them.

In fact he actually had been heading to Dale on his own when he decided to join with the wizard and Halfling when he saw them getting ready to leave.

Bilbo continued to smile as he enjoyed the bright sunshine, and sighed softly as the walk seemed to take far less time than he had remembered.

Once again the markets of Dale were bustling with activity, where men, dwarves, and the occasional elf could be found interacting and trading.

Bilbo was rooted in place as he just took in the market, the sight, sounds, and smells. Grinning broadly he started forward, not overly concerned if Gandalf or Kíli were still behind him as he flitted from stall to stall looking at what each merchant had to sell.

Occasionally he would pass a stall where the owner and a customer were haggling over prices and Bilbo smiled fondly remembering many of the same things from the Shire.

This was all very familiar to him, and did nothing to ease his homesickness.

Either way, it was nice to see some semblance of fresh produce and goods, as well as fish, and various trinkets.

He even recognized several toys he knew to be of Bifur and Bofur’s designs in the hands of some of the children as they passed him by and he smiled watching them before he looked about to see if perhaps those two were hanging around the market.

It wasn’t at all difficult to find them, and he did find them, as Bofur’s voice did carry over the bustle of the crowd and Bilbo followed it to the cart where both dwarves stood showing off their work to many excited children.

He thought immediately of all his Took and Brandybuck cousins and how if he ever returned to the Shire he would be sure to bring many spectacular toys with.

Bilbo paused suddenly as he realized his train of thought.

If... He returned to the Shire.

He hadn’t put too much thought towards it recently, far too concerned with what was happening with Thorin to really sick down and have a think about what this all meant for him.

He did want to stay, but, when his reason for wanting to stay didn’t remember him it made things considerably more difficult.

Bilbo sighed, he tried not to dwell on it, and instead he straightened and headed through the crowd towards the two dwarves and their toys.

Bifur had noticed him first, nodding his greeting to him before he turned his attention to one of the more intricate pieces he had been working on. A small dragon that was suspended on two thin sticks interlaced with string that if a small lever was cranked it had the beast flapping its wings. Much like the toy that Bifur had made and tinkered with during the quest that sadly was destroyed in the goblin caves.

“Bilbo!”

Bofur greeted as he set a carved sword down, one that looked very much like the blade a certain dwarf king favoured, and turned his attention fully on the Hobbit.

“Good morning Bofur, Bifur, how is business?”

“Excellent, lots of the wee ones I think are excited to get their hands on these. Bifur’s been giving away a lot of our stock though….”

He paused and chuckled as he looked back to his cousin as he set the dragon he had been working on gently in the hands of a small girl who looked on in wonder as he showed her how to make it move.

“We haven’t made much financially, but their smiles I think are worth the trouble. Lots of them don’t really have much and I secretly think he enjoys the attention he gets from it. They’re excited to get them and he’s happy to make them.”

Bilbo smiled watching as Bifur gave the girl a gentle pat on the head, bowing to the girl’s mother as she came to collect her.

“He does seem quite happy.”

Bilbo murmured softly and Bofur nodded as they both watched Bifur return to his carvings to start again,

“Aye, he is I think.”

“There are you are.”

Bilbo glanced behind him to the wizard that stood learning on his staff, he turned and tucked his thumbs into his pockets,

“My apologies, I wanted to have a look around. I couldn’t help but be reminded of the market in Hobbiton at the height of the harvest.”

Gandalf smiled to him, dipping his head just slightly to look at him,

“I understand my dear fellow. Come, we have an audience with King Bard, and it’s not at all polite to keep a king waiting.”

Bilbo blinked once before he crossed his arms,

“Well if you had only mentioned we had a meeting with him I could have saved my exploring until later.”

“And begrudge you the chance to have a good look around? No, I’m sure that Bard will not mind. Come along, it’s not too far.”

Gandalf nodded to both Bifur and Bofur before he turned and headed back up the street, Bilbo smiled to the pair before he hurried after the wizard. It was easy to keep track of him, all he need do was keep his hat in sight and it did stick out.

For a moment during the walk Bilbo swore he caught sight of Kíli up on the wall at the side of a very familiar red haired elf and Bilbo couldn’t help but smile at the pair before he turned and had to hurry and catch the wizard.

 

“Hello Bilbo!”

He was greeted by the youngest of Bard’s daughters, the girl smiled as she fell in step beside him as they arrived at the manor house.

It didn’t have the elegance Bilbo had been expecting, Bard it seemed was content to live much the same as he had been before. Ensuring that his children had everything they needed before he saw to himself.

Gandalf had removed his hat and set aside as they entered the main foyer. Sigrid was next to join them, and Bilbo took the time to greet them both, surprised when Sigrid drew him into a tight embrace before releasing him.

“It’s wonderful to see you both again, and in good spirits. I trust that you’re both doing well?”

Bilbo asked as he looked between the two, he liked them both, they were both lovely girls and quite polite.

“We are, sometimes Bofur comes up to visit us, though mostly he comes to talk business with Da, he said that it’s the job that he was given by the King’s sister. Does King Thorin really have a sister? I’ve never seen a female dwarf before, what does she look like? Is she pretty?”

Each time it seemed that Bilbo made to answer Tilda would ask another question and he would have to wait until he was sure she had finished,

“He does, her name is Dís, she and Thorin look very much alike, and you can tell that they are brother and sister much like how you can tell that Bain is your brother. She is quite lovely yes, I enjoy her company, she is a very good friend of mine.”

“Do you think we can meet her someday? I would very much like to!”

“I’m sure once Thorin has his official coronation you will be able to, I don’t see why your Da wouldn’t be invited and I just know that he would bring the three of you as well. After all, you did help us when we first came to Laketown and it would only be proper.”

“Kíli said that king Thorin is sick. Is he really? What’s wrong with him?”

Bilbo looked up to Sigrid now as she asked the question, and he wasn’t at all sure how to answer, Thorin wasn’t sick per say, but was most definitely not himself.

“He…”

“Sigrid, Tilda I think that’s enough questions for now.”

The three turned to Bard as he stood in the entryway into the foyer, Gandalf stood just a little bit behind him and Bilbo could see Bain peering out from behind his father.

“Hello Master Baggins, it’s good to see you again.”

Bard smiled to him as he stepped towards them. Bilbo held his hand out and Bard shook it, holding it for a moment as he looked down at him,

“I’m glad you could come, Gandalf has told me that you were needing a break from the mountain.”

Bilbo shot the wizard a look before he turned his attention back to Bard,

“I will admit that yes I was needing some time away. We hobbits are not meant for dark places without the sun, and when he suggested I come to Dale I was quite happy to accompany him.”

“Well, I hope that Dale is meeting your expectations. I admit there is still much to do before we return this place to its former glory. I’m sure it will be many years, perhaps even long after I’ve passed before we return to that. Come and sit, I was hoping that you would join us for lunch.”

Bard couldn’t help his laugh as he saw how Bilbo’s face lit up at the word alone.

“I don’t want to intrude.”

“Nonsense, we already have a place set for you.”

Bard said as a put a hand on Bilbo’s shoulder and walked with him into the hall before they arrived at the dining room.

He hadn’t been lying, there was just enough places for the five of them and Bilbo found himself a seat. He looked about and wasn’t entirely surprised when the royal family of Dale disappeared into the adjoining kitchen and returned with several pots and plates of food with them.

“I see that you still do much of your own cooking.”

Bilbo commented as they found spots for all the dishes and everyone was able to begin serving themselves after taking their seats,

“Aye, though my council believes a king should not be doing such a thing and insist that I hire on a housekeeper and cook. I’ve told them that I’ve done everything for myself for so long that I couldn’t imagine the free time that would come with having someone else do it for me.”

Bard answered with a small grin as looked to Bilbo, and Bilbo was having a hard time imagining Bard sitting idle while someone else did everything he was content doing himself.

“They must not know you too well, for even I know it would be hard for you to let someone else do all of this for you.”

Bard nodded as he leaned back in his seat,

“It would be, just because I am a king now doesn’t mean I need to forget where I came from and my life beforehand.”

Bilbo smiled to him before he turned back to his meal. He listened to the conversations around him, Bain telling his father how his training was progressing, that Tauriel was an excellent teacher. Sigrid and Tilda spoke of their lessons, and their morning in the market.

Bard gave each of his children his full attention when they spoke, and it warmed Bilbo’s heart to know that nothing changed between the four. He had worried initially, he had worried that the kingship would make Bard too busy to be with his children but he was happy to be proven wrong on that account.

“And how is the King under the Mountain?”

Bard asked looking across the table to Bilbo who sat nibbling on the corner of a scone, Bilbo quickly finished chewing and swallowed, funny how the conversation managed to come around to that. He suspected Gandalf may have had something to do with that.

“As well as he can be.”

“Has something happened?”

“He,”

He wasn’t at all sure how to describe Thorin’s current condition after all, he was still very much as a king should be, but, both Dáin and Dís agreed that he wasn’t ready to take on the throne. Not until of course he regained his memories or at least heard the entirety of the story of the company.

“He is not well, and has not been well since the end of the battle. He slept for a long time, a very long time. And when he woke up he was not himself, he had forgotten many things.”

Bilbo noticed how all other conversation died down as the others seated at the table now turned to both him and Bard.

“Is it the same sickness as what we saw at the gate that day?”

Bilbo bristled at the question before shaking his head in a firm no,

“It’s not, completely different, he no longer suffers from that. It’s something else, he has simply lost all his memories of the past thirty months. We’ve taken to tell him the tale of how he was set on this path and all of our parts in it. Thorin was sick then yes, he had no control of what he did.”

Bard had noticed Bilbo’s response and managed a gentle smile,

"You misunderstand me, Master Baggins, I do not wish Thorin Oakenshield any ill will. The payment of debts owed was settled and both lord Dáin and Prince Kíli had explained what had transpired. I had merely wished to hear your side of what was happening."

Bilbo eyed him, relaxing slightly and Bard continued to smile to him,

"I know that you and he are great friends... Even with what happened at the gate. As I said, Lord Dáin and Prince Kíli have only given me a partial picture of what is going on. I had wondered why I had not had any dealings with him yet. They had told me he was otherwise occupied and that he would be able to meet with me soon."

Bilbo hadn’t considered the idea that Thorin would probably have no memory of Bard either. The last he knew of was that Dale was still in ruins without a king. And now the city was once more bustling with life, and a new king, a descendant of Girion even, was crowned again.

Soon the grandson of Thrór would be king under the mountain and everything would be right again.

Bilbo sighed as he looked down to his plate again and glanced up eyeing the final scone that sat on the plate in the middle of the table. He waited patiently, glancing about to see if anyone else made to grab for it. When no one did he happily took it in hand and cut it, spreading some of the fruit preserves across it before he looked to Bard again.

“Once Thorin is able I’m sure that he would be willing to meet with you, until then I understand there are other representatives that you are speaking with?”

Bard nodded as he took his glance in hand and took a sip from it,

“Prince Kíli is here quite often, as is Bofur, he has a keen mind for business and trade, more often than not we tend to find him in the market with his cousin giving away toys to the children.”

Bilbo smiled as he finished off the last scone and dabbed his mouth gently,

“I saw them early, they do enjoy working down there with the children.”

“It will help ease any lingering tensions between men and dwarves.”

Both looked to Gandalf as he spoke, the three children rose at this point and began to clear the table. Bilbo was on his feet in an instant and offered to help them, after all many hands made for light work.

He caught brief snippets of Bard’s and Gandalf’s discussion, nothing truly pertaining to himself or to Thorin, more on the comings and goings as well as the ongoing attempts to establish solid trade routes with the elves of the Greenwood.

“Thranduil has always been difficult, but I’m sure that he will come around eventually.”

Bilbo finally returned to the table and took a seat as Bard and Gandalf finished whatever it was they were talking about and the two looked to him again.

The three settled into an easy conversation, Bilbo sipping tea from a mug far too large for his hands as he would occasionally give his views on a particular topic when the talk circled back to the king under the mountain,

"I wish him all best and in hopes that he recovers his memories, I can only imagine how difficult it is for his kin and his dearest friends, you’re a braver man than I master Baggins for staying true to one that has wronged you."

Bilbo waved off Bard’s words and both king and wizard looked at him seemingly amused by his dismissal,

“I have already forgiven Thorin for it, I just wish he remembered me so that I could tell him that.”

 

Bilbo stretched his arms high above his head yawning as he took the shortest route he knew back to his rooms from the gate. It had been a busy day, he had enjoyed the markets of Dale, spent some time with Bard’s children simply visiting, had enjoyed a nice dinner with Bard and his family, and had a lovely walk back with Kíli and Tauriel before she had to turn back and head back to the city.

He hummed as he opened the door to his sitting room and froze in place as he saw the dwarf that was waiting for him there.

“Good evening Lord Dáin.”

The Lord of the Iron hills regarded him for a long moment before he stood from where he had been sitting in one of the armchairs and crossed the floor towards him. He stopped as he came to stand before Bilbo. The hobbit looked to Dáin as he reached forward and took one of Bilbo's hands gently between both of his.

Bilbo found himself unconsciously flushing as he felt something be pressed into his palm.

“It’s done.”

Dáin straightened as he released Bilbo's hand and the hobbit looked to the gold coin he now held, how the firelight flickered across the runes pressed into the metal.

“That’s the last piece. We finished moving it all right around supper, it’s all tucked deep in the mountain. If Thorin wanders now, there will be nothing there for him to find. Still smells a bit like dragon, but we’ll sort that out soon enough.”

Dáin was tired, Bilbo could see it in his face as he looked to the dwarf.

“How long were you down there?”

“Since last night, I wanted it done, and I knew the lads needed all the help they could get so I volunteered my time and let Dís run the kingdom for a change.”

He smile was crooked, and his eyes showed just how exhausted he was as Bilbo closed his hand around the coin and looked to him.

“You know, any sensible dwarf I’m sure would have retired for the night, especially if they’ve been working since the night before.”

Dáin laughed and clapped a hand down on Bilbo’s shoulder almost causing him to stumble before he squeezed gently,

“I suppose, but you have personal experience with the stubbornness of dwarves and the line of Durin especially.”

It was Bilbo’s turn to laugh as he patted Dáin’s hand,

“Yes, yes that’s all very true. But I really think you should retire, you do look quite tired.”

Dáin eyed him for a moment before removing his hand, he crossed his arms over his chest and finally nodded.

“I will then, I will differ to your better judgement I suppose, I’ve been told that you don’t shy away from the threat of letting the lady Dís know about things like this. Though I will admit she doesn’t nearly frighten me as much as she does Thorin.”

Dáin smiled warmly before he bowed his head and straightened up,

“But just in case, I’ll leave you now. I just wanted to tell you personally that the job is done and now, hopefully now we can focus on bringing Thorin back to us.”

Bilbo’s smiled faltered at Dáin’s words before it slipped from his lips and the corners of his mouth curled downwards into a small frown.

“Yes, now we can focus on helping bring Thorin back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now back to business.


	12. Without Repose or Dáin, I had a bad dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not quite to Ravenhill just yet. Soon.

_“Dáin is surrounded. They’re being slaughtered Thorin.”_

_“Many die in war, life is cheap. But a treasure such as this cannot be counted in lives lost. It is worth all the blood we can spend.”_

_Dwalin’s expression was one of disbelief, of thinly veiled disgust as he stared at what he had once thought of as his dearest friend, Thorin could see it in his eyes and he could not bring himself to care._

_His burglar had abandoned him, why would Dwalin be any different? Loyalty it seemed was a laughable thought at best and he knew that they were false._

_He knew that they would all turn on him._

_“You sit here in these vast halls with a crown upon your head and yet you are lesser now that you have ever been.”_

_He couldn’t believe his words! He had regained Erebor! He was king under the mountain, he was all he could be now._

_“Do not speak to me as if I were some lowly dwarf lord, as if I were still Thorin Oakenshield. I am your king!”_

_He had seized the hilt of his sword in hand and unsheathed it, the weight nearly threw him off balance and he stumbled, catching himself before he fell backwards against his throne._

_Now Dwalin looked on at him with a mixture of pity and something else that Thorin could not quite discern in his clouded mind,_

_“You were always my king! You used to know that once. You cannot see what you have become."_

_“Go. Get out... before I kill you.”_

_Dwalin staggered for a moment, he could see his eyes widen, he let out a soft sound almost as though he was to speak, and instead he shook his head. There was betrayal in his eyes, hurt and Thorin glowered angrily to him,_

_How dare he feel betrayed when they had all turned on him!_

His eyes shot open and he was momentarily disoriented as he sat up quickly and did a once over of his room. He was alone, but the voices still echoed in his mind. His and Dwalin’s, he had threatened him. He had threatened to kill one of his oldest friends.

Was this a dream? Or was it…. Was it a memory?

They were coming in greater frequency now. He couldn’t stop them, they plagued his rest and even bled over into his waking state as well.

Memories, dreams, and nightmares.

He couldn't tell one from the other.

Thorin lay back in bed staring up towards the ceiling in his bedchamber, he couldn’t sleep, and he couldn’t bear to even try to sleep lest the dreams come back again. Then there was the whispering, always a whisper at the back of his mind.

It made him question his sanity. They had told him he lost himself to madness once already,

Would it happen again?

He sat up slowly finally deciding that sleep was no longer as appealing to him as it had been. He swung his legs over the side of his bed and pushed himself up.

He stoked the embers in the hearth, adding some wood and poking a bit until it caught the kindling. With a fire going he turned and grabbed his robe from where it run near to his bed.

He slid it on and tied it as he began to pace now, he had to make sense of all of this.

There were things he didn’t know, so many things, he wanted to tell himself that all he was seeing was merely a fabrication of his mind in regards to the tale. He wanted to convince himself that he had not fallen so far.

He couldn’t have.

If he closed his eyes he could see the hurt in Dwalin’s eyes and that caused his chest to ache, he could see the fear in his burglars eyes as he held him over the rampart shaking him as though he were little more than a toy, the remembered pain from that made him feel as though he was being stabbed in the heart.

He needed a distraction, something to take his mind off of this pain.

He steeled himself and headed to his door, pulling it open he saw the two guards stationed there jump to attention.

“Send for Dáin.”

He closed the door after that, Dáin was the only one he knew of that would be up this late. The only one he desired to talk to, he returned to one of the chairs set before the fire and seated himself.

He thought better of it and rose, moving to a cabinet in the corner where he kept some wine and ale, grabbing a bottle of each and some glasses he returned to the chairs just as there was a knock on the door.

“Come.”

He called as he took his seat and gently massaged his temples, he could feel the aura of another episode settling over his head and he tried to will it away,

“You wanted to see me cousin?”

Dáin had said as he came into the room and closed the door behind him, eyeing Thorin as his cousin rubbed his forehead.

“I did, come sit.”

Thorin answered as he listened to each one of Dáin’s footsteps before his cousin passed him and seated himself into the chair beside him.

He didn’t even ask if Dáin needed a drink as his cousin was already pouring himself out one, the lord of the Iron Hills paused and looked to him,

“You look terrible.”

Dáin said as he poured Thorin a tall glass of ale and practically shoved it into his hand. Thorin looked to Dáin before he looked to the mug in his hand. He shrugged his shoulders and took a swig from it, it wouldn’t help with the building pressure in his head but it would make for a nice enough distraction.

“I feel worse.”

Thorin muttered between sips as Dáin regarded him, he paused before he chuckled and one of Dáin’s bushy eyebrows arched,

“Tell me you weren’t wearing that when you were summoned?”

Dáin was overdressed for the late hour, still wearing his finery from earlier in the day, the ensemble Thorin recalled from supper.

“Well, can’t answer royal summons in my small clothes now can I? But if you must know I fell asleep in my chair, didn’t bother to change.”

Dáin didn’t hide his yawn as he sat back in the armchair and closed his eyes, it couldn’t have been that long since his conversation with Bilbo and the Halfling urging him to bed.

He was definitely feeling it now, he wasn’t young any more, he wasn’t able to go days without sleep and keep going. When did he get so old?

“What do you need Thorin?”

Thorin was struck at that moment with how old Dáin seemed, that the years were wearing on him and there was real exhaustion written across his face. There were dark circles under his eyes and he just looked tired. And it even carried over into his voice and Thorin stared long at him after he spoke before he answered.

“I needed someone to speak with.”

“About?”

“These dreams that I’m having.”

Dáin snorted and looked from Thorin to his empty mug smiling as he filled it, before he set the bottle aside and took his mug in hand again.

“Then I better fill this up. Let’s have it then.”

He looked pointedly at his cousin now and for a moment Thorin it seemed was at a loss for words.

“I believe I’m dreaming about the quest. At least, I think that I am. I’m seeing flashes from it, things that I do not remember doing but it’s all very clear to me.”

It was hard for him to articulate what he was trying to say, how each time he closed his eyes he saw one more person that he had betrayed. He set his mug aside and pinched the bridge of his nose, exhaling sharply and Dáin sat straighter in his seat as he watched him.

This might be what Dís warned him about.

When Thorin said nothing and straightened Dáin reached across and put a hand on his armrest,

“Thorin, are you alright?”

Thorin was silent before he nodded slowly, he rested both hands back down to the armrests, gripping them tightly. He sat there quietly for a moment before moving to stand and Dáin followed. Dáin put a hand on his shoulder and looked at him,

“Thorin, you can talk to me. Or would you prefer I got Dís or that Burglar of yours?”

Dáin felt Thorin stiffed, and it took a moment before Thorin turned to look at him,

“No. I’d rather not trouble them.”

“But you’d trouble me?”

Dáin may have looked firmly at him, but his tone betrayed him and before long he had an easy, but tired, smile on his face. He led his cousin back to their seats and he made sure Thorin was seated before he took his again.

“Now, what are you dreaming about that bothering you so much?”

Thorin sighed deeply as he took his mug in hand and drained half of it before he set it aside again.

“I dream of my sickness. Of my weakness, of the madness that they said turned me on my friends and abandon my kin. I told Dwalin I would kill him Dáin, I told him I would kill him.”

He was thankful that Dáin only listened, at this point he knew Dís would begin to tell him how he had no control of himself that he didn’t mean it. His burglar, perhaps his burglar would be silent and listen as well, but he couldn’t bear to look at him.

Even after the evening where he had played his harp for him, and Bilbo had been nothing but gratitude and smiles… whenever he thought of the hobbits face now his was always a look of terror. Fear brought by his own hands.

He hadn’t been kind to any of them.

“And yet I can’t tell what is real and what is not! It feels real, it all feels real, that I was there and I can feel it all. But, to know that I’ve done those things, said those things. Then, there is the whispering, always at the back of my mind. It commands me, tells me to seek out the gold in this mountain. I do not understand why.”

“Is that why we keep finding you down in the treasury?”

Dáin asked softly and Thorin shifted slightly in his seat before his eyes met Dáin’s and he gave a short nod,

“I had thought once that going there would quiet it down, it only made it louder. I always felt as though I was drowning in there, I could never breathe.”

Thorin fell silent again and Dáin looked at him, he downed the contents of his mug in one swallow before he stood and Thorin now glanced up to him.

“Let’s go for a walk.”

He didn't wait for him as he crossed the floor to the door as he heard Thorin get to his feet and scramble about to find something other than his robe to wear. He waited at the door until Thorin walked up beside him.

Together they exited and Dáin nodded to each guard on watch before he started down the hall. Thorin walked in step with him, and for the first bit of their stroll neither said a word.

There were still others awake at this hour, they could hear their voices echoing down the halls, a mixture of laughter and merry songs.

And Dáin thought he lost Thorin to his thoughts again as his cousin walked silent beside him, his gaze focused on the stones at his feet.

Thorin had always been the brooding sort, so this was all too familiar to Dáin, but this was one of those times he wanted his cousin to open up, to discuss with him what was going on in that head of his.

“I’ll be returning home soon.”

That brought Thorin out of his thoughts as he spun to look to Dáin as his cousin spoke,

“Been away too long, hate to see the mess that lad of mine made during my absence.”

“You left your son to rule?”

“Aye, no one else I could trust down there not to mess it up too badly. He’s a good lad, will make a fine lord one day.”

Dáin couldn’t help but puff his chest out in pride as he made mention of his son, Thorin III would do him proud one day as Lord of the Iron Hills of that he was sure. Thorin almost smiled as he looked to Dáin,

“How old is he now?”

“Seventy-five, not too far behind those nephews of yours.”

Thorin found it helped to listen to Dáin talk about his son, it was a nice distraction from his own troublous thoughts. And he knew that Thorin III was a topic that Dáin could spend hours upon hours talking about. He could tell that he missed his boy with the fondness in his voice each time he mentioned his name or something else the lad had done growing up.

“He’s a good boy, I’ll send for him when it comes time for your coronation, let you see him for yourself.”

“I’ve heard them call him the Stonehelm.”

“Aye sometimes I think that boys head’s full of rocks, he’s stubborn is all. Stubborner than most, well, except for you I’m afraid.”

Now Thorin couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at the corners of his mouth, Dáin didn’t mean an insult, he knew that. Stubbornness was after all a trait of the line of Durin. Among other things depending on who one asked.

“I had wanted to bring him with me, he wanted to come along but, I knew it was better for him to remain behind. Just in case, don’t know what I’d do if something happened to him.”

Thorin looked to Dáin as he said that and he nodded slowly, he knew himself when his nephews told them of what happened to them during the battle he had stopped. He recalled the fear, the pain he felt, how it was only chased away by the two sitting close to him.

That he could remember, how both found room for themselves on his bed and stayed with him much as they had when they were children while Dís sat at the bedside watching them.

“Well, would you look at that, look at where we ended up.”

Thorin lifted his head to what had once been the great treasure hoard of his grandfather.

He could see the tiles of the floor now, not a speck of gold remained in the great hall. He swept his gaze over the room, where had it all gone? He walked to the railing and leaned on it, peering over the ledge to get another look at the floor.

Of course when he found his voice he did not ask the question he had wanted to ask, instead what came out of his mouth was something completely different.

“It stinks in here.”

“Aye, dragon’ll do that.”

Thorin glanced to Dáin as his cousin joined him leaning on one of the railings overlooking the now empty treasury.

“How do you feel now?”

“My mind feels clearer now, I can breathe, I’m not being suffocated in here and… the whispers have all but died down. Where did you move it to?”

Dáin knew this wasn’t a question he could ignore and he took a deep breath and looked to Thorin, he knew that look all too well.

“When you’re ready, I’ll let you know. For now it’s best that it remains out of sight and out of mind. Better this way.”

“Was this Dís’s idea?”

“Yes, I just went along with it.”

Thorin fell silent and Dáin watched him, trying to gauge his reactions but as usual Thorin hid them well. His cousin finally exhaled and pushed himself backwards off of the railing and looked to Dáin,

“Just went along with it?”

“You know, got some of the boys together to get the job done. Oversaw it myself actually, she did this for you Thorin.”

Thorin drummed his fingers against the worn stone as he once more focused the whole of his attention on the hall.

“Perhaps it is better this way…”

His reply was very soft, Dáin had almost missed his words before Thorin straightened and looked over to him,

“Thank you Dáin… I will have to thank my sister as well. I understand why you both are doing this, and I thank you.”

Truth be told, he could still feel the pull of the gold at the back of his mind, the wordless whispers that called him deeper into the mountain, but he could ignore them now. It was easier now without the cursed metal laid out before his eyes.

“I will be hearing the end of this tale in the morning, Dwalin has already agreed, I know others of the company will be there as well. Will you come Dáin?”

He looked to his cousin who watched him for a moment before he nodded,

“Yes, I will, I was there too you know. Well, not when you climbed Ravenhill, but I was there all the same. Just like I was there when they dragged your ass down off that mountain.”

“Ravenhill…”

Thorin mumbled to himself as he closed his eyes, he had dreamt of that place as well. He had dreamt of the horror that he and his nephews endured there.

Now it was time to revisit that place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I mostly wanted to write something with Thorin and Dáin hanging out. Next up, Ravenhill I promise.


	13. Ravenhill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Ravenhill is revisited, Dís hears just how her sons were injured and even the rest of the company hear the entirely of what happened there. Italics will be the flashbacks to Ravenhill, and some of Thorin's memories after all, no one was really there when he fought Azog. Mostly flashbacks though.
> 
> Events have been changed, injuries and such modified, and even Azog the Defiler can make mistakes. After all, the line of Durin still lives, right? There are still some things that come to pass, and Bilbo gets to relive what he thinks are Thorin's final moments.
> 
> This was a pain in my butt.

“We don’t know how you broke free of your gold sickness… None of us were there Thorin, I can’t answer how you did it.”

Dwalin grunted arms crossed as he watched Thorin pace before the fire. He was restless, unable to stay still as once more the entirety of his company, as well as his burglar, sister, and Dáin had gathered in his sitting room once more.

“You joined us at the gate, you had cast away both crown and robes and joined us in mail and leather armour. You looked like yourself again.”

Dwalin told and Thorin listened, he listened as other voices joined in from around them, how each spoke of how his mind cleared of his madness and he came back to them.

_“I will not hide behind a wall of stone while others fight our battles for us! It’s not in my blood Thorin…”_

_Thorin did not flinch at Kíli’s shout, he knew he had deserved it. What bothered him was how his nephew’s voice broke as he spoke of denying his desire to join their kin in battle over the wall._

_“No it is not. We are sons of Durin. And Durin’s folk never flee from a fight.”_

_There was strength in his words, clarity in his eye and Kíli, Kíli felt the relief flood through him as for the first time in days that Thorin looked at him the madness gone from his eyes._

_His uncle had approached him, gently cupping his head In hand before he brought their foreheads together._

_He could see the tears of relief in Kíli’s eyes as he drew away and approached those of his company,_

_“I have no right to ask this of any of you, but will you follow me one last time?”_

_They regarded him for a moment, and each rose, taking their weapons in hand._

_Plans were quickly made, Bombur would sound the charge, and they would use one of the great bells of Erebor to batter down the gate._

_“Fíli…”_

_Thorin said gently as he came to stand behind his heir, he needed to make amends with them both and Fíli had paused, hesitating, before he turned and looked to his uncle. Much as he had done with Kíli Thorin took a step towards him and pressed their foreheads together. And finally he saw Fíli smile before he straightened and clapped him on the shoulder._

_“We will survive this. We will beat them. I am proud of you, both of you.”_

“We had fallen back to the gates, there were far too many of those buggers Thorin. Hundreds, thousands, I can’t say. They just kept coming.”

Thorin watched Dáin as he spoke, noting how his cousin had leaned forward in his seat the tips of his fingers pressed together as he looked at the carpet at his feet.

“Never been so happy to hear that damned horn. It was quite an entrance I’ll give you that. The wall you built to seal the gate came down, bridging the barricade and the battlefield and there you came. The lads raised their shields giving you and your company room to pass. To the king, I called as I watched you pass, and as you did in Azanulbizar, you called to them, rallied them to find the strength to fight. Du Bekâr, and they followed you.”

Dáin managed a small smile as he sat straighter, he remembered that moment with stunning clarity, how all hope seemed lost and then the very barricade they stood defending crumbled and their King, charged out to join them and meet their foe.

It had been what his men had needed, after seeing so many fall, how so many lay already dead and dying, to have their king and the twelve that aided him in retaking the mountain join them in battle.

Dáin feared he would never feel such a thing again, he remembered that cold bit of terror at the notion they had been abandoned by their kin, that Thorin had abandoned them. He told himself such which not the case, he had faith in his cousin, but he could not ignore the words of those around him.

Which is what made Thorin’s appearance in the battle that much more meaningful. To charge into battle at the side of his king and cousin.

“You called to me, and I answered. I even told you that we were outnumbered and that I hoped you had some sort of plan to try and bring it around.”

Dáin looked to Thorin and saw how his cousin looked to him in turn,

“I hadn’t seen that look in your eyes in a long time as you told me you were going to take out their leader, that you would kill that piece of filth once and for all. Dwalin, and those two wild nephews of yours joined you on the rams and we watched as you ascended to Ravenhill.”

Bilbo shifted as he too recalled that moment, how he saw them charging up the mountain side, how their rams gracefully scaled rock and stone.

Taking his best warriors to cut the head off of the snake, as Gandalf had put it and Bilbo had watched and he worried.

He had seen the outcome of Thorin’s last confrontation with Azog, he feared what would come of this one.

But this time he had Dwalin, Fíli, and Kíli with him. He wasn’t facing Azog alone. At least that was what Bilbo had assured himself of, that Thorin had the support of a close friend and his nephews that this time it would be different.

His mood turned the longer his thoughts dwelt on that, as there came no word of them atop Ravenhill, then the prince of the Woodland Elves arrived to warn them of a secondary army that approached from the north.

He had hoped that Ravenhill was not North, prayed that it wasn’t, but with all their luck until that point Ravenhill couldn’t be anywhere else.

“You sent Fíli and Kíli to scout out the ruins, we kept the goblin mercs back, couldn’t chance anything following after them. That was when Bilbo joined us, warning us that another army was coming and we would be cut off from help. Then you knew it had been a trap.”

Thorin’s attention went to Dwalin again, and he saw the grim look on Dwalin’s face, and he knew that his second’s next words would be difficult.

Dwalin made to start talking several times but always stopped before the words came out. Something had happened, something that rocked him to his very core that even Thorin could see the normally unshakeable Dwalin was upset by something he had seen.

“Azog had Fíli by the scruff, dragged him up like some sort of damned prize and dangled him for you to see.”

Thorin heard Dís’s sharp inhale from beside him, how she turned to look to both her sons as they sat quietly. Kíli had found his brothers hand and clutched tightly to it, his eyes squeezed tightly shut as if it would be enough to block out the memories. The color had drained from Fíli’s face, and he grimaced in remembered pain, as he shifted his chair closer to his brothers.

For only that moment was Thorin glad he did not remember.

Dwalin took another breath and began again, and Thorin listened, he knew he had to as much as he did not want to hear. Even as Dwalin spoke, Fíli finally took a breath and looked up, knowing he too would have to speak.

 

_He had been reckless, he had been foolish!_

_He cursed as he was caught, disarmed as he struggled to fight off the orcs that had surrounded him. It had been a well-placed kick to his midsection that had finally subdued him to the point that they were able to grab him._

_He was lifted from the floor and turned and he saw who had grabbed him, and he spit in the face of the defiler._

_Azog had roared and smashed him back against the wall and brought his face close to his. Fíli did not understand a word of Orkish, gritting his teeth as the Pale Orcs face swam before his eyes._

_They were moving again and his vision began to clear even though his head still ached from the impact against the wall._

_He was dragged along the ground, before being propped upright. He could see his uncle far below, how he stood with Bilbo and Dwalin and the three looked up at him. He had to be quick, taking advantage of the small mercy as Azog saw fit to gloat and allow his feet to momentarily touch ground. It gave him the leverage he needed to shift his weight and move as he felt Azog moving behind him._

_He knew what was coming._

_And he was ready._

_Fíli fought through the pain, he had managed to squirm away from a killing blow but Azog still managed to hit his mark, and Fíli felt the bite of the blade in his back, felt it scrape against bone as Azog thrust the blade forward. He choked, biting his tongue to not give Azog the satisfaction of a sound. He felt the blade withdraw and he doubled over, wheezing as he could feel the warmth of his blood soaking into his tunic, even as Azog hissed and yelled down to Thorin. Fíli took the pale orcs distraction as another blessing from Mahal to give him the precious few seconds he needed. It took all he had to reach down to draw the blade from his boot._

_Azog hadn’t been expecting his ‘kill’ to still be moving, and Fíli wildly swung the blade he held in hand managing to catch Azog's forearm. The pale Orc dropped him in surprise all the while cursing loudly, after all he had already lost one hand to the line of Durin. He lifted an armour clad foot and tried to stomp on Fíli as he rolled away. Finally Azog managed to land a kick that sent the prince back towards the ledge. Fíli scrambled to catch the edge with his one good arm but still tumbled over._

_Thorin watched his nephew hit the floor below and cling to a small ledge, before he slid out of sight. Blood roared in his ears, he couldn't stop his feet, he was already moving forward,_

_"Fíli!"_

_He yelled as he started running towards the ruins, he didn’t hear Dwalin behind him, focused as he was on reaching his nephews,_

_"Kíli!"_

_One of them had to hear him, he heard the clash of metal above his head as he ran up the steps, it had to be Kíli. He had to get there, he couldn’t leave them alone in there. What he didn’t expect was for Azog to rush him from the darkness, enraged at the loss of one of the heirs of Durin and facing Oakenshield again._

_Azog swung his mace and Thorin met the blow with his sword and stumbled backwards into a boulder, Azog attacked again and Thorin moved, he could both hear and see how the rock crumbled under the force of the impact._

_He had to keep ahead of him, side stepping and parrying each blow and avoiding the next as he tried to capitalize on any openings that Azog would give him. He managed a hit on the pale orcs abdomen that brought him to a knee. He jumped a top a boulder and leapt towards him bringing his sword down in a high arc that was dodged. He hit the ground and rolled as Azog stood and swung at him again, pushing himself upright only to block the next blow and be sent tumbling backwards down a flight of stairs._

_Azog followed after him._

“As… as soon as I heard him hit the ground I… I thought Fee was... I had to save him. I had to find him I couldn't leave him up there!"

Kíli had found his voice finally and the other members of the company, Dáin, and his mother all looked to him now, seeing how shaken he was as he kept a firm grip on his brother’s hand.

“I couldn’t leave him there… I went in to find him, there were orcs everywhere, every floor, every nook and cranny there was another orc running out at me. It, all I saw was red. All I could think about was killing them and finding Fee.”

_Each breath was absolute agony, his entire body ached and he forced himself to turn onto his side, to ignore how his left arm was all but useless as he used his right to drag himself across the floor. His face felt sticky, he could taste the coppery tang of blood in his mouth._

_He could still hear the sounds of battle from above._

_Thorin and Kee were still alive. They had to be!_

_He let out a low moan of pain as he reached up, arching his already aching spine to find finger holes in the weathered stone to haul himself to his feet._

_Fíli saw how his left arm dangled at his side, he dimly remembered a popping sensation as he hit at just the right angle that his shoulder gave under the force of the impact._

_His knees shook as he nearly collapsed right then, a deep breath had him coughing and sputtering as he forced himself to keep moving._

_He had to find Kíli._

_“Kíli!”_

_Fíli stopped as he heard the voice, he knew that voice, the she-elf from Laketown that had saved Kíli from the poisoned arrow._

_What was she…? He decided not to dwell on it, not when he heard Kíli’s answering yell from above._

_He knew the direction he had to go, he forced himself to move, one step at a time as he leaned heavily on the wall to keep himself upright._

_“Tauriel!”_

_Kíli had heard Tauriel’s shout and he had called back to her, it invigorated him, helping him find the strength he needed as he fought his way to her._

_He found her trying to push herself up from the ground as Bolg stood over her ready to make the killing blow, he grit his teeth and leapt down at him._

_Bolg had been able to deflect his sword using the shaft of his mace as he threw Kíli down onto the stairs before him._

_Kíli was dazed only for a second before he rolled to his feet and attacked again. He managed a few good hits he felt, dodging a swing of his mace that would have taken his head clean off had it hit even managing a slash across the orcs stomach. His follow through did not go as well as Bolg caught his arm, and Kíli’s vision went white for a moment after Bolg’s fist caught him square between the eyes._

_Tauriel tried to push herself up as Bolg slung Kíli over his knee the sharpened end of his mace raised and poised over his chest._

_Kíli braced himself for what was to come. He had defended Tauriel, he had saved her, he looked to her and his gaze met hers. When the blow did not come he started as he was abruptly dropped to the ground._

_Bolg growled as he spun around pulling a curved blade from his thigh as Fíli, who wobbled on his feet, stared him down._

_“Fee…”_

_“Run Kíli!”_

_Fíli had pulled another of his hidden blades out, wincing as he clutched his bad arm to his side, facing down the orc as he struggled to keep his balance._

_Kíli looked between Bolg and his brother, eyes wide in fear before he steeled himself and scrambled for his sword as he charged him again._

_Bolg swung his mace, catching Kíli in the stomach and sending him backwards careening into the stairs where he crumbled and did not move._

_“Kíli!”_

_Fíli blinked twice as Tauriel was up and leapt on Bolg’s back, using her weight and momentum to try and throw him off the side. He was able to turn it back on her, before she used a nearby wall to kick off of sending them both plummeting to the mountain side below._

_Fíli looked quickly from Kíli before he grit his teeth and went to the side to look down where Tauriel now lay on the mountain side and Bolg… Bolg was advancing on her._

_“Get up… come on get up!”_

_He whispered, it hurt too much to speak, and saw how she moved stiffly, and Bolg only drew closer._

_His attention was grabbed by a flash of green out of the corner of his eye as the woodland prince dropped from a tower to the troll that was attempting to knock it down._

_He saw how he used the troll’s own body to batter the crumbling tower down and make a bridge across to where Tauriel lay._

_Fíli turned away as he hobbled back to his brother’s side, gingerly lowering himself down beside him. He winced as he reached out to check Kíli. It looked like he had cracked his head pretty good, his hair was plastered to the back of his head with sweat and blood and Fíli tried to wipe the blood from a gash running from his hairline to temple._

_“Kee… Kee its Fíli, wake up.”_

_He croaked, voice hoarse as he gently shook Kíli’s shoulder and still his brother did not move. He couldn’t even check a pulse, still he tried and he leaned in close._

_He felt soft breaths against his cheek and his panic abated knowing that Kíli was still alive. He had saved him._

_He grimaced as he tried to find a more comfortable position to sit in, he kept his blade in hand, there were still orcs on the watchtower, and he could hear them._

_Fíli found himself drifting in and out of consciousness, his hand shaking as he struggled to keep his eyes open. He couldn’t allow himself to sleep, it would be a death sentence he had to protect Kíli. He had to protect them both._

_He jumped awake as he felt a presence before them and looked up to find Tauriel crouched before them. He said nothing to her, and she said not a word to him. She turned her full attention on Kíli before she looked back to him,_

_“I will watch over you both.”_

_Fíli nodded his thanks to her as he finally settled back, his blade still clutched tightly in hand as finally succumbed to his exhaustion._

Kíli had not known Tauriel had watched over them, and he looked at Fíli as his brother finished speaking. Both had taken turns to tell of what they had both endured on the mountain, and halfway through it Dís had left her seat and had gone to them.

Balin had graciously given up his seat to allow for her to sit with her sons as she reached out to take hold of both their hands.

She had known they had been injured, but hadn’t been prepared to hear of the scope of their injuries.

Thorin too seemed shaken by this, hearing what his nephews had endured. He could see the pain in their expressions clear before his eyes, Fíli held in Azog’s hand as the Pale Orc intended to kill him.

 

_Finally it had come down to them._

_Orcrist felt heavy to his already tired arms, still he held his blade before him as he stared down Azog who met him on the ice._

_He swung at him with his flail, the heavy stone cracking the ice with each impact as Thorin struggled to keep upright, not to slip or move too quickly lest his momentum send him straight to the ice or into the oncoming path of Azog’s flail._

_It was almost as though it were a dance, how he would step quickly to the side and Azog would stay centered, eventually the ice they stood on broke free and Thorin while taking quick swipes at him lost his footing and nearly feel into the frigid waters below them._

_He stood and turned only to have the heavy chain catch him and took his legs out from under him. Rolling was the only way to keep away from the flail, and Azog would heft it and swing, the ice breaking beneath him with each impact._

_Finally Thorin saw an opening and swung his blade, catching a break in Azog’s armour that while momentarily causing him to drop to a knee only served to further enrage him._

_Azog swung again and this time… this time the stone embedded itself in the thick ice and did not give._

_Thorin looked to the rock then up to Azog who gave a strong pull and having no luck. He roared and swung his arm blade at him and Thorin crouched to avoid it before he straightened again._

_He… remembered taking an almost twisted sort of pleasure in the look of disbelief that suddenly came over Azog’s face, then how the Eagles soared overhead and to the army marching from the north._

_They both watched in odd fascination as both Eagle and Beorn tore through the columns of orc that now had begun to scatter to avoid both tooth and talon._

_Thorin cast Orcrist to the ice behind him as their shelf bumped against the sheet behind them. Azog had looked up at him and Thorin bent, taking the stone of the flail in hand and lifting, throwing it into Azog’s arms._

_There was confusion on the Pale Orcs face as Thorin stared him down before he hoped backwards. With his weight gone the ice tipped and Azog began to slip. Thorin watched as he struggled to stop himself from becoming submerged, and watched as the defiler disappeared beneath the ice._

_Finally… he could breathe._

He came back to the present as he heard the hushed discussions around him,

No one truly knew what had happened to Azog, or how Thorin had defeated him.

“I know what happened.”

It had finally come to it being Bilbo’s turn to speak, as none had been there when Thorin finally killed Azog and fell himself to the ice.

Bilbo’s hands twitched over his knees, before he reached into a pocket inside his coat and brought out his handkerchief nervously wringing it between his hands as he gathered his thoughts.

He did not want to talk about this. Absolutely not.

But he knew he had to, he knew that Thorin and the others all wished to hear what had transpired… Thorin especially needed to hear.

He wet his lips as he settled his left hand on his knee his right drawing shapes and writing lines across his pant leg.

“I had taken a rather nasty crack to the head, Bolg, I think it was, needless to say I had woken up to find that the Eagles had joined the battle… I saw Thorin fell Azog, how he impaled him against the ice with Orcrist and the Defiler finally lay dead. I watched Thorin stand and walk from him, to the top of the frozen waterfall looking down to his kin and those of Thranduil’s forces drive back the Orcs. We had won, I couldn’t believe it, and it had seemed so hopeless, especially when… I had no idea at this point if either Fíli or Kíli had survived, or Dwalin for that matter as I couldn’t see him either.”

 

_A dark shape moved with the water, and he saw it as he bent to retrieve Orcrist from the ice. Azog drifted slowly beneath him and he followed, he followed the slow progress of the defiler as he followed the course of the river below._

Thorin cringed as there was a twinge of pain behind his eyes, he finally stopped in his pacing, coming to stand behind Bilbo’s chair. The hobbit continued to speak, but he could barely hear him lost in his own thoughts again.

_He had to watch him die. Once and for all._

_Bloodshot blue eyes closed and Thorin knew it would be for the last time and he breathed a heavy sigh of relief._

_Then came a searing pain through his foot and he staggered, the blade withdrew and Azog exploded through the ice. The defiler knocked him to his back and was upon him. He pushed back with the blade of Orcrist as Azog’s own arm blade pushed back, drawing closer and closer._

_He had to make a decision._

_A very difficult decision._

_He grit his teeth, he knew in this contest of strength Azog would be the victor if he allowed it to go on for too long. He drew Orcrist aside and twisted himself. He felt the blade pierce his shoulder, the second point between his ribs and his eyes went wide and he groaned aloud as pain roared through him._

_But it gave him his chance._

_He would never forget Azog’s own surprised as Thorin drove Orcrist straight into his heart. He grabbed him by the shoulder and turned them, glaring down at him as he used all his weight to drive his sword through the pale orc and into the ice below. And Azog did not look away, Thorin stared into his eyes and watched him die._

He heard Bilbo clear his throat and once more was brought from his reverie, his shoulder throbbing in remembered pain as he allowed himself to relive the defilers final moments.

Bilbo did not raise his head, he kept his eyes on his feet, on his toes and the curls that adorned the tops of his feet.

“Then I saw you collapse. I ran to you Thorin, I found you gasping for air, coughing as you lay in a pool of blood.”

Thorin circled around and Bilbo saw the metal toecaps of his boots come into sight, and the company fell silent around them.

_The world seemed far away, sight and sounds muted as he lay staring up at the sky above him. He had long since stopped shivering, he knew that should have concerned him but he could not bring himself to care._

_He heard footsteps, and he turned his head as his burglar appeared before him. He tried to raise a hand to him and the searing pain had him tremble,_

_“Bilbo!”_

_Gentle hands cradled his head, concern and worry filling his burglar’s eyes even as he tut-tutted and looked him over,_

_“No don't move, don't move, lie still.”_

_He did not wish to be still, even then he tried to move, he had wanted to embrace him, to see a smile grace his lips again. Bilbo had leaned across him, had moved aside both tunic and mail and recoiled at the sight,_

_“Oh!”_

_He covered his mouth and squeezed his eyes shut tightly, taking several quick breaths before he felt calm enough to look to him again,_

_“I'm glad you're here, I wish to part from you in friendship.”_

_He saw the fear in Bilbo’s eyes now, he was there again, a hand pressed to his chest the other beneath his shoulder,_

_“You are not going anywhere Thorin. You're going to live.”_

_There was determination in his eyes, a challenge, the meaning quite clear to Thorin as he looked up at him. He wish he knew his burglar’s mind, the thoughts going through his head, what he thought to see him like this._

_I will live for you._

_“I would take back my words and my deeds at the gate. You did what only a true friend would do. Forgive me. I was too blind to see it. I am so sorry that I have led you into such peril.”_

_Please please forgive me Ghivashel, I knew not what I had done to you!_

_Bilbo had smiled, taking his hand firmly in his own as he leaned close to him, Thorin could see him struggling to keep back his tears and keep the fear from his voice,_

_“No no I'm glad to have shared in your perils Thorin, each and every one of them. It is far more than any Baggins deserves.”_

_He looked on him in wonderment, I forgive you, his eyes said even as Bilbo did not say the words to him._

_If this was to be his end… He smiled, and he saw how the first of many tears began to roll down his burglar’s cheeks. How he wished he had the strength to wipe them away._

_“Farewell, Master Burglar... Go back to your books, and your armchair, plant your trees, watch them grow. If more people valued home above gold this world would be a merry place. “_

_Do not cry for me, I would not see you cry._

_He felt at peace, a great weight lifted from his shoulders. He wished to sleep, and he saw even as the darkness began to cloud his vision how Bilbo broke. His voice was muffled, as though he was yelling from the end of a hallway to him,_

“And then you grew still and…”

His voice began to break, tears prickling at the corners of his eyes,

“I called to you, I wanted you to wake up, I said don’t you dare die on me Thorin Oakenshield.”

There were small laughs at Bilbo’s words and finally he looked up and saw the silent support from all those assembled, and how Thorin watched him from his chair.

“Hold on please, that was all I had wanted you to do. The Eagles had come, the battle was won and all I had wanted you to do was hold on.”

“We had found him sitting with you once the orcs had been chased away and we had been able to get up to the watchtower. Bifur and Dwalin had found Fíli and Kíli, they brought them down the mountain. I, feared the worst lad, with how distraught he was.”

Óin fixed Thorin with a look as he sighed deeply,

“I had a look at you, and somehow you stubborn arse, you were still breathing. Barely, but you were breathing. Had Azog’s blade been just even a hair more to the right you would have been dead. The big vein in your arm was visible clear as day as I did a quick patch on you. If Azog had nicked that there would have been no saving you.”

They told Thorin of how they had to fashion together a makeshift stretcher to get him down off the mountain, and how Bilbo had not left his side the entire time.

 

“Thank you.”

It had grown late, and Thorin knew that a certain restlessness had settled across the room. Dís even fidgeted impatiently, he knew it had to do with how she wished to have a long talk with her sons.

Dáin gave a nod as he finally stood, and the others took that as a queue for them to leave as well.

The others slowly began to file out, Bilbo listened as he heard the shuffling of chairs and the sounds of boots on stone.

That was it.

Thorin had heard the entirety of the tale of their reclamation of Erebor.

He saw how Bilbo lingered, still pale from having to recount what he had believed were Thorin's last moments.

He finally released a shaky breath and made to stand when Thorin caught him by the wrist.

He held it firmly, tight enough he couldn't get loose, but not tight enough to hurt. Bilbo froze as he looked to Thorin and tired blue eyes met his.

"Please, stay with me a while."

Bilbo swallowed as he nodded slowly lowering himself back into his seat.

Dís paused in the doorway and looked back at the pair smiling softly to herself before she stepped out into the hall and closed the door quietly behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was very hard for me not to write 'And Azog defied the laws of physics and exploded through the ice'. Because really, how did he do it? How did he manage to break through the ice and jumped on up? Unless the riverbed leading up to the waterfall is right there and he just had to stand up... Whelp, I guess we'll never know.
> 
> What makes this really sad for me is Thorin still doesn't remember everything. His memories are starting to come back but he still doesn't remember that much.


	14. A Promise Kept

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Dís spends some time with her boys and thinks back on all she has heard, and all she has seen since arriving in Erebor.
> 
> Thorin is also feeling really down, and so is Bilbo, so they're feeling really down together.
> 
> I do want to thank everyone that has read, left comments, left kudos on the story so far, I really appreciate it. :D I hope you continue to enjoy what I'm doing with this story as I enjoy writing it and planning it out. That being said I know many are hoping Thorin gets his memories back soon... spoiler, he won't. :P In all seriousness though he will eventually get them back, and I already have that part written so it's ready to go. We just need to get there first.
> 
> This chapter's a little shorter, since it's basically taking place directly following the last chapter. So everyone has left Thorin's sitting room and we're picking up immediately with Dís.

They had followed dutifully behind, knowing what she wished without even asking.

Fíli and Kíli had not spoken a word since they left their uncles sitting room, keeping in step with the other still holding the others hand tightly.

They arrived at her chambers and followed as she led them in, Fíli stopping only to close the door as she immediately when to the hearth and added wood, stoking the coals within until it caught and soon had a merry little fire going.

Both stood awkwardly as they watched their mother move about the room with a purpose, clearing chairs and tables to make room on the furs before the fire.

Then she disappeared into the adjoining bedchamber and came back out with a very familiar quilt folded over her arm.

Fíli remembered the colder winter nights in Ered Luin cuddled under that blanket with both his mother and brother. Sometimes even Thorin was there when he was not wandering the wilds looking for whatever work he could find.

He remembered how his mother and uncle both would take the time to patch and repair the blanket should a tear or a rip appear and how it would always be there, whether for an impromptu picnic in the living room, nightmares, or even thunderstorms.

Her boys watched her delicately kick her slippers from her feet before unfolding the quilt and draping it over her shoulders as she slowly lowered herself to the furs.

They still unsure of what to do for a moment before she turned her head to look to them.

Fíli was the first to move, reaching down to unlace his boots enough he could slide them from his feet, setting them aside as he pulled off his coat and slung it over the back of the nearest chair.

He had no use for weapons in Erebor but still pulled one of his blades from the inside of his shirt and set it with his coat as he walked across the floor.

Dís lifted her right arm, holding open the blanket as her golden haired son came to sit beside her. She smiled as she felt his arms wrap around her middle as he rested his head against her shoulder. She hugged him close with that arm as she tucked the blanket around him.

Fíli listened to the slow deep breaths his mother took, closing his eyes as she kissed the top of his head.

She then look to Kíli who stood hesitating before he too kicked off his boots, uncaring where they landed as he shucked off his jacket and let it fall to the floor.

His mother only smiled as she held up the other side for him and her youngest took the spot on her left.

Kíli wished to protest, he was too old to be cuddling with his mother and brother, but all thoughts of leaving left him as he curled into her side as she pulled both her sons to her.

She hadn’t known how close she had come to losing them.

She looked between her boys, to their heads tucked against her chest as they both held her around the waist. She rested her cheek against Fíli’s head as she gently stroked Kíli’s hair.

“Why did you not tell me?”

She asked quietly, neither of her sons moved, she felt how Fíli’s arms tightened their hold around her before he spoke,

“We did not wish to worry you amad… when you came to Erebor all the physical wounds had all but healed…”

Kíli tightened his own grip on his mother, burying his face against her chest as he held on to her. Dís looked between her sons as Fíli spoke, she herself drew them as close as she could,

She had already lost their father, she could not imagine having lost them all.

She had made Thorin promise that no harm would come to her boys, all those many years ago in Ered Luin as the four of them huddle under this very blanket for warmth.

When she had given permission for Thorin to take her sons on this quest.

_Bring them back to me Thorin, please, swear to me that they will come home!_

Fíli followed his brother and buried his face against his mother’s chest as well, he recalled how he had sat on Ravenhill with Tauriel watching over he and Kíli. He had been ashamed he could not do more for his brother, he had promised his mother that they would both return to her.

But they had come back to her, hadn’t they?

Dís hummed as she hugged her boys close, and judging by the look on Thorin’s face she knew he would probably seek them out as well.

Well, once he finished speaking with his hobbit.

She smiled gently taking time to kiss both Kíli and Fíli on the top of the head as she rubbed their backs soothingly.

She had been beside herself with worry when the raven came, Roäc had come bearing the news of the victory at the battle for Erebor and how both king and princes were injured in the fighting.

Fíli was right, by the time her caravan had arrived from the Blue Mountains both her boys were on their feet and neither seemed to be in too rough of shape. A testament to their youth, she had thought as both met her at the gate.

Kíli had all but leapt into her arms and Fíli was a little more reserve in his greeting to his mother. He had walked up on the two and wrapped his arms around them both. Dís, with some squirming on her part, had freed both arms and hugged both her sons tightly to her, much like she did now.

She had not pressed them to discuss what had happened to them that night as both led her from the gate to where Thorin rested.

That had been when she had first met Bilbo.

She had seen hobbits before in passing, during those rare times that she herself would travel away from Ered Luin, and knew little about them.

So it had surprised her to find a hobbit, sitting at her brother’s bedside, and… holding his hand.

Dís had noticed even as Bilbo tried to hide that he had been doing so. She had found it amusing as he jumped to his feet to look at her as she addressed him.

He had been very reluctant to leave Thorin’s side that was something else she had noticed, how he cast sidelong looks back over his shoulder to her brother’s shape in the bed.

As soon as he had gone Fíli and Kíli, more so Kíli was happy to explain more about the hobbit to his mother whenever she asked a question.

Her sons did paint an interesting picture, and whenever she got the chance she herself would take the time to speak to Bilbo.

It was during those talks that she came to the conclusion that the hobbit was in love with her brother even though he would fervently deny such a thing. But he was obvious, she had loved once, still loved, and she knew the signs of it. Bilbo thought he hid his feelings well but she knew.

It saddened her to find out such a thing and know that Thorin did not remember Bilbo, she had bared witness to how hurt the hobbit was, many a time they would walk together and somehow it always came around to Thorin.

Bilbo would speak in great lengths about his part in the journey, and he would take of how much care Thorin would take with him in turn and Dís would smile with him.

Just as how she was happy now to see that Thorin had warmed considerably to Bilbo and even though he seemed perplexed by his own actions, would go out of his way to do things for him. Subconsciously she was sure that Thorin knew.

A soft snore caught her attention and she looked down to the two nestled against her.

Kíli was the one who had made the sound, he had always snored.

It didn’t surprise her to see that her boys had both dozed off sitting there with her. Of course now they were both much too big for her to lift and carry to their beds to tuck in.

So it would seem she was stuck there until Fíli and Kíli woke up. She didn’t mind in the least, it had been far too long since they had sat like this.

“Amad…”

Fíli’s voice slurred and he blinked the sleep from his eyes as he looked up to his mother’s face,

“Hush, rest now… it’s alright.”

She kept her voice quiet, not wanting to disturb Kíli who clung to her, occasionally he would shift to get comfortable again before going still once more.

Fíli rested his head once more against her chest and closed his eyes, it did not take him long to fall back asleep and Dís smiled looking between her sons, grateful that Thorin had kept this promise to her.

 

They sat in silence for a long while, Bilbo almost didn’t think Thorin would release him.

Eventually he did, when he was sure that the hobbit wouldn’t leave the moment he did so.

“I apologize for my initial distrust when I awoke. I did not know all you had done for me...”

Thorin looked at him as he spoke, and Bilbo was rooted in place, the dwarf kings next words were the hardest to hear,

“Would you hate me if I never remember?”

“Hate you? No Thorin I would not... It’s beyond your control. I cannot hate you for something the Valar have decided for you.”

Bilbo could honestly say that he had come to accept that perhaps Thorin would never remember. That this would be how he lived out the rest of his days.

He tried to smile as Thorin looked at him, he seemed to be struggling for things to say.

“I could never hate you Thorin, you’re a very dear friend to me.”

Thorin looked at him and nodded, looking down to his hands.

“You’ve been neglecting your hair again...”

Bilbo said softly as he looked to him, and Thorin lifted his gaze to see the hobbit stand and move to stand at his side.

“I mean, if you want my help, because I’m sure that you are more than capable of doing it yourself, I just thought tha-“

“No it’s alright, please, I would like for you to.”

Bilbo paused at Thorin’s words before he shyly smiled as he nodded and Thorin shifted forward in his seat and gave Bilbo easier access to his hair.

It was soothing, Bilbo sang quietly to himself as he ran his fingers through knots and tangles, loosening them and smoothing them out. He flicked one of Thorin’s braids out from where it was tucked behind his ear.

Thorin caught him by the wrist again and Bilbo froze in place, unsure of what he had done. Had he offended him in some way? Had he hurt him?

Of course he found himself suddenly very devoid of the ability to think as Thorin drew his hand forward and Bilbo swore that apart from the slight tickle from the bristles of Thorin’s beard he felt the faintest of kisses to his inner wrist.

His face grew hot, even his ears burned as just as quickly as it was there it was gone and Thorin dropped his hand back to the armrest.

Bilbo’s heart was fluttering as Thorin pushed himself upright and turned to face him.

He could see the conflicting emotions flittering across his face, the uncertainty. Thorin gazed at him for a long time, well, to Bilbo it certainly felt like a long time as he waited for Thorin to say or do something.

“Thank you, Bilbo.”

“My pleasure, really. You’re welcome Thorin.”

The king of Erebor continued to look at him and Bilbo found himself rooted in place as Thorin held his gaze before finally he looked away,

“I’m… I need to see my nephews, perhaps we can speak again later?”

“Of course,”

While he did not like the idea of being so easily dismissed, he knew that Thorin was itching to go and see his nephews after all that he had been told of their suffering through the battle.

“I’ll let myself out, just, send me for when you wish to speak I suppose?”

He looked back up into Thorin’s face and the king nodded as Bilbo turned and started towards the door.

Bilbo could feel Thorin’s gaze following his path, and he was quite certain that Thorin might still be looking even after the closed the door behind himself.

He leaned back on the door as exhaustion suddenly came over him, he was drained, physically and emotionally drained, but at least now the telling of the tale was over.

Now it was time to look to the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damnit Thorin.


	15. Coronation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Thorin 'officially' becomes King under the Mountain.
> 
> And I pretend to know a thing or two about Dwarrow Culture. Dís and Bilbo hang out a lot because they're quite good friends at this point, and we meet the pride and joys of both Dáin and Glóin.
> 
> Because Gimli.
> 
> I feel terrible that I really didn't have much in terms of dialogue during the actual coronation, but I'm looking at it in the way that Bilbo is there observing things that would normally be kept from anyone who is not a dwarf. And he too would feel bad asking for translations and the like. He doesn't want to be annoying, and he finds he sees more with their gestures than anything else.

Bilbo found that now that Thorin knew the entirety of the story of his company, he had finally decided that it was time that he took the crown.

Not that he hadn't already declared himself King under the Mountain when they first took Erebor, but there were certain formalities that needed to be seen to.

Which meant a coronation and all that came with it.

He and Thorin had discussed it at length and he had been surprised when Thorin had asked him what he thought, if he believed he should which Bilbo had simply replied with it being his birth right and other such things.

He knew that Thorin would make for a great king. Dáin had agreed with him as he had sent the word out to the other dwarf families and to the Iron Hills calling for his son to join him in Erebor.

What Bilbo didn’t expect was that he found himself included in the planning, and while Dís and Balin took the reins for the majority of the planning he was still asked for his input on certain things. Thorin was the lucky one in that he distanced himself from it and whenever was shown something would merely grunt before Dís or Bilbo would either give the yes or no.

Bilbo had made sure that King Bard and his family were included amongst those invited.

Balin had then explained to him that certain concessions were being made to allow Bilbo to be present at the coronation and that the other dwarf lords were unwilling to allow for Bard to be allowed to bear witness.

Traditions and all, stubborn and secretive so he should be thankful that he was even allowed to go. Either way it still culminated to weeks upon weeks of planning to ensure that even the tiniest details were seen to and finalized.

Dori was eventually brought in and they found that he was quite in his element in ensuring that everthing would go off without a hitch.

 

“They’re only allowing me to be present because of my part in it, aren’t they?”

Bilbo asked as he and Dís were looking over the plans for the festivities that would following the coronation itself.

He had been particularly fond of the idea of a feast, Dis had chuckled at how his eyes had light up and he smiled at the prospect.

Thorin too had been amused by the enthusiasm that Bilbo showed at the mere thought.

“Yes, they know that you were and that you played a big part in helping them reclaim the mountain. They also know that Thorin counts you among his close friends and would not go against him. He wants you to be there Bilbo.”

Bilbo looked from Dís to the papers before them,

“They also know that I was the one to give the Arkenstone to King Bard and King Thranduil.”

Dís’s lips thinned before she nodded slowly and sighed as she gathered the papers in hand,

“Which they’ve had much to say about, Dáin and Thorin had spoken out in your defense, and there are many who do not wish to cross Thorin at this time, he will bring them to heel, you need not worry Bilbo. I doubt Thorin would allow for you to be ostracized by anyone, you are one of his company. He has made that very clear, and it helps that Dáin speaks for you as well.”

Bilbo nodded as Dís looked to him now and he looked up to meet her eyes,

“I think our biggest concern now would be what you will be wearing. You cannot attend dressed as you are.”

His mouth opened then closed before he frowned a little,

“I’ll have you know that what I have is quite proper in the Shire, in fact I’m one of the most impeccably dressed in the whole of my family.”

Dís looked him over from his trousers to the suspenders beneath his waistcoat, to the jacket he had received from Laketown and she continued to smile,

“Which may be suitable for everyday but you will be attending the coronation of the King under the Mountain, there are formalities Bilbo, formalities that must be observed. The other dwarf lords would see your manner of dress as disrespectful to ours and our customs.”

Bilbo huffed crossing his arms as he turned his nose up to her,

“They would see it as you disrespecting Thorin.”

That caught his attention and he glanced to her before he finally turned in his seat to face her,

“I don’t have much in terms of clothing Lady Dís, I wouldn’t even know where to begin to look for other clothes.”

“I may have some things that you can use, if you would permit me?”

Bilbo eyed Dís for a moment before he slowly nodded and she stood, he watched her cross the floor to her bedchamber and disappeared into the room.

He swung his legs as he waited, and eventually Dís peaked her head out from her room and waved him over.

He felt very odd entering her room, especially when she directed him towards the bed in the center. He held his breath and hurried closer to find several different pieces laid out across the bed spread.

“Bofur had told me you had lost most of what clothing you had in the Goblin Caves, and when I was told that you had only two changes of clothing I had a look around to see what I could find. Though, they may be slightly too big for you, no matter, they can be taken in.”

Dís nudged him forward and Bilbo looked from her to the clothes and began to look through the different shirts, trousers, and tunics.

He examined the heavy weave of the fabrics, the delicate embroidery along the hem and buttons.

“These are quite nice.”

“There is a screen in the corner, try them on, I will pin them back so that the appropriate alterations can be made. I notice the leg of your trousers sit rather high up the calf.”

Bilbo glanced over his shoulder to her as he grabbed the pants and shirts that appealed the most to him as he made his way to the screen.

“It’s the proper way to wear ones trousers.”

Dís stepped out of the room to give him some privacy laughing as she did so and Bilbo was given the opportunity to see just how different the make of clothing was from Hobbits to Dwarves.

The fabrics were coarser, heavier, and a tad stiff if how hard it was for him to get the pants on was any indication.

That and he noticed on some of the pieces there was a little wear over the joints mostly, creases in the fabric in other places. He ran his fingers across the rather ornate clasps on one of the over shirts.

They were quite long in the leg, he found himself bunching up the pant legs as to not trip over them as he came out from behind the screen.

“I look ridiculous.”

He said as he took in the sight of his reflection, he looked as out of place as a dwarf would in the current fashion of the Shire.

Which he paused when he realised that he himself had no real idea of what was currently the trend in Hobbiton. The last he recalled it was darker hues of waist coats paired with a lighter cotton shirt, and brown trousers.

No respectable hobbit would be caught in what he wore now.

Not that he was a respectable hobbit to begin with, he had long since lost the right to refer to himself as such the moment he stepped outside his door to chase after the company of thirteen dwarves and one wizard.

Dís appeared in the mirror behind him and he saw how she looked at his clothing more than anything else, swallowing before she smiled and looked to him.

“They seem alright, come, stand up on this stool so I can pin those back.”

He obeyed and found himself standing again before the mirror as Dís went around him folding and pinning back the fabric so that it would sit on him better. There was a definite practiced ease in how she worked and he idly wondered if this was something she had done before. Most likely as Thorin had spoken in length of how they had to make do with what they had and for the first many years of his life Kíli wore hand-me downs and even Fíli’s clothes were usually second hand.

Bilbo had also learned that Thorin himself knew how to sew, which would mean that Dís herself must know her way around a needle and thread as well.

She leaned back and surveyed her work before she stood and looked at him,

“Try on the next, we’ll get them all adjusted.”

He didn’t argue as he made his way back over to the bed to gather the next outfit. It continued like that until Dís was satisfied that Bilbo would have more than two pairs of clothes to wear in and around the mountain.

He found her holding up his shirt and shaking her head at how thin and worn the fabric was.

“When winter comes, even with the fires of the forges lit the upper levels do tend to get chilly, it would not do for you to get sick because of it. These will serve you much better.”

She said as she gathered all he had tried on and set them aside before handing him back his old clothing and stepping out of the room again.

Bilbo quickly changed and set the shirt and trousers with the others before he rejoined Dís in her sitting room.

He hadn’t thought he would still be here come winter, and the thought struck him at just how long he had been gone from home.

He hardly found himself thinking about Bag End lately, well, except on the occasion when he missed his books, his favorite armchair, and his favorite mug with the stains in the porcelain from the black tea that his mother used to favor.

His sigh caught Dís’s attention and she looked at him, noting the slump of his shoulders and the downturn of his mouth and the sad little look in his eyes.

“Are you alright?”

“What? Oh, yes, I’m fine, really.”

She eyed him and he swallowed nervously, tugging at the hem of his waistcoat as she continued to watch him before he averted his gaze,

“No, I’m thinking about home… About Bag End. I didn’t realize how long it’s been since we first set out, I mean I had initially signed on to be the burglar, and my job technically is done and I could leave. Gandalf has asked me if I wish to go home, I’ve thought about it.”

“But something is stopping you.”

He lightly chewed on his bottom lip, fingers gripping to the table before him. There was a great deal stopping him at this point, yes, the quest was finished, the mountain won and soon Thorin son of Thráin, son of Thrór would be crowned King under the Mountain and again a son of Durin would sit on the throne.

He couldn’t deny he had grown quite attached to the company, all thirteen of them and knew that he would miss them. They had been his home and family for the two years he had been gone from the Shire and he couldn’t imagine his life without them.

Dís didn’t press him to answer, instead she rested a gentle hand on his shoulder and he smiled to her.

 

It was several days later that Dís had sent the summons to him and he managed to sneak away from a rather rousing game of Conkers with Fíli, Kíli, Bofur, Ori, and Nori.

Dís smiled as she met him, ushering him into her sitting room where several wrapped packages were set on one of her chairs.

“Go on, have a look and try them on.”

He could feel Dís watching him as he looked through the shirts and trousers, he picked the first set he had tried on and she gave him the privacy he needed to change.

They did indeed fit much better, and Dís had taken into account that he did prefer his pant legs to end about mid-calf.

“That looks much better,”

Dís commented as she came back into the room and looked at him, Bilbo turned and she smiled as she looked to him,

“Balin will be along shortly, he will be discussing protocols and such with you. Each member of the company will have a part to play in the proceedings and he wants to make sure that you are not left out.”

Bilbo nodded as he gathered his clothes beneath his arms and returned to the sitting room.

The two chatted for a few moments longer before there was a knock on the door and Dís rose to answer. She returned with Balin beside her who took one look at Bilbo and froze in place, he looked from Bilbo to Dís who fixed him with a hard look before she took her seat.

Bilbo blinked as he caught the expression on Balin’s face and Dís’s answering look, curious as to what prompted such a reaction but decided not to say anything as Balin set several documents down before him.

“Now, as we said before, the entirety of the ceremony will be in Khuzdul, but myself and the lady Dís will be there to help you. Now, the ceremony will begin with a traditional address, Thorin will then address those gathered and we will pay respect to those we lost when Erebor fell.”

Bilbo found it hard to concentrate as he listened to Balin, watched him go over the outline, down from the order that each speech would be made to where everyone would be standing for the duration of the event.

He was relieved to know he wasn’t expected to do much save stand there and nod whenever was necessary, and just remain quiet and observe.

After all, he would be the first non-dwarrow to witness such a thing. Which in itself was a tremendous honor but Balin told him that Thorin would have it no other way.

 

The morning of the Coronation came a lot sooner than Bilbo had originally hoped, and he found that during their visit the night before that Dís had already picked out and laid out what he would be expected to wear that day.

There wasn’t anything in particular wrong with it, but found it far too… stiff. He was no stranger to looking his best but he had standards.

But he knew better than to cross the lady Dís.

He dressed in his chosen outfit, fiddling with both clasp and button alike for the rather ornate tunic. It really did look the part, though it didn’t stop him from feeling overdressed as he tiptoed from his rooms in hopes of not running into anyone right away.

He had considered using the ring to just take some time for himself before the start of the ceremony, or even visiting with Thorin beforehand…

“Master Baggins!”

Or Dáin it would seem.

He turned and smiled, giving a slight incline of his chin to the lord of the Iron Hills, he straightened to look to Dáin then took notice of the dwarf following alongside him,

“I see you’re ready for all today’s nonsense.”

“I may look the part, but I assure you I am far from ready Lord Dáin.”

Bilbo smiled wryly and then turned his full attention to the dark haired Dwarrow beside Dáin who noticed where he looked and clapped the lad hard on the back,

“Where are my manners, Master Baggins, this is my son Thorin III, you’ll find they’ll refer to him more as the Stonehelm as to not confuse him with our esteemed king. Thorin, this is the burglar I told you about.”

Bilbo’s smile fell at Dáin’s words and the Stonehelm laughed at the expression on the hobbits face,

“Thorin III at your service.”

“Bilbo Baggins at yours. Your father has told me a great deal about you, Thorin says that you’re his favorite topic to discuss.”

Dáin smiled as he looked between the two, putting a hand on both their shoulders as he began to guide them down the familiar pathway to breakfast,

“Father’s told me quite a bit about you as well, you will have to tell me, is it true that you spoke to the dragon?”

  
Talk of Smaug it seemed preceded him as when they arrived in the dining room the company usually occupied he was met with another eager son that wished to hear of his part in the adventure.

“Is that him da? Is he the one that stole from the dragon?”

Bilbo blinked as he was guided into his usual seat but found himself looking across at what he could describe as a smaller less furry version of Glóin.

“Mind your manners my star, introduce yourself first.”

Glóin said patting his boy on the back as his son turned back to Bilbo and smiled,

“Gimli at your service.”

“Bilbo Baggins at yours Gimli son of Glóin, and dragon you say?”

“Aye, da says that you snuck in here and stole the Arkenstone from the dragon. I had wanted to come along on this journey but he said that I was too young.”

Bilbo smiled as Gimli began to tell him of when he had first heard of Thorin’s quest to retake Erebor and how he had expressed his desire to come along.

After all, if Kíli was allowed to go he should have been allowed to go as well.

“Gims, you’re fifteen years younger than me.”

“But I have more of a beard that you do!”

Bilbo watched as Kíli and Gimli shouted at each other from across the table, no one seemed at all concerned, and even Bilbo saw how it was more done in jest and that nothing they said was meant to hurt.

He could see Glóin’s eyes shining in pride each time he looked to his boy, and how the Stonehelm and Dáin spoke quietly between themselves at the end of the table.

He was surprised when no food was thrown, not one morsel hit the floor that day and he had a feeling that it may have had something to do with everyone being dressed in their best.

Fíli and Kíli had invited him along to visit with their mother before the majority of the ceremony began, which had already been delayed considerably as both Glóin and Bombur both wished to introduce Bilbo to their respective spouses. Fíli had finally managed to steer them away and said that their visit with the lady was because Dís had something to give to them, but it turned out more as a trap to get Kíli in range of her comb.

Bilbo and Fíli were treated to Dís combing out Kíli’s unruly mane, smoothing it out before she began to braid it.

Bilbo didn’t miss the scathing glares sent in Fíli’s direction by the prince still trapped in the chair. Once Dís had deemed Kíli’s hair acceptable she allowed him up and the three stood as Dís presented them each with a cloak.

Bilbo couldn’t ever remember being fussed over so much as Dís applied the finishing touches, and he watched Kíli fidget only to get a stern reprimand from his mother that quieted him down considerably.

Finally it was time to join the procession and Bilbo found himself at the center of attention.

Not only was he most definitely not a dwarf, but he was walking with the company and beside the Lady Dís.

He craned his head this way and that trying to take in the splendor of the hall. It was breathtakingly beautiful, he couldn’t contain his wonderment. He had never seen such a thing! Even during his exploration of the mountain he had never seen such a place.

“You’re the first non-dwarrow to see this place in centuries.”

Fíli said quietly as they listened to the conversations around them, and Bilbo finally looked to the raise dais in the center of the room.

Thorin stood with his back to them as he spoke quietly to Balin and another Dwarf that Bilbo did not recognize. Dwalin surveyed the room from the right of the throne, and he could see the company already assembled on the platform.

Thorin was once more dressed in the robes reminiscent of the ones his grandfather had worn once, and when he turned Bilbo saw his eyes widen in surprise when he saw him.

Bilbo couldn’t help the small flush of his cheeks as Thorin’s gaze lingered considerably longer than necessary before he slowly nodded and turned away.

The ceremony began as Balin said it would.

The Heads of Each of the Seven Dwarf families approached the dais and each took their turn to speak directly to Thorin, and he would answer them in turn before they returned to their places.

The Dwarrow that Bilbo did not know began to speak then, and he tried not to jump when he heard Dís’s voice in his ear,

“They speak of those lost when Erebor was first taken, of Thrór’s attempts to retake Azanulbizar, and of our father Thráin marching to avenge him. How Thorin rose when Thráin disappeared and how he led a wandering people, until now he’s taken back our stolen home.”

She pressed something into his palm and Bilbo glanced downwards to find the Arkenstone there, he looked up at Dís who only smiled and straightened.

“Bring forth the jewel of the king.”

The dwarrow said and Bilbo felt everyone look to him as he took a step forward. He looked from each face of the company, how they smiled and motioned him forward, then to Dís, Fíli, and Kíli who urged him towards Thorin.

He swallowed as he walked nervously to stand before Thorin, Balin had neglected this little part of the show.

Thorin watched him as he stopped before him, and Bilbo was unsure what to do. He glanced to Balin who motioned for him to hold up the stone and he did so quickly, nearly dropping it in the process and freezing when Thorin caught both his hands and cradled them gently in his own.

The breath caught in his throat as he looked to him and Thorin very nearly smiled as he gently took the Arkenstone from Bilbo’s hands and Bilbo dropped his arms numbly to his side.

Deciding not to linger too much longer he hurried back to his place still red-faced and embarrassed. Fíli reached behind his mother to pat him on the shoulder as Kíli smiled over to him mouthing ‘you did great’.

 

There were words that Bilbo did not understand, well many words that he did not understand. In fact, the only words he had been able to understand were Thorin, Thráin, Thrór, and Arkenstone.

Other than that he hadn’t a clue as to what was happening apart from the queues that both Dís and Balin would give to him.

He had been told to stand with Dís, Fíli, and Kíli for the entirety of the ceremony. Which from what he could see was not entirely well received by some of the dwarves in attendance. Thankfully they knew better than to voice such opinions around the company, Dís, Dáin, and Thorin, especially Thorin.

But he understood why.

The company themselves stood apart, in places of honor, and Bilbo himself not only was he standing up there as he was most definitely not a dwarf; but his place was with the heirs and royal family.

It had been Dís that wanted him to be there with them.

Bilbo watched as Thorin knelt before the dwarrow, Sverri, as Fíli had informed him was his name, and Thrór’s crown was once more place upon his brow.

Thorin then rose and began his own address to the assembled dwarves, before he called Fíli to him and Bilbo was sure was formally naming him as his heir for the crown should anything happen. He was confident that that was exactly what Thorin was doing judging from the reactions of the company, Dís, and Kíli.

Thorin did look every part of the king.

Then the dwarves began to sing.

Bilbo could feel the sound reverberating around the chamber and deep in his chest.

It made the hairs on the back of his neck and even his feet stand on end, not to mention the sensation of gooseflesh across his skin.

He was in absolute awe.

He found himself remembering how a company of thirteen had filled his home with sound, and now to hear hundreds of voices echoing throughout the halls was incredible.

And yet he found that even with all the voices around him it was Thorin's voice that he focused on.

He could even tell Dís from the crowd, Bofur, Balin... Each had such a distinct voice that his ears could pick them each out. But it always went back to Thorin.

The King hand his Eyes closed as he sang, many of the dwarrows there did. He wished he knew what they were saying, he would have felt terrible to have asked Dís to translate as she too seemed far away as her voice carried.

Slowly the voices began to die down until it was only Thorin, Dís, and both her sons that sang and then slowly their voices too grew quiet.

Sverri began to speak again, and he glanced to Kíli who winked before he looked ahead again. Fíli had gone back to his place and once more then heads of the dwarf families came forward and addressed Thorin a second time and each looked upon the Arkenstone.

He learned quickly that he was not the only one who was beginning to grow bored with the proceedings. A quick glance around showed how Kíli’s chin had fell to his chest, there was an almost dazed expression on the faces of Bofur, Nori, and…. Well Óin had lowered his trumpet quite some time ago and so he was blissfully unaware of what was going on around him

Thorin’s expression was a little more amusing Bilbo found. There was a slight crease between his eyebrows, his lips were set in a tight line, and he was regarding Sverri intently before he glanced to Bilbo out of the corner of his eye and his expression softened minutely.

Bilbo then tried not to smile as Dwalin rolled his eyes with a snort as he had taken notice of that.

Finally after another agonizing hour the ceremony had come to a close after once more address from the newly crowned king and Bilbo joined with the company in following Thorin out of the chamber.

With that over it meant that the feast would soon be served and Bilbo could feel the hunger gnawing at him and was quite relieved when he had joined Glóin, his wife Jódís, and Gimli in walking to the great hall.

Of course a hand on the arm stopped him and he turned to find Thorin there,

“May I speak with you a moment, master Baggins?”

Thorin had asked and Bilbo looked at him a moment before he nodded and looked to Glóin and his family,

“Of course, I will rejoin you soon.”

He said and Glóin nodded, ushering both his wife and son away as Thorin kept his hand on Bilbo’s arm as he led him away from the main hallway into a quieter hallway.

“What did you think?”

Bilbo pondered that question for a moment, he assumed that Thorin had been talking about the coronation and he tapped a finger against his lips in thought before he spoke,

“Dry, pompous, Balin hadn’t told me I would be presenting you the Arkenstone, I could tell that you yourself were not enjoying it, Kíli I’m sure had fallen asleep… shall I go on?”

Thorin smiled gently and shook his head,

“It is the way of things, Kíli will get used to it, there will be many more like what you bared witness to.”

Thorin’s expression changed after that and studied him now, looking him over.

“Did Dís have these taken in for you?”

Thorin asked as he gently plucked at one of Bilbo's sleeves,

“Yes, she said they were they only ones that were even close to my size she could find.”

He answered fingers fidgeting with the clasps of his tunic.

“These were Frerin’s.”

Thorin said softly and for a moment seemed deep in thought as he looked to Bilbo who squirmed uncomfortable under Thorin’s gaze.

“Frerin?”

“He was our brother, myself and Dís... He died at Azanulbizar.”

Thorin’s gaze flickered up to meet Bilbo’s again, and he suddenly felt very awkward wearing these clothes.

“I can go and change out of them if it bothers you that I am wearing them.”

“No, it’s fine Master Baggins, Dís gave them to you to wear, and I would rather this than they be left where they lay and forgotten.”

Bilbo felt very self-conscious after that, after all, if Thorin recognized the clothes, who else did? He knew that many were already talking about him, but what would they be saying now?

_Oh look! Thorin’s burglar is wearing the clothing of the dead prince._

Bilbo pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes shut tightly, he was not impressed with this whole situation now. If he had only known then perhaps he could have politely declined, he felt uncomfortable wearing these, and knowing that they had been altered from their original state to fit him.

Princess or not he was going to be having some words with the Lady Dís.

He finally looked back up to Thorin who watched him, he managed a small smile before he spoke,

“I would hate to see the king miss his own coronation feast, perhaps we should head there?”

He urged wincing when his stomach took that moment to remind him that they had not eaten since luncheon and had missed afternoon tea for the ceremony.

Thorin chuckled at the sound before he nodded and offered his arm to Bilbo who, with great reluctance, took it and allowed himself to be escorted from the hallway.

Of course when they did arrive in the great hall where the feast was taking place Bilbo was absolutely mortified at how many stopped to look at him as Thorin walked with him to the head table.

He was extra embarrassed when Bofur winked at him as he passed and Bilbo found that he would not be sitting with the company.

He had a place at the head table, and once again Dís had chosen his place and set him between herself and Thorin.

He didn’t think this night could get any worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thorin stop being so obvious yet completely oblivious, you freaking goof. And Dís you're not helping, stop encouraging him.
> 
> I am SO sorry Bilbo.
> 
>  
> 
> Not really.


	16. Conversations over Dinner or Lost in Translation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which it becomes clear that the lady Dís isn't the only meddler and she has an accomplice, and Bilbo can tell something is going on but cannot figure it out. 
> 
> Also this is when I roll with the idea that red meat is icky to some elves.

He regretted thinking about how if the night could get any worse than it was already, and found that yes, it could very well get worse.

Thankfully it wouldn’t be just him suffering through it.

He was thankful to see that Bard and his family had indeed been invited as the King of Dale approached the head table,

“Hail Thorin son of Thráin.”

Bard and his family played the part of royalty quite well, dressed in the finest clothes they could find. Bain stood proudly beside his father while both his sister looked around in amazement and curiosity.

But it wasn’t the royal family of Dale or King Bard speaking politely with the King under the Mountain that attracted attention.

Bilbo blinked when he heard the hushed voices and conversations coming from the main floor as he caught sight of red hair and saw Tauriel’s’ approach. She held her head high as she came to stand behind Bard.

Thorin had politely half-smiled to Bard, and it was almost comical how quickly his expression changed and settled into one quite different from how it had been mere seconds before as he saw that there was now an elf standing before him.

He was not impressed, Bilbo could tell that from his expression alone.

He glanced about and saw many holding their breath awaiting Thorin’s response, he saw how Kíli looked to his uncle nervously his eyes periodically darting to Tauriel’s impassive face.

“You bring an elf into my halls.”

Bilbo saw how she tensed, and from the corner of his eye saw how Fíli put a hand on Kíli’s arm to keep him in his seat.

Personally he debated giving Thorin a little kick under the table.

“This is Tauriel of Mirkwood, captain of my guard.”

Bard had said looking from Tauriel to Thorin,

“She was the one who watched over us on the mountain.”

Thorin looked to Fíli as his nephew was the next to speak, he pondered this before he turned his attention back on the elf who glanced about before her gaze settled momentarily on Kíli before darting back to the king.

Thorin’s jaw tensed and Bilbo could see him fighting back on what he truly wished to say before he exhaled sharply,

“For aiding my nephews, I will welcome you.”

His words were curt, and quick and he once more seated himself.

Bard, his family, and Tauriel were then ushered to one of the guest tables and the tension seemed to lift finally.

Bilbo could see how Kíli struggled not to look over too often at then, or let his gaze linger too long on Tauriel as Dís had a close eye on him.

Thorin’s own mood seemed to have soured at the knowledge that an elf was amongst them and Bilbo rolled his eyes before he fixed Thorin with a hard look,

“Really? Are you truly going to sit there and sulk over this? She helped keep them alive Thorin, she should be as welcome as I or Bard.”

Thorin seemed taken aback by Bilbo’s words as the hobbit crossed his arms, he glanced passed him to the amused look on Dís’s face as she tried to not make it too obvious that she was listening to them.

Thorin began to reply when Bilbo cut him off holding up a single digit, he hadn’t finished yet,

“I will be very disappointed if you allow this to ruin your evening, if you even listened to Kíli you would know she had saved his life more than once, remember that. Now, if you excuse me, I’m going to go and visit with them.”

Thorin stared after him as Bilbo rose and hurried away leaving him dumbstruck as Dís smiled to him from her seat,

“He is quite charming, I don’t think I have seen anyone do that to you since our lady mother.”

Dís commented offhandedly and Thorin scowled at her, still tracking Bilbo’s progress as he stopped by the table where Bofur and many of the others sat to chat with them before excusing himself and carrying on to where he took a seat with Bard and his family.

“You agree with him.”

Thorin muttered as he took his tankard in hand and Dís set her fork down as she turned in her seat to look at him,

“I do. If she is the one who saved my sons life then I will welcome her.”

She saw Kíli standing from the corner of her eye and how he made his way over to sit with Bilbo in visiting with Bard and his family.

Fíli was the next to get up and head to join the rest of his uncle’s company, Glóin was regaling his boy with a tale of their journey, and Thorin could see the look of envy on Gimli’s face as he no doubt wished he had been there to experience it for himself.

“Dís…”

“We cannot allow ourselves to dwell in the past, Thorin. You’ve taken back Erebor and you’re giving a chance for the next generation to not have to worry where their next meal will come from, if they need to uproot their lives and move on again. You’ve done well by our people, you have the chance to offer a better future, please, at least try and be civil. After all, it’s only one she-elf, not Thranduil himself.”

She smiled as Thorin scowled into his ale at the mere mention of the name of the woodland king. He knew that Thranduil had his part that he had played in the Battle, and he had grudgingly accepted that he owed Thranduil some thanks.

“Well that went well.”

Bilbo had said the moment he had taken his seat across from Bard and the king of Dale had laughed as he and his children helped themselves to the spread across the table.

“I suppose we should be thankful he did not order us out.”

Bard commented offhandedly,

“I would not have let him.”

“Ah I see your word holds sway then over the king?”

Bard had asked with a slight arch of his brow, Bilbo sputtered and crossed his arms as Kíli dropped onto the bench beside him and patted him on the back,

“Thorin listens to Bilbo, can’t imagine why but he does.”

Kíli had said before he caught Tauriel’s eye and saw the small smile tug at the corners of her lips,

“I will have to thank your brother for speaking on my behalf.”

Tauriel began as she looked over the food before her, appearing more than a little unsettled by the amount of red meat that was still bleeding in her eyes that was laid out before her.

Kíli glanced about quickly before he found a tray of roasted potatoes and set it down before her,

“M’lady, allow me to present some of the finest roasted potatoes you will ever have.”

He teased finishing with a flourish of his hand and a bow of his head before he straightened again and was rewarded with a true smile this time as she did take some of the offered food.

“Thank you my lord, or should I refer to you as my prince now?”

“Kíli, Kíli’s fine, you do not need to call me either of those really.”

He glanced quickly to the head table and saw how both his mother and uncle were now watching and he cleared his throat as he quickly took the nearest tankard in hand and took a swallow of ale.

Bilbo was pulled from his conversation with Bard to Kíli sputtering beside him, when it was clear the prince was in no immediate danger he looked back to Bard and the two returned to their talks.

“And where is Gandalf, I had thought he was puttering around in Dale?”

“He had been, but left two nights ago, said he had business in the west and he would return in due time.”

Bilbo nodded as he drummed his fingers lightly against the table, he was curious what could possibly be the reason for the wizard to head back that way.

Especially without asking him if he wished to accompany him.

The Shire was west, he knew that much.

Of course he then thought what the odds would actually be that he would agree to return to Hobbiton with the wizard.

He looked from Bard to the head table where Thorin and Dís spoke between themselves.

“Homesick Bilbo?”

He looked to Bard as he spoke and nodded slowly,

“I am, a little, well, a considerably, but I suppose in a way Erebor has become my home away from home, they’ve told me that winter will be upon us soon and travel through the mountains at this time is not generally recommended. Can’t say the idea at all appeals to me, far too cold. We hobbits are not meant for such exposure.”

He sat straighter as Kíli slung his arm across his shoulders as tugged him into a half hug,

“That and mister Boggins here would miss us too much I think.”

Bilbo sighed, it was all very dramatic complete with eye roll and slight nudge of his elbow against Kíli’s side enough so that the Prince released him before he smoothed his tunic and sniffed.

“He’s even dressing like one of us now.”

“With some alterations I assure you.”

“Soon we’ll get him wearing boots.”

“I beg your pardon!”

He couldn’t decide between being offended or amused by Kíli’s actions, he chose the latter in that he knew that the prince was only trying to lighten the mood and bring it from the low turn it had taken.

Tauriel watched them and Bilbo could see the fondness in her eyes as she looked to Kíli especially as the prince now laughed and joked with Bain and his sisters,

“Do you think of your home Tauriel? Mirkwood, I mean.”

She looked to Bilbo as he spoke and she thought over his words for a long moment, lowering her gaze,

“It’s better that I do not dwell too long on the thought of it, Dale is my home now and I will defend it with my life.”

“You can be honest with me, I am after all far away from my home as well. I think if anyone would be able to understand it would be me.”

There was sincerity in his voice and Tauriel pursed her lips studying him for a moment,

“But I had thought you had chosen to settle here? Are you and the king not…?”

Bilbo flushed a deep shade of red and had a sneaking suspicion that Kíli may have had something to do with this as he looked to the prince who was doing quite well at avoiding his gaze,

“No, we most certainly are not.”

Tauriel’s lips thinned as she bowed her head apologetically,

“My apologies… but to answer your question, my thoughts often turn to the Greenwood, I miss the trees, the paths of the wood. But here the sky is always clear and the stars shine brightest. And you Master Hobbit?”

“Well you may laugh at me, but I miss the little things that made my home mine. My mugs, my books, my spoons… amongst other things. I can tell you the exact order of all my cabinets, and where I keep some of my more precious things. Mementos and such of my parents, I can only imagine what they would say to see me now, more so my mother, to see me sitting in the company of kings and great warriors. I daresay I must be the first Baggins to experience such a thing.”

It was true, he could only imagine the look on the face of a certain Sackville-Baggins to know he was treating with and good friends with kings.

He almost thought to write her just to let her know, he would have to make the letter official of course, perhaps collecting the signatures of said kings and maybe even some of the lords, he was sure Glóin would be happy to sign, Dáin… well it wouldn’t hurt to ask.

He would have to ask Ori to draft him a letter in the morning, this idea was far too amusing to truly pass on.

Bilbo looked up to see that Dís had risen from her seat and was now stepping down from the raised dais where the head table was situated and was making her way over to them.

“Tilda, Sigrid, do you recall the conversation we had had when you asked me of the king’s sister?”

Both Sigrid and Tilda nodded as Bilbo rose to greet Dís as she came to stand between him and Kíli,

“As the proper introductions were skipped over when you had first arrived, I thought it was best if I came to introduce myself.”

Dís began as Bard rose to greet her,

“My lady, I am Bard of Dale, these are my children, my son Bain, and my daughters Sigrid and Tilda.”

“Dís, a pleasure King Bard, and a pleasure to meet your children as well. It would seem you are familiar with my son Kíli and know my other son Fíli as well.”

The corner of Bard’s mouth twitched as he looked to the lady Dís and spoke,

“They were, uh, guests in my home for a time. Both your brothers company and your sons themselves."

“I have heard the story, King Bard.”

“Did they tell you how they entered my home?”

“No, I don’t believe they had.”

Dís feigned ignorance. She of course knew that they had gotten in via the toilet, but delighted far too much in the embarrassed flush that spread over Kíli’s face.

“You will have to tell me.”

Bilbo and Kíli made room for her on their bench as she seated herself between them.

Kíli had not looked up from his lap since his mother joined them, Bilbo was positive it was because of Tauriel, and even Tauriel seemed unsettled by the proximity of the lady Dís who did occasionally glance in her direction.

Dís he knew to be quite astute, and while it seemed she was paying full attention to Bard, he knew that she was watching and studying all those situated around them.

Especially Kíli and Tauriel.

Bilbo entertained the idea of leaving the table to rejoin Thorin, especially now that he sat alone.

“Well I think I’ll go and finish my meal.”

He stood and smoothed out his tunic and Kíli looked as though he was going to stop him but Bilbo was already gone.

He had almost managed to make his way back to the head table when Bofur grabbed him by the sleeve and to the seat beside him.

“There’s a good lad, haven’t had the chance to talk to you all day.”

Bofur smiled as he pushed a tankard into his hand.

Bilbo glanced up towards Thorin and saw that Dáin was there with him now and occasionally the two would look over to them.

Thorin seemed far less impressed now then he had been previous. Curious really,

“My apologies, I didn’t want it to seem as though I was deliberately avoiding you all.”

“Apology accepted.”

Balin smiled raising his tankard a touch, as Dwalin, who was returning from a patrol around the room dropped into the chair beside his brother.

“Speaking of apologies I believe you owe me one Balin.”

“Oh? For what dare I ask?”

“For not telling me that I would have to give the Arkenstone to Thorin.”

“I didn’t mention that? Oh it must have slipped my mind.”

He could tell there was far more that Balin meant to say but kept quiet on, he simply smiled to Bilbo and turned away.

There was a lot people weren’t telling him it seemed.

“Do you know what's going on?”

He asked Bofur who leaned in to hear him better, from the corner of his eye he saw Thorin bristle, but dismissed it as Bofur shrugged and straightened,

“No, can’t say that I do.”

Bilbo worried his bottom lip and huffed slightly in annoyance, there was something going on here. He glanced up and saw that Dáin had returned to his seat at Thorin’s right and the two began conversing.

Well, at least he wasn’t still sitting up there alone moping.

Bilbo sniffed taking a sip from his ale as he listened to Bofur and Nori banter back and forth, he hoped to salvage this evening from some of the awkwardness that had come up.

He almost felt bad for Kíli stuck between his mother and Tauriel and unable to do much more than look at his hands without fear of his mother seeing how he looked to Tauriel.

Bilbo was certain Dís knew, but preferred to keep Kíli guessing whether she did or not.

“What about you Bilbo, what did you think of the coronation?”

He looked at Bofur as he asked the question, and shook his head,

“Well, Thorin had asked me that same question, I told him what I thought. It was rather pompous, dry, that I was quite upset that Balin failed to tell me that I would be giving Thorin the Arkenstone. I surmise I would have enjoyed it more if I could understand your language… you all sang beautifully by the way, it was incredible to witness that.”

Bofur erupted in laughter as Bilbo answered and smiled patting him on the back,

“Don’t worry, we were all thinking Óin was the luckiest bastard in there that he could tune it all out. Not one for all the ceremony myself, I say just slap the crown on his head call him king and go right to the party.”

Bilbo found himself smiling as he listened to Bofur and Nori both give their opinions of the ceremony and found they did not differ too much from his own.

He found himself considerably more at ease down on the main level with the others of the company, even if he found he had to raise his voice to be heard over their boisterous laughter, Bofur sometimes crude jokes, and just the teasing tossed back and forth.

Many seemed to be particularly amused with how Kíli was fairing with the lady Dís, whom seemed to be enjoying her talk with King Bard, while occasionally answering questions directed to her from either of his daughters.

“Do you think we should help him?”

Ori had asked and Bilbo had just barely heard him before Fíli looked across to the scribe and shook his head,

“No, no he’s fine. He’ll let us know if he needs help.”

Which Bilbo knew he would most certainly not take part in, he couldn’t even imagine what helping would entail but judging from the raucous from many of the other tables and families it would be nothing short of spectacular.

He would occasionally glance up and find both Dáin and Thorin, Thorin more so, watching him intently and he would nervous shift in his seat before dropping his gaze and quickly inserting himself into whatever conversation was going on and more often than not finding himself coming in late and missing the punchline of a joke or the point of the story and wishing he had just not even bothered.

He had nearly thrown his hands up in exasperation at the latest of the lewd jokes he had the misfortune of hearing half of, and while the others laughed until they were red in the face he flushed more in embarrassment at how freely they spoke of such things.

Perhaps he should have just stayed up at the head table with Thorin and avoided this all together.

 

“I find myself at a loss of what to do.”

“Have you considered it may not be... Translating well?”

“I thought I was being obvious, Dís told me this would make it clear. Obviously not if…”

His voice levelled off in to a grunt and Dáin was quite amused as he saw Thorin fuming in his seat as he watched Bilbo laughing and joking with those of his company.

“Maybe they do things different in the, well, wherever he’s from.”

“The Shire, Hobbiton he’s told me.”

Thorin replied casually before he paused and once more scowled much to Dáin’s enjoyment.

It was a nice change seeing his cousin whom he knew to be rather unfamiliar with such a concept struggling to make his intentions known.

Especially when Thorin was relying on the advice given to him by others which, given the circumstance, might not be the best advice.

What may be blatantly obvious in the eyes of dwarves may not be in the eyes of a hobbit. And obvious it was, he had already had to endure the grumblings of many of the other lords who were not impressed by the idea, but knew better than to comment in earshot of the lady Dís, Dáin, and Thorin himself.

He knew they would have looser tongues following enough ale and he knew that his boy would be keeping an eye on that for him.

That and he knew well enough that Thorin’s company would do well on that themselves, especially the thief.

Dáin personally believed that since they did not lend their aid they had no right to talk, but then remember how he himself hadn’t pledged to help in Thorin’s quest himself.

But at least he came when Thorin called for aid.

“Hello Lord Dáin, I see you’ve come to keep Thorin company?”

Dáin looked up to see that the hobbit had rejoined them, and for good reason as he saw that fine clothes or not the food was having a hard time staying on knife and fork at the table he had just left.

“Just having a chat, had to get away from all the damned formality that comes with talking to the others.”

Dáin said and Bilbo smiled as he took his seat at Thorin’s left and tucked his chair back in.

“I understand, they were starting to get rather unruly down there, I feel terrible for Dori and Balin who are trying to keep the peace but I think they’re too far gone to listen to them. The lady Dís seems to be enjoying her talks with King Bard.”

“More like making that poor lad of hers uncomfortable.”

Dáin commented, oh he knew what Dís was playing at, and he felt almost terrible for the boy but knew if he had the chance he would do the same for his own son.

“Speaking of lads, I think I’m going to rejoin mine and save him from that lot, Thorin Bilbo.”

He nodded to them in turn as he stood, Bilbo missed the wink that Dáin gave to Thorin as he patted his cousin on the shoulder and left them alone.

“I hope that the meal is to your liking.”

“Oh it is quite lovely, I managed to sample some other dishes below before they were snatched up. I much prefer it up here, considerably safer. I was pleased to see that Bombur used some of the recipes I had told him of from the Shire an-“

Thorin simply listened as Bilbo chattered away beside him, he spoke with his hands when it was something he was particularly passionate about, which in this case was food and drink.

He knew from their talks, and from speaking with the others that Bilbo had a great love of food, and it was all the more obvious now.

Thorin almost smiled as he watched the look of wonderment cross Bilbo’s face as the dessert courses had begun to appear.

He watched as Bilbo made sure to try a bit of everything, particularly the berries and cream he was quite fond of.

And he hadn’t realized he was staring at a speck of cream just above Bilbo’s lip until he heard his name,

“Thorin are you alright? You haven’t taken any dessert.”

His fingers twitched and he watched in dismay as Bilbo took his napkin in hand and dabbed around his mouth,

“You really should try some, it’s quite good.”

“Yes, you should Thorin, before your nephews come and take these plates away.”

Dís had returned and Bilbo looked to her smiling politely as she took her seat once more and looked between the two of them,

“Here, just in case they do.”

Both Thorin and Dís watched as Bilbo took a bit of everything and set it before Thorin before he leaned back in his seat and looked expectantly at him,

“I will take a page from Dori’s book if you insist on not eating Thorin, I promise you that.”

Thorin looked to Dís over Bilbo’s head and saw the amusement she took out of this and made a point to remind himself to speak with her afterwards.

Eventually Fíli and Kíli did appear to take the leftover desserts and both went to join Bard and his family and Bilbo watched Kíli nervously put some before Tauriel.

He could see how Dís watched this closely, and he felt bad for Kíli.

Well, almost.

Eventually as the evening went on and with his tankard finally empty, the blasted thing kept mysteriously refilling itself, Bilbo made good on his promise and Dís bared witness to the Hobbit holding a spoon of berries in his hand and looking at Thorin expectantly.

Thorin eventually relented and cast one look to his sister before accepting the offered treat.

Which ended up more on his face than anything with how terrible Bilbo’s aim was when impaired by the sheer volume of ale that he had drank.

Thorin had actually smiled at the hurried apologies and how Bilbo wiped off the mess with his own napkin, and Thorin had gently taken the spoon from him,

“I believe I can manage myself, master Baggins. But thank you.”

He saw how Dís smirked to him and he sighed as Bilbo looked nervously to his own plate, before looking back up at Thorin,

“You’re welcome Thorin, I must say that Dori makes such a thing appear almost easy.”

“Well Dori generally hasn’t drank his weight in mead beforehand.”

Bilbo had smiled and laughed and Thorin found himself smiling as he saw this, and still did not miss the looks cast in his direction by his sister.

Or by his company for that matter.

All that he wished to see was already right before his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That awkward moment when Dís is meddling because Thorin asked her to. Bilbo'll eventually figure it out, don't worry Thorin.
> 
> Maybe.
> 
>  
> 
> No, probably not.
> 
> He'll figure it out when you get your memories back! I jest, but maybe, never know. ;) Bilbo's had a bit to drink so he'll have to make it back to his room somehow. :D


	17. The Morning After or Awkward Breakfast Talks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember it's only awkward if you make it awkward. 
> 
> Another short chapter that takes place you guessed it, the morning after. Italics are the events following the big fancy party the dwarves threw for their new king.
> 
> I wanted to just post this on it's own as it kinda didn't mesh with what I'm planning for the next chapter.

He groaned burrowing further into his blankets and pillows.

It couldn’t be morning already.

Of course when he realized where he was his eyes opened with a snap and he sat up, instantly regretting the decision as his head began to throb.

He winced and pressed a hand to cover his right eye as he squinted, taking in his surroundings with his left.

He was still wearing the clothes he had worn the night before, the top few buttons had been undone but other than that he appeared no worse for wear.

Well, apart from the sensation of what he could only describe as Mahal’s hammer against his skull.

Bilbo lay himself back down and pulled one of his pillows over his face and sighed deeply, he knew he should probably rise and go down to the kitchens and scrounge up something for breakfast.

Perhaps there were leftovers from the feast the night before? He was sure the roast beef would be excellent in a sandwich, or if any of the dessert had survived then he could have that instead.

His belly rumbled in agreement as he began to think about what he could do for breakfast.

And water, more definitely some water and perhaps Óin had something he could take for the pain.

When he heard the groan from across the room he nearly fell from his bed in surprise.

He sat up and peered out from his blankets and saw that he was indeed not alone in his room.

Thorin was asleep in the armchair closest to the fire wrapped in the quilt Bilbo normally kept folded at the foot of his bed.

As a precaution, he had heard this part of the mountain got quite chilly during the winter months.

Apparently it worked for unexpected guests as well.

He watched Thorin for a long moment, the new king under the mountain had set his crown down onto the side table beside him, his boots, as well as what looked like his overcoat were piled haphazardly beside him.

Bilbo then noticed something peculiar and managed to bite down on his giggle, he could just barely hear Thorin’s snores, normally they were loud enough to rattle the windows, at least they had been in Laketown, but now… Well perhaps it had something to do with the fact he was sitting upright or something like that.

But Thorin’s presence did solve the mystery of how he made it back to his room in once piece as he didn’t even recall leaving the party.

The last thing he did remember was smearing half of Thorin’s dessert across the king’s face and the incredible amount of embarrassment that followed. Thorin hadn’t been too upset, in fact he had smiled and even joked with him but still, it wasn’t his finest hour.

He continued to watch Thorin, how he would occasional shift in the chair and once more go still.

“Do you make it a habit to watch people as they sleep, master Baggins?”

Thorin hadn’t even open his eyes, and this time Bilbo did tumble from his bed in shock at his voice. Thorin’s amusement was quite evident in his eyes as he watched the hobbit untangle himself from his covers and pull himself back up on to his bed.

“Only when I find I have uninvited guests in my chambers.”

Thorin arched a brow as he looked at him, and Bilbo sat up straighter,

“Just because you’re the king of this mountain doesn’t mean you can just sleep wherever you please.”

 

_It had been after Bilbo defeated Nori, and quite spectacularly he thought, in a drinking contest that Thorin thought it was best that he remove the hobbit from any more of these games._

_He was going to be sick enough as it was in the morning,_

_“Come master Baggins… I think it is time you retired for the night.”_

_He was surprised that Bilbo allowed himself to be guided from the table where the next round of drinking had just begun._

_Thorin ignored many looks as Bilbo walked on his arm, the hobbit merrily humming one of his many compositions as they walked from the hall and into the hallway._

_It became clear after several feet how Bilbo’s coordination was greatly diminished as he would stumble and trip over himself as he tried to keep pace with the dwarf beside him._

_Thorin did the only thing he could think of and scooped Bilbo up swiftly in his arms._

_It was almost comical he thought as he carried him bridal style down the hallway towards Bilbo’s chambers. Bilbo had wrapped his arms around his neck and Thorin nearly stumbled as said hobbit buried his face against his neck._

_His breath tickled and the corner of Thorin’s mouth twitched as it encouraged him to walk faster._

_Lest Dís see this._

_But he knew he would not be seeing his sister for some time. She had taken both Kíli and Tauriel aside after telling him she was going to be having a good long talk with the pair of them. He personally did not see why she would waste her time like that but… what Dís wished to do was beyond his control._

_Finding Bilbo’s chambers took a little longer than he had originally anticipated, as he found he got turned around several times, taking wrong turns and such until he found the appropriate hallway and eventually, mercifully managed to find the door._

_He was able to cradle all of Bilbo’s weight with one arm as he fiddled with the door and managed to open the latch and get it open._

_From there it was merely closing the door behind him and making his way across the room._

_Coaxing Bilbo to let go of him however proved to be the most arduous of any of the tasks that he had faced that day._

_It would have been amusing to any to watch to see the King under the Mountain struggling to get free of the arms of one hobbit that was quite determined not to let go._

_Bilbo would pull on him to try and bring him closer, while Thorin would not budge taking hold of Bilbo’s hands to try and pry his fingers apart._

_“You need to let go, Bilbo.”_

_“I don’t want you to leave.”_

_It amazed Thorin at just how strong Bilbo could be when he wished to be, there was a deceptive amount of strength in this hobbit and he knew that._

_“I won’t leave, but you do need to release me.”_

_Thorin sighed deeply as he finally managed to gently pull free of Bilbo’s arms as the hobbit loosened his grip on him, and he looked down at him taking a slight step back._

_There was a deep rosy flush across the hobbits cheeks, a mixture of drink and embarrassment, Thorin smiled as he looked at him, tentatively he reached over to smooth a wayward curl._

_Bilbo’s gaze flickered up to meet his again and Thorin drew his hand back,_

_“You will stay then?”_

_“I will stay.”_

_Bilbo had smiled at him then, before looking down at himself as his normally quite nimble fingers fumbled clumsily with his buttons. He looked to Thorin expectantly and the king sighed as he opened the top few before he moved away again._

_Bilbo patted the place beside him and Thorin awkwardly took a seat and found Bilbo leaning into him again, hugging his arm tightly._

_“I meant it you know.”_

_“Meant what?”_

_Thorin asked as he watched Bilbo tracing the embroided patterns in his sleeve, Bilbo didn’t answer for a moment as he continued to follow the path of the hems,_

_“That I would not hate you if you never remembered. I know you said that you wish to, that hearing the story is much different from living it. But you did live it, Thorin, you lived it. Maybe you will remember, and maybe you will not, but I could never hate you for something that was not of your doing.”_

_He was confused as to why Bilbo was suddenly bringing up a conversation they had had months ago and hardly revisited since._

_Thorin chose not to mention it because he knew how it bothered Bilbo._

_He looked down as he felt Bilbo’s fingers intertwine with his own, his hobbit had closed his eyes again and was humming as he rested his head against Thorin’s shoulder._

_He wanted to say how he dreamt more of the journey how, how things began to make sense as the gaping holes in his memories were slowly beginning to piece back together._

_But he did not want to give him false hope._

_They did not speak for a long while after that, and eventually Bilbo’s breaths began to slow and deepen and his grip loosened only slightly._

_Thorin waited several more moments to make sure he was asleep before he moved, gently extracting himself from the hobbits hold as he lay him back and drew the covers over him._

_He watched Bilbo turn and immediately cuddle deeper into his covers and pillow._

_He himself considered what to do with himself now, he took the extra quilt from the foot of the bed and made for the armchair. He lay the blanket across it as he kicked off his boots and slide his heavy coat from his shoulders and lay it on the floor._

_Dís needn’t know how he stored it._

_The crown followed and he set it down on the side table and drew the blanket up again and wrapped himself before taking a seat in the chair._

_He sat lost in his thoughts for a good long while after that, glancing up whenever Bilbo would mumble something in his sleep. Usually words he did not recognize, occasional his name which pique his curiosity. He settled in the blanket and sighed, he needed to sleep._

_Even though he already knew the questions that would be asked of him in the morning._

“You asked me to stay…”

Bilbo watched Thorin as he answered, he did not remember asking Thorin to stay, but then he did not remember much of the past night.

“You brought me here?”

Thorin nodded as he shifted and stretched, lifting his arms high over his head. He could feel the popping as his spine realigned itself as the blanket gathered around his waist and he looked across the room to Bilbo.

“I did, it was either that or you would be sleeping under a table perhaps in the great hall.”

He glanced to Bilbo from the corner of his eye seeing the look of indignation cross his face at the thought he would have been left to sleep anywhere near a table.

“Instead, I brought you back here.”

“Thank you… I think. But, that… I asked you to stay?”

Bilbo had to ask the question as he didn't quite understand, had he really?

“You held on to me and would not let go until I said I would not leave.”

Bilbo felt heat spread across his cheeks, held on to, he was holding on to him?

“Wait, how exactly did you bring me back here?”

This he had to know, if he was as inebriated as he was beginning to think he had been, how exactly had he made it back to his room.

Before Thorin could answer there came a knock on the door and Bilbo leapt from his bed and hurried over to answer.

He opened the door to Fíli’s grinning face and had been about to send him away when he caught the scent of what he could only describe as heaven and his gaze dropped to a covered tray the prince held in his hands.

“Fíli?”

“Mother sent me.”

Fíli smiled as he pushed his way past Bilbo who only allowed the intrusion as Fíli did come bearing breakfast.

“Uncle.”

He didn’t seem at all surprised to find his uncle there, in fact seemed to have planned for it as he lifted the cover to show the three meals he had brought with him.

As well as many other little extras as he knew that the modest portion here would not satisfy a hobbits appetite.

“Where is your mother? I had thought she would have wished to do this herself.”

Thorin muttered as he finally finished extracting himself from the blanket and stood to join both Fíli and Bilbo at the table. After all, it wasn’t like Dís to pass up an opportunity like this.

“She’s taken her breakfast with Kíli and Tauriel, so she asked if I could bring a meal to you both. I had checked your room first but you weren’t there, so I came here instead.”

Bilbo whom had seated himself and was deciding on where to being had nearly choked on his tea as he listened to Fíli before looking between the two,

“You _knew_ he would be with me?”

“Either here or there, but mother knew he would be.”

It bothered Bilbo with how casually Fíli answered, as though it was nothing out of the ordinary to find the king under the mountain sleeping in an armchair in the chambers belonging to his burglar.

“How was your night?”

Fíli asked more so to his uncle who levelled a rather impressive glare paired with a scowl that had his eldest nephew shrink back in his seat,

“None of your concern.”

“Thorin brought me back to my chambers and fell asleep in my armchair, is that not something that happens often?”

Both Bilbo and Thorin looked to each other after they both answered and Fíli, Fíli seemed far too amused by this to really say much himself.

“Nothing happened?”

“Why would anything happen? Thorin ensured that I didn’t end up asleep on a table, why would anything have happened?”

Fíli didn’t think Thorin was capable of projecting his irritation as well as he was, and he swallowed nervously before waving off the question and smiling to Bilbo,

“It’s nothing, don’t worry about it Bilbo.”

Bilbo eyed them both suspiciously now, taking in how Fíli smiled nervously and Thorin had nearly bent his fork in half as he glared across the table at his nephew.

“Thorin… Thorin!”

Bilbo set his teacup down and practically had to pry the fork out from Thorin’s fingers, and the dwarf king finally released his grip and Bilbo was able to extract the abused utensil and set it aside.

Thankfully breakfast passed without incident following that.

 

Bilbo felt considerably better after there was some food in his belly, and he sipped his tea contently as he now let his thoughts go to what could be scrounged up for second breakfast.

But then again, he eyed Thorin’s plate and saw that there were still some bits of food that he hadn’t even touched.

And Thorin, seeming to know what Bilbo had been looking at said nothing as he lifted his plate and set it down before the hobbit,

“Thorin…”

“Take it, I’m not hungry.”

He really did not feel that hungry that morning, he had had some toast and that had been enough for him, he was used to eating light frequent meals verses well, seven big meals that he knew Bilbo was accustomed to.

Which of course he could now provide for him.

He noticed Fíli’s questioning look and he said nothing, watching as Bilbo made short work of what had been left on his plate.

Thorin almost smiled, Fíli noticed as Bilbo leaned back in his seat again and took his teacup in hand once more, as Bilbo made mention that that would do until it came time for second breakfast and he was already thinking ahead to his elevensies as well.

Fíli idly wondered how Kee was handling his breakfast talk with their mother.

Hopefully he'd still have a brother when it was over with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come on Fíli, Thorin is a gentleman! And Bilbo's not that kinda gi-Hobbit!
> 
> Just because you lost the bet...
> 
>  
> 
> And your mother won it, geez. Well I'm actually sure many lost the bet, because you know Nori had set up a betting pool in regards to this, and I doubt many bet that Thorin wouldn't do anything. And by anything I mean kiss Bilbo at the very least, but he hasn't done that. He's held his hand though! Well, Bilbo was drunk so I guess it doesn't technically count.... 
> 
> I think it should make this clear but in my mind when I was mentioning the bet, the bet was along the lines If Thorin would confess to or at least kiss Bilbo and neither happened.
> 
> I will have the Dís, Kíli, and Tauriel breakfast in the next part.


	18. Extra awkward breakfast talks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dís has a nice sit down breakfast with Kíli and Tauriel, we learn a couple little tidbits of a young Kíli I'm sure he wishes that his mother never shared ever.
> 
> And someone else finds out about those two. Dís also collects her winnings.
> 
> Italics of course are memories and stuff.

When his mother had told him she wanted both he and Tauriel to join her for breakfast in her sitting room Kíli was worried.

He was worried his mother knew, and he knew it was a pointless thing to worry about because of course his mother knew.

How could she not?

She had known about Bilbo and Thorin the moment she had met him.

Surely she deduced the same as she, well Kíli was trying really hard to not look to Tauriel but it was hard not to.

Of course when Tauriel had gone with Bard to a table, Dís had looked to her youngest and Kíli just knew that look.

Then following supper Dís had asked both Kíli and Tauriel to join her on a walk and give them a chance to clear the air.

 

_“If there is anything you wish to tell me Kíli feel free to do so.”_

_Kíli swallowed nervously, looking to his mother from where he and Tauriel walked a pace back from the lady Dís,_

_"Amad?"_

_“If you’re worried I'll be upset, I would be more upset by the fact you don’t trust me enough to tell me the truth.”_

_At that time Dís, feeling she had led them far enough away as to not be overheard by any other curious ears wanting to know why the princess was taking one of her sons and an elf of all things away from the party for a private chat, turned around and looked at the two of them._

_Kíli knew the look on his mother’s face. He knew it all too well._

_“I love her!”_

_He blurted before Dís could say anything else and he braced himself for whatever was to come. When his mother was silent he opened an eye and peered at her, and saw that her face hadn’t changed and that she was…_

_She was smiling._

_“I know, inùdoy.”_

_“You’re not upset?”_

_“No, I am not Kíli.”_

_Kíli eyed his mothed suspiciously now, and even Tauriel seemed wary as she too looked to the lady Dís as though they both were expecting this to be trick._

_“Come and sit with me.”_

_Kíli noticed then where she had led them and followed Dís out onto one of the higher walls overlooking the plains._

_Tauriel’s gaze immediately turned skyward towards the stars and Kíli couldn’t help his own smile as he saw the smile on her face as she took in the night._

_Kíli flopped down onto the bench beside Dís as Tauriel finally turned from the stars and she too joined them on the bench._

_“How did you… know, lady Dís?”_

_Tauriel was the one to ask the question that she and Kíli were both pondering, just how did Dís come to the conclusion that she had._

_“When it comes to your children Tauriel, you don’t mind if I call you that do you? If there is anything else you would prefer please tell me,”_

_“Tauriel is fine, my lady.”_

_“Tauriel it is, please, call me Dís. Anyway, when it comes to your children you just… well, you know. I can say the same for siblings as well, but never mind that. I saw how Kíli’s eyes lit up when he saw you, and in turn I saw how you looked at him.”_

_Kíli saw the little blush on Tauriel’s cheeks and his grin only broadened, and he dared even with his mother watching to gently touch her fingers with his own before he took her hand._

_“I wish to see my family happy, Tauriel, and if you make Kíli happy, then that is all I could ever ask for.”_

All things considering the talk had gone splendidly, and he had felt like he had been walking on air as Tauriel even spent the night with him.

Though he still worried even as he sat with both Tauriel and Dís as the three enjoyed a quiet breakfast, after all, he couldn’t help but believe that this was all a dream and his mother was going to turn around and do something terrible.

But, she didn’t seem to carry the same hatred for the elves that Thorin did.

Kíli poked at his plate as he listened to his mother and Tauriel chatting about things he truly had no interest in until of course he heard his name,

“Kíli, now, he was quite the handful when he was a dwarfling, I had thought that Fíli was terrible, but Kíli.”

Dís smiled fondly as she looked to her youngest son who was now looking worried as to where this story was going nevermind the fact that it was a story that she was telling Tauriel.

“There came a time that he only wanted to wear his boots, nothing else, it was always a sight to see. I do recall there was this one evening that Thorin had just come home from a particularly long stretch of work and Kíli greeted him at the door completely bare as the day he was born. Thorin hadn’t the faintest idea of what to do, after all, how does one respond when your nephew greets you at the door with only a pair of boots on his feet?”

Kíli flushed brightly and it was visible even from behind his hands that he tried vainly to hide his face with, and his embarrassment only furthered as he heard Tauriel’s quiet laugh.

“Is that common?”

“Extremely, Fíli went through a similar stage but it didn’t last for nearly as long as Kíli’s did.”

Tauriel was curious now, and she looked to Kíli who was red from his neck to his ears and she couldn’t help but smile fondly to him.

“What else?”

She asked and Dís’s expression brightened, she even set her fork down as she laced her fingers together and rested them on her lap,

“Kíli was very fond of his brother while they grew up, and he would always want to do exactly as Fíli did. He always wanted his hair braided the same way, he wanted the same clothes and Thorin and I did what we could to accommodate such a request, I remember him being particularly upset when we told him we couldn’t give him Fíli’s hair color.”

Tauriel couldn’t help her smile as Dís continued, happily recounting the day when Kíli barely coming to his mother’s knee asking why he could not look like his brother, and Dís had answered with that Mahal had made Kíli to look like his amad, and that Mahal had also decided that Fíli would look like their adad.

“What happened to their father?”

Dís grew quiet at Tauriel’s question and even Kíli uncovered his face to look at his mother, Dís took a deep breath and tugged at invisible bits of lint on her skirts before she looked up to Tauriel once more, and Tauriel could see the sadness in her eyes,

“He died in a mining accident several days after Kíli was born… it was a new section that he had been inspecting, from what they had said, the timber they used for the supports had been rotten from the inside and could not hold the weight of the tunnel and it collapsed. Others had said the shoring had been rushed and therefore not properly done.”

Kíli reached out and took one of Dís’s hands and gave it a reassuring squeeze,

“I am sorry.”

“There does not come a day where I do not think of him, but I know that even though we had lost him that day, he did save many lives. What if the mine was in operation when it happened? Then it would have been more than just him that perished.”

Dís looked to Tauriel and she made to light dab her eyes with her free hand before she smiled finally,

“He was a wonderful dwarrow, I admit to being curious to see how different my boys would be to have grown up with him, but I think myself and Thorin did a well enough job raising them to be honorable dwarrows.”

Dís smiled patting Kíli’s hand as she looked to him before she looked back to Tauriel,

“Well, let’s not dwell too much on sadness, please, tell me about yourself Tauriel, Kíli never told me how you both met, would you be able to clarify?”

Kíli groaned as he slumped back in his chair, he had avoided this topic conversation for a reason and saw the sly sidelong look cast in his direction by Tauriel before she looked back to his mother.

“I was with the hunting party that captured the king’s company. I had saved him from a spider,”

“And refused to give me a weapon so that I could protect myself.”

Tauriel ignored him as she focused solely on the lady Dís,

“He thought he was charming when we locked them away in the dungeons, insisting that I should take the time to better my search to ensure that he was not armed nor hiding anything in his trousers.”

Kíli averted his gaze at the look his mother shot at him before she turned back to Tauriel.

“I had been on watch, and I saw him playing with the rune stone that you had given him, and once again he had made a rather smart comment, how it was a talisman with a terrible curse placed upon it.”

Dís again looked to her son as he cleared his throat, looking everywhere but at her.

“He told me the truth not long after that, that you had given it to him to remind him of his promise, to come back to you. I thought, you see I was brought up in Thranduil’s court, I was his ward as I had no parents of my own and I thought that the promise was beautiful.”

Tauriel slid her hand to one of her own pouches and drew the rune from it, running her fingers across it as she thought of that moment.

Dís saw how Kíli finally looked to her as he noticed Tauriel had the rune in her hand.

“He nearly lost it whilst telling me how you thought him reckless, but I managed to catch it before it tumbled from the path.”

She smiled as she closed her fingers around the smooth stone before looking up again,

“It was Mereth Nuin Giliath.”

“The Feast of Starlight.”

Dís looked to Kíli as he finally spoke, he sat up straight again and Tauriel too looked to him,

“She told me of how light is sacred to the elves, that she loved the light of the stars the best. She spoke of how it was precious, how the light of the stars is memory. That she would walk beyond the forest and look up into the night sky. I told her of the fire moon, the one Fee and I saw near Dunland, the one we told you about Amad.”

Dís would never admit out loud how she had allowed a darker part of her mind to consider the possibility that what Kíli felt for Tauriel and what Tauriel felt for him wasn’t real.

But as she both watched and listened to them she couldn’t help but find how very wrong she had been, and couldn’t help the bit of guilt she felt in even thinking that in the first place.

It was in their gestures and their words, how they looked at each other.

Thorin might not agree, but Dís was perfectly content to welcome Tauriel into their family.         

 

With breakfast finished, and in one case second breakfast, both Thorin and Fíli found themselves being ushered out of Bilbo’s sitting room.

Of course once they had put some distance between themselves and the door Thorin rounded on his nephew and backed in into the nearest wall.

“Talk.”

“About what?”

“You know exactly what.”

Fíli looked up to his uncle’s face and took note of how unimpressed he looked, he sighed finally and carefully worked his way out from between Thorin and the wall.

“Nori had started a betting pool.”

Thorin did not utter a word, his look spoke volumes and Fíli shifted in place,

“We were taking bets on if you would finally confess.”

“Confess to what…”

Fíli exhaled loudly through his nose, fixing Thorin with a look of his own as the two stood toe to toe now.

“How you feel about Bilbo.”

He expected the silence, he truly did, just as he expected Thorin to even back away and make to leave. He grabbed his uncle by the sleeve and Thorin allowed Fíli to stop him and guide him back to where he had originally stood.

“Why won’t you tell him?”

Thorin regarded Fíli as he asked the question, and he chose not to answer, crossing his arms instead.

“I’m not going to play into this game you and the others have started.”

Fíli huffed and shook his head as he watched Thorin turn and start off down the hall. Thorin had made it several feet before his own curiosity won out and he sighed heavily,

“Who won?”

Fíli almost laughed as he heard Thorin call out over his shoulder to him and he grinned as he looked to his uncle’s back,

“Mother did.”

He didn’t know why that surprised him.

Perhaps it was because she had bet in the first place.

“Are you going to see her?”

Fíli called after him and he stopped and looked back at him and nodded, his nephew only continued to smile,

“I’ll see you there, I need to go and collect her winnings.”

Thorin rolled his eyes as he faced forward again and began to walk, he admitted to being the slightest bit curious to see just what Dís had won.

 

Dís smiled as Kíli finished telling her of how he thought that Tauriel had been of the heavens herself when the fever and pain of the poison had lifted, when there came the loud knocks on the door.

“I don’t see why you even bother to knock if you just let yourself in anyway.”

Dís said as the door opened and Thorin walked into her sitting room, freezing in place at the sight before him.

He had been anticipating Tauriel, he hadn’t been expecting them all to be so… happy.

Kíli felt his smile fall as he saw the look on his uncle’s face, a familiar expression of both disbelief and distrust.

Dís sighed as she noticed how the mood shifted as Thorin joined them, looking suspiciously between Kíli and Tauriel as he pulled a chair over and took a seat.

“Kíli was just telling me how he is considering moving to Dale to be with Tauriel.”

Dís said offhandedly and waited. She did not have to wait long, Thorin had grunted in reply and Kíli had blanched.

Of course then Thorin processed what his sister had said and his head jerked up suddenly and he whipped around to look at his sister.

“What?”

His voice was low and dangerous, Dís was however unphased as she regarded him cooly. This was the argument she had been preparing herself for. From the moment she had seen how Kíli was around Tauriel she began to prepare herself.

Both Kíli and Tauriel were decidedly uncomfortable as Thorin’s face showcased a variety of expressions that were not encouraging in the least as he worked through what Dís had just revealed to him.

“No, absolutely not.”

Thorin said finally after several moments and Dís, Dís did nothing to hide her irritation at her brother’s words as she turned in her seat to face him.

“And why not?”

“Because she is an elf.”

“And Bilbo is a hobbit, I fail to see how that is a valid reason.”

Thorin’s mouth moved soundlessly as he struggled to reply as his sister regarded him smugly now. He glowered and Dís did not falter. In fact, she was only just getting started.

“Let me guess, he cannot love Tauriel because she’s an elf but it’s perfectly acceptable for you to want to be with Bilbo, who is a hobbit?”

“That’s not, do not bring him into this.”

Kíli watched both his mother and uncle glare at each other, he knew that Thorin was well aware he was going to lose this, that he had no ground to stand on so to speak, but was far too stubborn to even think of giving up.

“I did not want to Thorin, I do like Bilbo, and I think he’s a wonderful hobbit. But I refuse to allow you to use something like that in your argument as to why Kíli should not be allowed to be with Tauriel…”

“Dís, think of what Thranduil’s kin have done to our people.”

“She is not Thranduil, Thorin, she cannot speak for him. Tauriel may be of Mirkwood but from all she has told me, that is where the similarities end between her and the rest of her kin. I will stand by them Thorin, if they are happy, if my son is happy then that should be it. You may not like it, but it is not your decision to make. You may be king now, but this is outside of your authority.”

Thorin scowled as he settled back in his seat, he could not argue with Dís and expect to emerge the victor. Grudgingly he admitted to himself that she was right.

She supported his decision to… pursue something with Bilbo, if the hobbit ever realised of course, and when she shared with him the knowledge that Kíli had found someone in Tauriel he did not agree.

It was painful for him, he truly did not want to give in. Not to one of Thranduil’s kin.

Dís took his silence as acceptance as Thorin finally averted his gaze and Dís smiled looking back to both Kíli and Tauriel who still seemed quite nervous by the whole thing.

The tension of course broke the moment the door open and Fíli came in and paused at the scene before him.

Thorin brooding in his seat refusing to look at anyone, his mother seeming to be quite pleased with herself, and Kíli and Tauriel unsure of how to act.

Fíli chose to not say anything as he closed the door behind him and slowly made his way to the table and set down several tied pouches before his mother who after counting to make sure there were in fact thirteen separate payments took them.

Tauriel arched a brow and looked to Kíli looking as though she was about to ask a question, and Kíli shook his head,

“I’ll explain later.”

She closed her mouth and nodded as the golden haired prince pulled a chair over to join the table. Fíli could tell that Thorin wasn’t taking the news of Kíli’s possible move to Dale well, if his demeanor and the stormy look on his face was any indication.

He decided not to say much if anything to his uncle until he knew it was a little safer to do so.

But one didn’t know how long that it would take for Thorin to cool off after getting news like this.

 

He had endured his first afternoon of meetings… simply questions asked of him by the heads of the seven families.

Then Balin made sure to remind him that they needed to speak with King Bard about setting up potential trade routes to better prepare for the winter.

After all, the nights were already growing cold and the first bite of frost was felt in the early morning.

He decided to take himself for a walk to clear his head before he considered retiring for the evening, and his path… it took him deep into the bowels of the mountain.

Thorin understood they had had the best intentions at heart...

But they underestimated the power of gold.

It hadn't taken him long to track down the hidden treasure in the deepest, and darkest parts of the mountain.

These were paths he had walked many times as a boy. He knew all the secrets of Erebor, all the store rooms, all the hidden vaults.

He came to one corridor, his attention had first been grabbed by just the smallest scratches in the wall, signs that things had been dragged down it and he had followed it. The dust had been disturbed and it was obvious there had been much activity down here for a time.

He had recalled following that path to the end and he had come into one of the first of the chambers.

He had found some of the gold here, heard it’s whispering and how it drew him closer… The voices never did fully quiet down after Dáin had the gold moved.

It bought him some relief, there had been nights where he had been able to sleep, but lately once more his dreams had turned to gold.

He promised himself he would not linger long, he knew well enough what this cursed treasure had done to him but found that even with that knowledge it was difficult to truly turn himself from it.

Thorin stood in the entryway leading into one of the larger vaults, saw how the gold shimmered in the torchlight, the colors dancing across the shinning surface.

He did not allow himself to go any further, even while his grip tightened on the doorframe and he fought to keep himself from going forward.

He closed his eyes and tore himself away, pushing away from the door and looking back down the hallway from where he had come, the hallway that would take him up and away from the insistent whispers at the back of his mind.

He needed to distract himself.

He couldn’t linger, and he took another step backwards, inhaling and exhaling deeply through his nose as he slowly stepped backwards and towards the main hall that would then meet the stairs which would take him upwards.

Thorin finally stepped back into the main section of hallway and turned back towards the stairs, casting one more look over his shoulder towards the vaults that contained Thrór’s gold he willed himself upwards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember Thorin's dragon sickness?
> 
> Yah it's still there. Thorin thinks he's better prepared for it now though.


	19. Musings or Some dwarves like to gossip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A day in the life of the King Under the Mountain, his Burglar, and those who dwell in the mountain.
> 
> Also, never tell Balin anything. Ever.
> 
> Also, damnit Dwalin.

Bilbo blinked several times to try and keep himself from falling asleep.

He wished they would have warned him that he was expected to take part in some of the meetings. Though it probably wouldn't have been as terrible had they been speaking Westron instead of Khuzdul.

He didn't mind too terribly however, as each time Thorin spoke he could feel the sound reverberating deep in his own chest.

He sighed and fumbled with the papers in front of him to keep his hands busy, and mind awake.

Fíli was dutifully jotting down notes on Thorin’s other side, and the King under the Mountain was currently engaged in conversations with one of the other dwarf lords.

Balin had told him this was something he needed to learn about, which Bilbo had immediately protested in that what business does a Hobbit have in the affairs of dwarves when he wasn’t even sure that he would be staying long term in Erebor.

Needless to say Balin had been very surprised by his answer and Bilbo almost had found the look on his face comical.

Even now he could see the worried looks that Balin would cast in his direction from his seat on Fíli’s other side. Bilbo sniffled and sat straighter, determined to ignore many of the looks that he endured that day.

He could tell right away that the lord Thorin was meeting with today hadn’t been impressed to see him. He had greeted Thorin in Westron, and the moment he saw Bilbo his words immediately bled into Khuzdul and he hadn’t said another word in any language Bilbo had understood.

Thorin’s displeasure with that had been written clear across his face, and Bilbo had been the only reason that he hadn’t said anything to the other lord.

_“Really Thorin its fine, I don’t care.”_

_“He disrespected you.”_

_Bilbo looked at him and busied his hands with smoothing the furs lining the collars of Thorin’s robes and the clasps holding the jerkin he wore underneath closed._

_“Thorin, let it go please. I understand his upset, it’s perfectly alright.”_

_He finished his tidying and Thorin continued to look down at him. Bilbo looked to him and crossed his arms,_

_“Bilbo…”_

_“I mean it, I don’t want to cause further problems. It’s bad enough I’m sure that I’m being included in so much without being a dwarf, I think maybe there are some things they wish to keep private. I know how stubborn you lot can be, you’re suspicious, secretive, and I’m sure he doesn’t quite know what to make of me.”_

_He had managed a smile and Thorin, Thorin looked long at him before he gave a small nod of his head and turned back to the table._

_Bilbo pursed his lips when he saw once more where his place was, he huffed as he took the seat at Thorin’s left between the king and Ori who looked quite excited to be there for one of Thorin’s bigger meetings._

“We’re taking a short recess.”

Bilbo nearly jumped at how close Thorin’s voice was all of a sudden, and he looked up to see that many of the others had stood and were walking around to stretch their legs, others were getting refreshments, and Bilbo looked to Thorin as the king stood.

He took his offered hand and pulled himself to his feet and Thorin guided him from the room.

“Balin has told me you may be leaving us.”

Bilbo stumbled, nearly falling face first into Thorin’s chest before he righted himself and looked up at him. Thorin’s expression was guarded, his lips had thinned, and he stood straight.

“What?”

“He told me of your conversation with him this morning, how you were unsure if you wished to remain with us.”

Bilbo suddenly found himself quite cross with Balin, he understood why his friend had gone to Thorin about this, but he knew this was a conversation that would have been best had between himself and Thorin.

“I have been thinking a lot of home lately…”

Bilbo began hooking his thumbs into the pockets of his trousers to keep from fidgeting too much as he pondered what he would say,

“I feel out of place here Thorin. I know yourself, Dís, and the others are going out of your way to make me feel comfortable, but I can’t help but feel that way. I’m just a Hobbit, not an advisor to kings or lords.”

Thorin said nothing, and Bilbo looked up to his face again to see him watching him intently,

“So I had thought come spring, that maybe I would return home to the Shire.”

It would give me the winter to change my mind, Bilbo thought to himself as he continued to look up at Thorin waiting for him to say something.

“I find your counsel invaluable and would not have you gone from my side.”

Thorin was suddenly standing very close and Bilbo felt his breath catch, he could feel the warmth radiating from his chest, could smell leather and smoke. He wet his lips before he spoke,

“Thorin…”

“Thorin.”

Both turned to find Dwalin looking at the from the doorway, and Bilbo watched as Thorin turned away from him to look to his second,

“They’re ready to continue.”

Thorin nodded to Dwalin before he turned his attention back to Bilbo, the faintest smile appeared at the corner of his mouth,

“Shall we, master Baggins?”

He asked gently and Bilbo sighed before he nodded and started back towards the doorway.

“Might as well, I’ll settle in for another several hours of pointless bickering and posturing from both sides, perhaps you may even get somewhere before dinner.”

He heard Thorin’s footsteps behind him as he walked back into the chamber and took his seat, shifting slightly as Thorin closed the door and returned to his own seat.

As before Bilbo was only able to pay attention for the first few minutes before the words all began to sound the same, and he finally tuned out the discussions around him.

His attention went to the papers before him, he glanced to Thorin, then to Ori before he looked back to the blank pages and took up a quill.

He dipped it in the inkwell, tapping it gently before he pressed it to the page and began to write.

At the very least he could look to be paying attention.

In the time it took the meeting to come to a close Bilbo had penned several letters to his family back in the Shire. One to his many Took cousins, to the Brandybucks, and even one to Lobelia going into great detail to describe the esteemed company he was sitting with, particularly Thorin.

Especially Thorin.

He read over his letters quite pleased with himself as he set his quill down and once more turned his attention back to the assembled dwarrows.

The lords had stood and Thorin had too risen, Bilbo took the queue as Ori gently poked at him with his boot and jumped to his feet.

He was rewarded with a scowl from the lord across from them, and he looked as though he was prepared to say something before Thorin spoke and from what Bilbo gathered dismissed them.

Thorin watched the room empty of all but his own council before he relaxed.

Bilbo noticed the slight slump of his shoulders, how the stormy look in his eyes lifted and was replaced by something else.

“You look tired.”

Thorin looked to Bilbo as he spoke, and he managed a small smile as he turned to him.

Around them the others were clearing up the tables of papers and documents save for the pile that Bilbo planted a hand firmly on to keep them from being moved.

“I have not been sleeping well.”

Thorin’s answer concerned him, they had talked of nightmares before, Bilbo telling him of the Fell Winter, and Thorin… Thorin told him that he never was able to make sense of his own nightmares, just that they plagued his rest.

He saw Thorin toying with something, he couldn’t quite make out what it was as he moved it rapidly, rolling it between the fingers of his right hand.

By this point it was only them left in the room, and Bilbo, Bilbo took his seat once more and urged Thorin to do the same and watched as the king obeyed and after adjusting his chair sat down again.

This time Bilbo was able to see what Thorin was playing with and he felt nervousness swimming in his gut as he recognized the pressed disc of gold. He said nothing, watching how Thorin absently toyed with it.

Of course now Bilbo wondered just where he had gotten the gold from, after all, Dáin had moved it all, it was all sealed away somewhere and surely Thorin hadn’t been able to find it. Had he?

Bilbo absently patted his own pocket, found that both the coin Dáin had given him and the golden band he had found in the goblin caves were still there and once more thought about where Thorin would have gotten that coin.

“Are the dreams the same as the ones you’ve told me about before?”

Bilbo asked folding his hands in his lap as he looked to Thorin, and saw that at least for the moment Thorin was focused on that piece of gold in his hand.

Bilbo nibbled his bottom lip gently as he tentatively reached over and plucked the coin from Thorin’s fingers and closed his own around it.

Thorin’s gaze jerked upwards and met his once more,

“My apologies… what did you say?”

“If the dreams are the same as the ones you’ve mentioned before.”

“Different. I cannot recall them, other then I find myself awake and unable to move, unable to breath.”

Thorin sighed deeply leaning back in his seat as Bilbo watched him,

“Sometimes my dreams are of fire and gold.”

Bilbo swallowed as he heard that, he watched Thorin nervously, how the king did not look to him as he spoke. How his eyes were fixed on the hand that Bilbo held the coin in.

He sat straighter as Thorin’s gaze flickered upwards again, and the king reached out and took Bilbo’s hand carefully in his own to pry his fingers open to take the coin back.

Bilbo almost wished to stop him, almost did stop him but the coin flashed out of sight as Thorin tucked it away near his belt and slowly rose to his feet.

“Come, I would not have you miss your supper.”

He smiled kindly to Bilbo and Bilbo stood and gathered all the letters he had written. Thorin said nothing as he waited by the door for the hobbit to join him.

There was a quick stop by Bilbo’s chambers so that he could drop off all his papers before they continued on towards the dining room where the raucous from within was already echoing down the hall.

Bilbo couldn’t help his grin as he saw Nori and Fíli going toe to toe in what looked like another ale drinking game while the others hollered around them trying to encourage whomever they bet on to win.

Bofur was doing neither any favours as he was shooting off jokes left and right and eventually Fíli sputtered and spit half his ale across the table at a particularly obscene joke and Nori slammed his own mug down and held his hands up in a show of victory.

“I could beat him.”

Bilbo commented gently nudging Thorin as he did so and the king looked to him before back to the table, he knew very well that in such a contest Bilbo would easily win. As he had already beaten Nori once at the coronation feast.

Thorin surprised Bilbo, and many of the company as he strode forward and the coin he had played with appeared in his hands once more and he set it down on the table.

“I will put this on Bilbo to win against you Nori.”

He said smoothly and looked to the middle Ri brother who looked past him and to Bilbo, before he looked to Bofur and motioned him closer.

Thorin straightened as Nori whispered something to Bofur who grinned and nodded, straightening up as looked to their king.

“Aye, that’s a fair bet, I’ll match it.”

He said as he set down a coin, then added a second as Fíli stood and led Bilbo over to the table and to his now empty seat.

The bets were set out, and Nori took count of what was in the pot and handed the sheet off to Ori who tucked it away and Balin arranged the coins in neat little stacks as Bofur went to refill the tankards.

“Careful Bilbo, Nori’s cheating.”

Fíli said lowly as he motioned across the table to Nori who in turn was watching them closely,

“He’s got Bofur on his side tonight.”

“Nori always cheats.”

Bilbo said with a small grin as Bofur returned with the tankards and set them down before them, the second round on standby.

“Alright, alright give them some room to work then lads.”

Bofur said as he cleared the table while Thorin strode to his place at the head of the table to watch the contest about to unfold.

Bilbo wished he hadn’t said anything as he swallowed, his mouth suddenly quite dry, and was reminded that he maybe should have eaten before he even said anything.

But it was too late to go back on it now as Bofur leapt on to the table top and raised his hands,

“Ready lads?”

Both Bilbo and Nori took their drinks in hand as Bofur brought down his hand,

“Go!”

It was a close contest, Bilbo matched Nori drink for drink, and as he expected the lack of food in his belly was making it harder and harder for him to concentrate as the ale was already starting to take effect.

His vision swam, and his words slurred, but still he kept going. Mercifully it seemed that Nori was in no better position and occasionally would miss the handle of his tankard entirely when he grabbed for it.

He thought he was doing okay until Bofur came and sat beside him and started to whisper in his ear.

Thorin watched from his seat, how each time Bofur spoke, Bilbo flushed in embarrassment, and how he only got redder and redder as the toymaker continued.

He was curious to know what Bofur was saying to have such a response from the hobbit.

Though unlike Fíli, Bilbo seemed determined not to give up.

Nori who realised his tactic wasn’t working looked across to Bofur who laughed and clapped Bilbo on the back stood and left him be.

And as it had been on the night of Thorin’s coronation, Bilbo eventually proved to be the victor.

His winnings were pushed over to him and he only waved it off, taking back the single coin that Thorin had bet and stood, rather shakily at that, and made his way slowly to his chair beside aforementioned King.

Thorin smiled faintly as Bilbo lowered himself into his chair and set the coin before him.

“I got it back for you.”

He slurred and Thorin took the coin and tucked it away again before this time he took his fork in hand, spearing a potato he offered it to Bilbo.

“And you need to eat.”

Bilbo took the potato as Thorin stood to get some bread from the kitchen, coming back to the table to see Bilbo nearly finished with his meal and already picking off things from his plate.

He set the plate down and broke off a piece of the bread and set it before Bilbo who took it and ate that too.

Finally feeling a little clearer headed Bilbo smiled his thanks to Thorin, eating a little slower now he took little bites of the bread as Thorin watched him.

“What was Bofur saying to you?”

Thorin asked and once more Bilbo turned a rather brilliant shade of scarlet as he hid his face in his hands,

“Please don’t make me repeat any of it.”

Thorin arched a brow and looked to Bofur who was now sitting over with Nori as the two chatted and joked around with Fíli and Kíli.

“Why?”

“It was rather crude, and it was filthy, please, don’t make me say it.”

“Then I will not.”

“Thank you.”

Finally Bilbo uncovered his face, though the color had gone down considerably his cheeks were still stained a faint rosy hue.

He glanced to Thorin and Thorin watched the color flare up in his cheeks again and once more Bilbo hid his face behind his hands and Thorin turned his attention on Bofur now, and the toymaker noticing the kings attention was innocence and smiles as he waved over to him.

Bofur laughed as Thorin only rolled his eyes in response to that.

“I think I’ve eaten enough, may I be excused?”

Bilbo finally asked and Thorin looked to him and saw that Bilbo’s plate was empty, and how much of his own had been picked at. That and the bread was nowhere to be found, he took both plates in hand and stood. Bilbo followed suit and joined him in the kitchens where he was surprised to see that Bombur had a helper that evening.

Bilbo smiled politely to Bombur’s wife Oda as she took the plates and promptly shooed them out of the kitchen.

Which Thorin allowed, after all, king or not it would not do to upset the chef.

They passed by the table to see that the games had picked up again and it was Kíli trying his luck against Nori.

 

“What did Bofur say?”

Thorin felt to try his luck again and instead received a sharp glare from his companion before Bilbo huffed and crossed his arms over his chest.

“No, no, I will not say a word, if you wish to know you will just have to go and ask him yourself, and that’s that.”

There was an air of finality to Bilbo’s words and Thorin decided that perhaps it was best not to test him on it as he was quite determined to not say anything.

They reached Bilbo’s door, and Thorin watched how Bilbo fiddled with the door.

“You really didn’t have to walk me back, I feel fine now.”

Bilbo turned and looked up to Thorin who watched him intently,

“I wanted to.”

“Well then, I suppose I cannot deny the desires of a king if he wants to do something…”

Bilbo cleared his throat as he finally pushed the door open and crossed the threshold into the room and very nearly slammed the door shut.

Thorin waited a moment and saw the door open again and Bilbo peeked out from behind the door at him,

“Goodnight Thorin.”

“Goodnight Master Burglar.”

Bilbo smiled briefly before he closed the door, much quieter this time and left Thorin standing there. The king could hear muffled movements from behind the door before he turned and began his walk back to his own chambers.

 

He did not sit alone long, eventually Dwalin let himself in, tired of the games that were still going on in the dining room.

“Balin got smart, he left shortly after you and Bilbo did.”

Dwalin said as he took a seat in the chair across from Thorin, whom had been reclining in his own chair pipe in hand as he looked at the crown he held in his other.

He set it aside as he finally looked to Dwalin who had taken a small wrapped bundle from one of his coats inner pockets and hand opened it in his lap.

Thorin entertained himself by watching Dwalin work on…. Whatever it was he was working on. It was a smaller quite intricate piece and Dwalin it seemed was fighting with what Thorin assumed were the finishing touches. They sat in silence for the longest time, Dwalin working on his project while Thorin enjoyed his pipe and watching Dwalin at work.

“Bilbo has been thinking of leaving.”

“Balin told me.”

Dwalin grunted in reply as he continued to fiddle with the object in his lap, Thorin was beyond curious at this point as he continued to glance over to his friend and watch him trying to finish what looked like considerably delicate work meant for nimbler fingers.

“Give him a reason to stay instead of complaining about it.”

He shot Thorin a quick glance before glowering at the item before him,

“Damn thing won’t sit straight...”

“What is that?”

“None of your damned business.”

Thorin smirked at Dwalin’s reply as he turned back to his pipe, watching him from the corner of his eye.

“You're being quite secretive whatever it is.”

“King or not you keep looking at me like that and I’ll wipe the smile off your face.”

“Oh?”

Thorin’s eyes narrowed in challenge as Dwalin calmly set what he was working on aside, waiting for Thorin to set down his pipe.

It did turn into a minor scuffle, both being equally matched as they kicked chair and table over trying to get the other pinned down.

Eventually Thorin got the upper hand and flipped Dwalin over on to his back.

Someone clearing their throat from the door had them both look up to find Dís who did not look entirely too impressed.

“If you two are quite finished... I need to speak with you Thorin.”

Thorin let Dwalin up who hurriedly stuffed his project into his jacket and nodded to them both before he walked out.

Thorin straightened his tunic as he went around righting all the furniture that had been knocked over before offering Dís a seat as he retrieved his crown from where it had fallen.

“I’m sure Balin has told you by now that Bilbo has thought about leaving?”

“Balin I’m sure has told the entire mountain.”

He expected Dís’s frown as he took his seat again and looked to her,

“I had asked him about it, Bilbo, he told me that he would wait until spring.”

“Good. That gives us until then.”

Thorin looked to Dís as she spoke, and he knew all too well the look she was giving him and he stood and walked to the fireplace.

“To do what.”

“You know exactly what.”

Thorin sighed pinching the bridge of his nose as he closed his eyes, he knew where this conversation would be going,

“Dís he hasn’t, I’ve tried and nothing has worked.”

“Perhaps you should try harder, or swallow your pride and try actually telling him.”

Thorin shook his head and Dís immediately cursed his Durin pride and how she knew it was what held him back from actually saying something. Well, that and she was sure that Thorin hadn’t even the slightest idea of where to even begin.

“Would you like me to talk to him? Perhaps see where he stands?”

Thorin turned to his sister as she suggested that and he considered it for a long while before he nodded slowly and returned to his seat beside her,

“Dís...”

“It will strictly be on why he wishes to leave Erebor, and that particular conversation on feelings however is best left for you nadad, I promise. But that doesn’t mean I won’t press him for his.”

Dís watched Thorin as he became suddenly very interested in his hands, she reached out and took them into hers.

“Very well, and there is one more thing you could do for me Dís.”

She looked at Thorin as he finally lifted his head and made eye contact with her,

“Yes?”

“No more bets.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yah Dís, no more betting! 
> 
> At least make sure Thorin doesn't hear about it.
> 
> Also I wonder what Dwalin's up to.
> 
> Thought I should mention, Bofur is whispering to Bilbo about Thorin. What he's saying I'll leave up to your imagination. Feel free to comment thoughts and maybe just maybe bilbo will actually tell Thorin what Bofur said.


	20. An Unexpected Outcome

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which even Kings dream and oversleep in the morning. Bilbo learns a bit more about the history of Erebor and Durin's folk, and Gandalf returns from his business in the west.

_This gold is ours... And ours alone._

_He had meant it._

_He would adorn him in gold and jewels. He was a treasure in himself, worth protecting... That was why he presented him the Mithril vest. His burglar was no warrior, Thorin knew that, and he knew that he had to do everything he could to keep him safe._

_Bilbo himself was treasure, and worth all the protection that he could ever provide._

_He knew that he had to be dreaming._

_His hobbit wore jewels, precious stones and gems set with care in his curls._

_Bilbo smiled shyly at the attention he received, blushing as Thorin brushed his thumbs across his cheeks before he slid his fingers into his hair, gently curling his fingers in the soft strands._

_“Ghivashel...”_

_He murmured softly, the thumb of his right hand tracing the curve of his burglar’s lips, he saw how Bilbo watched from beneath his lashes, how the blush at his cheeks darkened._

_There came a sudden flash of light and he felt Bilbo be ripped from his arms._

_He stood now at the doorway looking down on the treasure hoard of his grandfather and on the worm that guarded it._

_How Smaug watched him, taunted and mocked him._

_How Bilbo now was accounted amongst the stolen treasure, how Smaug bodily placed himself between the dwarf and Hobbit, sparks shooting from his mouth with every breath and word._

_And while he knew challenging the beast was futile, he held Orcrist tightly in hand as he faced down the dragon._

Given that he was the one to first notice that the King under the Mountain had not yet risen and joined them for breakfast Bilbo was nominated to go and see what was keeping him.

Bilbo stood outside the door for the longest time, his hand raised and poised ready to knock.

He swallowed and took a breath before he fiddled with the latch instead and let himself into the room.

As he had thought he found the room in darkness, even the embers in the fire were in danger of going out. He sighed and looked to the figure still covered up to his chin in blankets as he set about stoking the fire to get some light back in the room.

He glanced over to Thorin and found he hadn’t moved, shaking his head he went about finding his boots, crown, even going to the wardrobe to pull out something for him to wear should he ever feel the need to awaken and grace them with his presence.

Bilbo lay the chosen outfit down across one of the armchairs stepping back before he turned back to Thorin and planted his hands firmly on his hips.

He debated just ripping the blankets off. After all, he remember when he was a fauntling how his mother would do the same if she felt he had slept too long, and it was quite effective, especially when there was a definite chill in the air.

The fire hadn’t quite warmed the room yet so he did have that to work with. But he was sure that dwarves were less susceptible to the cold than he.

He sighed, absently chewing on his bottom lip as he thought about what he could possible do to rouse the king.

_He saw Laketown now._

_The worm had faded and he watched as Bilbo walked a few paces ahead of him taking some sort of pleasure in sightseeing._

_Not that there was much in terms of sightseeing to be had._

_But Thorin knew that Bilbo was a curious creature, and so he indulged him._

_He himself cared little for this place, his gaze kept turning back towards the mountain, how it loomed across the lake. It was so close. Erebor was so close._

_He stopped to take in how the lonely mountain looked in the dying light._

_He couldn't help but smile knowing home was within his grasp._

_He felt a gentle nudge to his side, the smallest of pokes and his burglar’s voice in his ear._

_Thorin.... Thorin._

“Thorin.”

Bilbo said a little louder now as Thorin began to move, he shifted and turned on to his back, half the blankets moved with him and he was left bare to his waist. Bilbo reined down his blushing, after all, he had seen all of this before.

Finally Thorin began to wake, his eyes fluttering open as he stretched and groaned before he fell silent again and turned his head and blinked in confusion to find Bilbo standing there.

“You didn’t come do to breakfast... I came to check on you.”

Bilbo answered Thorin’s unasked question as he looked to him,

“I’ve already grabbed some clothes for you. Balin insists you have a very busy day ahead of you.”

Thorin nodded as he threw his blankets aside, and Bilbo had never been more relieved to see someone sleeping in their small clothes.

Thorin stood slowly and brushed passed him to the armchair where he saw his chosen attire. Bilbo turned from him to look around the room as he heard the rustling of fabrics behind him as Thorin dressed.

Thorin opened his mouth to speak only to be silence by Bilbo exhaling before he turned to look at him,

“Think of it as payback for when you slept in my room.”

“I do recall you had asked me to stay.”

“Well, I do not recall having asked you to stay.”

“That, master Baggins…”

Thorin began his voice soft as he walked up on Bilbo and stood before him, bending slightly to bring himself nearer,

“Is because you drank enough for ten dwarves that night and I had to carry you back.”

Bilbo’s cheeks burned, more at the proximity of one dwarrow king and not the embarrassment of knowing he had to be carried back to his rooms.

Thorin straightened and Bilbo watched him move to the same chair his clothing had been on to take a seat as he went for his boots.

Bilbo shifted from side to side as Thorin finished with the final strap and buckle and stood again. He was on the move once more to a small polished mirror in the corner. Bilbo watched Thorin go through a small ornate box on the desk in the corner of the room.

He took a seat on the edge of Thorin’s bed, upon righting the covers and smoothing all the wrinkles, and watched as Thorin began what he could only describe as quite possibly the most meticulous grooming ritual he had ever seen. He held a silver comb in hand as he worked on each snarl and tangle until the comb passed through his inky black mane with ease.

Bilbo watched curiously then as Thorin set about braiding his hair, he had an idea on how to braid a simple three stranded braid, but to watch Thorin’s thick fingers twisting and looping the four stranded braids that he was used to seeing on the king was breathtaking.

He could imagine his own fingers fumbling to even attempt such a thing.

“You’re staring.”

Thorin said softly and Bilbo looked to see how Thorin was watching him through the mirror and he straightened.

“I was observing.”

Thorin chuckled and shook his head, vainly hiding the smiling that Bilbo was able to spot before Thorin repositioned himself.

It took several more moments before Thorin finally stood and Bilbo watched how he picked up a coat very much like the one he had had before the incident in Mirkwood and pulled it on before he took his crown and set it upon his head.

Bilbo stood as Thorin looked to him, going to his side as Thorin finally was ready to leave.

They spoke little as they made their way to the dining room, and found that the noise had died down considerably as many of the others had gone about their own days as this point and left only a handful there.

Balin and Dwalin still waited for them, as did Fíli and Ori. Bilbo returned to his seat and cleared his throat before he picked up his mug and found his tea had long gone cold. He was up and disappearing into the kitchen to warm it before Thorin had even tucked himself in.

“Took you long enough.”

Dwalin said with a small glance in Thorin’s direction, Thorin was quiet for a moment looking over his breakfast as he decided on where to start. When he finally did look to Dwalin he saw the little smirk his friend wore and crossed his arms,

“Nothing happened if that is what you are wondering about.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

Thorin found himself growing annoyed the longer Dwalin smirked at him from his seat, Balin looked between the two and sighed while shaking his head. The unease finally lifted when Bilbo returned to the table looking entirely too pleased with himself as he took his seat once more and poured himself a piping hot cup of tea.

Thorin did his best to ignore how Dwalin sniggered when he saw how closely Thorin watched Bilbo as the hobbit pursed his lips and blew across his tea before taking a sip

“You need not attend any meetings today, Bilbo... Lady Dís has asked after you, I believe she wishes you to spend the day with her.”

Both Thorin and Bilbo looked to Balin as he spoke, the hobbit put down his mug looking from Balin to Thorin, then back to Balin before he answered,

“Really? Are you sure?”

Thorin’s eyes met Balin’s before he gave a short nod and looked back to Bilbo,

“Yes, that will be fine. If Dís wishes your presence then that will be alright, Ori or myself can let you know what you have missed if you wish it.”

Bilbo nodded slowly and took his cup in hand, he was almost disappointed but…. Then he thought about just how much he did enjoy being at meetings where he didn’t know a word of Khuzdul, and where it was very obvious that his presence was not entirely well received by the other lords.

All in all perhaps it wouldn’t be too terrible, he did like the Lady Dís, and so he wasn’t too upset by the change of plans.

“Then I will.”

He decided as he returned his attention back to his tea and his breakfast. He would occasionally glance to Thorin and how the king was more poking at it then eating it now.

Thorin looked up when he noticed Bilbo’s attention, and how unamused he appeared to be. It didn’t take him long to deduce what was annoying his burglar, as he looked down to his unfinished breakfast. Bilbo simply mouthed the word ‘eat’ and Thorin sheepishly found himself obeying.

He heard Dwalin snorted and shot a glare to his friend which only served to make him laugh all that much harder.

Breakfast finished up quickly after that, Thorin was still glowering in Dwalin’s general direction even as plates where cleared off and the table cleaned.

Bilbo walked with the part of the way to the council chambers, he spoke quietly to Thorin up until they reached the stairwell that would take Thorin and the others down to their destination while Bilbo would turn down another hallway to head to where he knew Dís’s own apartments to be.

He looked up to Thorin as the king stood before him, and he truly looked as though he would say something to him. He did look to be fighting with himself before he sighed deeply and looked intently at the hobbit,

“I do not know how long this will take, but I will look for you later.”

Bilbo’s lips thinned and he nodded, clasping his hands before him as he looked to him,

“Then you call tell me all about the nonsense you’re about to walk in on, I hope it does not take you past dinner, since I doubt you’ll remember to even eat your lunch. Or should I come to remind you?”

“I’m sure that Balin will remind me.”

Bilbo nodded as he took a step backwards and smiled to him,

“Enjoy your day, Thorin.”

With that he spun on his heel and hurried away, Thorin watched him go before he turned and started down the steps.

 

Bilbo found himself to be enjoying his time with Dís.

They went for a long walk around the mountain, she showed him many of the halls and caverns, gave him a history lesson on the kingdom and of how Thrór had settled here after a great cold drake drove him from the Grey Mountains and built the richest kingdom in middle-earth.

Bilbo found it all quite fascinating, continuing to ask questions even when they had stopped back at her sitting room for afternoon tea.

“So your family has had plenty of troubles with Dragons it seems.”

He commented absently before he flushed and looked to Dís who seemed amused by this before she nodded and waved it off,

“Do not be embarrassed, Bilbo.”

She smiled to him as she set down her fork and looked to him,

“The drakes seemed far too keen on our halls, the cold drake killed my great-grandfather Dáin I, and his son Frór, my grandfather and his remaining brother Grór both came south. While Thrór settled in Erebor, Grór continued east and founded his own realm in the Iron Hills. While Erebor was the richest, in terms of military the Iron Hills was stronger, after the sack of Erebor many Longbeards did go to the Iron Hills while a great many of us went to the Blue Mountains and Ered Luin.”

Bilbo listened intently as Dís spoke, almost to the point where he forgot about the little bit of scone that was still held between his teeth and hand where he hadn’t quite taken a full bite of it. He eventually did realise and finished his scone before taking up a napkin to dab his mouth.

“What of the Blue Mountains?”

“Well, after Smaug took Erebor many of Durin’s folk settled there, my father Thráin, established himself north of the Little Lune River and that was where we lived. After he went missing Thorin took up the crown and he ruled in his place. We were content there, we had a home and a life, but times were difficult. We had our mines, we still had things to trade but, it was difficult for a time. It was a far cry from the life that many led in Erebor, we did not have much in terms of money, and I know many wandered for work Thorin amongst them. It became even more difficult once my boys were born and their father passed, Thorin would be gone for weeks at a time wandering looking for whatever work he could find, after all, it was difficult to keep two growing boys clothed and fed. Eventually we were able to get back to a point where it was much easier, and our people prospered under Thorin’s rule. Then he heard word of our father and went searching for him and met a wizard. I’m sure after that you know the rest of the story.”

Bilbo couldn’t help but smile and nod at that as he helped himself to another biscuit,

“Yes I do believe me I do. A wizard and twelve dwarves showed up at my door, then later, after dinner, Thorin showed up as he had gotten lost… Has he always had such a poor sense of direction?”

“He has, he always has, from what I recall, Frerin was like that as well, I think I was the only one to not inherit that from our father. Would you tell me of where you come from? Kíli has told me it’s a beautiful little land.”

The Shire, Hobbiton, and Bag End in particular where some of Bilbo’s favorite things to talk about, and so Dís listened curious about the green land that the hobbit had come from. He made sure to tell her everything, from the layout of his home, to Hobbiton itself. Farmer Maggots field, the rich farmlands and rivers, the Green Dragon. He spoke of the sad things as well, the Fell Winter, and losing both his parents.

He told her of his extended family, of all his Took and Brandybuck cousins, and begrudgingly of the Sackville-Baggins’s as well.

“My cousin Lobelia, she is a piece of work that one, forever trying to get Bag End and everything within it. Though, I think I’ll get her back, I’ve written her a very long letter detailing my time here in Erebor, in the hall of the King under the Mountain, of the esteemed company I’m spending time with such as yourself and Lord Dáin, as well as how I am a personal friend of the king himself.”

And there was that smile again, Bilbo eyed Dís suspiciously now, he had come to associate that smile with Dís knowing far too much then she was letting on.

And knowing all too well that she would not be sharing such information with him as well.

As he thought she went no further and began asking him of his childhood and then of the quest again and somehow it came all back to where their talks in the morning had started.

“Are you content here Bilbo?”

She asked finally as someone had come for their trays and they both moved to the armchairs closer to the fire to talk. She watched him shift before he sighed and his shoulders slumped and he fiddled with the hem of his shirt.

“Well… yes and no? I will admit to being quite accustomed now to life here, and I enjoy all my time with yourself and with Thorin, and the company… But, I do miss home Dís, I really do. There is something missing, I’m comfortable here, but… sometimes I feel there is far more going on then I’m privy to.”

Dís smiled to him again and he said nothing more, folding his hands in his lap as he settled again and looked to her.

“Balin told you, didn’t he?”

Dís nodded as Bilbo asked the question, the hobbit sighed and Dís could see the loneliness and sadness in his eyes,

“Do you miss being amongst your kin?”

“It’s not really that, I always felt like the odd one out, I was respectable once and I daresay my reputation has probably been all but ruined the moment I ran out my door to join Thorin on this quest, but I suppose in a way I do. I miss the fresh air, the sunshine, my garden, and the trees… There are things I enjoy about Erebor though, such as the company, I feel as though I have quite the extended family amongst the company now, each of them naming me dwarf-friend, Dori fusses over me much like my mother had which is almost amusing in itself.”  
  
He smile a bit as he looked to Dís again,

“I have thought about leaving, I truly have… but I’ve been told travel during the winter can be difficult and so I have until spring to make up my mind.”

“Is there anything we can do to make you more comfortable and wish to stay?”

He looked at Dís and considered her question, he was warring with himself as part of him wished to return to the Shire and go back to how he had been, while the other part wished to stay in Erebor with those he had come to think of as family, and not to mention there was Thorin.

He wanted to be here when Thorin finally remembered, when he came back to himself, he wanted to see him finally beat the curse on his family and beat his dragon sickness…. And he wouldn’t be able to see that from the Shire if he chose to return.

That and the thought of being separated from Thorin made his chest ache almost painfully as he thought about it.

Something had changed between them, he knew that much, he couldn’t quite place it but there was… well there certainly was something.

He knew his feelings, he just wished he had insight on Thorin’s.

“I’m not at all sure, I have everything I could possibly need, and the company has been very kind in ensuring my comfort here but I there are things that even they can’t give me.”

Dís knew the look on his face all too well as the hobbit looked into the fire, and for a moment she wanted nothing more than to give Thorin a good smack across the back of the head. Another time she wished her brother would swallow his pride and do something, if he was worried of being rejected she could tell the fears were unfounded.

She wished the two of them would just wake up and tell the other what they felt for it would certainly put a stop to much heartache.

 

Their afternoon continued much like their day had gone, Dís gave him a lesson on the history of Erebor and Durin’s folk which served to distract his mind from what was bothering him.

Eventually they came back her sitting room after she showed him the library that was slowly being refilled and restored to its former splendour.

Bilbo had just pour himself and Dís each a mug of tea when there was a knock on the door before without waiting for Dís to even answer Thorin entered with Gandalf behind him.

Dís took note of the grave look on her brother’s face, and Bilbo seemed concerned as Thorin closed the door and the two approached them. Thorin took the seat beside his sister as Gandalf drew up a chair and pointedly looked at Bilbo.

“How are you my dear fellow?”

He asked and Bilbo eyed him suspiciously, he too had noticed the look on Thorin’s face, and how Gandalf himself was nervous which was odd as the wizard always seemed to have a handle on things.

“I’m fine… I had heard you had left Dale, what brings you back?”

Gandalf looked to the hobbit and sighed as he set a rucksack on the table between them and looked Bilbo straight in the eye.

“I had some business in the west, upon its completion I decided to take the route through the Shire to check in on Bag End. What I found was… well, there had been an auction of your estate as they believed you to be deceased.”

Bilbo’s expression fell, much like his heart, at each and every one of Gandalf’s words. His throat constricted and prickled as he looked to the wizard.

“What?”

Gandalf pushed the bag towards him and Bilbo reached for it, taking it in hand as he opened the clasp holding it shut and lifted the top.

“These were all I was able to salvage. The rest I daresay was picked cleaned. I petitioned to the thane to have your things returned but... He said without you there to prove you were in fact un-deceased there was little he could do.”

Bilbo hardly heard anything the wizard said as he carefully took each item from the rucksack.

His parent’s portraits, his box of handkerchiefs with his initials embroided in the lower corner.

He laughed through the tears he hadn’t even realized he had been crying as he pulled out his collection of teaspoons.

There were other little knickknacks here and there, letters from his parents, some of his favorite books.

His mother’s teacup.

He decided at that point he needed one of his handkerchiefs as he set down the mug and took one in hand and dabbed at his eyes.

Of course then it dawned on him that he had no home to go back to.

Then the tears truly came.

Gandalf made to embrace him but watched as Thorin had stood from his seat and went to Bilbo’s side and drew the hobbit into a tight embrace. Gandalf watched as Bilbo clung to him as he sobbed.

It truly seemed now that he was to be the last Baggins to have lived in Bag End.

He wasn’t sure what he was meant to feel.

Sorrow, for losing his childhood home, his last links to his mother and father.

Helpless, in knowing that there was nothing he could do to ever go back to how it had been before.

Anger, for being robbed of the choice if he wished to go back or not. Well, he supposed he could have but would have to start all over again.

He clung to Thorin, burying his face against the solid expanse of his chest.

The king was the only thing that kept him grounded as he felt his world collapse around him.

He sniffled and Thorin’s arms tightened around him, holding him close and keeping him safe.

Thorin whispered to him, in the harsh language of his native tongue, and Bilbo wished more than anything at that moment to know what he was saying.

What words of comfort accompanied the gentle hands that rubbed his back to soothe him. Eventually his sobs became little hiccups as he finally felt he had nothing left to cry. Still Thorin held him close, a gentle hand stroked the back of his head.

Dís was there now, offering him one of his handkerchiefs that he took and used to blow his nose.

“Come with me…”

She said softly gently extracting him from Thorin’s embrace and leading him to her chambers, he followed her in and to the basin in the corner that she filled. He washed his face and swallowed back on more tears as he once more found himself thinking about what he had learned.

Dís offered him a soft towel to dry his face with as she watched him, she saw his lip tremble and she drew him to her. He did not cry a second time, but leaned into the embrace.

This was the last thing he had expected to hear that day.

Eventually they rejoined the two in Dís’s sitting room, Thorin rose to meet them and Dís guided Bilbo back to his seat before she took her brother by the sleeve and led him a few paces away. There they began to speak and Bilbo sighed when he heard the conversation was in Khuzdul. He looked to Gandalf who, did try and offer some comfort to him.

Of course with Thorin and Dís distracted it gave him the chance to see if Gandalf may offer insight as to what had been said to him while Thorin held him,

“Do you know what was he saying?”

Bilbo asked quietly looking to Gandalf as he listened to Thorin and Dís speaking quietly together.

“He was saying,”

Gandalf pondered this for a long while, he watched Thorin and he watched Dís, he listened to each and every one of Thorin’s words carefully. He knew it was not his place to reveal what Thorin had said to Bilbo, nor what the two were saying now.

“Well, it’s not my place to say. I do apologize Bilbo.”

The corner of Bilbo’s mouth twitched and he smiled almost tiredly looking from the wizard to the two dwarrows a few feet away from them.

“I seem to be hearing that a lot lately.”

“You will learn eventually, I’m sure that they will reveal it to you in due time.”

Bilbo sighed as he looked back to the rucksack and the little pieces of his former life that it contained. At least he had some part of home with him now as it seemed that the decision of whether to remain in Erebor or not had been made for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thorin, Mahal's beard say something damnit.
> 
> Also, you didn't think that I would make it easy for Bilbo to decide whether to stay or go... 
> 
> I wish that I could speak Khuzdul and write it, because I would have loved to include what Thorin was saying to Bilbo in the story, I'm thinking of using a different font or even just bolding the text for it, but yah... I do wonder if Thorin will ever tell Bilbo what he said as it was the closest thing to Thorin confessing as we'll get. Just too bad it was in Khuzdul and Bilbo didn't understand.


	21. Ghivashel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ain't no party like an Ereborian party. Fourteen dwarves just barge into your room and all hell breaks loose.
> 
> And awkward sleepovers, because we've all had at least one awkward sleepover in our time.
> 
> Boy I did not think it could get any more awkward. I honestly enjoyed writing this and making them both miserable, not in an unhappy way but just with how incredibly awkward it is between them. It might not be my best chapter, but I think it's one of the more amusing chapters to make up for the sad of the last one.

“Go to him…”

Dís urged nudging her brother forward as they both looked towards the hobbits closed door. Much like how Thorin was upon learning of his dragon sickness, after hearing the news of how Bag End was no longer in his possession and would never again belong to him, Bilbo had taken to his rooms. He took his meals alone, and was rarely seen wandering even the halls. It had gone on for days with many vain attempts at trying to get him out and socializing before Kíli had suggested they all bombard him as they had in Bag End in hopes that maybe that would work.

Thorin swallowed as he took a hesitant step forward, Dori was at his side carefully balancing a tray in hand, the teapot was wrapped in one of Ori’s knitted cosies while the tray was laden with several different types of scones and biscuits, as well as fruit preserves from Dale and honey that Nori had procured especially for Bilbo.

The entirety of the company was there, from Dwalin to Ori, Bombur to Fíli, and Óin to Bofur, they had all come when Gandalf had told them of what he had learned in returning to the Shire.

After all, they too had lost their home once.

Thorin went first, at Dís’s urging, knocking on the door three times before he lowered his hand and waited.

 

Bilbo felt terrible for blocking out his friends the way he did, he truly did, but he needed time to think. Time to process what had happened.

Even know as he huddled wrapped in his quilt in his armchair before the fire he thought, he spent a great deal of time thinking actually.

He closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath as he looked to the rucksack on the table before him that held the pieces of his former life.

It was… difficult, to think of his life in Bag End as his former, that it seemed no matter what he thought he was destined it seemed to linger here in Erebor.

Not that it was entirely terrible, he had his friends, Dís, and Thorin, and it wasn’t as though he was a prisoner here either. It had been made clear to him that he could come and go between Erebor and Dale whenever he chose, and King Thranduil had even extended an invitation to the Greenwood should the fancy strike him.

Well, as long as he came alone and left Thorin behind.

King Thranduil had been very specific in stating that Thorin was not at all welcome in his realm. Which Bilbo did understand completely as the king had gone into detail about just how well his and Thorin’s negotiations had gone whilst they were ‘guests’ in his halls.

Bilbo hadn’t the heart to tell him at the time that he had been present and watched the proceedings with great interest.

He sighed as he burrowed deeper into his blankets looking at the fire before him.

He supposed now all that was left to do was to make the best of his circumstances as it seemed he would be calling Erebor home for quite the long while.

Bilbo jumped when he heard the sudden loud booming knocks on his door and knew it could be no one but Thorin. He slowly extracted himself from his nest of blankets and smoothed out his clothes, his last remaining pair of trousers, and shirt from the Shire, before he made his way across to the door.

He unlatched the locks and opened the door a crack and peered out.

As he had thought Thorin stood there, as did the whole company, and Lady Dís.

And just like that fateful night at Bag End, they let themselves in as Bilbo protested. He didn’t know how to react to fourteen dwarves suddenly invading his personal space once more, and he huffed in irritation as he watched them make room and pull chairs over.

Dori had set down his tray and Bilbo watched as he folded the blankets on the chair before he took them to Bilbo’s bed and set them down. Bilbo continued to watch them, how they worked and arranged themselves in what chairs there were and on the floor.

Bilbo nearly jumped when he felt a hand at the base of his neck and turned his head to find Thorin standing there with him.

“You’ve been neglecting yourself.”

“Well excuse me if I have more important things on my mind than to remember to comb my hair.”

He snapped back and he saw Thorin’s eyes widen minutely in surprised at his tone and he immediately lowered his gaze before speaking again,

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have… but this is all your fault you understand? When you showed up at my door and recruited me on this quest, and I stupidly followed you. I didn’t think I would…”

“You didn’t know this would happen.”

“I didn’t think I would lose everything. Well, I suppose it's only partly your fault... I didn't have to go with you."

Bilbo sighed and the hand that was at his neck slid downwards slowly, before Thorin’s arm circled around his waist and he tugged him close.

“Is this what it felt like? When Smaug took Erebor?”

He asked quietly looking up into the impossible blue of Thorin’s eyes as the king regarded him.

“Very nearly, if by that you mean the helplessness that comes with knowing you have no power to change it.”

Bilbo nodded leaning into Thorin and resting his head against his chest, he nodded slowly and closed his eyes.

“That would be it.”

Of course he opened his eyes when he remembered that were most definitely me alone and that they had an audience as he saw the thirteen rather amused looks being cast in their direction.

Bilbo cleared his throat as he briskly moved away from Thorin and back to the chair he had been sitting in prior to their arrival, while Thorin followed after him.

As soon as they seated themselves Dori was up and pouring Bilbo a cup of tea, and Bilbo watched him fix it and set it down before him.

That was also when Bilbo noticed the scones as well as the honey and fruit preserves. His stomach gave a little growl and he flushed slightly in embarrassment as Dori then made sure to move the tray so that it was in grabbing distance.

“To what do I owe the pleasure of each and every one of your company today?”

He finally asked between bites looking from each dwarf that now occupied either a chair or bit of floor in his room.

“We all heard what happened, with your home.”

Fíli began looking around at the others who nodded in agreement at the prince’s words, he looked to Bilbo again before he continued,

“And we all wanted to come and tell you that we understand, and we’re here for you.”

He felt a rush of warmth inside him at Fíli’s words, and at the smiles he received from those who were there with them.

“Thank you.”

He smiled now as he looked to those he had indeed come to see as family, as odd as some of them were.

They had long decide to talk of happier times, the quest, the events that followed, not wanting to dwell too much on the sadness.

Bilbo was even treated to an impromptu concert as Bofur had the idea to run and grab as many of their instruments as he could carry, Dwalin had been against anyone touching his fiddle but himself so he had gone to give the toymaker a hand. Thorin too exited the room to retrieve his harp.

What surprized Bilbo even more was that he returned with a second harp that he gave to Dís.

While the others tuned their instruments Bilbo watched both Dís and Thorin play a few simple melodies back and forth, it was quite lovely to listen to. Of course when everyone else was ready the cacophony of sounds was almost hard on the ears but as they had in Bag End, they fell into sync, found their rhythm and a melody to hold on to and it was all together quite nice to listen to.

Bilbo could tell each dwarf from their instruments, from the fiddles, to the clarinets, to the harps. Then of course they did sing and the songs went from the serious to the silly, and in Bofur’s case the crude. Apparently even Dís’s presence wasn’t enough to stop him, which suited Bilbo just fine as he did need a laugh and the toymaker did have several good new jokes to share with them.

Eventually they coaxed him from his room to eat dinner with them, which he admitted was quite the nice change.

He couldn’t help but smile as he listened to all the conversation around him, everyone was smiling, and they were all laughing.

Bilbo looked over to Thorin who sat straighter noticing his attention, Bilbo smiled to him as he looked back down to his meal, catching Thorin’s own small smile in return.

Dwalin of course said something to Thorin in Khuzdul that earned him a rather impressive scowl, quite like the one he had saved especially for King Thranduil.

Of course that didn’t stop the others from adding their own comments which had Thorin bristling and glaring at all those seated around the table save for his sister, Dori, and Ori who seemed to be the only ones who had nothing to add on whatever it was they were talking about.

Bilbo felt left out by this and sighed, rather loudly, he had to admit which caught Thorin’s attention promptly and he leveled one more glare across the table,

“Enough.”

“What were you all saying anyway?”

Bilbo asked looking around to those who seemed to have more to say and found that suddenly they all became rather tight lipped about what he assumed had been nothing more than a short bit of teasing directed at Thorin who wasn’t at all impressed by it.

“Nothing to concern yourself with.”

It was Dwalin that answered and Bilbo looked at him and once more felt like he was at the other end of some long running joke that no one was bothering to share with him. He huffed and crossed his arms, his dinner no longer appearing at all that appetizing.

His little hunger strike lasted the entirety of twenty minutes until dessert was served and he was more than happy to indulge his sweet tooth.

When another food fight seemed imminent he, as well as both Thorin and Dís elected to duck out to avoid the mess that would follow. Bilbo made sure to stop by Bombur’s chair to give his compliments and praises before they hurried out as the first of the potatoes were thrown.

“I don’t understand why it always seems to dissolve into a food fight, what a waste.”

Bilbo commented as he walked with Thorin and Dís back to his room, Dís was the one to chuckle as she looked over to him,

“They eat their fill and then they play with the rest, they do clean up their messes Thorin has assured me.”

Bilbo nodded as he allowed his thoughts to drift back to that night in Bag End when he had walked in in the midst of one of their food fights, how he worried for his floor and walls, the table and chairs. How they sang and teased him whilst they cleaned, surprising him with their coordination and surprising amount of care that they took to not break anything.

Or blunt or bend.

And yet he would not trade that memory for anything.

They arrived at the door and Dís surprised Bilbo by shaking her head as he opened it to go inside,

“I’m going to check on my wayward sons, and ensure that that dining room is spotless. Do have a good night Bilbo, I expect you to join me for breakfast in the morning, first or second, I do not mind either.”

She smiled to him as she reached out and gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze before she looked to her brother and bid him goodnight.

Bilbo watched her head back down the hallway from where they had come from before he looked back to Thorin and hurried inside.

He went abought straightening his furniture as he heard Thorin close the door behind them, he didn’t mind having all his friends come calling but when they disturbed the careful order he put his things in he wasn’t entirely too impressed.

They meant well and that was the only thing that would save them from a stern reprimand. When everything was back where it had been prior to their visit did he finally allow himself to sink into his armchair and let out a deep breath, closing his eyes only momentarily before he opened them again to watch as Thorin shed his top coat and crown.

“Thank you.”

Thorin’s eyes flickered upwards as Bilbo spoke and he straightened to look at him.

“Thank you all for coming by… I needed it I think, to know I wasn’t alone in this. I know that if anyone would understand what this feels like, it would be all of you.”

Bilbo’s cheeks went pink as Thorin smiled to him, not one of his small private smiles that he used when he was around the others, but one of his wide bright smiles that Bilbo only seemed to see in private these days.

“You should smile more, it suits you.”

He saw how Thorin arched a brow and he sighed straightening up as he watched him, Thorin it seemed was waiting for him to continue.

“What I mean is you always look so unhappy, there really isn’t nothing wrong with smiling. I quite like your smile actually, given that we hardly get to see it.”

“You flatter me master Baggins.”

Bilbo nearly rolled his eyes at that and crossed his arms, he gave Thorin a look that had the king laughing at his expression.

“I would have thought that we had progressed to the point in that you would feel comfortable in calling me by my name. Unless of course you would prefer for me to start calling you by your title.”

“I would prefer you did not.”

“And I would prefer that you called me Bilbo, not master Baggins, nor master burglar, but Bilbo, please. Everyone else refers to me as such, even Dís calls me by my name.”

He could tell that Thorin was amused by this, he rested his chin on his palm as he watched the hobbit before him.

“Then I will call you Bilbo.”

Thorin watched as that had his burglar smile, how he stood and went to grab his pipe and return to his chair. He debated leaving to retrieve his own but decided against as that would be quite the walk to undertake when he wished to sit and relax.

They sat in silence as Bilbo packed his pipe, Gandalf had thought to ease the blow of his losing Bag End by giving him a barrel of longbottom leaf, which Bilbo had grudgingly admitted to it taking some of the sting away.

They spoke in length, Thorin had started to go through the items that Gandalf had brought from the Shire, asking questions about each thing he drew from the rucksack and Bilbo would answer, sometimes taking a moment to compose himself as the wound was still quite raw in his heart.

“And that fair maid is my mother, Belladonna. Now I will blame the entirety of my desire to follow you on this quest on my Tookish side, they’re known for being a little more eccentric and adventurous which I think is what Gandalf was hoping for.”

Bilbo said as Thorin looked over the picture of his mother before he set the portrait down carefully and took the second portrait up and held it up, glancing between it and Bilbo before he smiled.

“What?”

“You look like him, this is your father?”

“Bungo Baggins, well to do and a very respectable hobbit. He built Bag End for my mother, and so it was meant that a Baggins would always live there… well, apart from now I suppose.”

He sighed deeply and Thorin set that portrait aside as well as he studied the hobbit before him. Bilbo chewed nervously at the end of his pipe as he noticed he once more had Thorin’s undivided attention, he shifted and glanced to him before he looked away again.

“Do you regret following me?”

“Regret? No, not for a moment. I did mean it, I am happy to have shared in your perils Thorin, even if you don’t remember them but, I am glad. I admit that I did not expect to lose Bag End but, well, I would do it again if I had the choice.”

They settled into a comfortable conversation after that, until Bilbo began to doze in his chair. The King smiled to himself as he stood and carefully took the pipe from Bilbo’s hand and set it aside.

Bilbo opened his eyes to look at him as he did so and covered a yawn with his hand as he stood.

“I suppose it is rather late?”

Thorin nodded as Bilbo hurried about and grabbed his night shirt from his bed and disappeared into the adjoining bathroom. Within a few moments he reappeared and smiled rather sheepishly to the king as he set his folded clothes aside and wandered over to his bed and drew back the blankets.

“Again I thank you for this evening, I’m glad to have had some company.”

“It was my pleasure.”

Bilbo felt the heat in his cheeks at the warm smile the king favoured him with, and he continued to blush even after he saw Thorin turn and head to the door.

Yavanna he couldn’t believe he was about to do this.

“Would you, I mean you don’t have to, but would you like to stay?”

Thorin turned and looked to the hobbit who seemed quite embarrassed by his question, Thorin took a step closer to him.

“Your nightmares again?”

He watched as Bilbo nibbled his bottom lip taking a seat the edge of his bed before he nodded. He plucked at little bits of lint on his shirt before looked up to Thorin again.

“Will you remember you asked me to in the morning, or will you deny it again?”

Bilbo almost couldn’t believe that Thorin was teasing him, if he hadn’t known any better he would think he had already fallen asleep and this was a dream. But he knew himself to be still very much awake and Thorin was still very much standing awkwardly in his room looking at him. Eventually he crossed the floor to take the blanket from the foot of the bed and headed to the armchair where he had spent his first night.

“You don’t have to sleep there, there’s more than enough room on the bed for you. I remember you saying your back was sore from sleeping in the chair.”

Thorin turned to look back at Bilbo and could see how even in the faint light how red his face was. It was true though, Bilbo recalled in private for several days following the night he still did not remember to this day that Thorin would offhandedly comment about how uncomfortable the armchair was and he would have done better on the floor.

Thorin too seemed rather taken aback by his offer and found himself rooted in place holding the blanket in limp hands.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m positive.”

He saw Thorin’s hesitation and he understood it was most likely well founded but he would feel terrible if he subjugated his friend to another night of having to sleep in an armchair. Well, he supposed that Thorin could have just gone back to his own rooms but he didn’t seem at all wanting to decline the invitation.

Which Bilbo didn’t mind as he hoped that having some company would keep away the nightmares for at least one night.

Bilbo closed his eyes as he lay back down, listening to Thorin as he pulled off his many layers. He opened an eye to peak at him immediately regretting that as he felt heat flare in his cheeks, he had dressed down to his undershirt which mercifully hung down to well below his thighs and Bilbo found himself thanking Yavanna for such a thing.

He closed his eyes again as he listened to Thorin’s footsteps circling the bed. The blanket lifted and he felt the mattress shift before Thorin found a place he was comfortable and lay still. Bilbo scooted over to keep as much distance between them as he could, without trying to appear to be keeping his distance, which worked up until he opened his eyes and saw how Thorin looked at him.

“I can still sleep in the chair if this makes you uncomfortable.”

“I’m fine, really!”

Which was partially true as his face felt though it was on fire, he struggled to keep himself calm, he could feel the warmth radiating from Thorin, which he thought was a small blessing as he found his chambers to get quite cold as the night progressed.

He suddenly found himself wide awake even as his companion had closed his eyes and was trying to settle and fall asleep.

“You’re staring…”

“I am not.”

“Goodnight Bilbo.”

He could see that Thorin was trying not to smile and he grunted as he turned away from the smug look on the king’s face.

“Goodnight Thorin.”

 

Thorin’s presence did seem to serve as a deterrent to some of his more terrifying nightmares, and for the first time in several weeks he actually awoke feeling rested and almost eager to start the day. Accept for the fact that moving would prove to be quite difficult if not impossible.

He surmised that sometime during the night he must have migrated across the bed towards the warmth that was Thorin’s body, which it seemed did not bother the king at all as Bilbo woke up with Thorin’s arms around him and his face buried into his hair.

It was Laketown all over again, well minus the fact that Thorin at that point hadn’t been anywhere near his hair, but Bilbo did recall sharing a pallet there with the king who at one point hugged him close much as he did now. It as part of the tale he had neglected to mention as he was certain that Thorin at that point would have been rather… unimpressed to learn that little fact.

Bilbo squirmed a little trying to get free and found that it served only to have Thorin tighten his hold on him. He couldn’t tell if Thorin was still asleep, or if he was awake as he was continually mumbling under his breath and the more Bilbo listened the more he was able to make out that it was Khuzdul that he was hearing.

“Ghivashel…”

Thorin murmured and Bilbo felt him move, drawing him closer as he was all but nuzzling his hair in his sleep. And he kept repeating that word, there were others he said but it was that one that struck him as Thorin whispered it almost reverently.

He found himself in quite the predicament.

He wished to get up and start his day, but on the same token he didn’t want to disturb Thorin who he knew had his own troubles when it came to sleep and nightmares and seemed to be having pleasant dreams of whatever it was that dwarves dreamt of.

_Fire and Gold._

Bilbo flinched at the thought, Thorin had told him the majority of his dreams seemed centered around such things and it did worry him. Just as it worried him to know that Thorin was collecting more coins from the supposedly hidden treasure which must not be as well hidden as they had hoped given he would disappear and reappear with more coins.

He squirmed and eventually Thorin loosened his hold on him enough he was almost able to get free before Thorin gently took hold of his arm, Bilbo turned his head and saw how Thorin watched him from beneath his lashes as he seemed to slowly be waking up.

He was speaking in Khuzdul again, Bilbo heard his name a few times, and when he didn’t say his name he was saying the other word.

Bilbo managed to squirm free finally and Thorin turned on to his back and covered his eyes with his forearm.

He went through his things and picked out some clean clothes and disappeared into his bathroom. When he re-emerged faced scrubbed and dressed for the morning he found Thorin sitting in one of the chairs dressed in the clothes he wore the day before.

“I didn’t think it was becoming of a king to wear the same thing twice?”

“I will change before breakfast… Did you sleep well?”

“No nightmares, so I suppose that I cannot complain.”

Bilbo managed a small smile as he looked to Thorin who smiled in turn as he stood and looked him over.

“I see that you combed your hair.”

“I suppose I have to at least give the illusion that I am still somewhat of a respectable hobbit.”

Thorin laughed at that and Bilbo continued to smile, he made mention then of breakfast and Thorin agreed. He continued to the dining room alone before he paused and changed course recalling how he did promise the lady Dís to join her.

 

Dís had been surprised to see him, which he found somewhat perplexing as she had been the one to extend the invitation. Either way they did enjoy a nice quiet food fight free breakfast, and after Dís disappeared for several moments, he was treated to second breakfast and several wishes of good mornings from the others.

It was midmorning during their daily walk, which he admitted to missing the past several days he’d been holed up in his room that he decided to ask her about the word that he had heard Thorin say.

“Dís…”

Bilbo began as she slowed down her stride so that he could more easily keep up to her as they walked back from the library. She looked at him to show that she was listened and he was quiet for a moment before he spoke again,

“What does, and I’m sorry if my pronunciation is horrible, but what does Ghivashel mean?”

Bilbo admitted to being slightly terrified of how quickly her expression changed, of how her eyes lit up and how broadly she smiled.

“Where did you hear that?”

She asked facing him fully and he blinked looking up at her, he squirmed in place before finally working up the nerve to answer.

“Thorin he… well, talks in his sleep and called me that several times actually, and I was curious as to what it could possibly mean.”

He felt the familiar heat in his cheeks as he promptly lowered his gaze as he found he couldn’t meet Dís’s eyes now.

Dís bit her tongue, oh how she wanted to tell him what it meant, to tell him what Thorin was so determined not to say out loud even though he was desperate for Bilbo to realize. Bilbo looked up at her as she said nothing, he knew that she was purposely not saying anything, not translating that one word for him. She most likely knew what it meant, she had to, but she wasn’t saying it.

She sighed, she knew better, she knew that this was best left for Thorin but she knew if she left it to him it would go unsaid for Mahal knows how much longer.

“It means treasure of all treasures.”

Dís looked at Bilbo as he fell silent, his mouth moved soundlessly and she watched as his face slowly grew redder until even the tips of his ears were scarlet as he worked through just what the connotations of that word meant.

“Thorin should just be finishing up with his council if you wish to speak with him.”

Bilbo looked up at Dís as she returned his gaze before she glanced down the hallway and Bilbo found that they had been walking closer to the royal apartments.

“If you run, you may just beat him there, I believe you two have much to talk about.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thorin is now officially busted.
> 
> Dís feels kinda guilty she spilled the beans but, it was for a just cause damnit. She couldn't just sit idle and let them suffer, especially Bilbo since he's the one she feels bad for the most. That and Thorin could not be any more obvious, there's no hiding from or denying it now.
> 
> Meanwhile the rest of the company is thanking Mahal. Or at least they will be once they find out.


	22. Some actions speak louder than words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Thorin has some explaining to do. And it does not goes as well as he probably would have initially hoped for. 
> 
> Thorin's kinda smooth when he wants to be I guess.

Bilbo mumbled quick thank-you’s to Dís as he started down the hall, he wasn’t at all sure what he planned on doing. It was not as though he could just sit Thorin down and demand him to tell the truth, as sitting Thorin down and trying to get anything out of him had always proved to be quite difficult, especially if he was not keen on talking.

He stopped dead in the middle of the hallway, what if this was all some big joke and Dís was just playing along? What if Thorin didn’t mean…

He shook his head, no, Thorin was not that sort, if he had any dislike for Bilbo he knew he would have made it known long before now.

Bilbo flushed at the memory of Thorin’s expression as he slowly woke, how he held his arm gently and whispered to him.

He straightened and steeled himself, he had to get to the bottom of this once and for all.

He wanted to know, had to know where Thorin stood.

And he knew he had to get there before he lost his nerve.

Bilbo sighed as he started down the familiar path that would take him to Thorin’s apartments, when he saw Thorin ahead his confidence immediately sank and he knew if Thorin got there before he did he would most certainly lose what courage he had managed to gather for this conversation.

He slipped a hand into his pocket and his fingers immediately closed around the slim band of gold and he drew it out.

Bilbo exhaled slowly as he opened his hand and looked at the ring, such a simple little thing… He ran his thumb over the smooth band before he looked up and without another thought he slipped it onto his finger.

He broke into a sprint the moment the colors faded from the world around him, when it all faded to grey and the edges grew fuzzy.

He swept past Thorin in the hallway, glancing backwards to see Thorin turn and try to see what had hit him or if he had walked into anything.

He dashed the final stretch and opened the door and closed it quietly behind him.

He pressed his back against the wall and caught his breath, squeezing his eyes shut as he resigned himself now to waiting.

Thorin found himself cornered in his sitting room the moment he had crossed the threshold.

He didn’t think Bilbo had it in him to spring such a trap, but he found himself quite surprised by how the door snapped shut behind him and he spun to find his burglar there.

He had felt something brush past him in the hall but there had been nothing and now suddenly as though he was appearing from thin air the hobbit was there.

“Bilbo… What brings you here? I had thought you were spending your morning with Dís.”

The corner of his burglar’s mouth twitched, he slipped a hand into his pocket before just as quickly he let it fall to his side.

“I had been yes, but she and I had an interesting conversation. Quite interesting in fact.”

Thorin continued to watch him, noting how he shifted from side to side, his fingers twitching until he tucked his thumbs into the pockets of his trousers.

Bilbo saw how Thorin looked at him, how he was curious as to what this interesting conversation pertained to.

“I had asked her the meaning of some words in Khuzdul, she was quite helpful in assisting me in deciphering their meanings and how one would use the word in everyday conversation.”

Thorin nodded slowly, he felt the slightest bit of apprehension prickling up his spine, something was coming and he wasn’t at all sure he was going to enjoy it.

“There was one word I was especially curious to know the meaning of, as I heard it a great deal lately…”

He could feel nervousness pooling in his gut, how his stomach knotted and turned as he saw the look in Bilbo’s eyes.

“I asked her what Ghivashel meant, and Dís told me. I will admit my surprise when I found out its meaning and what it meant to…”

He cleared his throat and Thorin saw how he blushed and averted his gaze as he lightly drummed his fingers against his hips.

“I care about you Thorin, a great deal, and when Dís told me what Ghivashel meant I suppose it gave me hope that maybe…”

Bilbo’s voice trailed off, or was drowned out by the blood roaring in Thorin’s ears. He felt a prickling sensation across his scalp, and the hair on the back of his neck was prickling. He felt hot and cold, almost sick that Bilbo had asked and had learned what it meant, and as he listened to his almost confession his mouth went dry and he swallowed, his mind set on not looking away.

There was determination in the hobbits expression as he marched up to Thorin and stood toe to toe with him and the king looked down at him,

“Is there something you are not telling me, Thorin? Something that I am very sure I need to know about?”

For a moment Thorin seemed confused by his words, looking at him strangely as he considered it and his expression fell when he realized as to what Bilbo was referring.

“I…”

Bilbo’s eyes were near pleading now, looking at him as he waited for Thorin to say something, anything.

Thorin exhaled through his nose as he looked to the hobbit, his mouth snapped shut and he found it difficult to find the words to express his thoughts.

No one told him it would be this difficult.

Not Dís, not Dwalin… even Kíli had offered advice to his uncle about how to go about such things.

All of which chose that moment to vanish and left him struggling for words as Bilbo looked at him expectantly.

He felt terrible, he truly did especially as he saw how Bilbo’s expression gradually began to change, he could even pinpoint the exact moment that he broke. Even though he didn’t outwardly show it, Thorin could see the pain in his eyes.

“I’ll just… oh dear. Well, I think I’ll leave you be then, before I say anymore and embarrass myself any further. I just thought…”

Now he looked away, now he couldn’t meet Thorin’s eyes and he could see the embarrassment and the shame written across his face as he suddenly became very interested in his feet. He watched as Bilbo pinched the bridge of his nose shaking his head.

“This was silly of me wasn’t it? I can’t believe I…”

He huffed before he dropped his hand and stood rigidly as he took a few steps backwards now towards the door.

“Bilbo.”

The hobbit held his hand up to silence him and shook his head, his eyes were red from unshed tears, he looked ashamed of himself and Thorin was surprised to see the slightest bit of anger there as well.

“No, please, I understand, it’s fine.”

Thorin’s mouth curled downwards in the beginnings of a frown and Bilbo saw and once more cleared his throat as he tugged at the bottom of his tunic and finally made it to the door.

“I will understand if you would prefer I keep my distance now, just as I’m sure you would understand if I… well, good morning.”

He spun and Thorin watched him fumble with the door, his movement jerky and erratic, and Thorin watched as his frustrations transferred to the door.

He stepped forward to help him and Bilbo shook his head as he finally got it to open, he didn’t even look back as he hurried from the room.

Thorin stood there, he felt terrible, he truly did, of all the times for words to fail him. He scowled at his inability to voice what he felt, and his was a look of determination as he followed after Bilbo.

He knew that if Bilbo did not wish to be found that he would not find him, a talent of his he was all too familiar with. But…. He had several thoughts as to where to beginning, and soon his day became one of him ducking in and out of rooms that he knew his burglar to frequent.

Any who saw him left him be as it took only one look to send them away, he wasn’t going to let anything detract him from his goal.

 

He didn’t expect to find Bilbo standing amongst the pillars looking in on the hall where the floor itself and the very columns were covered in gold.

Remnants of a failed plan to kill the dragon.

Here the whispers in his mind were quieter, he knew this is where he had beaten it before, he always dreamt of the dragon swimming in a lake of gold, then his crown at his feet as his head would clear.

And now he found his hobbit there.

Bilbo’s gaze was of sadness, Thorin saw how he held on to the pillar he rested against looking at how the firelight danced across the gold.

He wasn’t sure if Bilbo knew he was there, or if he was faraway in his thoughts that the world could come crashing down around him and he would not even bat an eye.

He steeled himself and strode forward, reaching out to rest a gentle hand on Bilbo’s shoulder. The hobbit jumped and turned to face him, immediately shrugging his hand away as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Thorin please, I don’t want to speak to you right now. I need time to think, alone, which means you can go back to doing whatever it is kings do."

Thorin’s stared at him for a long moment, how his face was flushed in anger, his lips trembled as he clenched his fists and stood his ground looking up at him. They were at an impasse, Thorin didn’t trust himself enough to speak believing that he would only make it worse.

As luck would have it however, he was a dwarrow of action.

Without saying a word he simply stepped into Bilbo and gently cupped his hobbit’s face in hand and bent down to seal his lips to his.

He held him there and Bilbo's hands gripped at his collars.

They stayed like that for Mahal knows how long before Thorin found himself being roughly pushed away,

"How dare you! You think you can just kiss me and that will make it all better, that I’ll forgive you for letting me stand there like a fool while you just stood there and said nothing?"

Thorin opened his mouth to reply and found his arms full of the hobbit who very nearly tackled him to the floor. Thorin pressed into the kiss with abandon as he slid his fingers into Bilbo's curls and held him close.

“Thorin…”

Bilbo managed between each kiss, he didn’t want him to stop, he really didn’t, but this was most decidedly not the place.

“Thorin… please.”

Either Thorin was ignoring him or just, no, he was definitely ignoring him. Bilbo huffed slightly in irritation,

“We probably sho-“

This felt every bit as good as he dreamt it would, and he truly didn’t want Thorin to stop really. He couldn’t bite back on the whine that escaped him as Thorin’s mouth left his and he felt him place light kissed across the line of his jaw before he nuzzled at the soft skin behind his ear.

He couldn’t help his tremble as each breath tickled his skin, causing him to shiver. He however did squirm when Thorin buried his face against his neck and he felt the tickle of his beard.

“When?”

Bilbo asked quietly, and for a moment he thought Thorin did not hear him before he straightened and looked to Bilbo, drawing him close.

“Beorn’s… It was when we took those few days at Beorn’s to recover was when I realized.”

Thorin’s answer surprised him, he knew that was when it did change between them. That Thorin behaved differently after Carrock, that he was warmer towards him. He didn’t once at all think that it meant…

“And you Master Baggins?”

Bilbo’s nose wrinkled at the use of his last name once more and he could feel the rumble of Thorin’s laugh from where he pressed his ear to his chest.

“When you first fell against Azog, at the cliffs… I hadn’t even realised I cared so much until you fell and did not move. When the white warg took you into its jaws and… well, I wanted to save you. And I did save you, with some help of course, but I did.”

Bilbo went quiet after that and Thorin tilted his head down to look at him and saw the faraway look on the hobbits face as he hugged him tightly around the waist as Bilbo had his ear pressed against his chest.

“Bilbo?”

“That’s twice I’ve almost seen you die. Twice. I don’t think I could manage a third time.”

Thorin sighed deeply and Bilbo closed his eyes as he felt the rise and the fall of the dwarrow’s chest, listened to the beating of his heart and each breath.

“I swear that it will not happen again.”

“You and I both can agree that that may not be a promise you will be able to keep. Especially with how you tend to rush headlong into a fight without first thinking it through. Goodness me you charged a warg and its rider, and I am sorry to say but Azog clearly had the advantage.”

Bilbo glanced up and saw Thorin’s sour expression as such things were brought up, he couldn’t help but smile as Thorin looked down to him.

“Or would you prefer honeyed words in which I say that you are a brave king and never do anything rash?”

This expression was even more comical than the last and Bilbo’s own smile brightened as Thorin finally shook his head and looked to him,

“And what of you Ghivashel? Riddles in the dark, speaking pretty words with a dragon?”

“In my defense,”

Bilbo sniffed as he straightened up and planted his hands firmly on Thorin’s chest as he tilted his head upwards to him,

“I had no choice in the matter, one was for my life, and the other was I suppose also for my life but some stubborn idiot we will not mention by name but I believe you know rather well, pushed me in. Actually no, he could not even do such a thing himself and had someone else make sure I made it down into the treasury without getting lost.”

Bilbo saw as Thorin arched a brow and he stood on his tiptoes to bring himself closer to him,

“Oh will you fervently deny such a thing? After all it’s very unbecoming of a king to do such a thi-“

This would very quickly become his favorite way to silence his burglar. Bilbo’s face was flushed as Thorin drew away and gently stroked his cheek with his thumb. Just as he would never grow tired of the smile his burglar favored him with.

Gradually Bilbo squirmed free and took him by the hand, there was still a conversation to be hand and Thorin knew this.

Oh Yavanna he felt like a tween again!

His heart was all a flutter as he practically dragged Thorin behind him, they did need to go somewhere considerably more private for the discussion they needed to have.

Though the idea of being in Thorin’s arms again and on the receiving end of more kisses was just as appealing if not even more so than the talk they needed to have.

It seemed as though Thorin was thinking much of the same thing as he gently drew Bilbo to him and aforementioned hobbit melted in his embrace.

Finally they made it to the privacy of Bilbo’s chambers as it was closer, and well, the odds of someone coming there to look for Thorin were miniscule at best as there were hundreds of different places that the King Under the Mountain could be hiding at this time of day.

Bilbo was even going to forgo his afternoon tea just to spend those extra few minutes alone with him. Eventually he knew they would most likely have to inform the company of this change but, he was certain that such things could wait for dinner, maybe even supper if he felt like leaving his room.

He made sure to even lock the door to prevent any unwanted interruptions as he thought first about sitting but then at this current point in time it would be difficult to share an armchair with the king.

Bilbo stretched out across the blankets covering his bed as Thorin finally joined him. Immediately he went to his side and curled up against him, Thorin slipped his arm around his waist and held him close his thumb lazily stroking his hip.

“I wanted to ask…. What did you say to me that night.”

“Which night?”

“When Gandalf told me… when he told me about Bag End.”

Thorin fell quiet for a moment as he took a deep breath and turned himself to look at Bilbo fully, he saw how Bilbo glanced up as he took one of his hands in his to entwine their fingers.

“I said, let me be your home Ghivashel, let me give everything to have you smile again, to make you happy and feel at peace again.”

He watched as Bilbo blinked, how his face grew red from how he fought down his tears. He was confused why such a thing would lead to tears.

“Why does that make you upset?”

“I’m not upset, really, I never once thought I would hear such a thing from anyone. It’s rather overwhelming, I think it’s all starting to catch up to me, just this morning I thought... I keep thinking that this a dream.”

“It is not.”

He saw his burglar smile again, and he in turn smiled as he brought Bilbo’s hand up and placed a gentle kiss to each of his knuckles.

“What does this mean for me now?”

Thorin paused and glanced up to him, Bilbo looked to their hands before his own gaze drifted upwards to meet Thorin’s.

“I will make a formal announcement that I intend to take a consort and will formally begin courting you, it would begin with telling Dís as she is immediate family before I make my intentions known to the council.”

Thorin’s reply had Bilbo’s insides do a funny little flip as he listened to him speak.

“The other lords would then be notified of my choice. Though they had already asked if that was your place here as you were already standing with my family during the coronation and sitting on my left between Dís and myself at the feast.”

“Dís insisted that that was just because you didn’t want me standing with the company, I didn’t think that… You sound as though you have rehearsed this.”

“I will admit to putting some thought towards this conversation over the past several weeks.”

“Weeks?”

Thorin nodded slowly, it was something he had put some thought towards, and he had been embarrassed about discussing with Dís. She had been nothing but encouraging during the entire ordeal, and being able to talk to someone he admitted made this conversation somewhat easier.

“And what of the company?”

“I will be breaking tradition and we will tell them before I inform the other lords. But first I wish to ask if you will allow me to court you.”

This was rapidly becoming quite overwhelming for one Bilbo Baggins as he looked to the King Under the Mountain. He swallowed thickly before he finally nodded, his mind made up.

“I do, and I’m ready for whatever this means for me. After all, how difficult could it be after facing a dragon?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And what will the company think?
> 
> Who will have won the bet? Because we all know they were betting on this too.
> 
> I kinda fail at romance, I just know that now the initial awkwardness is aside there's really nothing that'll stop Thorin from finding any excuse to touch Bilbo. Mostly hand holding, probably a kiss here and there. You know the little things.


	23. Long time coming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which certain formalities must be observed and all that nonsense.
> 
> It's been a long while since I updated! Right around the time I fell off the face of the Earth I became involved in the podfic project of Sansûkh by the amazing determamfidd over on tumblr and it has pretty much consumed my life. If you haven't read the fic please do it's amazing, so friggin amazing.
> 
> Again I know the chapter is short but I'm hoping to get back into the swing of things and finally start bringing this to a close.

Speaking to Dís it seemed would be the logical place to start.

Bilbo couldn’t help his nervousness as he walked the all too familiar path to her sitting room, this time Thorin at his side gently reaching out to rest his hand on the small of his back as they walked.

He didn’t know at all why he was nervous, after all, this would be just another visit to the lady Dís nothing too extraordinary.

_Except that it’s to tell her you’re being courted by her brother!_

He caught himself thinking, and he glanced nervously to Thorin, who it seemed had noticed his nervousness and slowed his pace before he turned and face Bilbo fully.

“Is something wrong?”

He asked quietly and Bilbo gently nibbled his bottom lip as he considered the question. Nothing was wrong par say, just that he was starting to feel a tad overwhelmed by what all this meant for him.

He had readily agreed to Thorin’s suit as it seemed like the right thing to do at the time, but at that moment he was asking himself if it was the best decision.

Then he would glance to Thorin and the king would smile to him and Bilbo would feel how his cheeks would burn momentarily before he too smile and once more turned his attention to what they needed to do.

He steeled himself as they finally came to stand before Dís’s door, Thráin knocked once and let himself in. Bilbo watched after him, rolled his eyes at how Thorin didn’t even give his sister a chance to reply before he was barging into her sitting room.

She didn’t look at all surprised to see Bilbo in Thorin’s company, what did surprise her was when upon closing the door behind him, Thorin took Bilbo by the hand and drew him further into the room and before his sister.

“Did he finally tell you?”

She asked more to Bilbo than to Thorin and she saw how Bilbo’s cheeks flushed pink at the question before he nodded and looked up to her with a shy smile at the corner of his mouth,

“More or less.”

“More with actions than words I’m assuming, Thorin has never been that good with words.”

Dís teased as she saw the glower her brother sent in her direction before she motioned for the two to sit. Thorin it seemed was reluctant to let go of Bilbo’s hand but eventually Bilbo was able to free his fingers before he took a chair and watched as Thorin pulled one over to be closer to him.

“Bilbo has agreed to allow for me to court him.”

Thorin began with little preamble as Dís simply nodded and turned to look at Bilbo,

“This is quite the undertaking Bilbo, courting a king. I’ll have to ask for Balin to ensure you’re well versed in what will be expected of you. I will also assist in what ways I can.”

Bilbo blinked once, twice as he looked to Dís as she spoke. Thorin had explained some of it to him, how because he wasn’t from a noble family line, which had earned the king a huff and an explanation of how the Baggins’s were a very well off and respectable family thank you very much, that the other noble families would be considerably harsher in judging his suitability as consort.

Which Thorin had immediately assured him would not sway his decision.

That had immediately comforted him and Bilbo felt a little better about the whole thing. Especially now with how Dís and Thorin discussed the potential backlash and protests that may follow. After all, for quite a long while Thorin had been against marriage and made it clear he wasn't at all interested in it, and Dís had removed herself from the line of succession to marry Víli.

Then of course for them to find out that Thorin had not only changed his stance in regards to it, but that his chosen consort wasn’t even a dwarrow?

Whatever the outcome Thorin had made his choice, and as he watched Dís and Bilbo speak between themselves he knew he had his sister’s support in the matter.

Just as he was certain he would have the support of his company.

Thorin debated sharing the news with Balin next, but eventually decided against it as he knew that it would be only a matter of time before everyone knew what Thorin’s choice had been.

He decided to tell his nephews next.

He had left Bilbo with Dís going in search of his nephews, and finding them was proving to be a tab more difficult than he had original anticipated.

Eventually he did manage to track them both down, as well as get them into chairs as he went about finding the words to say to begin.

Fíli, ever observant looked long at him before he leaned back in his seat and spoke,

“Is this about Bilbo?”

He asked and Thorin paused looking at him before he nodded slowly and Fíli nudged his brother in the side before the two smiling princes looked to their uncle and waited for him to begin.

“Bilbo has agreed to allow me to court him.”

Kíli exhaled as Fíli grinned beside him. Thorin wasn’t able to see the exchange that happened between the two as it took place behind their backs.

He arched a brow as Fíli continued to smile and Kíli’s own expression was stormy.

“Is this not good news Kíli?”

Thorin asked looking to his youngest nephew who looked up at him and shook his head,

“No uncle it’s not that! I’m happy that you and Bilbo are finally not going to be dancing around each other anymore!”

Which was true, it pained Kíli just as it pained the company to constantly sit back and watch the two circle the other and try to make sense of their feelings.

Finally it seemed they wouldn’t have to worry about it anymore.

“Does ‘amad know?”

“Aye, told her first. Bilbo is still with her now, she said she had some private matters to discuss with him though I’m nervous to know just what private matters she wishes to share.”

“Nothing too embarrassing probably. Not like what she did with Kee.”

Fíli still grinned at the memory of the conversation he had had with Kíli following the breakfast their mother had with his brother and Tauriel.

Kíli was looking at his uncle who glanced up at his noticed the youngest attention, he straightened in his chair before he spoke,

“Yes Kíli?”

“Did you warn him that the other lords might not like that you want him for a consort?”

“He’s well aware of that.”

Kíli nodded as he looked to his uncle then glanced to Fíli, the two looked back to Thorin and smiled.

“We’ve been waiting for you to tell him Uncle, really, so have the others so dinner tonight I think will be quite interesting.”

Knowing what was in store for them almost had Thorin just have his and Bilbo’s dinners brought to his sitting room.

But he wasn’t a coward and knew that if he had done that then the others would have an idea of what was going on.

Best meet it head on.

He looked to Bilbo as his burglar walked beside him, it was difficult for him not to reach out to take his hand or to offer his arm to him.

He had to refrain until the formal announcement was made.

Oh he was sure that his relationship with the hobbit was the current topic of conversation in Erebor. If he was at all wanting to know to what extent it was he could always ask Nori who seemed to know the goings on of the mountain.

If he could of course get the thief to sit down long enough to speak with him, he made it exceptionally difficult. Well, perhaps he could have Dwalin’s help in the endeavour, which might make it a little easier in keeping Nori in one place for long enough to ask him.

He would do that, he resolved, glancing to Bilbo as his burglar want on about something he had read from those few days spent in solitude from the books that Gandalf had managed to get from Bag End.

Thorin could hear in his voice how Bilbo was still bothered by the thought, how his very expression softened, and there was still hurt in his eyes. He knew that Erebor would be a poor replacement for Bag End but he would do what he could to ensure his comfort.

Finally they came to the door leading into the dining room that his company had long since claimed as theirs and he glanced to Bilbo who smiled to him before he stepped forward and let himself in.

Thorin steeled himself and followed him in.

He was grateful that they carried on as normal, the only ones that looked to him being Fíli and Kíli as he passed them and took his place at the head of the table. He glanced around at all the assembled members of his company, at the jokes being shared and the laughing that filled the air.

He glanced to Bilbo as he felt the hobbit take his hand from beneath the table, he gave it a gentle squeeze glancing to his burglar with a gentle smile at the corner of his mouth.

“Uncle wasn’t there something you had to tell us?”

Kíli’s was a look of innocence as he looked to his uncle and Bilbo, Thorin bristled in his seat as he stared down the table at his nephew who didn’t at all shy away from it.

Of course when Thorin realised he had the undivided attention of all those present he sighed deeply and with once more glance to Bilbo he looked back out across the table and spoke.

“I’ve asked Bilbo’s permission to court him.”

Silence followed immediately.

Bilbo hardly seemed phased by it, responding by much to Thorin’s own apprehension in regards to it lifted their hands to rest on the table now.

“Well it’s about damned time if you ask me.”

Bilbo looked to Dwalin as he spoke, then at the nods from around the table and he struggled momentarily for words as he felt Thorin give his hand a gentle squeeze from where they rested on the table.

“What do you mean?”

“That we’ve had to sit back and not say anything for weeks now watching you two?”

Bofur commented from his chair a few places down and Bilbo looked to him then to Dwalin who grunted.

“Wait, are you insinuating that you all _knew_?”

“Of course we knew, you couldn’t be any more obvious if you tried. Well, Thorin was being obvious, quite obvious, even the others lords picked up on it the moment they saw you.”

Bofur mused from his seat as he took in the look on Bilbo’s face. He gaped at them all, his gaze touching each and every dwarrow that was seated there.

He then rounded back on Thorin who only nodded to confirm what Bofur had told Bilbo. Well, that and Thorin himself had explained that to him as well.

Bilbo sighed deeply, closing his eyes as he shook his head, dwarves.

When he opened his eyes he wasn’t at all surprised to see the purses being tossed about, the merriment on the faces of some and the frowns on the faces of the others. He could hear the talks of timelines and speculation of how it all came about and for a moment he debated taking his dinner and Thorin and leaving.

“If I have to endure their teasing, you will do so with me.”

Thorin said softly and Bilbo looked to him, finding he had already begun to rise from his seat before he dropped back down.

“I suppose that is fair.”

Thorin chuckled softly as he turned back to see how the rest of the winnings were divided and everyone was left either richer or poorer for it.

Not to mention an unclaimed sum that he was sure would be going to his sister.

He hoped that once dinner was served that the attention would shift from himself and Bilbo to the food.

Thankfully as the plates were brought out that seemed to be the case and Thorin was able to relax even just the slightest. Although he still wasn’t entirely too impressed with Kíli having put him on the spot as he did.

Bilbo didn’t seem to mind, he was open and chatting with those around him, smiling and laughing and Thorin even managed a smile himself at this.

Of course when he noticed Dwalin’s attention his smile fell at the smirk one of his closest friends wore, but it was simple for him to turn it around on him as he himself motioned down the table to where the middle Ri brother sat entertaining the youngest with whatever story of his misadventures he could come up with.

Dwalin’s scowl in turn had Thorin smirk as he turned back to his own meal, he began to formulate how he would word his missive to the other lords to announce his intentions, a tradition he would have been happy to do away with but… tradition none the less.

His gaze rested upon his burglar again, on the cheerful smiling face, of the carefree look in his eyes and he found himself hoping that perhaps Bilbo would be happy in the mountain.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because official letters talking about how you wanna get married are fun!


End file.
